On a related note to what Snoopywoman wrote above:
We're lucky that our school has "Nature School" one day a week, where the kids spend half the school day walking in the woods, sledding, etc. It's a great equalizer. At my son's recent IEP meeting, his special ed teacher said that my son and his boy classmates were having sled races during Nature School, and in that setting, my son was indistinguishable from his classmates. He was just like any other kid. Wonderful to hear.
We do find, though, that the kids get very territorial about their snowforts, and conflicts tend to arise more often because of this.
My son LOVES to play with other kids. That being said, he doesn't always play appropriately and seems to do much better with kids that are younger than him. He also does much better with girls than with boys. Some of the neighborhood boys tolerate him, but usually don't seek him out to play. I believe that they think he is "weird" which just breaks my heart. He does always play really well and appropriately with his brother (who is NT and a VERY social). I think that my younger son has really been good for his brother's social skills development. It's almost like having our very own little live-in social skills therapist!
Tiffany
Sarah plays with sister who knows how to engage her & keep her there longer than anybody including me. Others she will watch , I am beginning to think less that it is because she's in her own world but more of too intimidated for her to socialize & talk like they do so then she goes off and does her own thing~this has reversed in the last year..she is paying attn. to them anyway:)The girls mainly play with each other. They can't really keep up with the rapid-fire dynamics of typical 4-5 year olds engaged in play, so I think they just get confused. They will play active games, like chase, or spinning on the swings, or they'll pretend to be characters with other children and run around, but calm, social, pretend play with peers is still something they're not comfortable with. They'll do it with each other, though.
They certainly like other children and will approach them and ask them to play - they're not shy or withdrawing - the just lack adequate language and social skills to keep up with their same aged peers.
I'm not sure how Adam is around same age peers. THe school tells me that he plays fine but he is in a reg ed setting so I doubt that the reg ed teacher is able to see things that I would see or anyone else that knows more about Autism. I am going to set up a time to observe him at school so that Ican see for myself how he interacts in centers/versus playground or even circle time etc. I'm sure that each activity is different for him socially. He tells me he plays with "__________" but I'm not sure unless I see it for myself. At home he is not around any same age peers. SOme days he plays with his little brother and some days he won't. He ALWAYS wants to play with his big brother. But neither of them are same age peers.
Karrie
I can tell you, my daughter is exactly the same way.....and I (who I think am an undiagnosed Aspie) was very much the same....sometimes still am. I will tell you how I felt. When I was with other kids in school, I felt unsure of what to say, what the other kids meant by what they said (it perplexed me to no end as I realized lots of people will say something but really feel differently, are implying what they really want to say, or that they are being sarcastic), thought they really did not like me, felt so different, was afraid of being teased, many times I was in my own world and did not feel the need to talk to them or was interrupted out of my "daydreaming" and did not want to talk, etc. Social situations have always been tough for me. It makes me very nervous. Now, through the years, I have been able to overcome some of my anxieties and uncertainty and can make it through a conversation but unless it is a close friend, it is very uncomfortable to do so. I constantly have to censor what I say cause I know people say once I start talking I cannot stop and sometimes I think I say too much or the wrong things. It is hard too cause I am trying to figure out what they are really saying, trying to look at thier eyes which makes it hard to concentrate on what their words, trying to make sure my body language is appropriate, try not to let my mind wonder, and so on.
I remember in my senior year of high school people telling me they liked me but thought I was snobby cause I was so quiet and to myself....the whole time, I thought they did not like me and I had no idea how to talk to them or get them to like me.
My daughter gets so unsure of herself in one on one situations with peers and in groups she gets defensive or withdraws. She may play with older kids and sometimes her peers but is real bossy and often does not understand the way they play or ends up losing interest and goes off to be by herself or get me to play instead.
Tom likes older children (eight years and above as they seem like adults to him I suppose). A few months ago an eleven year old taught him a simple game consisting of grabbing his hands and lifting them up going "yeah yeah yeah". He will now do this sometimes with his baby brother, but most of the time he ignores Ds2. His nursery have reported he'll do this giggling game sometimes with another autistic lad in his class. I've noticed that he does, for the most part, ignore other children but he is going to a birthday party of a little girl who is in his nursery class tomorrow so I shall see if he takes more notice or tries to play with her.
Avery(31/2) will talk to his sister(5), and chase her around the house and rough house at her. Not necessarily with her. If she wants to play something he'll do what she says, but he doesn't actually do it with her. He does it over to the side of her and he changes direction to his own thing pretty quickly. He mainly likes to jump off of anything and everything all day long! I guess what I'm saying He will "play" if you will with his older sister and some of his aunts and uncles which are 10, but he's only doing what they say to do! I don't know if that makes sense or not!My ds will play fairly appropriately with his sister - even when I'm not in the room (I listen to them on the monitors I have in the playroom and each of their rooms!). I have to intervene sometimes - they are siblings after all, and do fight!
Ds doesn't necessarily play appropriately, but he is interested in other kids. He has made a lot of progress through our Head Start program, because they do social skills training with all of the kids for an hour two times a week. It is based on the Incredible Years program. He also attended a playgroup all summer the last two summers that incorporated this program. They also do a lot of one-on-one prompting in his ECSE class as well. When ds is outside with the neighbor kids, either myself or my husband is out there with him. That way we can help "coach" him. If he is left on his own - usually, he will come back in within a few minutes because the kids don't want to play with him.
Snow has been a great equalizer as kids love to play in snow and he has done well with being outside and building snow forts with the other kids. Get your son out as much as possible on playdates and do a lot of coaching. I should say that we have an advantage in that my ds is pretty perceptive in reading people's faces and tones of voices, which is very unusual for a child on the spectrum. Even the dev ped commented on that. He seems to have some empathy as well. Feelings and empathy are things I started working on long before we knew his diagnosis, as I am a former social worker/therapist and that is important to me. We did lots of practicing of my making a face and ds telling me how I feel then having him imitate me and make the same face.
Anyway, good luck and keep us posted - my dd is waking up so I need to go get her!
We will be going back to the Developmental Ped. in a bit to see what progress our DS has made, and if he qualifies for an Autism diagnosis (she has him labeled as PDD/NOS right now) She stated she would have said he has Autism but he made great eye contact with her, he played great with his sister in her office and was friendly with her.
Heres what I see when he is around other children, even ones he has known for years and sees in our religious activities several times a week. He usually does his own thing, ignoring other children. If they talk to him, its like he doesn't know what to do or say, he looks at me, ignores the child and goes back to what he was doing.
The past month he has actually asked to play with a few boys, yippeee!!! He even asked if one of them could spend the night! So that is progress, but when his cousin is here playing, he loses intrest quickly and ignores him, so we still have some work to do.
My question is, do your AS children play like this with others? Does he not know what to say to other children when they ask him what he is playing with or if he wants to go slide? He always looks at me like I am the one talking to him. What is going on here? When I ask him why he does that he says he doesn't know or just says he doesn't want to talk.
She does with help and support from an adult. My son has never played with another child appropriately. There are twoI think some autistic kids are more sociable/extroverted than others, but I assume that all have social challenges, from figuring out other people's motivations (Theory of Mind) to knowing what to do and say in various situations.
It seems possible to me that your son doesn't lose interest, but just doesn't yet have the social skills to maintain play or the endurance to plug away in a challenging setting -- play is hard work sometimes. My son is 8, and although he enjoys other children, it wears him out and he needs to take breaks from them. He also needs breaks from the other challenges at school, so sometimes he re-charges his mental batteries by playing alone on the playground rather than depleting them further by working hard interacting with other kids.
It also seems possible to me that your son is looking to you for translation services. Some deaf people need someone to translate into sign language, and I've heard people jokingly say that autistic people need a social translator for all those conversational nuances, body language and unwritten rules of social conduct.
A little more background on my son's development:
My son wasn't always interested in other kids. At age 2, he started at a playschool and told the kids to go away if they came up to him. But already at age 3 he started showing interest and copying the other children (even copying a girl at the park who was standing in time-out!).
Although he enjoys kids, it seems like play has to be on his terms. He can get agitated if someone else tries to insist he join in (the girls want him to chase them) or if someone else comes up with a story element. For example, he gets very frustrated because one of his classmates likes police and always seems to introduce police into imaginative play that to my son is exclusively about Lego Bionicles, etc.
Good luck with everything.
Wow! Most of you are extremely lucky.Ryan has no desire to play with other children. It is as they just don't exist. EVERYTIME..I pick him up from daycare he is by himself.
I'm glad someone posted about this...I guess Ryan has extreme social issues. I thought all children with ASD were this way [QUOTE=adrien'smom]
My neuropsychologist and my sons preschool teacher call it Parallel Play. I noticed that he loves being around other kids (school, playground, etc.) However he rarely ever plays with other kids. The few times he does, they kind of get scared off because he can't grasp the back and forth of conversation between people. So kids will come up to him and ask his name and how old he is, over and over and over, but he just stands there and smile or laughs. Sometimes when he approaches other kids, he get "in there face" to make sur they see him and says hi very excitedly over and over and over. He tends to follow kids who are playing tag, but he just chases them without being invited to or getting the point of the game.
He too, finds it hard to play with younger kids. With younger kids he has to be constanly told to be gentle and careful. He has trouble regulating his sense of touch, and has trouble understanding appropriate touching. He tends to want to touch little kids on there face or on top of there heads (which when you can't regulate how much pressure or aggression is in your touch, can be kind of scary for all involved).
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Nikolas especially tries to play with other children, he follows them around like a puppy, but he doesn't know what to do. He tries to play but ends up pushing and thinking he is playing. So his old teacher introduced things like tag and playing ball. Its a way for him to learn how to play with other kids and its been really successfull. He does lose interest but he has fun too.
I should add that when we go visit other kids, interaction is poorer. The toys are more in focus -- everything is new and different.
When they come visit us, the interaction is better. The kids are the novelty, not his own toy collection which he plays with every day.
Sometimes the neighbor girl comes over. She is only 4. My autistic son loses interest more quickly than his 5 year old little brother does, but that could be because the visitor is not only female but also half his age.
Alex will play around other kids, maybe do what they are doing (after watching them for a while to see what they are doing and copy) but wont really join in.
Anthony's social skills are getting better everyday. He seeks out other children to play and asks if he can play with them. He can be somewhat inappropriate with hugging and wrestling the other kids. The appropriateness of his play is actually a goal(s) in his IEP. Although, he is very compassionate. If another child falls, he will go over and ask if they're ok. He also encourages other kids when they are doing a task with a "you can do it" and "good job". I saw him helping a little girl do a puzzle at school and when she finished it he told two other kids at the table to "Look what Tara did." However, his poor langauge skills limit his duration of play. He has the desire to play with other kids and asks about kids from school and if they can come over or if he can go to their houses.
My little guy doesn't play with other children very often, but he loves to play with his brothers.
My middle son has a hard time making friends, but he has been doing a little better this year.
my son has his good days and bad days with this. At times he'll play "with" other kids, like at preschool I saw him playing kitchen with another little girl-yeah! He plays really well with kids he has known for awhile. His cousin is 10 months older than him and they get along great and play together. The other day we saw his cousin and they chased each other around for awhile. He has had friends stay the night and also had his first sleep over at a friends house about a month ago and did great! He has stayed over ant grandma and grandpa'a a lot and is fine. He now asks if he can stay the night with everyone-he he. But other times I take him over someone elses house, and he's like "do you have any trains or cars?" He is obsessed with these. He'll be content just playing with these things by himself then for awhile.My neuropsychologist and my sons preschool teacher call it Parallel Play. I noticed that he loves being around other kids (school, playground, etc.) However he rarely ever plays with other kids. The few times he does, they kind of get scared off because he can't grasp the back and forth of conversation between people. So kids will come up to him and ask his name and how old he is, over and over and over, but he just stands there and smile or laughs. Sometimes when he approaches other kids, he get "in there face" to make sur they see him and says hi very excitedly over and over and over. He tends to follow kids who are playing tag, but he just chases them without being invited to or getting the point of the game.
He too, finds it hard to play with younger kids. With younger kids he has to be constanly told to be gentle and careful. He has trouble regulating his sense of touch, and has trouble understanding appropriate touching. He tends to want to touch little kids on there face or on top of there heads (which when you can't regulate how much pressure or aggression is in your touch, can be kind of scary for all involved).
My ds is 3.9 y/o, and my 8.5 y/o stepdaughter comes to visit a couple times a month. I don't know if it is the age difference, but she is kind of a couch potatoe, and doesn't have an interest in playing with him. He yearns to play with her, and we try to encourage it and motivated her, but even he gives up on her. She plays long enough to patronize us and then the minute we are not looking, she stops and he comes and finds my husband or I to play with.