First time.....
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Yesterday, we had our first experience with a "peer" of Ansley saying anything.... We were walking out to the car after her church Mother's Morning Out class and as I was putting her in the van, a mom in the van next to me was putting her daughter and older son into their van. The boy says "Hey, isn't that girl in your class?" and the little girl says "Yes, but I don't like her because she pushes me." I overheard the mom whispering and telling them to be quiet. Then the girl says again, "But mom, she DOES push me." The mom was mumbling to her again that it was not nice to talk about that....I could tell she was totally embarassed. Well, I closed my van door so Ansley wouldn't hear (I never know what she comprehends and what she doesn't) and I told the mom that it's okay, her daughter's probably right b/c Ansley does push sometimes. I told her that Ansley has autism and she is not talking yet, and she doesn't really know how to play and interact appropriately with the other kids, but she's learning. I apologized to the little girl for Ansley pushing and explained to the mom that since Ansley doesn't talk that sometimes that's the only way for her to say "stop" or "Hey, I want to play" or whatever. I tried to reassure her that Ansley is not a bully and she doesn't ever hurt anyone, and even though it's not appropriate behavior, I didn't want her to think Ansley was beating up on her daughter or anything. The mom said that her daughter makes stuff up all the time, so she hadn't even really thought about it.....and that her brothers bully and push her so much that she could take it! She was actually very nice about it and asked me when we started noticing Ansley had autism and stuff like that. She was extremely polite. It was very sad to me because, up until now, the kids have been too small to really voice their opinions about Ansley, but now I guess we'll be hearing things like this more and more. I can just feel my skin getting thicker. I've always been the kind of person to just talk about things openly and I've found that people are generally more helpful and understanding when I do. I guess I'd rather just be open about stuff than have people making assumptions. Do you guys think I handled this okay?
Amyleigh, You did just fine Marlowe my son is 19 now and i have always put everything out front with his peers etc. his brother is a year younger and have always explained to any new friends about frank and they have always been supportive to frank and our family. i think people surprise you when you think they will not respond nicely.I think you handled it great. I too feel that if you explain the situation to people, they are usually very understanding, sometime even helpful. I know how hard it becomes. My son is 4 and I hear about his problems in after school daycare. Luckily the teachers know and understand his PDD-NOS. and try to let the other children know that Nicky has trouble sometimes. And help him interact. I do feel that nowadays kids tend to be much more understanding and accepting. Well I hope they do. I think the word is spreading about the whole autism problem in the world. We just have to keep people informed. Good Luck I would of rather been told that when my boys were younger than wonder why she's doing that...you did it right... sandance Amyleigh, you handled it wonderfully. I keep wondering when the day will be for us. I love the name Ansley - just wanted to add that  i think you did exactly right ,Amy....... I think of the time before my Sierra's dx and recall just how little i knew about special needs children and the lives of them and their families. It made me feel a little shallow and uncaring, but I am grateful now for God blessing us w/ a special needs child, as it opens your eyes in a way that is unexplainable..........(Thank God for that)
Amy, you did great! I had my first experience with something similiar yesterday as well.We were at our local Walmart when a young child (8 or 9) asked me what was wrong with my son.He had seen him at a party that my son attended and told me my son was "Way out of control". I explained to him that he had a condition called autism and that he is learning to be good but it can be really hard at places like parties because there is so much going on.( I was at the party the whole time and I thought my son did really well as a whole).It really was a hurtful conversation for me because it was one of those reminders that that my son is different.Something I've been having a lot of trouble dealing with recently I think you handled it extremely well. WAY better than I probably could right now. My 3 year old neice told me yesterday right out of the blue that she would not let anyone call Belle "stupid" because that is not nice. I guess she is starting to notice that Belle can't talk yet when she sees other kids her size talking...Broke my heart and at the same time I was so proud that she at such a young age would stand up for her cousin
Amyleigh, I know exactly how you feel. I have lots of friends that have kids around the same age as Kolby and I feel that they think Kolby is a bully too. I try to explain to the children that Kolby just doesnt know how to talk that when he pushes u it normally means he wants you to run and play with him. Sometimes I can see in the childrens eyes how Kolby is hurting them and it makes me sad because I dont know how to explain it to children. I remember a friend of mine who has a daughter that is 4 now about a year ago the little girl asked me where Kolby's Pacifier was at I told her Kolby doesnt need a pacifier he isnt a baby she said to me "Yes he is he does not talk" I was so sad to hear this but I know this is what I have to look at for the time being. Yes...actually while reading it I was thinking it is exactly what I would have done/said. Unless the person is being downright rude or insensitive then I might lose my cool. But in that case I would have also apologized and offered some explanation due to the circumstances. Glad she was so nice! Amber Hi Amy, I am very impressed by how you handled that situation. Not having children of my own, I don't know the position you were put in, but there is always the desire in most people (including myself) to pull in and protect, rather than seek out and make a connection when there is a feeling of threat. I am very impressed by the way you connected with that parent, and also with the other child. Not only did this pave the way for Ansley to have more understanding at school from this child, but it also made the interaction one of communication rather than fear. I'm sure you transformed the experience for that parent from embarrassment to understanding and relationship with you. A very inspiring story- thank you! Thanks guys for all the positive remarks! Even though I felt sad that it happened, I did feel positively about how it turned out. Yall are so sweet, though! Amyleigh, just a mom
I am sorry, Amy. You did fine. And showed much graciousness to children who need some manners I am finding the same thing with Jaden. This is what I posted on another board I am on: -------------------- tonight in church nursery Ben (age 2 3/4) Pastors son and the sweetest little boy....sits next to me and says "Anna can't talk" I said "Yes, Ben, Anna can talk. She just doesn't do it all the time" then he said "Faith can talk too?" "yes, Ben, Faith talks a lot" "Daniel can talk?" "Yes, Ben, Daniel can talk" "But Jaden can't talk?" "No, Ben, not yet. But maybe soon Jaden will talk" -------------------------- It is so hard, isn't it? Amy you did great! It is wonderful that you are not afriad to be direct and letting people be aware of what is going on. |
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Big hugs to you for taking the time to explain to someone who might not have realized that Ansley isn't a bully. 
