I think it might help to have a sticker chart with PICTURES of each task in the order they should do them? If the girls get overwhelmed, you might want to work on one or two tasks at a time. Depending on the bed, it might be very hard for a child to make it - for instance, my son's bunk bed. Bunk beds (especially low ones) are very hard to get in the back on the bottom to tuck in. My son gets VERY frustrated with this so I tend to go with "if it's pulled up above the pillow yet still somewhat messy I am okay with it" method!
Five year olds can make their own breakfasts (unless like my son they have oatmeal and the microwave is out of reach and over the stove). He can get his own milk and can get a bowl of Cheerios though - he HAD to do this at Head Start. They serve themselves in family-style dining. GREAT for independence skills. He started bathing himself at age 4 at dh's insistence. However, he does often need reminders and I am considering doing a visual schedule for what to wash when. He does a PRETTY good job of it though.
We also have ds take his plates/bowls/cups to the sink after meals. If there is food on any of it, he is to scrape it into the garbage first and then bring it over to the sink. We have been doing that since he was about 3. At first there were TONS of messes, but he is awesome at it now. My 3 year-old daughter does this as well.
He is also now responsible for picking out his own clothes and getting dressed BEFORE coming down for the day. We've required him to dress himself for a long time, but he usually needs prompting. In the last few months he has been doing it mostly without prompting (with a slight regression after we moved - but he has gotten back to it now!).
Since the twins down the street have every day chores - well, we are thinking of using them as an example and instituting every-day chores as well. Ds historically HATES helping with chores. So, we are thinking of starting an allowance-type system/sticker chart. Like he can earn a dime for every chore he does and if he doesn't do the chore, he doesn't earn the dime.
What kinds of things would they need to pack in their day trip bags? Like sunblock, water, snacks, loveys? I guess I'm still in charge of doing that - I usually keep a bag all packed and ready to go - just add water and/or snacks that are more perishable (like bananas).
Sounds great to me - I also started going on these things as I started to learn more about how independent skills are ignored. Big one came to me the other night when we had the twins and their family over for dinner - we don't allow ds to put condiments on his hamburgers or hot dogs. We need to start letting him as both twins (who are almost 5) can do that.
Good luck and keep us posted on how it goes!
Picking up is hard for ds as he usually doesn't make the mess - the twins or my dd make it. So, in his mind, he shouldn't have to help since he didn't make the mess. I can't tell you how many THOUSAND times we have had to tell him that we are a FAMILY and we HELP each other. I think it's a VERY good goal to instill. I think we will try to do that here as well. It's hard because the kids go to bed so early (7:00) and they want to spend time with daddy when he's home - so it's often a mad rush to get to bed. But, maybe we need to start 10 minutes earlier and pick stuff up before getting ready...
Ds is currently over at the twins' house and I told him he needed to help clean up before he came home - and I would know if he didn't from their mom! And if he didn't help, he would not be allowed to play with them tomorrow. It is SO awesome that playing with them is such an incredible motivator for him. A year ago, I would not have dreamed it possible that thought of not playing with friends would make him "hop-to" so quickly! I don't over-do it with using that as a threat though, because obviously I WANT him to play with them. But, if he can't clean up at their house, I think it is a logical consequence to not be able to play the next day - maybe I'm wrong?
I absolutely think that they are a reasonable goal, understanding that it is the aim and to fully happen might take a bit of time. My NT DD is the same age as your girls and those are our current goals as well. The getting dressed is going pretty well, washing body is great, hair not so much, the others ongoing. I got a great "chart" that is Melissa and Doug, it has magnets in a white board, we did a pts system that if she got a certain number of pts, then she could pick from a treasure chest that I made up. It has things like surgar free gum, little dollar store items, stuff like that. We do the same for our ASD DS who is 32 months, but with things like brush teeth, try everything on your plate, get a hair cut, clean up toys, etc.Here is that chart that we use
http://www.amazon.com/Melissa-Doug-10136-Magnetic-Responsibi lity/dp/B00004WHNS
Baby steps worked for us. Start with one small thing and gradually work your way up the ladder. We never used the sticker charts. Buy a set of plastic dishes. If they make a mess, make them clean it up or help you clean it up.WOW, Bullet !!! You MUST HAVE GREAT patience to engage with Tom in such a prolonged manner... AND that's basically what we as parents can do... at home.... A LOT of EFFORT but the fruits of our labour will be bountiful...
CARRY ON, BULLET !!!! ..... and ALSO to all the rest of you out there who spend SO MUCH TIME with your own kid..., WHY??? Coz we LOVE THEM !!! I didn't get a chance to read all the other posts on here. I think picture sticker charts are great. I think timers might help too.
Thank you Boobear :). But it's not patience, it's just helping him and understanding him and him learning to understand stuff he doesn't. fred (and others) You can get squeezable peanut butter (although I prefer the regular kind) and squeezable jelly - it is easier for kids to do this (and more fun!) than getting it out with a knife. Just an FYI! P.S. Bullet - you amaze me! It made me think about all of the things that I do for them out of habit that they could probably do for themselves. With all the talk about poor adaptive/self help skills for our kids, I'm beginning to think that being demanding of them is probably a good idea - expect them to do more for themselves than I'm generally inclined to do (mostly, out of convenience). I think I'm going to start having them make their own breakfasts and lunches most of the time - limited to simple things like breakfast cereal and sandwhiches. They already help themselves to drinks. A couple of other things I'm thinking of having them take care of themselves - washing their own hair and bodies in the shower (they still take baths and mostly play and expect us to wash them). Packing their own bags/pack when taking a day trip. Dressing themselves in the morning without repeated prompting. Making their beds. Do a better job at picking up their stuff at the end of the day (i.e., actually make them do it). Do these sound like reasonable things for kids their age (they'll be five in about a month and a half)? Do you agree that, in general, we should go against our inclination to do a lot of stuff for our kids and adapt a 'tough love' stance when it comes to self care skills - or do our kids have enough to worry about without having to make their own meals, too (of course, I'll help them - not going to totally throw them in the deep end :)? Is there a chart of reference that has a good list of self care skills, broken down by age, so that I have a general idea about what sorts of self care skills typical kids can handle? These sound like reasonable goals for your girls. Do you intend to use a sticker chart or anything? I was amazed the things I (after the fact) found out T would do at Preschool. Like counting out the napkins and silverware, and setting the table! And cleaning up spills and messes. I do not think it is worth using developmental expectations to set goals, but suggested chores and self-care might be helpful. T is SIX and I still need multiple prompts to get her dressed each day. She spaces out and plays ... Her 3 y/o sister is pretty efficient at it, although she needs help sorting out front to back!
[QUOTE=fred]Maybe a sticker chart would be a good idea. I was thinking about using more immediate reinforcement, though - i.e., you make your own bowl of cereal or you continue to be hungry :)[/QUOTE] Well that is immediate ... but then if you graudate them to longer-term goals ... then "extinct" those ... you;ll have it made! bullet, you are a HOOT! Fred check out this website it talks about self-care skills and ages. it also gives advice and charts on what children should be able to do. http://learningstore.uwex.edu/pdf/NCR59701.pdf My youngest was in Kindergarten this past year. He gets his own breakfast each morning. He knows how to make a sandwich. He knows how to clear the table and clean up the mess. He dresses himself. He knows how to clean his room (well, sort of) and make his bed. He likes to dust with a feather duster. He puts his snack in his school backpack. My oldest son is responsible for feeding the dog and bringing up the garbage cans, but my youngest son has helped him. I'm sure he could do these things on his own if needed. My DH likes to hose off our rider lawnmower when he's done with the lawn. Our youngest son is responsible for getting out the hose and helping. He also likes to help water the flowers. It's easier when they enjoy doing the task... like my Daniel will always insist on putting the butter and Marmite (a yeast extract) on his toast bread all by himself.... Then he'll finish it up. We haven't come to the bathing on their own part... though the boys do put shampoo on their hair and rub the soap on their bodies... but needs help to splash the water all over their body. Drying & dressing up is at least something they are doing right now. So, YES, fred, these are reasonable expectations that we can have of our children, leading to an independent life... but not to be too rigid on a time-frame.... less they get pressured and get turned off totally.
Kuddos to Abbie for making breakfast
She loves to pack her own carry-on for plane trips, and loves to pack her dufflebag as well. Of course, it goes without saying that you need to check what they pack
She has been picking out her own clothes and dressing herself for quite sometime now. Perhaps they can pick and layout their clothes the night before to help move things along in the morning? She makes her bed every morning as soon as she gets up with no prompting. Even puts her teddybear on top of her pillow. I've never asked her to do this, never showed her how. I fear she has a touch of OCD.
She recently started washing her own hair, all on her own. She's really good at rinsing it out too. She sucks at making sure she lathers her whole head, though, so it still requires some supervision. I always make her clean up whatever mess she has created. Sometimes I help her, but I have a hard enough time getting her to respect the fact that I'm not her servant. If I cleaned up her mess all the time she would be downright impossible to live with
I think you have made a list of very reasonable expectations for your girls. You are not asking them to do anything that my 5 year old doesn't do, or that my son didn't do at 5 (except the food preparation for both of them - hey, I'm a Jewish mother, what can I say?
Did I ever give you the HELP charts? I have extras and it does have a section on self help broken down for ages 3-6. Here are some things that you mentioned. Prepares simple foods for eating - shows a span from 3.10 - 4.8 spreads with a knife - 4.6 - 5.5 dishes out food when presented with bowl/plate containing food for sharing -4.6 - 5.6 Opens container and removes food - 4.4 - 5.4 Washes and rinses body areas - 4 - 4.8 runs comb/brush through hair - 4- 4.8 Uses towel to dry body after washing -4.0 - 5.0 Dresses independently when asked 4 - 4.6 Dresses daily at designated times w/out being reminded 4.2 -6.0 Washes face and ears while in bath/shower 4.4 - 5.2 Assists while another washes hair - 4.6 - 5.2 Washes own hair using fingers to rub/massage scalp - 4.8-beyond 6 [QUOTE=fred]WiMom - Wow - he's really independent! Time to get those slacker girls in with the program :) [/QUOTE] With my oldest it was like pulling teeth. My youngest sees his big brother doing things (4 years older) and he wants to be like him. He's a funny kid. He really did not start doing this stuff until over the course of this past year, and so far he still thinks it's fun. Uh --- OHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I better read this list to Queen Tuhina!!! She CAN, she just WON'T! LOL. Hey - I have the HELP chart - Thanks for reminding me :) They can do many of thsoe, but I see that when it comes to bathing, they really need to get with the program! In their minds, baths are just for playing with their bath toys and I still do most of their washing for them (they will wash their body parts when I ask them to, but won't on their own, and they don't like getting their faces wet!). I just wanted to add that while my youngest can brush his teeth, he's still awfully young to be trusted to do a really good job. I always go over his teeth just to be sure. (His dentist recommended this.) Gramma Susie - I agree with you about the hair washing. He has the general idea, but he still needs help - especially with rinsing. My 6 year-old does a great job of rinsing his hair - we've been working on it for 2 years. He is still ALWAYS supervised but we encourage as much independence as possible. He has been brushing his teeth by himself for 2 years as well - we supervise and remind him where to brush. However, his dentist thinks he does a great job so far - minimal cleaning has been required at dental visits and he has never had a cavity! I do agree that it is a bit harsh to have kids go hungry if they don't fix their own foods. They are too young to do that consistently. And they need a break once in a while as well. I know I enjoy when someone else makes me a meal! Me: "Tom, open the cupboard door." Tom: "AAH Open cutup DOOR!" Me: (pointing to cupboard next to us): Open cupboard door. Tom opens the fridge door. Me: "Open the cupboard door", gently guiding his hands to it. Tom opens the door. Me: "Pass me the peanut butter." Tom gets the peanut butter jar and holds onto it. Tom: "PEANUT BUTTER!" Me: "Peanut butter, yes. For peanut butter sandwiches. Give it to mummy." Tom doesn't hand it over. I hold out my hand. He passes it over. Me: "Thank you. Now open fridge." Tom does so. Me: "Get bread and butter." Tom gets the bread out and puts it on the side. Leaves the butter and shuts the fridge door. Me: "Pass me the butter". Tom does nothing. Me: "Open the fridge door." Tom does so. Me: "Pass me the butter." Tom goes to get the cooking marge. Me: "Not that butter. THIS butter." Tom passes me the cooking marge. Me: "Not that butter. Get the butter in the fridge." Tom: "A PEANUT BUTTER!" Me: "Get this butter here." Tom realises and passes me the correct butter. I move to put the cooking marge back and he gets upset, thinking it's needed for his sandwich. Me(after all is well): "I'm buttering the bread now." Tom: "A butter a BREAD!" Me: Shall I put the peanut butter on now?" Tom: No reply. Me: "Do you want to help?" No reply from Tom. I sign "help" and he signs "help" back. Me: "Come on, time to help make the sandwich." Tom: Come on, it's time for a NAPPY CHANGE!" Me: "Not yet. Now it's time for a sandwich." Tom: "A SANDWICH!" Me: "A tasty peanut butter sandwich. Help me spread the peanut butter on." He gets hold of the knife and helps put some on. He can't cut with the knife so I cut his sandwich up. Me: "Does that look yummy?" Tom: "A TOM, A JACOB, A MUMMY, A DADDY, A FAMILY!!" (complete with Makaton signs. Me: Mummy and Tom and Jacob are here. Daddy is at work. Tom repeats his last sentence and then shrieks loudly. Me: "You know your family. Take your sandwich through to the living room now." Tom does so and starts eating. -Setting and clearing the table for meals. -Changing the food and water dish for our dog. -Cleaning her room up, making her bed. Still working on the making bed part. -Bring her laundry hamper out and dumping her dirty clothes into the big bin. Putting her clothes away. Organzing her shoe shelves. -Watering the garden. -Dressing herself (to a point, she needs assistance with certian clothing items). -Washing her body in the bath, I still wash her hair, its hard for her ot close her eyes and lean her head back. Lots of drama there. -Helping pick up around the house, washing walls & doors, dusting, putting things in the correct recycling containers, etc. -Taking items to the recycling center. -Sweeping kitchen, porches, etc. -Misc chores that come up during the week. She is good at holding things for me when I am doing things that require an extra set of hands. -She packs her bags for trips the day before we leave, I double check them and remove the bag from her room or it will be repacked again and again, lol. We are still working on putting peanut butter on bread, cutting things with a table knife, etc. She has some issues that are being worked on in OT and at home. Brushing her own hair is really hard for her. She has naturally curly hair that looks like a new spiral perm. Her hair gets really tangly, so I do her hair for now. Fred, I'm thinking back to when I was a both a mom and and an elementary school teacher. I might be the the lone dissenter here. I don't think it is appropriate for a 4-5 year old to wash their own hair...particularly girls with long hair. Sure they can help perhaps, but I wouldn't count on a soapfree head at the end of bathtime unless an adult helps them. I also believe kids should have chores and there are certainly things they can do. But to have to be in charge of breakfast and lunch everyday or go hungry I believe is asking too much. This is just my opinion and I wanted to voice it. Any developmental lists I am familiar with for kids this age list things like undressing and putting dirty clothes in a hamper. Washing and drying hands. Carrying dishes to sink and little things like that. P.S. I didn't read most of the other posts so forgive me if I am repeating what others have said.
I would definitely let them begin to clean themselves in the bath or shower, but wash them yourself afterwards to make sure they really DID get clean. So many kids under the age of 7 or 8 don't even wash their hands properly after using the toilet and this just contributes to the spread of some horrible viruses and bacteria. Bathing is an even harder task for them.
I personally don't advocate a tough love approach because at the end of the day I don't know that it does much for the child's self esteem. But every chid is different and parents know their children best. For me the goal is to establish independence as well as nurture self esteeem and I think there are better ways accomplish both. The picture sticker chart is one way, any rewards system is great. Anything punitive or any way that might disregard just how difficult this might be for children might backfire and hurt self esteem IMHO.
I think letting them help you prepare sandwiches is great. I don't know if they'll have the manual dexterity at their age to spread peanut butter or jellly in any way but a sloppy way. However if they are making turkey or salami sandwiches maybe they can layer the turkey/salami, tomato, lettuce, cheese, whatever.
You can help them with planning also...planning their lunches for the next day, planning their outfit for the next day, planning how to pack their backpack..."Okay so what would you like to have for lunch tomorrow?" And let them think about it and decide and tell you and then let them make the lunch with you helping. "Okay what do you need in your backpack for tomorrow?" Then let them think about it and tell you and have them get their backpacks ready.
getting dressed) as my priorities for the summer. I think if I tried anymore
than that, it would probably backfire. Jasper is easily overwhelmed and so
darn stubborn!
I thought I'd just casually let him help make snacks or make his bed, all in a
fun no-pressure way, as well.
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