I think sometimes family can not give us what we are looking for/need and we need to widen the circle. And if our children have difficulty widening it, we have to make some efforts on their part.
That is how I feel about it. I have limited interaction with those who bring me and my family down--- even if we are related-and I am always on the look out for those who lift it up and can understand/relate.
My parents and grandparents made every effort to not let this happen. My parents made sure that each of the three of us felt special and we each got to do things alone with Mom and Dad as well as visit our grandparents separately at times. My mother discussed this with us as we got older and could understand and then again later when we started having our own children. My son is the only child with autism on my side of the family. My mother has 5 other grandchildren. She loves them all, and my brother and sister have made every effort to get to know and include Andrew in evrything they can. Andrew's cousins, both younger and older, adore him.
Yes, it is true and human nature to gravitate toward certain kids or grandkids. The key is to bend over backwards to not show that to the children. None of us felt "left out" growing up. Now that we're adults, we freely talk about things that we realized over time...My sister had a special bond with my grandfather, I had a special bond with my father and grandmother, my brother has a special bond with my mother...But there is no jealousy or competition...We love each other and get along well.
The key is for adults/parents to act like adults and love all of their kids, grandkids, nieces, and nephews...find something special to love about each one...We can do this...we do not have the luxury to allow ourselves to (at least outwardly) favor one over another...We are the grown-ups, we must do what is best for each and every child...
You cannot control the behavior of others, but you can control your own. Love your child with all of your heart, and stop worrying about the future. You will love your niece as will your child. You will do your best to mke things "alright"...You'll do whatever you can to ensure that your child does not feel "left out" like you did. Don't let yesterday ruin tomorrow. Tomorrow is a new day
Talk to your mother firmly. Tell her that for the sake of Ali, she cannot argue with you about her while she is in the room. She is not to contradict you while Ali is in the room. If she wants to do certain things or share special treats, let her know privately what is okay and what is not, and let her know that you expect her to respect your wishes. Good luck and God Bless! He gets a lot of my one-on-one attention that they sometimes miss, unfortunate but true, and I know my middle guy especially gets a little jealous. My family doesn't live very close so there hasn't been many opportunities for interaction, although my younger brother talked about coming out to visit and to take my oldest son this place and that place ... I had to gently remind him that he had 3 nephews, not just one!
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