hi, i am a new member and am really looking for help. my son is autistic and eleven years old. he is like most autistic children.... repititive and making those movements and speaking in bits of words, making small sentences. he is in a day school for special children.
i want to be prepared, as a mother ,to know how do autistic children enter puberty. and how does one tell the child as to what changes happen. i am in touch with his teacher and doctors , but i want to know if you, as mothers, have experiences to share. most of the info i have is based on others. not an individual's experience.
I just want to be aware of the possibilities. so please let me know what must i do.
shani
thanks for all the repliesMy brother works as a Court Psychologist which means if you are charged with a crime and there is some question as to your mental state, he would access you and give the Courts advice as to whether or not you have a disability.
The reason I am mentioning this is - he sees lots of young males who have been charged with rape/indecent assault who fit within the ASD. Some of those young men have absolutely no idea that inappropriate touching of other males & females is wrong and not socially acceptable. It's a very sad fact that some parents either turn a blind eye or simply do not know how to discuss this subject with their children. The sadder fact is that they are charged and can be commited to institutions where they are at risk of abuse.
I don't mean to scare anyone here - but as embarrrasing as it is please try to teach them 'appropriate' behaviour. If you have the means to do so - get a psychologist/counsellor/sex therapist who deals with ASD teenagers to frankly discuss things.
In my own experience with public toilets - I made my son come in with me until he was about 7 and then we alternated between disabled toilets, baby change rooms and mens toilets (with me hovering around the door). I set a time limit - not out in 2 minutes - in I go. (and I did!)
Not sure if this advice helps but I have always taught my children that they were the only ones allowed to touch certain parts of their body. If they were sick, a doctor or myself may have to touch them, but I would always make sure they understood I would be in the room and they would be told what was being done and why. They were also told that with respect to other peoples bodies (i.e nobody else but that person could touch them there.
There is a certan level of understanding required there - but I thought I would throw it out there anyway.
Mysh
Mysh -- Great advice. Thanks for posting about the criminal aspects of this.
Shani -- My girlfriend used a cucumber to show her son how to put on a condom. He was high functioning and knew how to masturbate without being taught. I don't think we need to TEACH masturbation, only condom use. My 15yo is not at the point where he is masturbating to climax or having wet dreams, so I haven't crossed that bridge yet. But I HAVE crossed the bridge of deciding what to do with my son when we're dead. He will HAVE to be in some sort of supervised living. Even if it's just living here in his own home with regular visits from social workers. If you haven't thought about what living situation your son will be in when you and your husband are long gone, it's worth giving some serious thought to. Many group homes have a 10 year waiting list. My son is 15 and we still have not gotten onto those waiting lists. Each state is different. NYS is starting a pilot program allowing dev. dis. people to STAY in their family's home once their parents are gone. Sending workers into the individual's life-long home instead of sending the individual to another place he's unfamiliar with. I don't know the particulars, but I do know that each state is different. It may be possible, of course, that your son will be fully independent as an adult, but the odds (statistically) are against that, even for high functioning ASD kids, so it's worth making plans for him.
HI..I HAVE BEEN BLUNT WITH JUSTIN ABOUT WHAT IS NOT OK TO TOUCH..THERE WAS AN INCIDENT AT HIS SCHOOL MANY YEARS AGO...WHERE THIS GIRL IN HIS CLASS HAD LARGE BREASTS..SHE KNEW IT TOO..AND WOULD PUT THEM INTO THE BOYS FACES...(HIS TEACHER TOLD ME THIS)..WELL ANYWAY..SHE DID THIS TO JUSTIN AND HE GRABBED BOTH...IT TURNED INTO A SLAP FROM THE GIRL...AND THEY BOTH ENDED UP ON THE FLOOR FIGHTING..WELL...I GOT TO THEN TELL JUSTIN..IN LANGUAGE THAT HE WOULD UNDERSTAND...."THESE ARE BOOBS..DO NOT TOUCH AT ALL..NOT OK." EVERY MORNING WE WOULD REPEAT THIS "MANTRA" AND IT WORKED...HE KNOWS THE SPACE LIMITS...AS FAR AS MASTURBATION GOES,THAT TOO HAS SLOWED DOWN...BUT HE HAS BEEN TOLD TO DO IT IN THE BEDROOM...I PERSONNALY FEEL MASTURBATION IS NORMAL...SO HE IS NOT TOLD TO STOP..ONLY THAT HE MUST DO IT IN HIS ROOM..
I DID NOT TEACH JUSTIN TO MASTURBATE...HE FIGURED IT OUT ALL ON HIS OWN. THE BOTTOM LINE IS..EVEN THOUGH I DO NOT WANT JUSTIN TO HAVE SEX...HOW IN THE WORLD CAN YOU STOP IT???? CONDOM USE NEEDS TO BE PUT INTO THEPICTURE.
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this is off the subject but some of you mention a group home. I never imagin that my son would end up there with all his tss bsc and head start and special school are you saying this is all for nothing that thats where is going to end up when I die than whats the point of all of this. They tell me Steven is workable well whats that mean that he still is going to end up in a home. Does no one think there child has a chance in the big world?
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My son is 15 and is moderate functioning. I took him to a one-on-one sex ed class (I was in the room) with an expert in autism. The autism center around here has a grant to do this, so it didn't cost a dime. AND, I got to ask all those pesky questions.
First, my son had a HORRIBLE entrance into puberty. The surging of testosterone brought out severe aggression as well as caused his Tourette Syndrome to get worse. It took us a year of adjusting his medications to fix this. During that time, he had what are known as "cycles of rage." Many autistic kids get them and they are also common in teens with Tourette's. Only the medication helped and helped well, over time. Our son grew 6 inches in that same year, so adjusting the meds was difficult because the meds could barely keep up with his size.
The teacher used a really good visual technique to teach him about different sorts of behaviors that are OK with different sorts of people. She drew a target and had me bring in small pictures of my son, our family and any close people. Then she had him put himself in the bull's eye, my husband and me in the next circle and the other people in increasingly outer circles depending on their relationship with our son. Then she went over the sorts of things you can or cannot do in each set of people, depending on how close their circle was to the bull's eye. She spoke explicitly about touching, etc. She also did an exercise to talk about private places vs public places. She said it's not enough to just teach "private." It's important to teach "public" because it really puts private into perspective.
NOW, for the x-rated stuff:
I asked her MY questions, too. Like, if my son ends up living in a group home after my husband and I die, will my son be allowed to have sexual relations with someone should the two of them WANT that sort of relationship. She told me it depends on the group home because SOME discourage sex. Others are neutral. However, all group homes HAVE to go through a specific interview with the would-be lovers (this is the regulation in New York State). The interviewers have to be assured that neither party is coercing the other and that BOTH want to do it. I asked about birth control. How am I going to get my son to wear a condom? Well, she said, if I want my son to use a condom should he ever want sex (he's DEFINITELY interested in girls and their bodies), the best way to do it is to teach him to use a condom during masturbation so that he associates the pleasure of sex WITH a condom. She said that I could use a cucumber to demonstrate and have him practice. If he needed real help in getting the condom on, I could make an appointment with the doctor who takes care of sexual issues of the developmentally disabled and the doctor would help him. At 15, my son is not yet getting erections or ejaculating or masturbating to climax (of course, he rubs himself but has all his life when I'm not looking). If he starts having "wet dreams," I may take him to that doctor. BTW -- developmentally disabled men and women can no longer be sterlized, even if they themselves ask unless a judge can be completely convinced that the idea is coming from them. This is in NY, at least.
As far as physical development goes, my son starting getting a tiny bit of pubic hair at about 12 (he noticed it in the locker room with my husband and said, "Daddy, my peeny is getting a beard!") He had his hugest growth in height between 13 and 14. His voice dropped between 14 and 15. He got leg hair this summer at 15 (although it's not thick) and he has yet to get peach fuzz or any signs of mustache. All of this is interesting to me because I had no brothers nor were there any boys at all in my generation -- including no male cousins. I've been told that sometimes autistic boys mature later than NT boys. Some of my son's friends who are not NT but also not autistic are ahead of him, physically. But he's ahead of them all in overall growth at 6'1".
This is about all I know so far about my son's adolescence. His DX is PDD-NOS and he's about smack in the middle of the Spectrum.
I have a question about this too, well a little off topic, but anyway. My ds is 9y/o and very nieve and immature, I'm not confident he would understand inappropriate behavior of a stranger in lets say a public restroom. I'd say he'd probably be victemized. He won't go into the woman's restroom anymore, how do i protect him when using public facilities?
Thanks SH
HI..MY SON IS 18 AND AS MOST KNOW LIVES IN A GROUP HOME.WHEN PUBERTY HIT,SEIZURES CAME ON,MASTURBATION CAME IN TO "PLAY", AND YES RECENTLY HE HAS BECOME INTERESTED IN GIRLS. JUSTIN HAD ALSO AGGRESSION ISSUES,MORE SO IN THE LAST YEAR...SOMETIMES I WONDER IF THE MEDS BRING MORE AGGRESSION OR IF IT IS JUST PUBERTY..OR BOTH.
NOW AS FAR AS THE MASTURBATION GOES...HE WILL GO UNTIL HE CLIMAXES..I USED TO HAVE HIM WASH HANDS WHEN HE WAS DONE..HE ALSO HAD THE "SOUNDS THAT GO WITH THE WHOLE THING,NOT LOUD,BUT YOU KNEW WHAT WAS GOING ON IF YOU LISTENED FROM THE NEXT ROOM..HE ALSO KNEW TO COVER AND STOP IF I WAS COMING IN..I WOULD LOUDLY SAY "COMING IN..STOP AND WAIT"
ALOT OF GROUP HOMES FROM WHAT I UNDERSTAND ARE SAME SEX. THERE WAS A FEMALE FOR A SHORT WHILE IN HIS HOME,BUT SHE SOON LEFT AND ANOTHER MALE MOVED IN.
JUSTIN ALSO HAS A GIRL HE LIKES AT SCHOOL...HE TALKS ABOUT JESSICA WITH SO MUCH LOVE IN HIS VOICE..SHE HAPPENS TO BE THE SMALLEST GIRL IN THE SCHOOL..HE IS 6'5-6.6.
I.M HOPING HE NEVER HAS SEX...BECAUSE SOMEONE HAS TO SHOW HIM HOW TO PUT ON THE CONDOM...PUBERTY SUCKS..I MISS JUSTIN AND PRAY ALOT THAT HE WILL BECOME CALMER AS HE GETS OLDER...I'M HOPING THAT AMALE HORMONE GOES AWAY...
The adult group homes around here (the sort of homes that people go to because they're interested in living "on their own" or their parents have died are just normal suburban houses in which 4 to 6 grown developmentally disabled people live. Many are co-ed. These adults are there not because they were having trouble living at home but because it was time to be more independent.
One of my greatest fears is that when my husband and I are gone, Jamie will have no one to love him. I want him to be able to get kisses and hugs when I'm not around to give them. He is not the withdrawn type of autistic person. He seeks out human interaction and emotional connectedness. He NEEDS love. My one hope for him is that he somehow gets it.
I UNDER STAND HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT LOVE...KISSES AND HUGS..JUSTIN IS NOT WITHDRAWN EITHER...WHEN I SEE HIM I KISS HIM ALOT...AND HUG PLUS I AM ALWAYS TOUCHING HIM..HIS FACE,HAIR,OR GENTLY RUBBING HIS ARM.
I HAVE BEEN SEEING HIM AT SCHOOL,HAVING LUNCH WITH HIM...AND I LEAVE AT RECESS...I CANNOT STOP KISSING HIM...EVERYONE NEEDS LOVE....MY HOPE WHEN I AM GONE IS THAT IS BROTHER,THE ONE HE TRULY BONDED WITH...THE ONE THAT LIVES IN INDIANA..WILL LOVE HIM AS I DO...
Wow - so glad to read a post by someone whose son sounds like mine. My son is 12, but started puberty at 10. The testosterone surge really put his agression on the front burner, and he started meds at 11. We are still adjusting them because of how fast he is growing. My son is PDD-NOS, MR, Intermittent Explosive Disorder (which is a recent diagnosis, and I think it's really a reaction to puberty in PDD-NOS kid).
My biggest concern is my 11 year old daughter. He has already attempted to act out sexually towards her once, and I NEVER leave him alone anymore, because I am paranoid that he will do it again, not even at night, when she is locked into her bedroom. Even though he has never tried anything even close again, I am very vigilant.
Where did you find one-on-one sex ed? I would like to find a program like that for my son - maybe that will help him understand better what is acceptable and unacceptable.
[QUOTE=tzoya]
My son is 15 and is moderate functioning. I took him to a one-on-one sex ed class (I was in the room) with an expert in autism. The autism center around here has a grant to do this, so it didn't cost a dime. AND, I got to ask all those pesky questions.
First, my son had a HORRIBLE entrance into puberty. The surging of testosterone brought out severe aggression as well as caused his Tourette Syndrome to get worse. It took us a year of adjusting his medications to fix this. During that time, he had what are known as "cycles of rage." Many autistic kids get them and they are also common in teens with Tourette's. Only the medication helped and helped well, over time. Our son grew 6 inches in that same year, so adjusting the meds was difficult because the meds could barely keep up with his size.
The teacher used a really good visual technique to teach him about different sorts of behaviors that are OK with different sorts of people. She drew a target and had me bring in small pictures of my son, our family and any close people. Then she had him put himself in the bull's eye, my husband and me in the next circle and the other people in increasingly outer circles depending on their relationship with our son. Then she went over the sorts of things you can or cannot do in each set of people, depending on how close their circle was to the bull's eye. She spoke explicitly about touching, etc. She also did an exercise to talk about private places vs public places. She said it's not enough to just teach "private." It's important to teach "public" because it really puts private into perspective.
NOW, for the x-rated stuff:
I asked her MY questions, too. Like, if my son ends up living in a group home after my husband and I die, will my son be allowed to have sexual relations with someone should the two of them WANT that sort of relationship. She told me it depends on the group home because SOME discourage sex. Others are neutral. However, all group homes HAVE to go through a specific interview with the would-be lovers (this is the regulation in New York State). The interviewers have to be assured that neither party is coercing the other and that BOTH want to do it. I asked about birth control. How am I going to get my son to wear a condom? Well, she said, if I want my son to use a condom should he ever want sex (he's DEFINITELY interested in girls and their bodies), the best way to do it is to teach him to use a condom during masturbation so that he associates the pleasure of sex WITH a condom. She said that I could use a cucumber to demonstrate and have him practice. If he needed real help in getting the condom on, I could make an appointment with the doctor who takes care of sexual issues of the developmentally disabled and the doctor would help him. At 15, my son is not yet getting erections or ejaculating or masturbating to climax (of course, he rubs himself but has all his life when I'm not looking). If he starts having "wet dreams," I may take him to that doctor. BTW -- developmentally disabled men and women can no longer be sterlized, even if they themselves ask unless a judge can be completely convinced that the idea is coming from them. This is in NY, at least.
As far as physical development goes, my son starting getting a tiny bit of pubic hair at about 12 (he noticed it in the locker room with my husband and said, "Daddy, my peeny is getting a beard!") He had his hugest growth in height between 13 and 14. His voice dropped between 14 and 15. He got leg hair this summer at 15 (although it's not thick) and he has yet to get peach fuzz or any signs of mustache. All of this is interesting to me because I had no brothers nor were there any boys at all in my generation -- including no male cousins. I've been told that sometimes autistic boys mature later than NT boys. Some of my son's friends who are not NT but also not autistic are ahead of him, physically. But he's ahead of them all in overall growth at 6'1".
This is about all I know so far about my son's adolescence. His DX is PDD-NOS and he's about smack in the middle of the Spectrum.
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