How to discipline tantrums? I am having this problem all of a sudden with my ds as well - 3 yrs old. He hasn't thrown major tantrums in a long time, but all of a sudden they are just constant, at home and in public. I was in Target just 2 days ago with a friend and he blew up because he wanted me to take a wristband off his wrist, once it was off wanted it back on, and so forth. It could just be a coincidence, but I feel like I've noticed a correlation between periods when he shows a lot of growth in communication ability and sudden big tantrums. I wonder if it's not that he starts to experience the positive benefits and power of being able to communicate better so it makes the times that he still can't get his point across that much harder to deal with. The things I've tried that seem to help in a meltdown situation, are 1) remaining calm myself (the times I've gotten upset too, it just escalates his emotions), 2) talking in short sentences which a low, quiet, and firm tone very near to his ear, saying things like, "you are very mad, you need to calm down, you need to take a break", 3) NEVER giving in to what he is screaming about - or bribing him out of it with candy or those kinds of things, 4) Giving him a choice to make usually, "You need to take a break, you can sit down over there or you can lay down on Mommy" (on my shoulder in my arms). He usually chooses to lay on Mommy because the hug makes him feel better and he settles down. Now getting him to the point where he's calm enough to even make a choice like that can take 10 min or more sometimes, but in the meantime I try my best not to flip out about people staring. I learned most of this from Raising Your Spirited Child, a book I bought long ago when his meltdowns were the worst - young toddler aged. Anyway, if I can remain calm enough to follow this myself he usually works his way out of it sooner rather than later, and things end on a good note. But I'm not a perfect mom either, and it's hard to always stay in control ourselves in those situations. We can only try to do the best we can.  Good luck! Rachel My son is 4 with PDD, high functioning.  He goes to school 4 days a week for 2 1/2 a day.  He is doing really well until lately.  The teacher told me he has been have a lot of tantrums at school when he does not get his way.  This past Monday I had to take both of my children to the doctor and boy did I get a taste of his new tantrums he has got going on.  He thows them when he does not get his way, and he head butts the wall or anything near and throws stuff at times.  He even hits me or my daughter at times.  I have been soft on him prior to this versus his daddy not babying him.  I am working on  not being soft anymore.  My question is do we spank him or what?  It seems the only thing to make him stop and do what he should do his spank him, but I do not want him to think that spanking is ok, I am so confused on how to discpine him.  Any ideas that may work?  It is heartbreaking because He just had his birthday and did not even know..  I also was diagnosed with MS in Feb 2005.  Any advice on how to help him with his discpline would be greatly appreciated.  Thank you for your time. I would avoid spanking.  FIrst, the tantrums may not actually be in his control.  PDD kids have difficulty communicating, even if they can speak.  The pragmatics of language is different from speech.  Ask the school psychologist if he or she is familiar with autism and with the ways to handle tantrums with these kids.  If not, ask the school to bring in a consultant who is.  The consultant can do a functional behavioral assessment in school and create a Behavior Intervention Plan that can be implemented in school. They can then show you what successes they've had in school with this and help you implement it at home.  I strongly caution against corporal punishment.  You risk creating a foundation for later rage in your child. And when you can no longer handle him physically (this happens pretty quickly -- by 7 or 8 at the oldest) you won't have any other techniques that both he and you are used to to substitute for physical force.  This includes not only spanking but physically removing him or using your strength in any way.  Imagine a child who is taller than you are and bigger than you are and who is enraged.  Believe me, this happens.  NT children can express their rage verbally, but not our kids, even if they speak.  They often can't process the whole thing.  The best thing to do in the short run is to avoid situations where you know tantrums will occur.  I know that's difficult, but by bringing your son into situations that create emotions in him that he cannot handle, you are setting him up for failure.  And you're setting yourself up for failure, too.  Try to arrange to do those things when someone else can watch your son.  If he's having lots of tantrums both in and out of school, perhaps he's in the wrong setting. Schools tend to group kids according to their academic ability.  Just because an ASD kid is smart does not mean he is not subject to all the difficulties autism brings with it.  He must be specifically taught all kinds of social behaviors and ways to cope.  Punishment lets him know that his behavior makes you angry.  It does not teach him what behavior would make you happy.  Nor does it teach him how to handle the emotions he can't control.  This is a big issue.  Please try to get some expert from the school to help you and his teachers come up with and consistently implement a positive behavior plan.     Thank you so much for your imput.  I also feel spanking is wrong.  I will contact the school on what you said to see what I can do.  Thank you so much for your response it is very much appreciated. Thanks for all the great advice, I am having a very hard time with this myself.  It seems like the fits have become way more intense.    I could also use some advice about handling meltdowns. It seems as though my sons behavior has escalated into this monster that I can't control. He has these sudden outbursts of anger. Like the other night I gave our dog a treat and Ethan just lost it.  As it turns out, he wanted to be the one to give the dog a treat and when he found out that it was the last one he punched me in the nose. Boy did it hurt!!! He said he wanted to choke the treat out of the dog, luckily the dog went under the bed. He went on and on about this for the rest of the night until he finally fell asleep. The next morning he had a meltdown when he couldn't find his spongebob doll. Thank goodness we found it but he was late to school. I asked his dr about seeing a behaviorist but she said that these kinds of ourbursts are hard for a behaviorist to deal with and we would be wasting our time and money. He does not seem to have these problems at school, only at home. He is having these meltdowns on a daily basis and the aggression is just getting worse. It is starting to take its toll on us all. Any advice would be apprecitated, thanks!!! Toyza, just read your post on the thread about violent behaviors, guess I should have posted there. We are keeping a log and my son is also on meds, abilify and prozac.I am feeling all your pain. We are going to be meeting with a Child Psychologist to discuss with us discipline. I will let you all know what comes of it.
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