Field Trip - Joy and SadnessI have "maybe" a piece of advice. It's what I have done. I got to know one of the parents at the pre-school. And maybe overly friendly started inviting her and her son over to our place for playdates. Home is where Mina feels the safest and plays "normal". It seems it's the same with Dezarae. So we started these playdates as often as possible. Usually after pre-school we would go to my place for lunch and kids would play together. At the beginning Mina just ignored Partic, but with time she started to accept him and now they are the best of pals! It's about a year later. Mina is not in pre-school anymore. But I do work really hard to keep that contact. Mina has a playmate she feels comfortable with, I have another mom to talk to. The same I did with another kids' parents. It's really hard to keep constant contact, but try being pushy (however awful is sounds) and arrange those playdates/coffee afternoons. 2nd step was to go to other people's places. She now likes going somewhere, but still usually plays alone there with the kid's toys. Well, exept Patric, there she really plays with him. But it's also a place she visits at least once per week. Well, that's my 5 cents;) It's what I have done. /Marta Hi there, I feel the exact same way when I take me daughter on outings and she will be 3 next month. She prefers to play alone as well and it is so painful to watch expecially when others seem to be having so much fun together. We just got the diagnosis a little over 2 months ago and at first I was skeptical of it, but seeing her next to other NT children, I do now see a difference. I feel for you and your child...you are not alone. You have a lot of positives though for the trip so try not to dwell too much on this one thing (easier said than done...I know) Hi there Rebecca, Your post really resonates with me. My daughter's 7, and birthday parties/field trips can still sometimes be soooooo painful. I'm generally VERY optimistic and incredibly proud of my Heike and all her accomplishments, but it still hurts sometimes to see her alone in social situations where all the other kids seem to be connecting more readily. I think it cuts me up partially because I was picked on A LOT as a kid, and some of that pain resurfaces when I watch her. But you know, I'm slowly coming to understand that Heike does interact and join groups in her own way and on her own terms. I think you'll find too that--like autti34 said-- it doesn't feel alienating to her in the same way it *looks* to me. In fact, she wants and craves some space to do her own thing. What I really just wanted to say, though, was that I really feel for you and I can relate. Watching Heike with same-age NT peers, I often feel *wild joy* at all her accomplishments and a tinge of pain at the same time. I just keep reminding myself to focus on the joy part, and that helps:) Anyway, congratulations on having what sounds overall like a GREAT day out with your daughter. Sara I know how you feel and they will play with others when the mood strikes them. Maybe she has a shy side and Autism. My ds's first interaction with other kids got him time out because they all got together and threw rocks. I wasn't upset about the rock throwing because I was so excited about his interaction with others. As autti34 says maybe they need their quiet time. I am a firm believer in if they want or need to be alone, let them as they know their limits and when they need companionship and alone time. Hi Rebecca, I understand just how you feel. My girls are 28 months and totally ignore other kids. We took them to the play area at the mall yesterday and Keira wouldn't even enter the kids area but wanted to walk the mall and Maisy just walked around the play area and didn't try to play or interact at all. I know at this point it is ME wishing they were able to interact and play even if it's parallel play. I bet given more time, like pp's have said, that Dezarae's play will change. But in the meantime I know it's hard for you. Have you tried to make playdates with non-NT kids? Your daughter might be able to make a connection that way, and I know for me it's like therapy when I get to spend time with other moms with kiddos like mine.
My dd who will turn six in two weeks, was also quite like this at three. I also hoped it would get better when I put her in Mom's Day Out but for the most part it didn't. She did eventually somewhat parallel play with another little girl. The following year in pre-school, she did play somewhat with the other kids but mostly when they were building with blocks, or playing with the dinosaurs. (she still loved the computer center the best) This year in kindergarten it's probably half and half. She plays nicely with the other kids when it pleases her to do so. Perhaps your dd will also do the same and choose to play with them more the older she gets. Sounds like she had a good day on the field trip. ttfn Thanks Autti and Foxl! I know that I should probably not be so emotional about it, especially since she is still so young and has plenty of time to make friends. I am introverted as well, and appreciate my alone time, it's just that she goes non-stop when she is with me, and it is so strange to see her do the complete opposite with her peers. My only hope is that she is happy. I can handle anything as long as I know that.she proubly was fine it bother the parents morewhen i was litte there was allways a child that would be instred in playing with me .but while i like have friends im also happy by myself at times to .it bothers my parent that im alone so much more then it dose me .but she only in pre school that could all change as she get older an get more skills /pluse in those types of places i tend to go off by myself to to get a si break .it just all to much sometimes So, we had been waiting and waiting, and finally we went on Dezarae's class trip to COSI, which is like this crazy fun science museum in our city. The trip had been postponed in January because of bad weather, but the teacher re-scheduled and we went last Thursday. Let me just say that I was really, really impressed with how wonderfully Dez behaved. She held my hand when I asked her to, didn't run all over the place, no meltdowns...just perfect behavior! The only time I was the slightest bit frustrated the entire day was when she didn't really eat much of her lunch...but I think she was just too excited. All in all, it was a great field trip. But, and you knew there was going to be a "but", Dezarae did not play with a single kid from her class. We spent the morning in the "Kid Zone" area, where they can run, play, do all kinds of kid-friendly experiments, etc., but Dez just played by herself the whole time. She did not even attempt to play with the other kids, and they did not attempt to play with her. Everyone just seemed content that way, and it broke my heart into a million pieces!!!! See, we do not have any other children in our family Dez's age, and none of my friends have kids her age either, so I know that she has not had the exposure to proper play and social interaction, and, of course, she has Autism. But I had really been hoping that since she started at her pre-school this past fall, and seems to love going to school, that she had begun to warm up to other kids at least a little. There was absolutely no sign of that on Thursday...none. I tried several times to lead by example and make an effort to speak to the other kids and parents, but Dezarae just ignored it. It hurts so much to see her going through school alone, with no sort of friendship to speak of. I wish there was at least one other child that she felt a little something towards, and that felt the same towards her. I was hoping to see some sort of connection with one of the children so that maybe we could venture (slowly) into the world of play dates or something, but I just didn't get the vibe that she is anywhere near ready. What blows my mind about this really though is how much Dezarae interacts and plays at home. Granted, it is with me or other family members, no one her age, but she is so playful, fun, and outspoken at home, and she has this fabulous sense of humor too! It's just hard to accept that the rest of the world is missing out on all that she has to offer. Anyway, sorry this is so long but I needed to get it off my chest a bit because it has been bugging me so much. If anyone has any advice, I'd be glad to hear it, but right now I am just so sad Aw, Rebecca, do not be TOO sad -- she is only 3! T did not really play with peers, at ALL, till 5 ... then she regressed on starting Kg and only after she turned 6 did she resume it! She's now 8, and a couple weeks ago spontaneously joined a kickball game, at recess! (that's more than I would have done at that age, I KNOW, and while yes, I do believe I'm on the spectrum, I am now 51, quite introverted, but have a family, and have had a full and joyous life!). Yes, it is a "symptom" but it does not mean she is doomed to be asocial forever. |
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for my baby. It wouldn't be quite so hard if I though she really didn't care about being to herself, but I really think she does care and that she does wish it could be different than the way it is. She just doesn't know how to make that happen, and neither do I.