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	Next step with school district My husband and I were recently falsely accused of child abuse from a staff member we thought was helping our son. He attends a public school Autism pre-school program. I attended an evening parent/teacher conference on a Tuesday with my son's teacher and Speech Therapist and on Wednesday of that week...a claim was called in and now received "official" word that the claim is unfounded (which of course we knew would be the case). I have worked with these people for 3 years now and we feel that all the trust has been broken because of their doing. If someone used their common sense to clarify a statement my family would have never been so violated like we have through this process. We were thinking we should have our advocate attend the IEP meetings in our place for now on. As hard as that is (because we are such an involved family) we are considering that for fear of ever being able to really work together honestly for the benefit of our child. Your thoughts out there would be appreciated and thank you for your time. I can totally relate to how upset you must be. Obviously I don't know specifics but I hope that this was not an intimidation attempt by staff. It does not happen often but is also not unheard of.  Just  because I think it is important that you continue to feel free to keep advocating for your son, let me play devil's advocate: Staff working in a school are mandated reporters. There are some very strict guidelined on what they are legally required to report - whether they believe there is abuse or not! These laws are on the books because in the past schools have ignored red flags or not thought them important and kids have died. Statistically children with disabilities are much more often the subject of abuse. Good staff is trained to not make their own judgement call but report. My son -who had no sense of pain - needed three sets of stitches  in three years and the pediatrician called it in. I used to work on a hospital childrens unit and every time a kid said something like 'I better not do that or dad will whoop me'- we had to call it in. See it if you can as a group of people knowing that your kid is more vulnerable than most and following the law. I have a friend who is a star parent and heads the chapter of a state  autism society and she has been reported four (!) times -all of which were cleared. She tells other parents in the same position not to worry about it. Please meet with the school - have an advocate present for your comfort - and clarify what exactly happend and see if the air can be cleared and relations can be repaired.   I guess it would depend on whether I felt they were just doing what they were trained to do and was protecting your child, or if you feel there was an alterior motive.  I'll be honest, although I haven't yet been put in this position - if CPS was called on us I would be glad that someone cared enough to make that call.  I think the general person would have a very difficult time making that call.  In most cases, I would not take it personal.  But if you feel in your heart there was more to it than just protecting your child - then yes, have advocate mediate any future meetings to keep the relationship good for your child's sake.I agree that it depends on their behavior up to this point. If they have always been combative, I would have an advocate attend with me, but I would attend also. And there is always the flip side that teachers are obligated reporters. If they hear anything that even makes them suspect there is abuse, they have to report it or they could lose their jobs or be charged. Obviously, they should use common sense too. When Sam was in pre-k, he fell and had to get staples in his scalp and he came home and told me his teacher was asking him if he got hurt often and to tell him if he got hurt again (not in as clear language, but that's the gist of it). I was embarrassed as hell and scared I would have to talk to CPS, but I understood she was looking out for him. [QUOTE=Shandalyn1]I guess it would depend on whether I felt they were just doing what they were trained to do and was protecting your child, or if you feel there was an alterior motive.  I'll be honest, although I haven't yet been put in this position - if CPS was called on us I would be glad that someone cared enough to make that call.  I think the general person would have a very difficult time making that call.  In most cases, I would not take it personal.  But if you feel in your heart there was more to it than just protecting your child - then yes, have advocate mediate any future meetings to keep the relationship good for your child's sake.[/QUOTE] I'm sorry I disagree with your statement. I don't think you would know how you would feel, until you have been there......No disrespect, ok! And yes, fortunately or unfortunately, the schools are mandated reporters..... Anyway, I understand your frustration, your anger, and your distrust as it too has happened to us! Get an advocate, and have them there at every meeting! momof3kidz Three years ago a teacher called CPS about my daughter before her dx.  It is a slap in the face and we were insulted.   But, consider how you would react if something was questionable in the classroom would you want it investigated ...just in case.   Deep breaths...  stepping out of the game or being adversarial won't win for your daughter.    I agree have an advocate or witness at meetings. OZZIE-ROZIES-MA40120.6429513889 I am an advocate, and as my job is funded by a non-profit organization, I am a mandated reporter as well. I've never had to do this yet, thank goodness. Back during my divorce from my 2nd husband, he called me in (vindictive).  They came out, I answered their questions, and it was over. I'm sorry this happened to you, but in their case, if they didn't report suspicians and it was going on, they would be in serious trouble. Thank you all for your replies. I appreciate each and every view point. I really do!!! I did not mention previously but I am a former elementary school that taught in the 5th largest district in the country. The school I taught at was an "AT RISK" school and I have been on the other side of the table when my co-teacher reported something or I was a witness and questioned by CPS about a particular student. In my years of teaching I never reported a case b/c I felt I needed a REAL and valid reason to pick that phone up and BE the one to call. I spoke with complete honesty and worked as a partner with my parents to handles such a sensitive issue. Each and everyone of the particular parents met me with that approach in different ways but ultimately commended the way I conducted myself. NOW..being on the other side as a parent I agree with shandlyn about you do not know how it is unless you have been in the situation. WOW..what an emotional roller coaster. It has been a violating experience not just for me but for my other children as well. How can I ever go back to the "trust" and "working" partnership I have had with them for 3 years??? I keep telling myself I must be strong for my son and therefore I am working harder now more than ever to help him. My next inquiry will be to find out how we get a court order to see if it was the speech therapist who reported this as we want to request a change if that is to be the case. I believe we will send in our advocate in our place for the IEP. She will observe as she has done in the past to see if this is the proper place for him and then will help establish the new goals for him. CORRECTION: (sorry very tired)   I agree with momof3kidz.. I'm into my second year of teaching now, and have five years of in-home ABA experience under my belt. I have had to report to CPS twice, and Adult Protective Services once. Each time I've had to do it, it was one of the most difficult decisions/actions I've had to make/take. One time the report was dropped, and the incident turned out to be nothing, the other two times there were more serious things going on in the home than I ever could have imagined, and all i can do is thank my lucky stars that I made the call. Two of the three times I was very hesitant to call because I was confident that the family would never do anything to endanger their child, but becuase of the circumstances, and the fact that I am a mandated reporter I had to. More than likely, you will never be reported for any reason other than the school's concern regarding your child's safety. Abuse and neglect are found in even some of the seemingly nicest homes/families that one could hope to work with. We are mandated reporters, and as another poster mentioned we have no choice regarding when we have to report. We wouldn't be doing our jobs if we didn't report because a family 'seemed' like they would never do anything to endanger their child. Please don't lose faith in your school, it seems like until now you've enjoyed working with them, and it seems that they really do have his best interests at heart. With all do respect Jess, this experience has been something I hope you do not have to experience with your own family because it is more traumatic than one can imagine. I don't think anyone is trying to downplay your emotions Lori. I have had two friends who were investigated: one's school reported because of something said-she never found out exactly what- and the second was actually investigated because she was raped and the idiot cop felt that she was an unfit mother by being raped in her home while her child was there (it was a person she knew, not a stranger). I truly do understand the trauma involved. But, as others have said, the school employees have a choice and it's often a difficult one. Many would hesitate to ask the adult to clarify 1) because if the adult is abusing the child, they will only lie if asked and then you have tipped them off so that they can hide it better and 2) because it could cause the adult to abuse the child even more, or kill them in retribution. It does happen every day. So, we are simply saying that while you have a right to be angry, please realize that unless the school has been openly hostile in the past, they were most likely looking out for your child's welfare. You have a right to your feelings and to have an advocate with you. I am not sure that you can ever find out who reported you as most states protect the identity of the reporter. Wow, Lori. I in no way was trying to 'downplay' your emotions or experience whatsoever. I was merely expressing what it is like to be on the other side, and to be the actual person reporting something, as it seems that I am one of few here who have unfortunately had to do so. Sorry if my message was misconstrued. And also, in regards to trying to find out who made the report: the legal system cannot disclose that information. That's something that is guaranteed to people who are mandated reporters, so as not to put them into situations where a family or individual targets them. I hope you and the school district are able to find a way to reconcile what has happened in order to provide your little guy with the best opportunities out there. Best of luck.
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