I really don't know how to start this. The day started out fine. The pca came over and we left to go to the beach. Our first wrong move is we didn't take the route that Jeffrey thought we should. So he started obsessing about his landmarks immediately. After we got out of the car and started walking towards the beach he kicked me. I and the pca told him on the way home we would let him see his landmarks, not good enough. So she decided to take him for a walk around the beach. Or just a walk. You can't walk around the whole lake, you run into the freeway. When they got back she said he had four or five minor meltdowns but they reached a compromise. She would drive him where he could see the landmarks once we left. He started a mini pestering on seeing it right then but dropped that. A bee was bugging him. The water was too cold. His paper was no good. On and on and on. So we eventually leave.
On the way home we drive where he can see his landmarks. He said he was happy. We then get home. He is not happy to be home. So the pca said she will take him on a quick walk. That isn't good enough. Comes back in, you can tell he is about to go into meltdown mode. The business lady has to stick her nose in and say that isn't nice. I say I am trying to redirect him, one adult at a time, goodbye. He sticks his tongue out at her. She leaves. I think. He starts going on a rampage, saying he has to see his landmarks twice today. I have never seen him this violent. Tried to go outside. He kicked me. Cussed me out. Spit on me. Scratched me. I called 911, he tried to rip the phone out of my hand. After I completed the call he broke the phone. He started charging me, would follow me from room to room, spitting at me, calling me every name in the book. At one point he had a rage type seizure. Nothing worked at all today. What brought me to tears is when he told me he hated me and wished I was dead. Yeah I know he didn't mean it but it still hurts to hear those words out of your own child's mouth. He even attempted to hit me with the phone.
As soon as the cops get here he calms down just like that. So the ambulance took him over to Fairview for an evaluation. I called his neuro after he left. Another thing he did today was recite lines in a movie, use them in a conversation. He has never done this before. The neuro said he is going into truly autistic mode. We could wait and see if the depakote increase will take effect but she doesn't want to take the chance. She said Fairview might put him on an emergency neuroliptic drug. But they might not keep him overnight. She agreed that with the way he is, he cannot even go back to school once it starts.
I did get a call from the emergency room and they did say he was calmed down. And the behaviour specialist doctor would be calling me. So for any doctor that says after a child is diagnosed with autism that they don't regress, that doctor ought to have their license yanked immediately!!!!!!!!! Jeffrey is a prime example of a child that is regressing.
Tammy
Oh Tammy, I'm sorry for what you are going thru. I know it must be tough but you are doing the right thing. Please know he doesn't mean those things, they were said out of anger and probably doesn't comprehend what they actually mean. You are so good to your boys and I think that he could get the help he needs while being in the hospital. Hopefully your nuero will beable to provide you with some answers/help. I'm here for you! - EileenI'm so sorry to hear about your day today. I agree with eileen here. He doesn't mean those things he says. Please keep us updated on him and let us know if he's comming home or staying. Let us know what the doctors say too. Hang in there and remember....your a great mom.
Karrie
Tammy,
I just wanted to send
I hope that Jeffrey is back on track soon. Please keep us updated. Nelle Hey Tammy You sure have had more than your share recently. I'm really sorry to hear about all of this today and what you are going through, its hard. I know it especially hurts when your child says mean and spiteful hateful words to you.. I have heard them myself from my child and it is painful whether they mean it or not. Hopefully Jeffrey's doctors will be able to sort all of this out and adjust his medications.... maybe the depakote sprinkles are no longer workign for him and its time to try something new... maybe a mood stabilizer like neurotin or risperdal.... You have a good neuro so hopefully it won't take long to get things back on track . Has there been an (even small) changes? Did this start around the same time he stopped the ESY program? AS far as meltdowns over his landmarks..... I know you try many things so only asking... since he likes maps maybe showing him and preparing him ahead of time of what route you are taking to where. I have heard about how many of our kids need the predictability to follow the same route so they know where they are and what to expect... maybe this goes partly with his landmark obsessions.... Is there any possibility of scheduling particular trips on a regular basis to see his landmark? Recently I saw a leaflet in a waiting room it was about 911..... asks How is your child doing? Fears of terrorism.... War on television.... Family members or neighbors deployed on the front lines..... Its all folded up with Emotional and psyciological reactions to stress and anxiety seperated by age groups 1-6, 6-11, and 12-18 Inside it lists what you can do to reassure your child and talks about when you should seek help for your child or yourself. It also says How are you doing? lists signs that adults need stress management and ways to ease stress... I planned to type it out for you as when I saw it I thought about Jeffrey even though this is geared toward the general public and not autistic kids..... It does list some online resources if they are any help.... Federal Emergency Management Agency For Kids www.fema.gov/kids Disaster Help For Parents and Children http://childadvocate.net/disaster.htm Helping Children After A Disaster www.aacap.org/publications/factsfam/disaster.htm Helping Children and Adolescents Cope with Violence and Disasters www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/violence.cfm Coping in Unsettling Times www.nasponline.org/crisisresources/ American Red Cross www.redcross.org Alcohol and Trauma www.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/aa03.htm Maybe the Ohio ones below can connect you to other states? Ohio Association of County Behavioral Health Authorities www.oacbha.org/All_Hazards_Resources.htm Ohio Department of Alcohol and Drug Addiction Services www.odadas.state.oh.us Ohio Department of Mental Health www.mh.state.oh.us Tammy Please keep us posted how things are going and know we are here to listen too. Hang in there! I've been thinking about you since your post--I had so many questions so I went back and read some of your threads so I wouldn't have to ask a bunch of stuff that you've probably already shared. Everyone has said it and it's true--you are a great mom. You stand up with pride for your kids. You're not taking the bs from the schools (so, so frustrating, upsetting and unfair!!) and dealing with judgemental and unkind neighbors--all while making those 24/7 decisions and interventions that we all do for our kids. And then there are these escalations!! Frightening and hurtful but you're handling it. I've read your posts--you're doing a helluva a job and you do it with humor--you're strong and you've gotta be tired!! You are simply amazing and much loved by your boys. pat Also wanted to add a thank you to all of the positive responses. I really do appreciate it. Now I think I am getting whatever bug Gabe has, lol. Oh the joys of motherhood!!! Tammy Tammy,.... as we know habits and routines that autistics have DONT ALWAYS make sense. Thats common with an ASD. So is OBSESSIVE TYPE BEHAVIORS. You have to do what you feel is best as his mom. And as many have already said they think you are doing a pretty darned good job.
OBSESSIVE BEHAVIORS DONT MAKE SENSE.... People with OCD who wash their hands over and over and over until they are raw and bleeding don't learn and stop from the pain so I dont see how laughing and teasing will change it either. Jeffrey seeing his landmarks is an OBSESSION (correct me if Im wrong) In all probability, seeing his landmarks and taking a specific same route daily to certain places makes him feel safe and secure... its part of the needing routine, structure, and predictability. Jeffrey not only is obsessed with maps to always choose the same routes, but also needs to use the same routes because they are programed to memory and in an autistic's eye if it isn't done exactly so then its wrong and they will lose it and meltdown because its not as it is memorized which is their skill of coping. Makes sense to me why he needs to see the landmarks. Also with an lack of comminication skills.... its more than just being verbal vs non-verbal. Its the ability to realize feeling and be able to communicate them and to problem solve. Have you noticed times when Jeffrey has meltdowns or increased anxiety over needing to see his landmarks? Perhaps more distressed if you go several places instead of one or two.... Perhaps more distressed if you are gone hours vs a short brief period.... Perhaps more distressed if he goes somewhere traumatic for him like a dr appointment.... Perhaps if he sees something on the news like a fire or an act of terror.... He may be obsessing and cant communicate to you why its so important to him to see it... all he can say is I need to see it twice which may sound controlling but with lack of communication and problem solving skills maybe thats the only literal speech he can come up with... Maybe hes trying to say I saw something in the news on TV that happened near my favorite landmark and I need to see that its still there and that everythign is ok. Getting to the point of solving the obsession has to start with understanding where the obsession comes from... And yes I agree take away that obsession and he WILL find something else to obsess on so pick your battles!
Im wondering if having the road started with construction has caused Jeffrey to become more distraught? These kids don't have the ability to comprehend what we take for granted... A road under construction is a nuisance but we know they are trying to improve it.... Our kids may see it as alot of NOISE (to bother with the sensory integration dysfunctions) which may also cause vibrations and lights flashing and smells we don't even typically notice but the kid is Hypersensitive to. These kids also memorize things to keep a peace... they might not be able to give someone an address to where they live, but they can show them on a map or get there by taking the same route and passing by MEMORIZED LANDMARKS! Seeing the landmarks or taking the same route is calming and comforting to them and relieves the stress of what if we get lost (and most do have anxiety issues over what we consider silly - again the inability to problem solve, rationalize etc) Being your street is now under construction Jeffrey may be worried it is happening everywhere..... Maybe he is relating it to having seen the events of 9/11 and maybe he cant problem solve... communicate to you his concern... ask the questions... and understand the response. Maybe he is concerned they will take down some landmarks and he wont be able to find his way home when he goes somewhere..... Maybe he is concerned it is happening across town to another landmark which helps to locate his school where he spends the majority of his time and he needs to check on it to make sure its there and everything is ok because for some reason these kids have to do it over and over and over again, just like they have to watch the same movie over and over and over, just like a person with OCD has to keep getting up out of bed 100 times a night to be sure they locked the door or turned off the lights or set the coffee pot etc. In my opinion sometimes refusing to allow the obsession can create a bigger problem with anxiety resulting in bigger obsessions or refusal to leave the home. In my opinion trying to control the obsession with a routine might help. Maybe take some pictures of his favorite landmarks..... Heck let him if he is able to! Have them developed and have him help decide which ones are his favorite. Blow one or 2 up and hang them in a frame in his room so he can see them when he wishes. If you have a video camera or are able to borrow or rent one maybe take him for a day and videotape him seeing all his landmarks so he can watch it when hes distressed like on bad weather days..... Take the photos and put them in a small photo album he can carry with him..... make a social story with them. Before you go somewhere prep him... We are going to the beach we are going to take X route.... I wouldn't necessairly point out new landmarks to him on each route out of fear of him adding it to his obsession list,... but if there are landmarks he normally likes I would maybe say we will see such and such landmark. Let him know when you will be seeing his favorite landmarks so he knows when to expect it and it is predictable to reduce his anxiety about it and his possible fear of it being gone and never seeing it again. Maybe for right now you can make a schedule to go see it once a day.... prepare him with a calander and pictures or words on the calander the eventa that day to see the landmark.... have it so he can cross it off and keep track... if possible go the same time each day (after lunch for example) and say we are going to go see your landmarks.... after a while cut the trips down some kids may only be able to tolerate one day skipped out of the week... others may be able to tolerate more... but slowly cut down how frequently you go see it. If he has a reward chard add a cupon to go see his landmark as part of his reward system. The whole key is understanding the anxiety, worry, fea,r what-have-you that these kids have over it that causes them to obsess and VALIDATE their concerns.... it helps them problem solve rather than think they have to be in charge of memorizing everything. Its not uncommon for kids on the spectrum to need the predictability of a same route.... its no different then them needing to have the same schedule at school (always doing morning work then having a break going to special having a story going to lunch then recess etc.... try switching that up and its chaos!) Sure it can be annoying for us to have to try to understand and deal with the obsessions.... but for our kids there is a purpose behind them and something that is NEEDED for them. They aren't trying to be manipulative and controlling like so many people think..... I know over the spring or summer he did add a landmark. The old flour mills here. Back in the early 20's there used to be alot of flour mills here. Now he doesn't obsess over that as much as he does the U of M but I didn't start that one either. The school bus aide started that one. I know he started out with the Metrodome. Hey I still use that landmark when I am downtown. If I lose site of it I know I am lost,
He doesn't like road construction or detours. He hates being stuck on traffic ramps. He thinks my car, when I had one, had a button you could push where it could fly. How I wish!!!! Now in chat last night I was talking about one particular landmark here. The old Sears Building. They have been working on that since 1990 I believe. But it is by his old school. So maybe he got used to the way it looked. And in the last three years they have tried to do something to it. You could tell they took off the front of it, put up boards on the windows on the main level, put a fence around it, and there is alot of construction equipment around it. And plus with them redoing lake street. So in his mind he might think it is similar to 9/11. We, you and me, know it isn't but you have to think the way he does. And during summer school he had to pass that building everyday. And remember on the morning of 9/11 they did shut down the Mall of America here because at one time that was one of the original targets. Also when we lived in NE Minneapolis you could hear the military planes flying overhead at night. And I know they did shutdown one of the bridges here because of a security breach by the dam. Now when the London bombings happened I did not let him see that. But of course he wanted to ride the train that day to see his landmarks. I told him not today and yes I lied. I said they shut it down for the day because of something that happened overseas. Easier to say that than explain to him what type of security measures they had in place. I did tell him we would ride it the next day, which we did. I know when his depakote level was at 51 we had less of these obsessive type qualities. And his teacher knew how to communicate with him quite well. It could be his new school just gave in to him too easily. I already know they dropped his social stories and weighted blanket. So they are not on the ball here. Also his IEP is very specific on what transportation is suppose to do. But what they are suppose to do and actually do is always two different things. Now I will say that the hospital they took him to yesterday is over there by the U of M. But that place is big!!! And I have no control whatsoever over which hospital is better equipped to deal with him. Now I will say this about that hospital, I felt like I was back in the Wizard of Oz and following the yellow brick road, lol. To get to where he was out was taking alot of turns. True the hallway wasn't yellow but the sign for the clinic was, lol. You won't be escaping from there. Its not like I don't ignore the obsession. I do ignore it but when the kid starts getting aggressive with you, what else are you suppose to do? And his good teacher did tell me that there would come a point where it would get out of control and I would have to send him to Fairview. And we all know how the public perceives these kids. Since Jeffrey doesn't know how to joke or even kid, no way am I gonna tease him. And rule #1 in meltdown situations is you get the kid to a secure location. And ignoring the behaviour while he is next to a body of water is not a good idea, if you know what I mean. But once again thank you to all the positive responses. And thank you once again for the links Michelle. You are the first person to actually show me any links, not the school. And I do hold the school partially responsible for his obsession. Tammy Dear Tammy, I am so sorry to hear about what happened... my thoughts are with you and Jeffrey. Hang in there, there are also good days! Jo. Tammy.... I was waiting in chat in case you came in and kept thinking about Jeffrey and the landmarks and his coping skills since he was shown the 911 tradgety... here are some links I found... maybe something will help Helping Children Cope with Disaster Coping With Disaster: Suggestions for Helping Children With Cognitive Disabilities http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/programs/add/Sept11/addcoping.html Coping with Crisis--Helping Children With Special Needs http://www.nasponline.org/NEAT/specpop_general.html Helping Kids Cope with Tragedies http://pediatrics.about.com/library/weekly/aa020103a.htm Maybe talking to Jeffrey about his landmarks? Saying to him simply you know how much he likes to see his landmarks..... and then asking him to complete the sentence the 3 things that I like most about my landmarks are; _________, _________, ___________ If I can see my landmarks it makes me feel_______________. If I don't get to see my landmarks I feel _________. And see if you can't figure out what this whole things is and maybe find a solution to his obsession which is obviously causing him great stress..... I wonder too if he is picking up on the business lady and her BS and maybe he is worrying something terrible will happen to you. Poor Kid! QUESTION: With Gabe enjoying doing things for effect and doing well now.... is it possible he is saying or soing something to Jeffrey you aren't aware of? Tammy, After reading all these responses what can I say? But, I am awed by you. Your unique situation and the way you have come through. You are inspiring. I thought Anna's meltdowns were bad. I was foolish, I had forgotten that others struggle w/this and worse. Thanks for reminding me that WE are all in this together and somehow will get through to another day. Mary Where is Chat? [QUOTE=MsSteelersFan] Tammy.... I was waiting in chat in case you came in Children who "regress" actually signal when their current therapy is no longer effective and it's time to switch things up. Meltdowns for seeing landmarks...what I would've done is said this, "We can either stay at the beach all night or we can drive home and not see your landmarks...you choose." Then, all the way home I'd be singing and laughing and saying, "we're not seeing your landmarks, we're not seeing your landmarks...la la la la la lalaaa" TOLERANCE TRAINING! Then, for the next week, I'd drive the same route every single day and say the exact same thing. He'll think YOU are the one that doesn't have a grip and he'll realize that he has no choice but to just give up on the obsession. Good luck! Hopefully the behaviorist doctor gave you similiar advice or some good suggestions. Tolerance training...definitely something to incorporate. :) melanie In addition - the whole point of going to the beach is to get from the house to the beach... if you are appeasing his obsessions, you are actually handicapping him. What should happen is that you give him a "normal" replacement behavior. The whole purpose is that we make our children more functional in society. Give him a map and a compass. Show him there are a million different routes to go and a lot of different directions. He should realize the only point of leaving the house is to get to point B and not to go by his landmarks. When he's 25 and obsessing about landmarks like that could aid in him being institutionalized - figuring out different routes he can take will be a little more productive and less odd. Anytime you find yourself doing odd behaviors because of his disorder means that something needs to be changed. never appease his handicap - it will only hurt him and yourself in the long run. Make sure you give him a replacement behavior that is acceptable though. :) Melanie "We can either stay at the beach all night or we can drive home and not see your landmarks...you choose." Then, all the way home I'd be singing and laughing and saying, "we're not seeing your landmarks, we're not seeing your landmarks...la la la la la lalaaa" TOLERANCE TRAINING! Then, for the next week, I'd drive the same route every single day and say the exact same thing. He'll think YOU are the one that doesn't have a grip and he'll realize that he has no choice but to just give up on the obsession. Good luck! Hopefully the behaviorist doctor gave you similiar advice or some good suggestions. Tolerance training...definitely something to incorporate. :) melanie [/QUOTE] Melanie I can't believe you would suggest such a thing! Maybe your daughter is extremely high functioning or something (and you can do as you wish with her of course ) but to be honest here I am SHOCKED over your response! First of all singing and laughing and saying "we're not seeing your landmarks, we're not seeing your landmarks...la la la la la lalaaa" is CALLED TEASING NOT TOLERANCE TRAINING!" And you think HE will think SHE doesn't have a grip when she teases him like this everyday? I can tell you the MAJOR MELTDOWN this would cause most kids! Especially those with COMPREHENSION PROBLEMS? Im stopping here.... before I say too much........ Children who "regress" actually signal when their current therapy is no longer effective and it's time to switch things up. Meltdowns for seeing landmarks...what I would've done is said this, "We can either stay at the beach all night or we can drive home and not see your landmarks...you choose." Then, all the way home I'd be singing and laughing and saying, "we're not seeing your landmarks, we're not seeing your landmarks...la la la la la lalaaa" TOLERANCE TRAINING! Then, for the next week, I'd drive the same route every single day and say the exact same thing. He'll think YOU are the one that doesn't have a grip and he'll realize that he has no choice but to just give up on the obsession. Good luck! Hopefully the behaviorist doctor gave you similiar advice or some good suggestions. Tolerance training...definitely something to incorporate. :) melanie [/QUOTE] I want to see your references. What training have you had dealing with kids on the spectrum, especially kids with obsessions. What degrees do you have? And for your d
Tammy Well, my information came from my spouse who is a behaviorist and specialist with children on the spectrum. I'd be happy to email you her Vitae - it's very impressive and she's one of the best ones in NC. I was just offering suggestions that most people pay for. None of the children she works with have severe behavior problems. She's taken the most low functioning children and mainstreamed them. She's tough - but I'll tell you what - it works. You can't do the "teasing" for ONE day, it will take a few tries and redirection. Tolerance training is an important aspect for any child on the spectrum regardless. Either you teach them tolerance or they get worse and end up in the institution. It's not my choice, it's yours. Sorry - let me know if you want me to email any references...I certainly have plenty. I was just trying to help. You could either have *hugs* from everyone and still have bad behaviors or you can actually take something PROACTIVE and change it. All the best, Melanie P.S. I would love for you to send your child to my house. I can guarantee he would go back behaving a lot differently. It's NOT bad parenting that you have, please don't get me wrong...I did a lot of things I shouldn't have - I was definitely well intended...just not educated in what I should be doing to get the best results. I'm sorry if I offended you. In addition - the whole point of going to the beach is to get from the house to the beach... if you are appeasing his obsessions, you are actually handicapping him. What should happen is that you give him a "normal" replacement behavior. The whole purpose is that we make our children more functional in society. Give him a map and a compass. Show him there are a million different routes to go and a lot of different directions. He should realize the only point of leaving the house is to get to point B and not to go by his landmarks. When he's 25 and obsessing about landmarks like that could aid in him being institutionalized - figuring out different routes he can take will be a little more productive and less odd. Anytime you find yourself doing odd behaviors because of his disorder means that something needs to be changed. never appease his handicap - it will only hurt him and yourself in the long run. Make sure you give him a replacement behavior that is acceptable though. :) Melanie [/QUOTE] So what you are really saying is don't leave the house. Once again I want to see your references. Because I can tell already that you have no clue whatsoever on dealing with obsessive like disorders with kids on the spectrum. You take away one obsession and they will obsess about something else. And his neuro said not to tease him period. I really should show them your post. I bet they would get a big laugh out of it. Tell me again how am I appeasing him?????????? I go outside, walk to the curb, look to my left, I see the Lake Street Bridge that connects St. Paul to Minneapolis, which is one of his landmarks. It goes over the Mississippi River, which is another one of his landmarks. I look to my right and what do I see????? I see the Light Rail, which is another one of his landmarks. If I go five blocks to my right I can see the Metrodome, Downtown Minneapolis, and the University of Minnesota, the KSTP signal tower. So once again you expect me to stay inside forever and him too???????? The map thing is laughable and I mean laughable. He has had an obsessions with maps, that is obsession number 3 here if you lost count, since he was 3 years old. He can look on a map and tell you how to get somewhere. Last night after he got home he got his map out and told what route we should had taken and that we didn't take the right route. After he was kicked out of summer school I asked him to show me what route his bus took and he showed me. As far as him being institutionalized, you know nothing. And I mean NOTHING!!!!! First of all in this state to be institutionalized you have to be very severe. He is no where severe. But then again you are probably one of these people that would had agreed with him seeing 9/11 live on tv as it unfolded because it was a "historic event". So once again I should cut myself off from the outside world to not appease him. And I have swamp land in Florida I would love to sell to you too. Tammy Also, I do want to clarify, it's not teasing... it's more like, "yeah, we're not seeing the landmarks, celebrate, celebrate, dance to the muuusic" you know...get him in on it - it's not making fun of him, it's getting excited you're doing something different and pretending it doesn't bother you that it's bothering him. I know it's hard to hear the voice inflections over the computer - but it's NOT making fun of him. It's just over-verbalizing what is going on. Yeah, expect meltdowns initially in tolerance training - they do go away within 2 weeks IF you are consistent...but what are you going to do when he's 25 and has to see landmarks 8 times a day? Doesn't that seem silly to you? Why not get it over with, teach him a new behavior - one that is more acceptable in society and make him functional??? What's going to happen when he can overpower you - he won't be a little 13 year old boy forever. Those are things to think about-which I'm sure you have. Teach him while he's younger and you can... Why does that make you upset? I do understand - I just know that behavior therapy works. It's not a new concept- not even for the lowest of functioning autistic children w/ 800 different diagnoses on top of it. Melanie Well, my information came from my spouse who is a behaviorist and specialist with children on the spectrum. I'd be happy to email you her Vitae - it's very impressive and she's one of the best ones in NC. I was just offering suggestions that most people pay for. None of the children she works with have severe behavior problems. She's taken the most low functioning children and mainstreamed them. She's tough - but I'll tell you what - it works. You can't do the "teasing" for ONE day, it will take a few tries and redirection. Tolerance training is an important aspect for any child on the spectrum regardless. Either you teach them tolerance or they get worse and end up in the institution. It's not my choice, it's yours. Sorry - let me know if you want me to email any references...I certainly have plenty. I was just trying to help. You could either have *hugs* from everyone and still have bad behaviors or you can actually take something PROACTIVE and change it. All the best, Melanie P.S. I would love for you to send your child to my house. I can guarantee he would go back behaving a lot differently. It's NOT bad parenting that you have, please don't get me wrong...I did a lot of things I shouldn't have - I was definitely well intended...just not educated in what I should be doing to get the best results. I'm sorry if I offended you. [/QUOTE] So basically you have no clue what you are talking about. And I can guarantee you this, after spending 24 hours with him obsessing you will be going to the nearest ER and begging them to medicate you. point is you guys left the beach because he was upset. you accomodated his behavior. if this doesn't bother you, why did you bother to post about it. I was wrong, you are right, I will give support and not offer suggestions. and you are absolutely right about another issue, I am not competant in this area - I'm newer to it myself. I was just reading your post outloud to my spouse and it's what she said. You are right, you definitely sound like you have it under control. My apologies. Again, I'm sorry I made you upset, that wasn't my intention. Melanie I'm sorry, I thought I read he had 4 or 5 meltdowns at the beach and this was AFTER he kicked you once you got there. You are right, I don't know anything. :) Keep up the good work. Melanie Heres the brochure I mentioned in an earlier post....... keep in mind this is geared at the general public and not special needs kids, but maybe something will help...... How is your child doing? Fears of terrorism….. War on television…… Family members or neighbors deployed to the front lines….. Helping your child cope with terrorism and war. Whether or not they feel directly affected by the trials of our post – 9/11 world, many children experience some anxiety about their family’s safety, and may exhibit a wide range of emotional and physiological reactions. Parents and other caring adults are in the best position to recognize the changes listed on the following pages. Emotional and physiological reactions to stress and anxiety YOUNG CHILDREN (1-6 years) Helplessness and passivity; lack of usual responsiveness Generalized fear Heightened arousal and confusion Cognitive confusion Difficulty talking about and identifying feelings Nightmares and other sleep disturbances Separation fears and clinging to caregivers Regressive symptoms such as bedwetting, loss of acquired speech and motor skills Anxieties about death Somatic symptoms (stomach aches, headaches) Startle response to loud or unusual noises Fussiness, uncharacteristic crying and neediness “Freezing” (sudden immobility of body) SCHOOL –AGE CHILDREN (6-11 years) Nightmares and other sleep disturbances Concerns about safety and preoccupation with danger Aggressive behavior and angry outbursts Fear of feelings and trauma reactions Close attention to parents’ anxieties School avoidance Worry and concern for others Changes in behavior, mood and personality Somatic symptoms such as body aches and pains Obvious anxiety and fearfulness Withdrawal Regression (behaving like a younger child) Separation anxiety Loss of interest in activities Unclear understanding of death and the causes of “bad events” Loss of ability to concentrate at school, with lowering of performance PRE-ADOLESCENTS AND ADOLESCENTS (12-18 years) Self-consciousness Life-threatening reenactment Rebellion at home or school Abrupt shift in relationships Depression and social withdrawal Decline in school performance Trauma-driven acting out, such as with sexual activity and reckless risk taking Excessive activity and involvement of others or retreat from others in order to manage inner turmoil Accident proneness Wish for revenge and action-oriented responses to trauma Sleep and eating disturbances, including nightmares Increased self-focusing and withdrawal What can you do to reassure your child? Talking about terrorism and war, in a sensitive manner, will not increase your child’s fear. Age-appropriate discussion can instead reassure children about their safety. Parents can help their children by following these tips: Create an environment where your child feels safe enough to ask questions, express feelings, or just be by themselves. Do not criticize your child’s feelings or anxieties. Provide children with reassurance and extra emotional support. Be honest with children. Provide accurate information, but make sure it is appropriate to their developmental level. A discussion should be limited to depth, pace and range that the child chooses. Help children make sense of what they hear from other children and adults. Ask what they have heard and answer questions they have. Tell children what the state and federal government, police, firefighters, hospitals and others are doing to promote and ensure safety. Serve as a protective shield against the images of traumatic events, particularly those on television. Children should not be over-exposed to the sights and sounds of traumatic events or violent acts. When should you seek help for your child or yourself? Most children bounce back quickly with social support and the aid of their families, but it is important to be aware of the reactions and warning signs listed in this brochure. If these warning signs are serious or if they persist, you should consider seeking help from a counselor or other behavioral health professional. Contact your local behavioral health board to find services in your area. Sources: National center for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Terrorist Attacks and Children fact sheet and the United States Department of Health and Human Services’ Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration Coping with Traumatic Events and After a Disaster: Self-Care Tips for Dealing with Stress fact sheets. On-line Resources Federal Emergency Management Agency for Kids www.fema.gov/kids Disaster Help for Parents and Children http://childadvocate.net/disaster.htm Helping Children after a Disaster www.aacap.org/publications/factsfam/disaster.htm Helping Children and Adolescents Cope with Violence and Disasters www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/violence.cfm Coping in Unsettling Times www.nasponline.org/crisisresources/ American Red Cross www.redcross.org Alcohol and Trauma www.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/aa03.htm Ohio Association of County Behavioral Health Authorities www.oacbha.org/All_Hazards_Resources.htm Ohio Department of Alcohol and Drug Addiction Services www.odadas.state.oh.us Ohio Department of Mental Health www.mh.state.oh.us How are you doing? Signs that adults need stress management assistance include: Difficulty communicating thoughts Difficulty sleeping Easily frustrated Increased use of drugs/alcohol Limited attention span Reluctance to leave home Depression, sadness Feelings of hopelessness Mood Swings
I am so sorry to hear what a horrible day you and Jeffrey had. I hope things get better.
Kellie
I'm so sorry you're having such a horrible day Tammy...I wish I could offer you some source of comfort. I find you to be quite a remarkable woman with all that you do for your kids...you really are an amazing mother, and like the others said, I'm sure he doesn't mean it, not that it makes how it affects you any better. Again I'm terribly sorry that you and Jeffrey both have had it so rough today. I pray for some good news from you soon. How is Gabe doing through all this?
Hugs from a stranger Tammy!
~Lesley
With Specific Strategies for Children with Special Needs
September 20, 2001 http://www.nymc.edu/wihd/projectcope/pc/guide1.html
How strong you are, and how strong you need to be.
I hope you have a support system, and someone to give you a big hug.
Of course Jeffrey didn't mean what he said, and you know it in your
heart. He was out of control, and couldn't help himself, so he lashed
out at the one who cares the most, and the only person he knows who
will love him despite everything. This happens with NT kids as well.
I truly admire your strength.
My daughter, who I think is a wonderful Mom almost had a nervous
breakdown on the phone with me last Friday, as my GS had a major
meltdown(which is very rare for him) at his neurofeedback appointment
last week.
He has adanced, so they now are attempting to put an electrode cap on his head, and he will have no part of it.
You are truly supermom, but please remember to take care of yourself as well.
(((((((((HUGS)))))))
Bev
Children pay close attention to their parents’ anxieties, so it is essential to be aware of your own reactions and ways to ease the stress you are feeling.