I say girls ok at this age as friends. I never force people on our kids. I am thankful for what ever friend's daniel has. He had none at school. Girls were nicer with Daniel was why he hung with them.
WTG Mikey!
Cooper's Mama told me last week that Cooper "made friends" with the daughter of one of my SIL's friends. He chased her nonstop and they jumped on a trampoline together. DD said that if Cooper were able to talk, he would have seemed NT the way he played with her. She was so proud, but at the same time very surprised, by his behavior because he has never shown an interest in another child before. I have a feeling he would be the same way by this child if he saw more of her.
Sorry I don't have an answer for you... Cooper's friendship only lasted one afternoon. But, I tend to think Mikey should be allowed to play with the little girl, unless/until she objects, all he wants. After all, who picks our friends for us? WE DO. And Mikey and the little girl should be able to do the same. Like JJ Dad said, give it time to see where it goes and in the meantime keep encouraging Mikey to play with others. I think it's awesome that Mikey found a friend he loves.
Yes! I have seen this happen with one of the kids I worked with. He was OBSESSED with a GROUP of the girls in his class, and only wanted to play with them. For whatever reason, the school saw this as totally inappropriate, and forced him to play with other kids. He was not allowed to play with or be around the girls anymore (they were in second grade-I do NOT understand what was wrong with the situation, as it was 4 or 5 girls he liked to play with, and they LOVED playing with him.)
Thank you guys ! That does make me feel better. He is in a mainstream preschool with 22 kids !!! And this is the first time he has mentioned a name and has found a friend. So we were quite excited until his aide mentioned this to me yesterday. Now that I think about it, I believe the teachers and his aide are trying to "wean" him off this girl like they did with the toys and books he was obsessed with at school last year.
I am going to go with the Dh's suggestion and talk to his aide and teachers. Also I might talk to the girl's parents and set up a playdate. Maybe time spent with her outside of school in a different enviroment might help too? I'm hoping then he might get bored with her in class!
Okay, so Mikey just started preschool again 2 weeks ago with 1:1 aide. Last year he was in the same school and he could never remember any of the kids's names and couldn't identify kids by face. It was one of the goals we worked on all summer and its one of the goals in his IEP to remember names and "buddy-up" with other kids so he knows them and seeks out kids to play with.
Now since he started school again, he has been wanting and insisting on playing with this one particular girl in his class all the time. If I ask him how his day went after school, the only child he mentions is her. I have to prompt him with other names for him to talk about any of the other kids. Initally his aide and teachers thought it was great. But in the 2nd week , he has been in 5 time-outs because he is being adamant about sitting next to this girl during circle-time and insists on playing only with her during free play. Now this girl attends preschool 3 times a week whereas Mikey goes 5 days a week. On the days she doesn't show up, he is not attached to any other children and plays with whomever the aide buddies him up for the day with no complains.But on the days when she shows up, he is oblivious to the rest of the kids and throws a fit if he is not paired up with her. Now, he is not being aggressive or rude to anyone.He just wails and whines and gets very dramatic when he doesn't get to be with her and says stuff like " Oh no! I need to sit/play with **** !!!" or " **** is my sister/friend !!!" or " I need to go to the washroom with **** !!!"
His aide wants me to work on a social story regarding this issue and wants me to keep encouraging ds to play with other kids. And they are restricting the amount of time he spends with the girl.I asked the teachers and aide if the girl complained about ds or did he "harrass" her in anyway and they told me nothing like that has happened and they do seem to have fun playing with each other and she doesn't seem to mind playing with Mikey at all but they feel she should get to play with other kids as well which I totally agree.I have not seen him fixate on any child like that before. He has obsessions and fixations with objects and routines but never with a person.
DH is abit upset because he feels the teachers are making a big deal out of nothing and this is actually an improvement and given more time, Mikey will get over the girl and find other friends. He feels they should add another child into the picture and make it a threesome and go on and that would solve the problem instead of taking her out of the picture.
I don't want another child's social interaction with other children to be affected by ds's being drawn to her but at the same time, I feel its too early to say if this is something serious and needs to be worked on or maybe it could be just a phase .
Anyone had any experience of their child being obsessed with other children? Is there a better way to address this issue other than a social story? I don't even know how to start on something like that. What truly upsets me is we have always encouraged ds to make friends and now that he is doing it, I don't know how to explain to a 4 yr old how "he can't spend too much time" with a friend he likes?
Thanks for your patience. Didn't realize how long it was.
This is very interesting dilemma. Is this a main stream preschool? I think I totally agree with your husband. My approach often is to let the kids work things out on the own when reasonable. And it sounds like all interested are being reasonable. The fact that the girl isn't there 2 days a week allows for Mikey to branch out naturally on those days and the 2 can have fun the days she is there. It’s almost perfect that she isn’t there all 5 days. I can't put my finger on it but it just seems there is more downside to forcing/guiding him to play with others and not the girl than to allowing him the freewill to decide how to socialize. Adding a 3rd playmate to mix might help, but it would be a shame if the girl became less interested in playing with Mikey. It sounds like playing with the girl is a long ways from where he was a year ago. And playing with this girl is a real positive step. I would allow them to do what they want and look for ways to gently encourage play with others when the opportunity presents itself. Give it some time see where it goes. Sometimes the best thing an aide can do is nothing at all.
My son is obsessed with his 4yr old cousin, always has been he isnt keen on other kids gets violent with them sometimes but his cousin he follows him round his little face lights up when he sees him he gets really flappy! and excited! His cousin gets a bit pissed with him says to me why does kane follow me round all the time! i say to him that he loves you and that is enough for him he says he will look after him and feels special with all the attention, sorry i know that doesnt help you though different situation cause kanes obbsession is with a family member!
good luck!