Hi LeAnne,
I think it is wonderful to work on conversation, if your son is into it, which he sounds like he sometimes is. You can have conversation and connection, using mostly declarative and conversational (AKA normal
So yes, talking is fine. Your aim is to share life together.
BTW, I think one big dif between Floortime and RDI is that RDI is parent led, whereas Floortime is child led. (I believe.) One of the first adjustments to make when you (the parent) start RDI is to become accustomed to being the mentor. Much like a parent of a typical child must strike a balance between encouraging the child and backing off when he's not ready for something, so does the parent in RDI. Also, RDI is a way of life, a way of parenting, whereas Floortime is a therapy. But they are similar in that they are both about developing enjoyment of relationships.
It is great that you go on so many varied outings!
Our guy also does not have a lot of trouble with schedules, etc. but it wasn't until we got into really working on "variations" that I realized how much he did not really understand or seek out variations in his interactions with people, as typical kids do all the time. RDI gets into the very small steps in child development, steps that I had no idea even existed or knew were so important. A consultant can take you through the steps thoroughly and explain to you why learning these is important. But as I said before, IMO, a consultant is very helpful, but not imperative.
Links coming soon!
[QUOTE=LeAnne C]But, I'm flummoxed! If he doesn't want to converse, how do you get him to without speaking yourself? Am guessing I ought to create a situation he likes, say pull out his magnetic letters & board. He can talk about rhyming words and silent E, etc, from jargon he uses. But the examples I've read here like "oooh, I like how mud feels on my bare feet" are too advanced/abstract for him to respond to.
If your child does start conversations with you, but very few, is he ready?
[/QUOTE]
Yes, he is ready!
RDI is about teaching our kids the joys of communication and relationships. And about giving them many, many opportunities to discover this joy. The problem with targeting speech is that this approach teaches words, but not enjoyment or understanding of communication. One of the biggest roadblocks to "fitting in" is that our kids don't look at people when they talk. Our kids are not great at conversing, back and forth. What good is teaching words, if our kids are fearful and stressed by looking at people or don't have a good feel for give and take?
In RDI, we focus on, before all else, emotion sharing. A nonverbal or minimally verbal child does not need any words to discover the joys of emotion sharing. My son's verbal acumen is emerging, slowly. I say he is nonverbal because he doesn't use many words to communicate. But, boy, does he ever communicate and delight in looking into our eyes and sharing his joy. This is after eight solid months of RDI everywhere he goes - school, therapies, home. I always try to think of a typical one year old who is not yet talking, but is very emotionally connected and involved in his family. That image became our goal with Alex, not concerning ourselves with how many words he could use. It's a leap of faith when you embrace RDI, to let go of working to get words and instead, work to communicate. When a parent stops with all of the words and prompting and questions, he creates an atmosphere of acceptance. He is better able to invite his child into the world and experience the world together.
Your child is very ready to communicate with you. Build your foundation on communication and the words that come will be based on this. In other words, don't focus on words. Focus on emotional connection.
Talk a lot with other parents who are approaching ASD the same way you are. There are some great parent blogs and listserves. If you're interested, I'd be happy to give you some links. I learned some from our consultant, but I have learned a ton more from other parents. And there is a lot of support among parents, as well. Just like here.
Here is a great example of emotional connection during an RDI game. They are building a mountain together with bean bags. The mom builds in lots of anticipatory moments, so that her son has incentive to look at her and keep the connection. She is never prompting for eye contact, yet he gives her lots. They use some words, but words are not the goal. They are a means to play the game and work on emotion sharing, variation, coordinated activity (physically moving together to accomplish something.) It's important to understand your objective and then work it into your own life in a way that feels natural to you. Videos can give you ideas, but you don't have to do it this way. (Video link provided by permission of this family.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZKRcHVmIyw
Here is laundry sorting. Notice how mom often waits for eye contact before giving the "payoff" (the clothes!) to her son. She builds in a lot of variation and creative problem solving opportunities. In the second part, mom is giving eye prompts, not verbal prompts (even though she is talking.) This gives her son more incentive to look at her and also gives him practice with nonverbal cues. As always, the bottom line is not to do the games "right" each and every time, but to maintain emotional connection all the way through.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3CkcnjLzaE
Here is my husband and my son. We were working on establishing patterns of movement, building to Alex's involvement in keeping the pattern going, then varying the pattern. This helps a child become ever more comfortable with interacting with people and their endless variations. Notice how Alex laughs when the pattern varies. This indicates that he not only understands the pattern, but likes the variation. We had been working on pattern movements for about three months at this point. He did not "appreciate" variations at first, (to say the least!) but is learning how to recognize them now and even seek them out. Thus strengthening his budding "dynamic intelligence." (Which basically means, thinking on your feet, not needing things to be the same.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RF_XOp01UEY
Peep - thank you! Both boys are home mildly sick from camp, so I only have a minute. Will definitely view those examples - i have seen the mountain building one.
All this stuff reminds me of floor time, except there's no negative component to it (like, in FT you can sometimes "block" your kids car just to annoy him and get him to look at you.) I did not care for FT because of that. Does it work similarly?
I have two of Dr. Steve's books and would LOVE to get any links or info from you. If I don't have to use the consultant, that' more saved money for little outings.
That's the one thing I consistently do - pool, splash fountain, movie theater, aquarium, riding streetcar, zoo, Walmart, whatever...he seems to love adventure and we feed it to him. Just have to be careful when he's had enough at a noisy restaurant...rare, but it happens. We go out to dinner at least once per week.
I keep hearing how people on the spectrum cannot stand change in schedule, environs, etc, but as long as I explain our agenda (and use visual calendar sometimes) he loves to go and even asks "let's go to the hotel, mom"..."want to go to the beach?".."let's go see Abby and Matthew". It is this stuff that does make me want to work on conversation, not just connectedness. Should I slow down?
Wow, this is great. I hope everyone here gets a chance to read it. Thanks!Thanks for posting this article. I appreciate the positive tone.WHAT TO KNOW WHEN YOUR CHILD IS CALLED AUTISTIC
James D. MacDonald Communicating Partners Center
At least once a week I hear a grieving, frightened parent tell me her child has been called autistic or PDD or "on the autistic spectrum". Usually they described themselves as ‘devastated’, 'depressed', "confused" and at a total loss for what to do. I have worked closely with such parents for over 35 years.
Here is what I say to them. Please share these messages with anyone you know in this position.
First, autism is not a developmental death sentence. I know a great many persons who have been diagnosed with Autism and then they progressed into very social and communicative and productive persons.
Second, many diagnoses are made very quickly with very little information about the child other than a few minutes observing some "strange' behaviors. The younger the child is, the less reliable and correct is the diagnosis.
Third, Autism means the child has three pervasive impairments: problems in interacting with people, problems in effectively using language to socialize with people, and problems in acting in unusual ways and not readily modeling the socially acceptable behavior of his life partners. Consequently, any treatment must address three goals:
1.Helping the child interact and socially play with others,
2. Helping the child use language in social situations for conversation,
3. Helping the child to learn to act in ways life partners act and to adapt to the internal and external over stimulation in their lives.
Fourth. Be aware that the majority of treatments offered for autism, at this time (beyond medical approaches) focus on trying to make the child into a dependent and compliant student. The problem is that autism is not primarily a problem in cognitive, academic or compliance development; it is a problem in failing to socialize and build relationships. So, be very careful assuming that a program that teaches your child mainly to learn for school and to be obedient is what he needs. Many children have succeeded in becoming compliant students, learning for school success and to not bother many people. But these children are just as or even more autistic (socially isolated and inappropriate, non-communicative and unaccepted) than they were before they were trained to be what others wanted them to be. Autism is a disorder in socializing- --the first and most important treatment approach is to teach the child and his family to build a highly social life with any behaviors the child has available.
Fifth, the family is the most effective tool for helping a child called autistic to socialize and communicate. Children will not learn to be generally social and communicative with strangers or in groups of over stimulating children. They need one to one relationships with people who are emotionally attached.
Expecting a child to learn to socialize and communicate in therapy lessons is like expecting a child to learn piano with weekly lesson and no practice at home. Expecting a child to socialize and communicate by being taught to be a passive student is equally unrealistic. And expecting a child to socialize and communicate in environments that overwhelm and compete with his abilities is also more a fantasy than a reality.
Sixth, the common view that autism is forever can have very dangerous effects-it can lead families to give-up, and to focus more on the differences than the child's strengths. And the fact is that the only way any condition can be determined to be permanent is to perform an autopsy. As of today, there are no defining medical signs distinguishing persons with autism with others. The 'soft" neurological signs that do occur are often temporary in children whose nervous systems are very changeable. This is not to say that some persons with autistic features may always have some of them-but even with them, many live very productive lives.
Families are learning all the time how to interact with children in ways that get them to gradually but surely socialize and communicate more and more. The family is the answer. The most effective role of professionals is to learn how to work with parents as mentors and coaches who join the child as closely matched and responsive partners in the child's own daily life.
Dr. James D. MacDonald,
For more information see the website: www.jamesdmacdonald.org
Q: What are early signs that my child will become more social and communicative and act less in autistic ways? (Even if diagnosed autistic)
Over 30 years of clinical research shows that young children, who show the following behaviors, tend to become more social and communicative and show less and less autistic features. Consequently, I strongly recommend you to ask whether your child shows some of these and that they become your first goals before you focus on language, academics (school) or compliance training. Note that many of these are the positive sides to the defining features of autism. (See DSM IV) Your big job is to help your child do more of what he can do and not focus on what he cannot now do easily.
Score each as follows: 1=Never or rarely, 2= Occasionally, 3=
Frequently. The higher the score, the more optimistic you can be since your child has many behaviors that predict success.
Your child's interactive Life.
1. ___ Imitates and models what others do.
2. ___ Takes turns and plays in a give and take style.
3. ___ Tries to get and keep your attention.
Your child's Nonverbal-communicative life
1. ___ Uses body movements to deliberately communicate.
2. ___Directs sounds to deliberately communicate.
3. ___ Responds to others' communication.
4. ___Shares experiences with others.
Your child's social use of language.
1. ___ Directs words more to others than to himself.
2. ___ Talk about things other than his own interests.
3. ___ Talks more for friendship than for needs.
4. ___ Responds meaningfully to what others say.
5. ___ Cares about whether he is understood.
6. ___ Talks spontaneously and relevant.
Your child's Civil behavior.
1. ___ Cooperates and follows directions
2. ___ Manages his impulsive behavior at times.
3. ___ Shows, affection, concern and empathy.
4. __ _Takes others perspective- 'reads their minds'
5. ___ Adapts his behavior to the situation.
Q: When our child was diagnosed as Autistic, we were numb, depressed, and totally confused. We felt helpless and guilty. When we talked to many professionals, we thought that every thing our boy did was Autistic and that there was little hope. We were convinced that only professionals could help him. We were even told that only intensive academic training away from the family was the answer. Now, after some years of success in our home, we see how that negativity wasted much valuable time for our child. What should parents know, early on, to get a head start on helping a child be a social person?
A. This may be one of the most important questions about Autism! When parents become more positive, accepting and personally responsible, the child grows socially much more than when they depend mainly on others to change the child. Here are several kinds of rethinking that we help parents develop. We strongly encourage you to discuss these with your family and become more optimistic about your child's future and your active role in his progress.
WHAT KINDS OF RETHINKING CAN YOU DO TO
HELP YOUR AUTISIC OR LATE-TALKING CHILD?
1. You used to think you should try to make your child act like you, now you will focus more on acting like him.
2. You used to think he was making mistakes, now you will see what he does as important developmental steps that are just fine--your job is to show him the next step.
3. You used to think you needed to be a teacher, now you realize being a play partner helps him more.
4. You used to think you should ask a lot of questions, now you see that question can shut him down and not show him how to talk.
5. You used to think playing alone was fine, now you see he really needs more play with people.
6. You used to think he will communicate better only when directly taught, now you see he learns in every interaction with people.
7. you used to focus on the future," what's next," now you focus more on keeping him interacting now.
8. You used to think that imitating your child was mocking and impolite, now you see how imitating helps him interact and really connect with you.
9. You used to think you should act and talk like an adult and now you know that the more you act and talk like your child, the more he will develop and act like you.
10. You used to expect to enjoy your child only when he is "fixed", now you find that genuinely enjoying him is just what will help him develop.
11. You used to think that all is lost if your child is not 'cured' of autism, now you see that many persons with the autistic diagnosis can have very productive lives.
12. You used to think that only professionals can help your child, now you see that YOU ARE THE ANSWER and you have 100 times more chances to help than others.
Thanks for the article...boy did I need that!
.we got the compliant part down and having her in ABA social playgroups were not helping her socially outside of it at all...
I need to copy this read it often..it is a new paradigm I am not used to
Especially 1,2, 4, 6,9-12~
Thanks for such eye opener!
"be very careful assuming that a program that teaches your child mainly to learn for school and to be obedient is what he needs"
No truer words were ever spoken! The ONLY thing that keeps most of our kids from having fairly normal adult lives is the fact that they cannot interact with others. Their "oddity" sets them apart permanently. Social behavior IS behavior and, as such, can be molded. From the moment you find out your child is "on the spectrum," make sure every moment of teaching has SOMETHING to do with teaching your child to fit in. That is what "social skills" is -- fitting in. Yes, many of us admire those who can walk to a different drummer. But at least they're WALKING. Kids with autism often have skills that are SO stigmatizing that they are not "walking," socially, at all. This is particularly heart-breaking for those on the highest functioning end of the spectrum because they are often given far less leeway to behave oddly since their academics and language are seen as at least "normal" if not superior. The schools ARE responsible for helping our kids learn to behave in a socially integrating manner. Remember that IDEA 2004 requires that the school consider "post-school OUTCOMES." That means the schools HAVE to prepare our kids to live IN THE WORLD, not just learn to do calculus and speak Spanish. The journey toward more effective social skills starts the day you first hear the "A" word -- and it never ends. Please listen to one who has a 16yo whose immature social skills is what separates him even from the rest of the special ed population. Do what you can to teach your child how to be like his peers. This may be unfair, but to do otherwise will segregate him for life. And even if we parents and the schools try really, really hard, some kids on the spectrum will ALWAYS be handicapped (and I use that word purposely because lack of social skills WILL hamstring anyone). Not every child on the spectrum CAN learn to "pass." I know mine can't. But it wasn't for lack of trying. These days there are many, many more techniques that can work with kids on the spectrum than there was back in 1993 when my son started preschool. Take advantage of any opportunity to learn those techniques and to use them with your kids. Please.
"Autism is a disorder in socializing- --the first and most important treatment approach is to teach the child and his family to build a highly social life with any behaviors the child has available."
You can't teach a kid dynamic social intelligence, imo. How could you? You can instruct them on how they should behave, but in the end, it's up to them to decide whehter or not they wish to apply what they've learn to try to fit in. It's a motivation thing. You can't "re-wire" their brains that these skills become innate. perhaps, with enough practice, they will become so fluent with these rote skills and so experienced with what to do in a given social situation, that they may pass socially, I would think. But if there's no intrinsic motivation to fit in, how could they ever care enough to apply these skills and work hard and accept rejection as the price for practicing?
It is a good message, but demoralizing in some ways, because my kids do not have many of the innate abilities (not skills, because these things are things that most people are born with). They do seem to be motivated to socialize, and hopefully this motivation will give them the fortitude to practice rote social skills tot he point that they become natural, but I can't think of any way to pound this innate abilities into their head. You have to work on their motivation and then their skills, in that order, and hope that the kid in the end desires to work hard to find a place in the social world.
In other words, it's up to them, isn't it?
In other words, it's up to them, isn't it?
[/QUOTE]
Don't RDI and DIR(floortime) promise to bring a motivation to ASD kids to socialize. I think this is what at least their creators belive they can do.
Daddy
I wish I knew the magic potion to motivate Sarah socially..No amount of ABA can make her play with kids..she can pass for normal initially but loses interest right away. I thought RDI helps this area to motivate them socially? Sarah has her own agenda for now and hopefully it will change but I am no longer depending on ABA therapy to help her socially..they have done all they can do. I dont know if I should be relieved with this fact or depressed but we spent a fortune in this area for over 2 years and she has made very minute gains as far as gravitating towards other peers without exhausting measures and prompts
I dont think If we focused totally on social she would be where she is now or had the success in her language or academics~these came easy.. Social skills for her is like forcing a child to eat liver that is totally repulsed by it..NO one could force Sarah to be social without a prompt or reinforcer handy..once we stopped pushing her to talk & follow kids she ran the other way:(
No clue how to help other than putting her in fun social sitiuations and letting her find her own way now..with gentle nudging!
Adamsmommmy, it is never too late to focus on social appreciation/understanding/deftness. It's a total myth that if you miss the window of opportunity in the early years, your chance has passed. I encourage you to look into how to mentor your child/teen, focusing on this. The Internet is full of parent blogs and listserves who are doing this.
Go for it!
Kids are unpredictable, inconsistent, not very empathetic or self-aware. Most adults are (at least) predictable and consistent and empathetic. Playing, especially free-form playing (not a structured game,) is the last step in social success for our kids. Personally, I only put my ASD child in free form play settings with NT kids when it is a very small group or a very supervised (almost always by me or my husband) playground. We are always mindful in these settings to set him up for success, not to throw him in and hope for the best.
The impulse to play with other kids comes only after an ASD child has a lot of practice and education regarding play and interaction. Many ASD kids appear disinterested because they are completely overwhelmed, confused and fearful of kids, not because they are incapable of wanting to play with kids. Some ASD kids do want to play with other kids, but do so awkwardly and in an off-putting way. They have the motivation (i.e. less fear) but not the education.
We parents can educate our ASD kids socially, in many little ways, all throughout the day. Exactly as parents of typical kids do. The key is to know it can be done and then make it a priority to learn how to socially mentor your ASD child.
peep - what about kids who are socially motivated but have no restraint and overwhelm people?I THINK I like this
... but I do wish it foucsed a little more on making sure that mandating family provision of all therapies does not turn around into blaming the family, if the child does not succeed as desired, and that whole refrigerator mommy thing, all over again.
It is never to late to be cautious about THAT!
[QUOTE=fred]You can't teach a kid dynamic social intelligence, imo. How could you? [/QUOTE]
This is what RDI is all about!
You certainly can teach dynamic social intelligence and social appreciation. Very few parents even begin to work on this, as most assume it can't be done or don't know how to begging mentoring their kids in this way. Most parents do not realize the social potential their child does have and most parents have no idea that they, the parent, are the best equipped to shepherd their child in this way. It is totally possible and as a parent who does teach this, it is thrilling to see dynamic intelligence take hold and blossom.
from the above article:
"...the family is the most effective tool for helping a child called autistic to socialize and communicate. Children will not learn to be generally social and communicative with strangers or in groups of over stimulating children. They need one to one relationships with people who are emotionally attached.
Expecting a child to learn to socialize and communicate in therapy lessons is like expecting a child to learn piano with weekly lesson and no practice at home."
[QUOTE=littlebopeep]
BTW, to learn how to practice this stuff with your child, I personally, don't think it's imperative to hire a consultant. Consultants are great, but there is a lot on the Internet now - parent forums, listserves, blogs, youtube videos, and even the RDI Connections Center is starting an online education course for parents. As always, take it little by little. I've been at it for over a year, with a lot of time put into learning. Remember, you are building Rome.
[/QUOTE]
OK, I know it is super sad to quote myself, but i just wanted to add on that RDI has a message board:
http://www.rdiconnect.com/forums/displayTopics.asp?FID=2
And the RDI website very often has live chats for all interested parents with Dr. Sheeley, who co-created this approach. LOTS of info in those chats, which are archived, so you can read over past chats, too.
[QUOTE=fred]Thanks Peep - a lot of the 'in your face' stuff - the loud cross talk, trying to talk over everyone, one sides conversations, my wife thinks it's as much a four year old thing as it is an autism thing. I'm no child development expert, but other 4-5 (and even much older) kids that I've known don't have a real sense for invading other people's personal space and seem oblivious to the fact that they're becoming irritating, etc. [/QUOTE]Oh yes, many kids are annoying!!! The dif between ASD kids and NT kids is that most (not all, e.g. the bullies you cite) NT kids pick up the social ins and outs as they get older. That takes many years. IMO, a person is not fully socialized until he is ~30. (anyone know an annoying teenager????)
And yes, many ASD kids do get better at socializing as they get older, without any social "instruction" whatsoever. But as you can tell from reading around the forums, the number one problem as older ASD kids go through school and later, work, is socially "fitting in." This is because most ASD kids don't just pick up everything. But it is possible to teach them. Just like you would teach a typical kid. The only difference is that the typical kid will learn the stages faster and pretty much ask you to go on to the next stage. Parents get a lot of encouragement from typical kids to teach interaction. With ASD kids the parents can teach the same things, but the parents have to be more patient, more educated, and more proactive.
It is an investment that has life long benefits for your child. And, as a parent, it is a wonderful feeling to know that you are effectively parenting your child. RDI makes me feel like a normal mom with normal kids. It takes a lot of my free-floating fears about "the future" away because it gives me much confidence and competence in parenting my ASD child.
My son LOVES to play with other kids. He used to be somewhat[QUOTE=fred]peep - what about kids who are socially motivated but have no restraint and overwhelm people?[/QUOTE]
If I were an RDI consultant, I would first make sure that these kids have the foundational steps down: emotion sharing, referencing, coordinated action and variation.
Stage 1. Emotion sharing: Seeks out face to face gazing to intensify joy, soothe distress and attend to communication
Stage 2 Referencing : Coach's facial expressions and gestures are the most important info he uses in determining subsequent actions when uncertain or confused.
Stage 3. Coordinated Actions: Derives his greatest enjoyment during shared activity frameworks from coordinating actions w/Coach
Stage 4. Variations : The addition of peripheral variations to familiar activities becomes a central theme of his memory of social interaction.
If a child has these foundational skills/impulses, I would move along into more advanced interactions.
Stage 5. Reversals and transformations: Recalls Coach’s modifications of critical activity elements in unexpected ways as the highlight of their interaction.
Stage 6. Co-Regulation: Prefers shared activities where he acts as a partner to add variations, while both partners equally maintain coordination through ongoing referencing and regulation.
Stage 7. Caring for Others: The critical reference point used to choose future actions is his social partner's reactions to prior actions
Stage 8: Collaboration: Retains episodic memories of the special bond that emerges from collaborating with a partner to reach a challenging goal.
Often, in-your-face social maneuvers have to do with not having a thorough social education with a solid foundation. All kids acquire this little by little. That's why you sometimes run into that five year old who will come up to you in the food court and just start talking to you about what his mom does at home, or show you his new toy, or some other "too much, too soon" behavior that is cute in a five year old, but weird in a teenager. You can tell an ASD child "back up when you're talking" over and over, but if he doesn't have all of the foundational education (listed above) your words will be meaningless to him. He will do his best to remember "how to behave" but he won't have any feeling for doing it that way. That your child is keeping appropriate distance and showing appropriate affection is a sign that your efforts are taking hold. IMO, these behaviors are an indication of how they are doing socially, not something to target for eradication. The behavior will change as the social appreciation develops.
BTW, to learn how to practice this stuff with your child, I personally, don't think it's imperative to hire a consultant. Consultants are great, but there is a lot on the Internet now - parent forums, listserves, blogs, youtube videos, and even the RDI Connections Center is starting an online education course for parents. As always, take it little by little. I've been at it for over a year, with a lot of time put into learning. Remember, you are building Rome.
Thanks Peep - a lot of the 'in your face' stuff - the loud cross talk, trying to talk over everyone, one sides conversations, my wife thinks it's as much a four year old thing as it is an autism thing. I'm no child development expert, but other 4-5 (and even much older) kids that I've known don't have a real sense for invading other people's personal space and seem oblivious to the fact that they're becoming irritating, etc. I have a neice that as an adolescent was so obnoxious that most adults would avoid her in social settings and then talk about her behind her parent's back. She was incredibly obnoixious, in your face, etc. After puberty, she turned into such a docile, considerate young woman it's hard to believe it's the same child.
I don't know what "cured" her of this behavior, but I do sometimes wonder if we expect more in the way of social ability in our young autistic children, and that some of this may just get better with maturity and with a realization that their actions are annoying and a motivation to not annoy or offend people. And what about bullies? It's ironic that the kids who tend to torment kids like ours are acting very "autistic" themselves - lacking empathy, etc. No one seems to think bullying behavior is a disorder, but it shows some of the same lack of empathy and perspective taking, etc. that our kids show.
Again, as with all of these treatments, it's hard to know what to think. Soemtimes I think that the only thing that can be done is to give the child positive experiences and create a desire for them to want to connect with people. Help them with their ability to communicate so that they can actually angage with other people if they so choose - traditional language therapy, etc. I like what you say about pairing more with considerate adults instead of just throwing them intot he fire with peers - that makes a ton of sense.
I'm definitely interested in the RDI approach, though, definitely. Just thiking out loud, here.
[QUOTE=Adamsmom]I am not sure how you get your children to want to socialize, but I would try everything I could when they are young. Adam is almost 13 now and that is his biggest deficit. [/QUOTE]
Adamsmom, if you are still reading this thread and are interested:
http://rdiconnect.com/RDI/stories_OlderChildren.asp
[QUOTE=fred]Should I let them have their overly pendantic speach patterns and let go of the grammer issues so as to not sacrifice the quality and true meaning of the exchange?[/QUOTE]
Off the top of my head, I would say, yes. In RDI, the top goal is to stay connected with your child(ren,) not to do things "right" each and every time. Your language situation is miles away from ours, but I would guess that a consultant would recommend that you stay with the descriptive/conversational way of talking always. Veering into teaching mode, you most likely lose the happy feeling of just being together. If you can make a game out of speaking "the right way," then go for it, but if it's just correcting, then I'd advise you to drop kick that.
I know that probably goes against your very essence (just judging from the feeling I get from you!) But first and foremost, your girls need you to be close to them and emotionally available to them. Where there is emotional intimacy and trust, there is learning. IMO, your girls will be much more open to discovering real, true and lasting language changes when they are motivated by their emotional connection to you. Otherwise, they will just be "saying it the right way" which is merely a behavior change without any true and thorough understanding.
Language is only as good as the communication and relationships it's based on.
[QUOTE=foxl]Uh, scuse me, this is beginning to sound a little ultraconservative ... like Bush 1!!![/QUOTE]
I know you're probably kidding, but it's actually a pretty radical notion. How many people have told you that you are your child's best social mentor? Not many, I'm willing to bet.
I have always thought so ... this just reminded me an awful lot of "WE beleive in the Family!"
Who has said it, how about James Dobson???
Daddy, thank you so much for sharing this! I love the message of parent-empowerment. I am printing this out for inspiration.Here, forker. A quote in support of your sentiment. peep - what's the RDI way of handling 'correcting' mistakes with language? The girls can communicate fine (except abstract things) with language, but they still make many grammatical errors and have a tendency to use way too many words to get their point across. I often have them restate things that they say (pointing out what word the used incorrectly) or ask them to repeat their statement/question using fewer words... Is that just getting in the way? Should I let them have their overly pendantic speach patterns and let go of the grammer issues so as to not sacrifice the quality and true meaning of the exchange?[QUOTE=littlebopeep]
[QUOTE=forker][quote]Fifth, the family is the most effective tool for helping a child called autistic to socialize and communicate. Expecting a child to learn to socialize and communicate in therapy lessons is like expecting a child to learn piano with weekly lesson and no practice at home. [/quote]
[/QUOTE]
Here, forker. A quote in support of your sentiment.
[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Cin0516][QUOTE=littlebopeep]
[QUOTE=forker][quote]Fifth, the family is the most effective tool for helping a child called autistic to socialize and communicate. Expecting a child to learn to socialize and communicate in therapy lessons is like expecting a child to learn piano with weekly lesson and no practice at home. [/quote]
[/QUOTE]
Here, forker. A quote in support of your sentiment.
[/QUOTE]
[/QUOTE]
I carried him around as an infant and made him help me make coffee..let him hold the filter and smell the grounds; we sang "shake your bootie" when we shook his formula in the baby bottle; we did a 10-9-8...New Years Eve style countdown as I pointed to the clock on the microwave heating up his babyfood. I let him crawl around outside and stroke the neighbor's car license plate and told him the letters and numbers (he knew them all at age 2). The only problem was, I talked all day long - like a disc jockey. Am STILL in the habit.
But, I'm flummoxed! If he doesn't want to converse, how do you get him to without speaking yourself? Am guessing I ought to create a situation he likes, say pull out his magnetic letters & board. He can talk about rhyming words and silent E, etc, from jargon he uses. But the examples I've read here like "oooh, I like how mud feels on my bare feet" are too advanced/abstract for him to respond to.
If your child does start conversations with you, but very few, is he ready?