Child as a Mirror My son is Adopted ,but I remember his mom who was in and out of his life (Mostly out!!)for his first 7 Months,She had no attachments to her own child,At the last Visitation ,I sat sobbing behind a two way mirror,Wondering how a Mom could give up her precious little boy, She showed no emotion. I always wondered about her,she had very severe anxiety,and couldn't seem to overcome it to do what was needed to care for her son. Linda [QUOTE=beccaposie]she proubly is on the asd im adopted i no my birth family i see alot of aspie trits in my bith dad My son is Adopted ,but I remember his mom who was in and out of his life (Mostly out!!)for his first 7 Months,She had no attachments to her own child,At the last Visitation ,I sat sobbing behind a two way mirror,Wondering how a Mom could give up her precious little boy, She showed no emotion. I always wondered about her,she had very severe anxiety,and couldn't seem to overcome it to do what was needed to care for her son. Linda [/QUOTE] I think that many of these responses indicate that some things are inherited. We certainly think so in our case. I know people talk about vaccines and such causing autism but with us it seems to be a pattern that passes on to successive generations. It explained a lot of things in my wife's family especially. Any more thoughts on this topic? Yes it is amazing the things my son has taught me. I see so much of him in both of us- especially his dad and his dad's dad. His dad I am convinced, would be diagnosed with Asperger's today had he not been born 40 years ago. I am very OCD and anal about certin things and I like things organized. The interesting thing is how much my son is shaping my future. I always thought I knew what i was going to do career wise- I got married young, finished college then grad school, worked a while, traveled and then decided to have a child. Boyu when they ay it cahnges everything- they ain't kiddin'!!!!  I have a master's degree and I am returning to school to get one in an education field so that I can be around when he starts school and I won't worry all the time about child care for him. I NEVER thought at 35 I would go back to college and change my career path but here I go. I think my precious son was placed in my life for so many reasons, and I think I need to start listening to these reasons and just go with it! When my ds was diagnosed I called my mom and told her about the diagnosis and what his particular behaviors were. She said : "But that is ridiculous , if those things mean you have autism than your dad has autism too" And than there was a long silence and she just said "Oh" Like you said - it helped me and my mom see many things in a different light. Personally I am much more understanding of some things I see my dad struggle with and some of my parents relationship dynamics make much more sense. It also leaves me hopeful for my ds because in many ways my dads life has been very successful. Yes. I've always been *very very rigid *terrified of new social settings (copying the mannerisms and actions of others there, and thought until recently that is what everyone did) *have issues with depression and anxiety (now I think I know why) *had a lot of black and white thinking that's gotten me in trouble my entire life (living by the 'but it's true' mentality) - I am almost 30 and still working on how to keep something to myself, even if it is true, for the sake of others' feelings *can't look people in the eye, even my husband (again, I thought no one did really) *I 'stim' with my hands, and rock back and forth to go to sleep (never knew why I did it, I just always have, and I can control when I do it so no one sees the hand thing, even my husband) Last week, while at an Autism Society meeting, the speaker handed out a thing about 'autism quotient'. The cutoff score for ASD was 32 out of 50. I scored 46. Even if I 'fudged' it a little on a few answers (as in leaning slightly more in one direction b/c once or twice I ___, even though my first and natural response was different) I could still only get it as low as 39. I just about fell out when I started reading what Tony Attwood said about how females can hide it better, can be better at copying those around them to fit it, etc. Nothing remotely close to any of that had ever crossed my mind until my kids were diagnosed. Hi all, I am still a newbie here, but I thought I'd raise this issue for parents. Does your life make more sense now that you have a special child? Suddenly both my wife and I have recognized things in ourselves that might be explained by the pattern we see in our ASD son. I was very reserved, shy, and isolated myself as a child. My wife recognizes behavior patterns in her family that she could not explain before we had our ASD boy. Both her father and brothers exhibited many behaviors we now see in our son. Unfortunately in those days no one seemed to know about any of this and my wife's brothers (both over 6 foot 5) were allowed to run wild. I will not present the details, but she suffered for many years. Since she has researched ASD and other disorders, her life makes more sense and she can now explain why they did what they did to her all that time. She and I both see these things in ourselves also. I feel like our son is like a mirror who teaches us both about our past. Does anyone else feel this way? Thanks Jon while i am not a parent, i have been drawn into the field of serving children with autism and their families by much more than a desire to help others.  in my students i see so much of myself, and my half brother.  i can relate to them in a way that suprises many of my coworkers   its nice to finally belong! Yes, DH and I have talked about this.  I also talked to my mother about it and we both think that my father exhibits Asperger traits.  I think DH has some very, very mild signs, but I don't think he would be officially on the spectrum.  He just doesn't seem to pick up on some social cues at times, and he also is dyslexic (never dx, but had an unknown learning disability as a child and still hates to read, sees numbers backwards, writing is atrocious, spelling is even worse).  My side of the family has depression and anxiety throughout.  I have always loved numbers and have a degree in math.  I also recently found out that I have synesthesia -- I see numbers and letters in color, and I also see the calendar year as a 3-dimensional loop (and days, weeks, etc., are linear).  I always thought that it was normal and that everyone had these experiences, but recently a friend recommended the book "Born on a Blue Day" by an autistic savant, when we first got Katelyn dx and when I asked why it was called that, they said because he sees numbers in color.  I said so do I, doesn't everyone?  It is fascinating to find out at age 32 that I have something that is very rare I think that it is normal, and intriguing too, to wonder who else in the family may be on the spectrum or exhibit some traits when you have a child with ASD.  It also has made me think twice about friends and others who have been a little "different" -- I sometimes wonder if there is something more to certain behaviors or actions that they have done. [QUOTE=jonsfca]Hi all, i see thing in older fam,ily ld an adhd run in my family .so i or sure hjavde a chance of having a child like me I am still a newbie here, but I thought I'd raise this issue for parents. Does your life make more sense now that you have a special child? Suddenly both my wife and I have recognized things in ourselves that might be explained by the pattern we see in our ASD son. I was very reserved, shy, and isolated myself as a child. My wife recognizes behavior patterns in her family that she could not explain before we had our ASD boy. Both her father and brothers exhibited many behaviors we now see in our son. Unfortunately in those days no one seemed to know about any of this and my wife's brothers (both over 6 foot 5) were allowed to run wild. I will not present the details, but she suffered for many years. Since she has researched ASD and other disorders, her life makes more sense and she can now explain why they did what they did to her all that time. She and I both see these things in ourselves also. I feel like our son is like a mirror who teaches us both about our past. Does anyone else feel this way? Thanks Jon [/QUOTE] My dh says he relates very well to my ds in terms of what his childhood experiences were. However, my dh (and his family) is very athletic - which really helps in the social aspect of things. I was not athletic in any way shape or form. I was very uncoordinated. However, I have a summer birthday and I skipped a grade, so my lack of coordination was always put off by people as that I was younger than everyone so I was not as advanced. However, I still am very uncoordinated and have balance issues as well. Exercise and strength training have helped this some - but I still am uncoordinated. My ds inherited some of this - but also a desire to be athletic (got it from dh!). He is practicing VERY hard at basketball and his shot is pretty good! He has had to overcome a lot - and we had him in PT for over 2 years weekly (twice a week at first!) to help with this. I am a former social worker and although there are a few people in the world who feel I don't have much empathy, my friends always seek me out if they have a problem. I am the "go-to" person in an emotional crisis situation. In fact, I often have people on the street telling me their life stories. My dh always jokes that I seem to have "counselor" stamped on my forehead! Thankfully, my ds has a great deal of empathy - but this is one of the reasons that he almost did not get a diagnosis. In stressful situations, his empathy leaves him though - and he becomes very self-centered. But in general, he is concerned for others and his goal in life is to help the poor and people who aren't treated fairly (and maybe become president some day, too). I had issues in middle school - I was uncoordinated with long, stringy hair and thick glasses and braces. But, in high school I had a great group of friends and by college, I had tons of friends. A friend of mine from college met a friend from middle school at a wedding and they thought they were talking about two different people! I worry a lot - but some of that comes from my dad, who is the world's greatest worrier (I'm adopted by the way). Like WNYgirl I have a few "quirks" but they are not true signs of autism. But, when you combine them with my dh's genes and quirks - together it is a whole lot more like autism. You would never guess my dh had issues when he was young - he is a very caring, loving, empathetic person who is just an AWESOME father. Most kids in the neighborhood come to our house to play - my dh is a fun-loving, imaginative guy (who also loves sports) and I'm a mom who comforts and takes care of kids (maybe a little TOO much!) and the kids love the attention I give them. My dh thinks my ds will be fine, because he has ended up fine. That may very well be - but I am the "worrier" so I am going to do everything in my power to help that along! Good point, jonsfca! I think most of us can see some of ourselves in our kids. YES! When our son was diagnosed with actual autism at 2 1/2 years, we asked the psychologist "how did this happen?" She gave us many possibilities, including how my husband and I acted as children. When she started asking specifics about us, my husband could relate to just about everything. And since that time, I realize some of my "quirks" while not true signs of autism, could explain a lot about my son. So, yes, seeing our son is like a mirror of ourselves.
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