Do I share diagnoses with coach? I am struggling with whether or not to share my son’s diagnoses with his little league coaches.   My son is 9 and has PDD-NOS and Anxiety. He loves playing baseball. This is the first year his coaches did not know him or his quirks before this season. We decided to not tell them about his issues because we did not want him treated differently. He has made tremendous progress and really wants to be treated like everyone else. We have found that some coaches expect less from him or go easier, and that really frustrates my son.   So, the season had been going great, my son is making improvements, plus his teammates are extremely nice and welcoming. No one comments about his interesting behavior in the outfield (like reenacting the entire previous play or babbling to himself).     The team is even winning all their games, which may have brought on the problems. See, now my son is upset he hasn’t had a hit yet this year when everyone else has. No one else minds, his teammates cheer him on, he gets recognized for his many outfield plays. It is a problem only to him. Now it is becoming a big problem because we are also switching his meds which means higher amounts of inherent sadness until the switch is complete. The doctor said it could not be put off any longer.   Last week, he became so upset in practice he laid in the grass pouting. His teammates came over and tried to console him. His coach finally pulled him up and tried to console him. I gave him the doctor suggested 15 minutes to self-recover before I interfered.  The problem is that the only way to get him to recover is to be kind of harsh and force him to redirect from the negative thought (I can’t bat) to a positive action (I can stand up and try). I finally had to enter and get him back on track. Now the coaches think I am some crazy mom butting into their practice.   So, I have asked them several times to not coddle him. It will backfire every time. With just 6 games and practices left, do I tell them now why they need to be firm so they will believe me? Or, do we hope the meds kick in so there is less chance of another meltdown? There has only been that one major meltdown during a team event. Maybe I am over-reacting and he will continue having fun the rest of the season?   I don't know if I'd share the diagnosis.  My feeling is that the diagnosis is a shorthand way of cataloging the behaviors that the child has.  The coach has the real thing in front of him, and so the diagnosis might not be all that much more information.  And might only cloud the coaches' thinking with preconceptions that are wrong in this case. That being said, I would talk to the coach about what works with your child and maybe drop some hints that he learning is different from most children etc and so he might need some different handling.  Except I would wonder if what he needs is that different.  Everyone I know needs a bit of "You fell off the horse, you need to get back on right away" from time to time. It sounds like you get what I am saying, which makes me feel better, like we are not the only one with these problems. I like the way you said that, "fall off the horse..." The problem is that the coach is treating him different now. He gives praise for every little thing, even though my son knows it was not deserved and the coach is just trying to be nice. Coach is much more firm and demanding of the other boys. We want him to treat my son like everyone else and have asked him several times to not be so nice. (It sounds weird even just typing this out.) But my son is obviously different, so many people have the instinct to coddle him, which does him no good.   That is my debate. What would happend if I tell the coach that, yes, he is different, and that is the reason to NOT treat him differently. [QUOTE=baseballmom] I am struggling with whether or not to share my son’s diagnoses with his little league coaches.   My son is 9 and has PDD-NOS and Anxiety. He loves playing baseball. This is the first year his coaches did not know him or his quirks before this season. We decided to not tell them about his issues because we did not want him treated differently. He has made tremendous progress and really wants to be treated like everyone else. We have found that some coaches expect less from him or go easier, and that really frustrates my son. So, the season had been going great, my son is making improvements, plus his teammates are extremely nice and welcoming. No one comments about his interesting behavior in the outfield (like reenacting the entire previous play or babbling to himself).   The team is even winning all their games, which may have brought on the problems. See, now my son is upset he hasn’t had a hit yet this year when everyone else has. No one else minds, his teammates cheer him on, he gets recognized for his many outfield plays. It is a problem only to him. Now it is becoming a big problem because we are also switching his meds which means higher amounts of inherent sadness until the switch is complete. The doctor said it could not be put off any longer. Last week, he became so upset in practice he laid in the grass pouting. His teammates came over and tried to console him. His coach finally pulled him up and tried to console him. I gave him the doctor suggested 15 minutes to self-recover before I interfered.  The problem is that the only way to get him to recover is to be kind of harsh and force him to redirect from the negative thought (I can’t bat) to a positive action (I can stand up and try). I finally had to enter and get him back on track. Now the coaches think I am some crazy mom butting into their practice. So, I have asked them several times to not coddle him. It will backfire every time. With just 6 games and practices left, do I tell them now why they need to be firm so they will believe me? Or, do we hope the meds kick in so there is less chance of another meltdown? There has only been that one major meltdown during a team event. Maybe I am over-reacting and he will continue having fun the rest of the season? [/QUOTE] i think you should tell becuse if you dont and your child is acting diff por having an iusse the couch may trreat him like anyother kid yell at him .or think he being a baby or brat when he not .it back fires sometimes when you dont tellYou can talk to the coach without telling him the dx, but it sounds like the coach has already picked up on something, hence the slack he is giving your son. So I would tell him and tell him about the concerns you have about him treating your child differently. I would also ask the coach about extra batting practice or tips on how to help him practice at home or even inviting a teammate over to practice with your son. You might also be able to find a high schooler willing to practice with your son. Thanks for the wonderful feedback. We decided to hire a professional coach outside of little league and share ds info with him. He seems willing to work with ds, so we are hoping this will help improve gross motor skills plus give practice in coping techniques. My son loves baseball, so we are using that to his advantage! I also contacted the psyc department at our university and asked for a younger male grad student who might want a part time job practicing baseball with ds. We are thinking that would help ds practice his coping techniques, too, as he does not listen to my husband or I (at least that is normal behavior, not ASD related!). The woman I spoke with said, "Oh, you want a big brother with training." The grad student also plans to work with ds on how to handle bullies, which is becoming an issue. Thanks again for the help - it means a lot to know we are not alone!   A big brother with training!  love the term.  What a good idea, i hope it works.  If you dont mind sharing how much are you paying per hour for big brother?  I am only asking because I think it might be somehting I want to consider too.   Thanks! [QUOTE=ctmom] A big brother with training!  love the term.  What a good idea, i hope it works.  If you dont mind sharing how much are you paying per hour for big brother?  I am only asking because I think it might be somehting I want to consider too. Thanks! [/QUOTE] We offered $100 for 1.5 hours every other week at our house. I wanted to make sure it was enough to be worth the 20 minute drive to our house. That's less than a licensed professional, but more than most college students make per hour. Sounds like the coach does already know, so “telling” is really not going to help (although I don’t think it would hurt either). I think that before practice, I would just give the coach a few specific suggestions for dealing with specific behaviors you anticipate. For example, tell the coach if he lays on the ground and pouts, then…….. I don’t know that I would say “be harder on my son” or “treat my son like all the rest of the kids”. That may not be helpful for any of you, and the coach probably can not anticipate how your son will respond as he can with the other boys, and that might make him reluctant to be “hard” on your son. You probably are already, but I would be trying to get ds to talk about what is going on in baseball, and suggest (and practice) more appropriate (and socially acceptable) ways to express his frustration. Teaching him coping skills in these kind of situations will help him with peer relationship when he gets older (especially if he stays in sports).
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