Envy | Autism PDD

I feel the struggle too. When I am in line at the store and my son has a meltdown. People look at me like I have horns growing out of my head. My 15 year old daughter will say, "I got it Mom. Take him outside. I will pay for the stuff." Sometimes I just want to have a "normal" life. But then I look at my precious son as he plays with his cars or folds his origami and know that God has blessed my family.

I feel you,sometime in my own home. My baby just turned a year and I am so happy he is doing well,but yet heartbroken he is bypassing Trinity in speech and play and so much else. Seems like she is just stuck,time goes on and she grows up on the outside but inside shes still a 11month old at most.

I just inbrace her charm and beauty and go on,thats all I can do. Thank God for what I have.

We went to Boo at the Zoo last night,we should have met up!

OMG! I feel this way alot! THere is a daycare with a palyground on my way home from work that I pass. All these 2 to 3yr olds out there playing and pushing cars together. I hate to look that way, it makes me cry every time the past 2 weeks since we found out.

I have not seen any of my friends with children Conner's age. I hate to take him out because he has melt downs and I get dirty looks for it. I hate feeling this way!

Today talking with a coworker she was telling me how she has a son who was born without a hand. She knows about my son and I told her I'd rather have that, then one living in another world. THen I appoligized for saying that.

I love my baby, but I hurt so much for him. I wish there was an instant cure.

Sorry for going on and on, but it does make me feel better to read this thread.

I pray it gets better.

I've been feeling it alot lately too. My 2 year olds speech is really taking off. She went to the video cabinet yesterday, put her index finger on her chin and very seriously said "let me see" and looked for a video. The boys are no where near that type of speech. It was easier when she was still behind them, or equal, but now that her speech is surpassing them and she's so much younger it is getting difficult to not compare and not wish they were just a little more like her. And then I feel guilty for thinking it.

Gosh I am sorry you guys have these same feelings becasue theese feeling sa re so hurtful but I am also glad that I am not alone with these thoughts

Thank you guys

Hugs to all of us

Envy and Worry are two things that make me less productive. I try not to
dwell too long on things that I can not control. For me the envy part of life is
not the comparisons between my son and his nt/peers, it is the realization
that the life that I had before I had my son is no longer mine to have. I
thought if I put some things on hold, I could get back to it after my son is
taken care of. That is proving not to be true. I try not to dwell on it but sometimes I can't help it. Although, we are lucky because there are 4 kids on our block that are Anthony's age. It's fantastic because they are available for playdates, etc. The parents all know about Anthony's dx and have not treated him (or us) any differently. He gets to socialize with typically developing peers, which is great for him. For some reason, I don't think about it alot when I'm around those children. I don't know why... I guess it's because I see them so frequently.

I have those feelings myself, but then I go and hang out with moms of kids with autism AND who are in wheel chairs and have mental retardation.

At the special needs soccer group, I hang out with a couple moms of kids with Downs Syndrome. Their children have intellectual constraints that will probably limit them in career choices. Another little girl has micro encephaly, where not only is her intellectual development hindered, she will not live out an average lifespan.

A boy who plays soccer is completely paralyzed from the neck down. His head and torso are strapped in, and the volunteers push him across the field and bump his chair against this giant soccer ball about 2 feet high. If you didn't notice him by his chair or his flacid limbs, his 3000 watt smile would tell you precisely where he is.

Know anybody whose kid is dying or has died of cancer?

I have volunteered to start a special needs sensory yard at my son's school and three other schools, and as a result, have met even more special needs parents and have had to take into account the various disabilities out there in designing the yards.

My advice for handling envy is to get out there and see how damn lucky you really are. No offense, because I feel the same way from time to time. But me b*tching about Cole's stimming, and pooping his pullups, and not carrying on conversations very well is the equivalent of another parent complaining about little league costs and too much homework.

Complaint and envy are relative terms. Quit hanging out exclusively with ASD parents and do more with special needs parents in general. Slaps the whining right out of MY mouth, anyway. You can help yourself by helping out others, who believe it or not, are less lucky than your kid is.

you are sooooo right Leanne ! ANd really most of the days I am in this mode - the count your blessings mode

just sometimes I get in the self pity mode

[QUOTE=1 ShyCladBoy]

I was just thinking , maybe the more you keep him away from NT kids and the world the more he will get used to bein in his own world with the meltdowns. Abby goes to a mainstream daycare. She has had sporadic help with therapy here and there through agencies but E.I can't seem to get her all her therapy because of where her daycare is located. My point is maybe he would be better off in some type of pre-school setting around other peers . Abby went through plenty of meltdowns. But now they understand Abby and Abby understands them.

Thank you all for your empathhy

And of course you are so right - our kids are fantastic little lovies - while most days I am in COunt my blessings mode some days a moment of truth will hit me HAAAAAARD -

KajoliT39377.4459837963

The green eyed monster strikes again

Yesterday we were at the park by the river and I was sooooo jealous of people with normal lives

Somedays our lives just feel so full of responsibilities and liabilities ( and I am not just thinking of my son )

I hate these feelings and I really thought I was over them - but they resurface from time to time

They surface here too ... I have a group of internet buddies that I have been "talking to" for several years. A few of us have met each other ... we all started out on a divorce support message group. One of the ladies is divorced and has one perfectly NT 12 year old daughter. She just met someone wonderful and has been dating, going out for dinners, etc. I'm so happy for her, for sure, but there is that other side of me that knows my life can not be like that.

Or going to my middle son's open house and seeing small children my youngest's age, in my eyes they are like little grown ups compared to my kiddo.

I think feeling this way has to be "normal" for us that live this kind of life. How could it not be?

you are right and I feel bad for letting out these negative feelings also

So many times I feel how R is soooo much more babylike still

Don't feel bad it I think it is rearing it's head in my region to. We were carving my oldest ds pumpkin yesterday and he started freaking out because I made him put him hand in the pumpkin to help me scrap out the guts. He completely freaked out went into melt down mod and that is as far as we got. It sucks because my friend sends me pics of her nt 5 yr old and they look like one big happy family carving pumpkins. I wish they wouldn't show up here but from time to time they do making me almost wish my kids were a little more normal when it came to little things. Yes those awful feelings.. I get them too. Yesterday I threw a baby shower for my sister and i told my husband bring over the kids at the very end so Brett does not get sensory overloaded so he did right when she was almost done opening gifts.. he was good kind of hid behind me until he saw my mom and then ran to her and sat on her lap the rest of the time well when majority of the people left he started to run crazy and stim alot and a couple of the other kids were talking to each other and said look at that kid is there some thing wrong with him. so i went over to them and explained why he was doing this, but then after wards i kept thinking is this always how it is going to be.. It's impossible not to compare somedays. Don't be too hard on yourself for
having real emotions. They're not "negative", they just are. They pass just
like any other emotion. We all have things to feel sad about sometimes--
time to give yourself a little extra love, not feel bad about it.

Here's a big

It really bugs me when people come to my house and complain about the cost of little league, don't teach their kids simple manners when they can, etc...

I feel like shouting.. I WOULD PAY A MILLION DOLLARS FIR MY DS TO PLAY NT LITTLE LEAGUE!!!

But then I remember-my son comes to me with simple yet the most important needs-hugs, kisses, the itsy bitsy spider. It puts things in perspective and my son is happy with those things. I don't know any typical 1st grader who would rather be with their parents for cuddles than anything els in the world. SO-I'll enjoy it while I can.
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