I am new to this board...
My name is Deb., and I was diagnosed with Autism when I was a very young child. I had the majority of the symptoms, non-association with people, not talking (once I did not talk for an entire year), sensitivity to sound but the additional ability to block out noise, people, virtually anything.
Well the list is very long, but I think you understand... I was one that they wanted institutionalized, since I was exceptionally unresponsive.
I can go on but I have a question. As an adult, I have found myself needing to adapt and grow so I hold a job, raise my children on my own, etc... I have had to sincerely grow as a person - watch, learn and mimic.
I excel in anything I put my mind to, and currently it is Web work. I am self-taught, and have worked my way up through sheer stubbornness and the need for a good paycheck to care for my daughters.
Yet I still have compulsions, wanting to shut out the world when I am stressed, to go back to habits I used to have to and do a 'total' shut down where I am honestly tuned out to the world.
No one knows or suspects, sometimes they just think I have a few unique quirks. But I find myself 'needing' to touch walls as I walk, doing things the same exact time, same exact way and stressing from any differences. Stress tends to make me begin a slow slip back - even to where I am stuttering and allowing to close people out of my life - disassociate from them as if they do not exit.
How is it I am able to work, and function on a higher level but yet these continue to haunt me?
My ability to learn fluxes in addition, on one hand I am unable to do some simple math, yet able to program in various languages after reading a few books and playing. Even Geography - I cannot 'remember' the states after repeated attempts. I find it, impossible to not only remember their names but where they are on the map. The only ones I can remember are the ones I have been to.
Well - my question is, why am I afraid that people will find out that I was or am or well, I am not sure what I am.
But I do function well, I have adapted and continue to adapt to survive. I remember days when I sat in a corner touching shadow shapes on the wall.. and I wonder how did I get from there to here?
Thank you
deb
Hi Deb Thanks for sharing your story, Im not sure if anyone here can answer your question as most of us here struggle to learn why our children are displaying certain behaviors, what they mean, and so forth. I am glad you are reaching for your goals.
Perhaps you may be able to find answers by communicating with other autistic adults. I am posting some links for you.
http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=119&a=3794
Websites by or for people with an autistic spectrum disorder
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O.A.S.I.S. Boards and Chat Rooms
These are moderated message boards and chat rooms linked to the OASIS site. There are three forums at this time. In order to join these forums you'll need to REGISTER WITH DELPHI.COM following the links to any of the forums will get you to delphi. The forums are moderated so once you're registered you'll need to write for the "group registration code".
OTHER NON-OASIS RELATED FORUMS AND LISTS
This forum is a public forum on delphi. However, it is set up for use by adults with AS and related diagnosis. Parents and others are welcome to read the posts, however, actual posting and participation is restricted to those on the spectrum only.
A chat room for anyone that has a connection with Autism/Aspergers or a related disorder. They can be reached either by clicking "chat now" on www.autistichat.net or on IRC by going to irc.starchat.net and joining #autistichat.
This forum was created so those on the autism spectrum can get together and talk about their lives.The forum owner writes:
Some other forums have Aspies and NT's (otherwise known as neuro-typical or normies) together. I have found that this prevents me, and other Aspies I think, from talking about certain aspects of our lives for concerns on being misunderstood. The forum semi-private. Most of the folders will be restricted access so we can feel free to discuss whatever we wish. I will have one folder remain public so others can find this forum in the search feature.
This group is set up in order to help other Adult Aspies and their carers to come to terms with the condition. Free speech is encouraged, although no flaming with be tolerated and posts be moderated for the first 2 weeks. NTs are welcome in this group, but the theme is support for Aspies.
Sponsored by ASPIRES (Asperger Syndrome Partners & Individuals Resources, Encouragement and Support), an on-line resource for spouses and family members of adults diagnosed or suspected to be on the autistic spectrum. The approach of this group is directed towards solving problems in relationships. The listserv is a closed, subscription list hosted by FEAT. The list is owned and administered by Linda Newland. Email her at OPU@PEAK.org
Individuals wishing to join must contact Linda with introductory information and use their own names and true addresses. Applicants must agree to ASPIRES membership terms and conditions. Maintaining all members' sense of safety and confidentiality is the prime administrator's criterion for continued individual membership.
Click Here to sign up for the listserv.
This group is mostly for couples at any level of commitment. The idea is to have list members provide support and advice on navigating the dating jungle, deal with long-term relationship issues surrounding communication and other difficult areas, etc. Married persons may also join if they wish. To access this group go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/joint-AS-HFA-couples/
This group is for much the same purposes as the AS/HFA Couples group above, except it's exclusively for married couples. This way if any marrieds feel more comfortable being in a more exclusive group, they have this option. To access this group go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/joint-AS-HFA-marriages/
Children with AS do grow up. Some of them go on to have children. What then?
This is an online forum open to people over 18, most of whom identify as NT, and who had one or both parents/ carers on the Autistic Spectrum. Over the past 2 years we have built up a great deal of insight into the effects of AS parents on their children . We offer support, information, and healing. Our next step is to empower our members to advocate for children raised in AS homes, as this is a major issue that the AS community needs to be aware of. If you would like to join ASpar or just find out more, the ASpar homepage is at http://www.aspar.klattu.com.au
This forum for asperger/autistic people, their relatives and others involved with them who practice a traditional christian life-style.
Go to http://forums.delphiforums.com/aspautchrist/start
This forums is for asperger/autistic adults who are students in college, university and other places of education. This is a a place to discuss how being on the autistic spectrum effects your learning and being among other students and staff.
Go to http://forums.delphiforums.com/aspautstudents/start
This is a forum for asperger/autistic people to express their beleifs and philosophy of life, the world and it's society and about the spirituality of being the way they are.
Go to http://forums.delphiforums.com/aspautphil/start
No need to include your name or any other information in the e-mail--, you'll be writing to a computer and your e-mail address will be recognized. Make sure your e-mail address is accurate.
This list is specifically for professionals who work with people with AS to share knowledge on the topic of Programs and Interventions. For information about this group please contact David Egege by email at egege@picknowl.com.au
This group if for parents of children on the end of any spectrum where they are considered shadows or ghosts of that disorder. Or have a milder variation. Not limited to AS, parents of children with shadows of ADD, CAPD, TS, ODD and others are welcome.
To Subscribe:
Go to www.onelist.com Register with onelist and type in the keyword box ShadowSyndromeKids, set your options and you'll be in. If you have questions about this you can contact the listowner at pamrose@mindspring.com
These are a series of support lists/forums for individuals with Autism, AS, and Related Disorders. Contact Martijn Dekker for further information. Or, Click Here to go to the website
Autinet is an open discussion list for Autism and Asperger Syndrome. To subscribe send an e-mail to AUTINET.wise@iol.ie telling something of your interest in Autism and Asperger Syndrome and asking to be subscribed. List owner is Peter Wise. To send him an e-mail Click Here Or, to visit the webpage Click Here
"Breaking Down the Wall" This is a link to a webpage and support group for families of children with these two disabilities, and those professionals who work with them.
This group is for discussion among people with autism and other PDD-spectrum disorders, their parents and relatives, educators, medical practitioners, and other interested people. Talk about these conditions, about treatment options, and about challenges and triumphs, what has helped and what hasn't. Or just chat about anything at all with people who understand.
If you use a news agent client software, the name of the newsgroup is: bit.listserv.autism To subscribe to the autism newsgroup using an e-mail, send an e-mail message to: LISTSERV@MAELSTROM.STJOHNS.EDU The first line of your message should read subscribe autism Firstname Lastname Use your first and last name and also make sure you type LISTSERV and not LISTSERVE.
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