I think I went about it the wrong way.It could not hurt to read up on what to do to relate to autistic children. (There is a lot of good advice on this board, but it might take a lot of searching to find it.) The best treatment for most developmental delays is similar to the best treatment for autism: ABA therapy. As he gets closer to school age, the doctor will most likely recommend more and more ABA. ABA is complex, and there are a lot of tricks, but at a very simple level, if you can find something he likes, then you can use that to engage him in all sorts of other ways. If he likes a particular game, such as "tag", for example, then you can play in exchange for eye contact. If he does not interact at all, then you can try to insert yourself into his activities, as long as it is a game to him. So if he is watching Sesame Street, you can ask him "is that Elmo?" and point to Murray. If he corrects your mistakes, then he is paying attention. If he doesn't correct your mistakes, then keep trying other games. You can hardly go wrong with games, since kids learn a lot about their world from games. If he shuts down and shuts you out then his mom will be able to tell what he can do and can't do. Autism falls under developmental delay. Chances are the doc thinks in the autism direction as well but many docs are reluctant to use the A word in a preschool child. Instead they call it a developmental delay. Personally I think it is very misleading to parents and only delays the early intervention that the child needs to have the best outcome. http://www.firstsigns.org/ so what should I do now. Just ignore it and support herwhen or if the time comes. I just don't want it to be too late. I know how she is. She's very emotional, and if she finds out shes been punishing him for something he cant help, it would destroy her. I just don't wanna see her hurt. Is he involved with speech and OT? Newbie here! Please bare with me. My new girlfriend ofseveral months has two children.A 1 yr old little girl and 3 yr old boy. To me the boy is showing signs of autism based on what i have read on the internet. It first came to my attention when my mom suggested he was autistic based on her talks with a co-worker at the hospital who has an autistic son. I discussed my concerns with my girlfriend, but she blew up at me and basically told me it was no way he could have it. She said the doctors diagnosed him with Developmental delay and thats why she put him in daycare.I apologized for my mistake and let it go, but im pretty sure he may have mild signs of autism,but i dont wanna press the issue. The things that make me think this are as follows: *Very picky eater, only eats boneless chicken and crackers/sweets candy, no variety at all *Bad eye contact, especially when the tv is on. he can watch tv for hours on end, and not even notice you * Doesn't respond to his name, and can only say things he has heard on tv. Lots of repeating the same things over and over again until u say them back to him. Can say abcs and can count to 10, but im pretty sure thats from a tv show he watches over and over again. *Hand leads to whatever he wants you to get him. If you dont get it, he will throw a fit! *Is not potty trained and cannot tell you when he is wet or if he has to use the bathroom. His mother said she is just gonna give up on him until he's old enough to "get it", but he is 3 yrs old. She "pops" him when he does this, and im pretty sure he cant help it. * Obsession with stacking my moms coasters on the table and linning things up. *Is very independent. Goes off on his all the time. * Doesn't seem to acknowledge his sister at all. Its been times that his mom said things like "He lets her bite him, and he just sits there" He also lays on her from time to time or she will lay on him and he will not acknowledge the fact that shes there *Random outburst of yelling but with no catalyst. No crying involved, but just yelling. * Sometimes he walks in circles not alot of circles but he atleast does 2 rotations. *Cannot hold conversations. All of his words come from baby Einsteins, Yo gabba gabba, wow wow wubzy, etc... So if u ask him, "are u hungry", he will not say anything. He can however identify things such as animals if u point at them. But im sure thats from a tv show. Im pretty sure they may be more, but im not around him enough to say. These are things i just picked up on my own. Even though i apologized and we made up, i still feel bad whenever he's around and she's there. its like i gotta be on my best behavior. I feel weird for accusing her son of autism, but i think it fits him. So do the symptoms i spoke of remind you of Developmental delay or a mild case of Autism? Im at a lost as of what to do. Im pretty sure im not gonna bring it up again, she really got upset. You don't need to diagnose him; don't use the "A" word. Just be supportive of her and her choosing to get an eval and start preschool... she'll likely have enough stress. If he's seen by speech therapists and occupational therapists for his "delays" they will likely bring it up anyway. It's great she's taken the first step. To be honest, before my mom pointed out "Autism", i didn't think twice about it. I was unaware, I thought about autism the same way she does now; sort of like "it's was no way" Then i looked up the symptoms and signs and everything seemed to make sense. The tantrums, lining up objects, hand leading, poor eye contact, his difficult eating habits etc... and i just had a bad feeling inside. Ozzie-rozies-ma: Thanks for the article, it was a nice read.I dont think me telling her is an option anymore. I dont wanna go through that again. I could tell i was borderline "Im gonna Leave yo a*#!" Im trying to think of ways i could inform her without actually informing her myself. Like a discovery channel special or video that "so happened" to come on tv while we were watching something. but I'm at a lost. Maybe she has him scheduled for another checkup soon. Idk I'm not saying ignore the symptoms btw... but encouraging her to get him checked out especially by a professional who can identify autism or "rule out anything more serious just to be safe". here's an article that may help http://www.firstsigns.org/concerns/parent_parent.htm goodluck Thanks low budget dave. I know what u mean already. I had to babysit the kids while she was in the store getting some things done to her hair, and the boy went ballistic in walmart with me! I couldn't calm him down so i went back to the car to wait it out (atleast an hour or more)To make a long story short, i bought him back into the store to her. He was sweating heavily and i think she thought it was my fault for keeping him in the car, but the air was on, but he was just screaming and kicking way too much to cool down. His sister on the other hand was doing fine and laughing and playing with me. I felt like it was my fault. BUT, i love her too much to give up on them. When i bought up autism the first time, i think she got so offended because maybe she thought i was referring to the extreme cases. I really dont think she knows that much about autism or even developmental delay, but since she got so upset, im hesitant to show her some info on it.@OZZIE: No he isn't. He's just in daycare, and he only attends every other day for about 10 hrs. I don't know what he does there, but i know its not the quality of help he needs if developmental delay or autism is the cause. I have to pipe up here. What do you mean she "pops" him when he does this (in regard to potty training)? Does she spank him, swat his bottom, hit him? None of those are appropriate for a child with a developmental delay or autism - especially about potty training. That concerns me greatly and she could be doing long-term harm to him. He is not going to learn how to go potty - he may start associating going potty with getting hit! That is not an association you want him to have. The family definitely needs to have an evaluation done. Tell her she can get free help from Early Intervention for him and she just needs an eval done. Hopefully that will motivate her. Good luck - I commend you for trying to be so involved in this - but it doesn't sound like she is ready to hear the word "autism". It can take people a LOOOOONG time to be ready, trust me. And he may not have it - but I definitely note some red flags. This is a tough situation. It sounds like your girlfriend is already deeply enough in denial that she is refusing to hear your concerns. The alternatives seem to be (1) doing nothing (and I agree with another poster that there are enough indicators here that an evaluation is called for), in which case badly needed interventions might be delayed, or (2) getting an authority figure she is more likely to listen to (day care teacher, doctor, etc.) to raise the same issue in a manner that does not show that you were in any way the impetus for it. Like it or not, this would mean sneaking around behind her back. Expect her to hit the roof if she learns you arranged this, even if it the result is that her child gets therapies he needs and would not otherwise have received. People who are in denial often see those who try to snap them out of it as betrayers. It may destroy your relationship with her. It is still the right thing to do. Sorry to give you the bad news. What about talking with his daycare worker? You could bring in the materials and speak with them about your concerns and see if they would be willing to observe him and if they agree, to talk to his mom about what they have observed. Most states also have a birth-3 program that will evaluate him for free.Sorry to go on and on. I just really haven't had anyone to ask questions of except his Mom and this is her first time dealing with Autism. I am on a forum for Diabetes and I find forums very helpful in dealing with questions and situations relating to a specific problem. I like hearing suggestions and what has helped others deal with the same situation. That is good news and I hope it all turns out for the best for that child. I'm glad that she is looking into it and that it didn't turn out to be a fight between the two of you. I second the notion that autism is hard on relationships. My husband and I are madly in love and yet, the stress can really damage families if it is not acknowledged (even then). I recently made a video about the importance of early intervention...it might help reinforce her decision to have an assessment done...let me know if it helps. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HvObEbqpQW0 UPDATE: As things turn out, she had him already scheduled for an appointment on another non related issue, and she bought it to her doctor’s attention. He said he doesn’t think he has it, but that if he did it would be a mild case of it. He said that if she wanted to make sure they would schedule an interview with a specialist who would asses him. She opted for the next available appointment. He told her to watch him carefully and take notice of everything he does. She admitted at first when i told her, she was taken back, and sort of angry, but she began to look up the symptoms and become more familiar with the disorder. She says that she has been worried about it ever since i bought it to her attention. I don’t know when the appointment is, but when everything is assessed i will inform u guys on the results. Thanks everyone for your support and help I don't think he's been diagnosed with a specific delay, i know its probsably some deeper issuses that the doctors are hesitant to say; but judging be reading things i'm guessing this is how it works sometimes when the person isnt noticeably delayed. The friend of my mother didnt evaluate him, my mom just pointed out some issues to her about my gf's sons behaviors; behaviors i was unaware of until she pointed them out. My moms friend has a son with autism and told her to watch out for the warning signs. My mom told me, and i looked it up, and the symptoms and signs seemed to fit. I wasn't trying to suggest her to do anything other than be aware of the signs and get him checked. She didnt tell me he was diagnosed with Delay until i informed her of my concerns. While reading on the net,one of the things that stuck with me was "EARLY PREVENTION". I didn't want it to be too late, i guess i got a little paranoid.(He is 3 almost 4) I was just concerned, and if i have a concern i'm not gonna just let it go unnoticed. I would rather her be upset with me for informing her, than to be upset for me not. When your on the inside looking out, its not always as obvious. This is her first child, and oldest, so i don't think she knows a whole lot in conjunction to milestones, and what to expect. I'm always gonna be there to support her, i was just showing my concern. In no way am i claiming to be an expert, but i don't think that means i shouldn't be vocal about my concerns. No one here is an expert (i dont think,lol) but that doesn't mean they shouldn't give their opinion and adivce. I'm trying to learn as much about it, but its hard when the partner involved is in denial about the whole ordeal. But i know we will be FINE. And btw, i proposed to her on Christmas, we're engaged to be married in 2011!  Congratulations on the engagement! I think you will be a great step dad.Harriet [QUOTE=noahsgma]He does know his numbers, colors, shapes and alphabet. He loves to spell words using the letters to several puzzles I have for him. I know the words are from what he has seen on TV. I worry that he is watching too much television and try to limit it when he is at my house. I really don't know if I should do that or not, though. He will bring me the remote and ask for one of his favorite cartoons. I try to play with him while he is here but sometimes that is for just a short time. He is letting me read to him occasionally and his Mom reads him a story every night when he goes to bed. We love him to death but it can be very trying at times. I bring him to my house a few times a week and sometimes overnight to give his Mom a break. I love having him here but he spends alot of his time here with his alphabet. Your grandson sounds like our son. We too worry that he spends too much time watching TV in his down time - but mostly what he watches is educational. Right now he is really into watching Old School Sesame Street. Jimmy LOVES numbers and letters and his favorite toys to play with are stuffed letters and anything else that he can write with and make words with. If he has nothing to play with (at night when he is going to sleep or when we are in the car sometimes) we will practice making the alphabet with his fingers. I dont worry about his love of numbers and letters, I think it is something he really enjoys [QUOTE=ConcernedMale]Thanks for the video jaxident. It was very informativeand well put together.. Last Update, i think: Well the appointment just occurred about a week ago. They took him to the specialist (i couldn't attend) and they accessed him. Overall (from what she told me), the Dr said she didn't have any information for her. Said since he was "so" young his social skills aren't developed enough to say (he's 3, turns 4 in aug). BUT, she told her to look up "Aspergers and pdd".[/QUOTE] Both my kids were diagnosed before age 3. One is PDD/NOS (and is sufficiently NT that the school refuses to qualify him), it is possible to tell in young kids. If he's been diagnosed with a delay, that is a very logical explanation for signs of Autism. Many different issues share symptoms with one another and some are even related. For example, if a parent has ADHD that raises the statistical chance of having a child with Autism and the 2 disorders can share certain symptoms. The exact relationship is unknown but there are other examples. An Autistic child can display symptoms that appear to be OCD or Bipolar disorder. That's why it's important for a doctor who specializes in developmental disorders to evaluate him, rather than a friend of your mother who hasn't actually met him. If I were your girlfriend, I'd be upset too. I know I love how someone who hasn't seen my son in ages and has no clue what his doctor, teachers, and I are even doing suddenly reads a magazine article and feels the need to tell me what crazy diet I need to put my son on immediately. I don't mean to be harsh, but I bet this is how your girlfriend feels too. She doesn't need you to be one of those people. Seeing as her son has been diagnosed, the most helpful thing you can do for her and her son is too learn as much as you can about that diagnosis so that she doesn't always have to educate you and you'll know what to expect and how to help out and be supportive. Also, once you've become an expert on that condition if you still have concerns that he may have Autism you will have a lot more credibility and you'll also have the benefit of having proved through your effort how much you really care about her and her son. Thanks for the video jaxident. It was very informative and well put together.. Last Update, i think: Well the appointment just occurred about a week ago. They took him to the specialist (i couldn't attend) and they accessed him. Overall (from what she told me), the Dr said she didn't have any information for her. Said since he was "so" young his social skills aren't developed enough to say (he's 3, turns 4 in aug). BUT, she told her to look up "Aspergers and pdd". Told her to write down any signs or things he does that mimics the symptoms and to call her if she notices anything. I think she took this as everything is ok. And since she's in denial, i know shes just gonna blow it off and say "whatever". Actually when she told me what happened, she let out a loud gasp and said "im glad thats over". She went home and i asked her did she google it, and she said "no, didn't feel like it". I had to google it for her and let her know, but she still acted like she didnt care. I dont think she taking it seriously. I know the doctor noticed something because if she didn't, i don't think she would have suggested her look up those disorders and tell her to keep an eye on him. She said the doctor said that its not until about age 5 when he's in school that she could probably give a more accurate diagnosis because of his limited social skills. Also, i think she was giving the specialist inaccurate information. WHen she told me what happened, some things she would tell me she told the doctor didnt seem like whole truths. I think its primarily because of her denial. Like "how does he get along with other kids?" She said good.. even though he never plays or shares with his own sister. and "Does he throw tantrums for no reason" she said "only when he wants something he cant have", when i also know this is not a whole truth. We could be all looking at tv and he will just yell at the top of his lungs for no reason at all for long periods of time. Things like that may have made it more difficult for the dr to say whether or not something was wrong. If she would have looked up some symptoms before hand she would of told her about the hand leading, bad eye contact, independent habits, poor eating habits, poor social skills, not responding to his own name, TANTRUMS! But idk, what do u guys think? I don't think she really believed anything was wrong, and i think thats why she didn't take it seriously. She even mentioned that since she took him, "now yall can leave alone" (she was referring to her dad since he also thought something was wrong) I guess we'll just wait until he starts school to see how he progresses. idkHis social skills aren't developed yet? Infants start developing social skills when they do things like smile, coo, cry for a bottle (teaches them communication with others). This person doesn't sound like they know a thing about child development if that's what they came back with for a nearly 4 year old. |
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