I know it goes in phases with all kids and sometimes are easier than others but I've had a rough week. Field trip earlier this week didn't go as well as I had hoped and today was kind of a bust. We went to the arboreteum and it was so crowded! They have a fantastic kids area with tiny streams you can walk in, getting your feet wet and climbing on rocks etc. He was having so much fun but every time we tried to go from one thing to the next it was screaming and crying. He's usually much better about transitions so maybe it was just overload, it was quite crowded. I wish it was easier to take them places, I get jealous seeing parents of typical kids where the kids might whine a bit but don't meltdown when they are out. Does this get easier as they get older. My son is quite hf. I hope it gets easier to go places, it can be so fun when it goes right. He is totally happy and I'm sure he had a good time but I wish I had
I think we have to roll with the bad days, try to forget them quickly, and really celebrate the good ones.
Thanks, I know every day is not like this. He is such a sweet boy and he works so hard. He can't help it that he had a bad week either. I know every day used to be like this, I couldn't take him anywhere when he was 3, he was totally impossible but now this is unusual behavior for him, I need to remember that. Wish me luck for tomorrow, it's his kid party for his 5th birthday. We are going to Pump it Up which is a party place with big inflatables to jump on, an asd kids dream for sure. A bunch of kids are going from his preschool so I hope he does good. THis is the first time I'll be spending time with a bunch of Moms of peers.ty...NYMommyof3....I couldn't think of the name for the life of me....lolI'm sorry you had such a rough week....I hope better times come your way real soonBumping for this thread....
EXTREMELY REFLECTIVE of the roller-coaster ride we are on at times....
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Thank you Zachs mom for sharing that. I can only imagnie how things are for you . My boys are little yet, 3 and 5 and i just want to thank you for giving me something to think about.
I hope things get better for you and for your son and i still think you have time, he's young still and interventions are still possible!!! Just know though that sharing your story may help someone else who's children are still young.
I keep telling myself that if someone had told me what i needed to do when Michael was first diagnosed when he was 3 then i wouldn't have wasted a year and a half learning that.
You post is something i needed to hear at this point in time to keep me going and i do wish you the very best
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Thank you so much! I was hesitant to post because I didn't want to be all gloom and doom to parents with young kids. I decided to go ahead because it is our reality and might very well be someone else's reality in another 8 years or so. I think it's important for parents of young children to get perspective from parents of older children as well as adults on the spectrum. How I wish I had that when Zach was little.
I also wish I had not taken the word of teachers with no training in ASD. I thought surely if he's sticking out like a sore thumb they would know so he must be doing ok. If they are saying he's ok and interacting with others then he must be. I think maybe part of me wanted to believe it. It was never my focus to think about adulthood and I regret that. I'm sure it's pretty typical, especially when we are so focused on day to day stuff, but I really should have spent some time thinking about it.
I think parents of young children now are going to be in a bit better position in some ways. There's definitely much more knowledge and information out there then there was for us. We'll all get through this and I hope we'll all be better people because of it.
I so agree with Zach's mom. My son was not dx until he was 9. I knew something was off, but went with the same notion that if there was really something wrong the teachers would tell me. Now, two years later I am feeling way behind the power curve. We have some really rough days. When Shawn has a bad day we all have a bad day. Now I am struggling with my 7 year old NT daughter mimicking Shawn's meltdowns. When she has a meltdown the niose triggers a meltdown for Shawn, and my 15 yo NT daughter gets frustrated and snappy. It is a vicious cycle sometimes. But, like I said in an earlier post, I try to focus on the small victories and educate myself and those that deal with him. My knowledge of his ASD and how certain things effect him have made me change how I reason with him, how I prepare him for things, and how I schedule things. With the knowledge that changes in routine can trigger a meltdown, I try to stick to a strict schedule and if I can't stick to it I try to tell Shawn in advance then remind often. No, it never gets easier. Different stages will bring different challanges. Do I get angry that I have to fly solo in dealing with him? Yes, but it is not his fault. I deal by coming to sites like this and venting, and educating myself.Thank you Zachs mom for sharing that. I can only imagnie how things are for you . My boys are little yet, 3 and 5 and i just want to thank you for giving me something to think about.
I hope things get better for you and for your son and i still think you have time, he's young still and interventions are still possible!!! Just know though that sharing your story may help someone else who's children are still young.
I keep telling myself that if someone had told me what i needed to do when Michael was first diagnosed when he was 3 then i wouldn't have wasted a year and a half learning that.
You post is something i needed to hear at this point in time to keep me going and i do wish you the very best
He handles so many challenges better now, at age 9. New environments are still a challenge, but we know better how to support him -- for example by telling him in advance what to expect.
On field trips and outings, our motto is "declare victory and get the heck out." In other words, we try and accomplish what we came there for, and don't try to push for just one more activity or just 10 minutes more. We know that an hour and a half is usually about his limit.
Hang in there.
Snoop- that is fascinating about the hormone thing....our kids are pretty darn amazing!Sarah loves pump it up!
The meltdowns will get fewer as he gets older and learns more coping skills ...we have earplugs at all times just in case of emergency:)
Sometimes it gets easier. Sometimes it gets harder (hard to believe, but true). Mostly, it just gets different. My son is fifteen, and he's gotten so much better than he gets embarrassed acting strange in public. He would never break down in front of anyone else. He acts very appropriate in public now. He can pass for a typical kid in front of others. I can only speak for my own child, but we've come so far it's not funny. He used to scream in public and throw himself on the ground. It's been years since he's done that. We did have him in intensive interventions from an early age. I think that's the ticket. He is not on medication or a diet.I've had a tough week w/my dd also. Funny how when things go well you can be on top of the world, but all that is forgotten so quickly when there's a bad week. It can feel like things will never be good again! But they will......
Hope it gets better for you soon....this was a good reminder for me too!
I just keep repeating the first verse of the "have you ever seen the rain song"
Someone told me long ago
There's a calm before the storm
I know
It's been coming for some time
When it's over so they say
It'll rain on a sunny day
I know
Shining down like water
We started having "our week" on Saturday. It is six days before my "time of the month". I've posted about this before - my son seems to react to my hormone levels before anyone else in the house notices it.
Also, the change in temperatures seems to affect him as well. We had cold weather last week, then Saturday was gorgeous and then Sunday was COLD.
The meltdown probably resulted from over simulation. I took my son to the Smithsonian, talk about over stimulation! My sister and I took our six kids (1 x Autism and 1 x PDD-NOS). One thing that really saved me since then is that Shawn has an MP3 player. We don't leave home without it now (except school). When it gets too noisy for him he can put his head phones on and tune the world out on his terms. It has made a huge difference. He has his bad days, but I try very hard to focus on his good days. He is such a blessing, but it can be difficult to remember that when he has a meltdown. It never gets easier...just different. You learn to adjust and understand...that is what makes coping easier.I beleive that thigs do get better - we also get smarter and that in itself makes us more equipped
Tomorrow is another day
I understand your issues with your child getting older and harder to deal with. My son is 11, but we did not have any EI because he was not DX until 2 years ago. He knows he is "different" and he does not like it. One way that I have tried to explain it to him (he asked point blank about it) is to give him specific examples using himself as the model. For example, instead of reciting a list of symptoms I say "You know how you get so focused on your origami? That is one of the symptoms. You know how you have a difficult time adjusting to a change in your schedule? That is one of the symptoms." I try to make sure that I never say anything about his DX that is negative. There is nothing "wrong" with him...just different. It does not make it "easier", but it helps me cope when I focus on educating myself and finding ways to help him adjust to the changes.
God Bless
I'm going to be real honest about my experiences right now. It is harder than it was when he was little. I never in a million years thought that would have been possible and I was not even a little bit prepared for it.
It is so different, and I find myself wishing I could go back to when he was 3 and 4, non-verbal and melting down constantly.
At 11 (almost 12) not only are we dealing with autism, but we are dealing with puberty, hormones, trying to be independent but still can't on some things, lack of social skills and all that entails, coming to terms with the fact that he has autism (that is not going well), not wanting to be different and trying so hard not to be, anxiety and more anxiety.
I really wish someone would have told me this was coming a long time ago or at least that it was a possibility. I wish I had made more of a push for services when he was doing so well in early elementary school. I thought he was getting better, outgrowing things, etc. and didn't need as many interventions. Hindsight being 20/20 that was the time to really push for intensive training on social and anxiety issues. Now I'm behind the 8 ball and running real short on time and not only am I getting resistance from school but from him as well.
I wish like anything that I had been more proactive and not become complacent. I am going through a lot of guilt about that right now. Obviously, this is not going to be everyone's experience but I just wish I had been a little better prepared for this time.