I just recieved a letter from my sons preschool yesterday for the meet the teacher night which is going to be on the 27th and his first day of school on the 28th. I totally forgot about getting him fully potty trained with all thats been going on the past couple months with my son and now im panicked! It a grace lutheran preschool that i had him on their list last year too but couldnt go because he wasnt potty trained and I never said anything to them this year when i got him registered because I had just got him to pee so I thought hed for sure be fully ready by the time school came around but hes not! His school isnt full day but the schedule is tues, wed, thrs from 12-2:30. So do you think I should just take him out or see how it goes? I cannot get him to poop on the toilet and I think its a sensory thing because he complains of the water splashing, but if it is I dont know how to fix that and hes not in OT yet! What do you think I should do?
Also before I remebered about his potty training problem (HELLO!) I was wondering about how I should be telling them hes asd and possible seizures. When I took hiim there to register (before dx) he was all over the place acting like he was an all out a.d.d. child and I think he was getting on the ladies nerves not to mention we got to look into the classroom and all the children were perfectly sitting in a circle, rocking back and forth holding hands singing "you are my sunshine". I cannot see my son doing that! So that alone got me nervous. I feel that even tho hes mild on the spectrum, he does some pretty strange things that they probably wouldnt know what to think if i didnt tell them (ex. loud noises, probably do a preschool strip tease since he hates clothes, a.d.d. behavior, anxiety, overstimulated and stimis amonst many other things!) Not to mention it would only be fair to him. How should I tell them about it and how did you or is that a stupid question? Also can they refuse him because of it?
What I was thinking of doing was def. telling them his dx but not about his potty training problem (pooping) because Im sure theyll tell me he cant go esp. with the pooping problem. But just wait till and if hedoes have an accident then deal with it from there because its only 3 days a week for 2 1/2 hours a day. Hes getting a full eval scheduled from the public school this comming weekend (hopefully) but i dont think hell qualify for the special preschool from what ive heard. I feel he really needs to be in preschool and it will help him alot to be around other kids but what do you guys think? Am I just being stupid and should just dis- enroll hiim? Or chance it?
If a school, even a parochial school, takes one penny of money from any government entity, (for speech help or lunch support, etc.) it MUST follow the Americans with Disabilities Act and provide "reasonable accommodations" for kids with disabilities. That means they'll need to make an accommodation for his potty issues (that is, if he is diagnosed or evaluated with an official disability).
"What you've heard" has nothing to do with your child's actually getting services. You must have your child given a comprehensive evaluation by your local school district. If he has not gotten that yet, it is getting late. He should be getting intervention thru an IEP already. Please do that. The school may be able to help with the preschool, even if you still decide to send him to the private preschool. I would send him one way or another. Lots of 4yos have "accidents." If you haven't tried pottying yet, start now. It's not uncommon for kids on the autism spectrum to still not be ready at this age and oftetimes not potty trained by kindergarten. I know of virtually NO ASD kids who don't eventually get potty trained, though. Good luck.
I'd tell them. You don't want them to react in a negative way, when and if there's any issues. And you want him to feel comfortable and accepted. You might want to look into an integrated preschool if there are any nearby. Jake didn't qualify for the preschool program through the school, but he does go to an integrated preschool through UCP. They have kids with and without disabilities, but in my experience its mostly kids with some kind of issue or another, but that didn't qualify for more intense services. They don't require potty training, but do work with you on it, and they're used to all kinds of quirks. My son did very well there last year, and I'm sending him again this year. Good luck with whatever you decide.I know what you are going through. Last year I put my son in a private pre-school in a 3 year old program. He cried every morning and had transistioning problems. Also a SEIT came to the school which I don't think they were very happy about. Thankfully he didn't need to be potty-trained because at the time he wasn't. He went there for a year and the teachers were good to him but I realized it wasn't the appropriate setting for him. After he was dx with PDD-NOS I was able to get him into a 12:1:2 class. He started this summer. He is much happier and the teachers are better trained to deal with all of my son's issues (stimming and all).
I am sure this is a great school but from what you have written it sounds like it may not be a great school for your son. You want the teachers and staff to be understanding of your child's behavior not always looking down upon it. There are wonderful integrated pre-k classes where there is a special-ed teacher who is trained to deal with special needs teachers.
I wish you luck!
If you are going to have him in a setting with teachers that aren't familiar with ASD and don't know how to handle the issues that come up, you definitely need to tell them what is going on...otherwise, they could lose their patience with him very quickly, not knowing what to do with him...at 2, I enrolled my son in a mother's day out program for 2 days a week, half days, so he could begin socialization, and it was essential to tell them, because otherwise, they wouldn't have understood that he needed his "stinky dog" with him at all times, other kids shouldn't try to take it from him, that he was very sensitive, would experience sensory overload if too much noise, that he didn't verbalize, etc., etc., and how to handle it if he ended up in major meltdown mode (hold him tight, rub his hair, rock him, etc.)...otherwise, your kid might end up being punished for behaviors that are beyond his control, as just his misbehaving...
With respect to the potty training, IMHO, the best policy is to be frank with them, so that if they need to, as one of the previous posters indicated, they can provide adequate accommodations...otherwise, he may be seen as an inconvenience...
This is not meant to offend anyone, or assume that all care providers are going to take that attitude, but I have run up against this on several occasions personally, and IMHO, it's best to be up front, and then let them decide if they are equipped to handle such a situation...the last thing you want is your child some where he's not wanted, or where the people caring for him have a bad taste in their mouth about it...technically, as one of the previous posters indicated, they can't really refuse him, but I would just pay close attention to how the information is received when you tell them, and then go with your instincts... if they willing accept him, then you know he's in the right place.
I understand and totally sympathize that you don't want your child singled out as the "different one" by telling them he's ASD, but you also don't want him to be resented after he gets there and they don't know what to do or how to deal with it...
I got the info for UCP, thanks jsmith! And thanks everybody for all the advice
I know I should just be honest with everything, its so frustrating! Hes been actually looking forward to starting preschool and id hate to take that away from him but if he were to be punished because they couldnt handle him Id feel horrible about that and that is actually what im worried about. They also would def. not let him attend once they find out he isnt fully potty trained. I dont think they get any public money because its actually a church that runs the preschool. I think Ill just call them tomorrow after I meet with the pub. preschool and tell them whats going on and go from there and probably bawl my eyeballs out when they tell me he cant go!
O ya Thanks guys for your advice! Like tzoya said - they can NOT tell you that they won't evaluate him. They HAVE to do an evaluation through the school district. Whether or not he will get services is another matter. I would go to www.wrightslaw.com and do a LOT of reading up on the laws - both IDEA and find the laws/regulations of your states. If he has an autism spectrum disorder, I can't imagine he wouldn't qualify for services - at least speech! Keep us posted. The preschool called me back a few hours ago and i told her about everything and she said shell talk to his teacher about it and see if they can set up an appointment to discuss all my concerns. She called me back less than ten minutes later and said his teacher will meet with us on wed at 2 pm so im happy! Of course nothings definate but im pretty confident everything will work out. She said that his teacher was a special ed teacher too and also on the public school board. I told her about his potty training problems and that i thought it might be sensory related so im having trouble there and she agreed that it sounds like it is too. So i really feel that they are trying to work with me on this and Im excited that i can talk to his teacher before the meet the teachers night and get everything sorted out. Im glad i was honest about things, thanks everyone for all the great advice!
So I dont really know how its going to go. SHe wants me to drop off papers i get when we go to dev. ped. too which i am and she said even if he doesnt qualify shell still want to keep an eye on him. What does that mean? I really hope he gets in! I called the UCP and theyr in pheonix and i asked them if they have any services in kingman (which is where im from) and they said no. I figured that anyway. I do have an app. already lined up with the dep. of developemental disabilities on the 14 of this month so i have to wait and see if he qualifies for any services thru them. I called other places here (arc and s.o.l.o.) and they all said i need to go thru DDD first so well see. Do they go on how ur child is or the amount of money you make? I called his preschool and they wont be in till wed. so I just gotta wait. Thanks guys. We had my son in free EI preschool for 2 years before kindergarten. Year 1 (age 3-4), he was 5 days/week 8:30 - 2:30. Year 2 (age 4-5), he was 5 days/week 12:30 - 3:30. In Year 2, because C had graduated to a more advanced program that wasn't as intensive, he didn't have as many hours so I decided to supplement his day by putting him in our local park district preschool in the mornings with his twin from 8:45 - 11:15. This was a great preschool for my NT son (this was his 2nd year there) but an awful placement for my ASD son. It was clear from the get go that they didn't know how to deal with C and that they weren't motivated to try. Special Recreation provided an aide, but even then it was very difficult because the teachers were unwilling to make any adaptations. To put this in perspective, we weren't asking for the world here. The teacher complained that C wouldn't sit where they asked him to sit. I said that it isn't a problem in his sped preschool because they have laminated cards with the kids names on them. I told them that if they wrote C's name on a piece of paper and taped it to the chair, or a spot on the floor, he would sit on his name every time. They seemed to think that was too much work. We asked them to follow 1-2-3 magic for discipline since that was what they did at sped preschool but I was told that "time outs aren't in our charter." It's a long sad tale, but eventually they told me they were expelling him because "they weren't equipped to deal with a special needs child." The precipitating incident was that he had a meltdown and knocked over a chair and it "frightened the other children." I think they were just waiting for an excuse. The way the school handled it was very insensitive and unprofessional. (The director called me to expel him the day before the boys birthday, when we were planning to come in with cupcakes, etc. for the "special day" and he was so excited about it. The director didn't realize it was his birthday the next day when she threw him out. She also hadn't thought through the fact that C might want to say good-bye to his classmates and them say good-bye to him. We also needed a few days to prepare him and his brother. We got them to relent and let him finish out the week. Anyway, I called a meeting. I brought people from special recreation. At the meeting I very explicity explained to the director of the program my opinion on her program, her lack of professionalism and sensetivity, etc. and actually made her cry right there in the meeting (I was on a roll). At the end of the day, I told them that I wasn't going to fight this further because I wasn't going to send my child every day to a program where he was clearly not wanted, but I definitely made my point. I would definitely call now and get your child evaluated for special ed preschool. I would think long and hard before you put your child in a mainstream preschool, especially if he has never been in a classroom setting before. If they don't know anything about ASD kids, are they willing to work with you? Have they made accomodations for other kids before? Do they really know what it means (i.e. accomodations for you are more work for them)? Can your child have an aide in the classroom? Are they willing to work with you on potty training? What if he has an accident at school? Will they change him, or call you to school to change him? It's a hard call about "chancing it." You're going to pump him up for how wonderful school is and how exciting it is and how important it is that he goes. What if it doesn't work out? How will you explain that to him? I would push for the special education preschool. Good luck!
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