A humbling experience yesterday
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Yesterday was my 6-month-old DD's doctor visit. I didn't expect there to be a problem since the appt was not for Katelyn. Boy was I wrong! Katelyn started out okay for the first few minutes, but then she saw a man sitting in the waiting room and said, "Hi Dada." He laughed and I explained that she calls all men "Dada" lol. Well, then she proceeds to run to him saying, "Dada!!!!!" I go get her before she leaps on him, lol, and at first she is laughing. Then she goes into a fit of RAGE!!!!!! She started screaming at the top of her lungs -- I thought the windows were going to crack! She was flailing, kicking, punching, screaming "Dada!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and she even resorted to biting and clawing me. I was holding both of her arms so tight and she was fighting me, which was so hard. She kept screaming for Dada, but I was trying to explain to her that it wasn't Dada. He didn't even look like him! The man felt awful. This went on for over a half hour, with the entire waiting room just looking in disbelief. I almost lost my mind. I told myself I had to keep calm because if I lost it in public, it would do no good for anyone. Finally, they called Ashley's name. I was about to go to the window and see if they would please take her sooner since Katelyn was having the worse meltdown she EVER had, and in public It felt awful to have her go through this, and it was certainly embarrassing to me since it happened in public, although at the time I tried really hard to ignore all of the stares. The worst part of all was that I realized that this was only the beginning -- there will most likely be MANY more days like this, and many more stares to ignore. That makes me so sad, not for me, but for Katelyn. Hopefully once she gets her diagnosis, we can proceed with therapies to help her (and me) in these situations. Anyway, thanks for listening. Well, at least it was in a doctor's office. I could feel you squirming -- having been in similar circumstances. But come to think of it, it HAS been a while since the really tough days -- hopefully the same will happen, for you. Thanks, Linda. It was awful. I just kept looking at all of the people and smiling, lol. I was trying to calm her down, but I knew nothing would help. And I couldn't let her down because she kept trying to run to this man! So I had to get beat up instead, lol. You're right that this will happen again, but you're one strong mama and you'll be able to do it for your girls. Kick back and have a drink tonight, let yourself unwind. We're proud of you. :) Thanks, Jess. I am finishing a glass of wine as I type You are right, though, I made it through and no one was hurt (well, except for my bite and scratches, lol!) I'm so sorry. It really sucks when they won't calm down in public. I wish I had advice, but I can only commiserate. There may be many bad days, but there will be many more good days too.My worst day was Sam's second day of Kindergarten. I went to pick him up and he was in the room with 3 teachers and assistants just running around, giggling uncontrollably, hiding under tables and wouldn't stop no matter what I did. No one could control him and he wouldn't even look at me, even when I was trying to hold him still. Sorry this happened. It's such a difficult position to be in when your child is having a meltdown in public. Next time you go to the doctor and you think that Katelyn is heading for a meltdown, I would go the receptionist and ask if they could take you into an exam room early, or some other room in the back. That way you can deal with the meltdown in private, and the other people in the waiting room won't be staring and bothered either. Also try to schedule doctor appts early in the morning when the doctors tend to be more on time. (((HUG)))),DS had his worst meltdowns between 2-4 ,It does get a lot better as they get older,I used to call ahead to make sure the docks are running on time, how long until the DX? Linda
Thank you, everyone. Linda, her eval is a week from tomorrow (12/22) and we get the diagnosis on 1/12.
I feel for you.. My son is 8 and has autism. Waiting in a doctors office with him is a complete nightmare sometimes. He tries running off, screams at the top of his lungs and cries. That is not the hard part of it though. What is hard is the non-understanding that people have. The lack of compassion. It is not just other people who are waiting but the people who also work at these places. They will just sit and look at me struggling with my son and not once say " hey wld you like to go back early so he will be more comfortable". Not once has that ever happened. Lately when I go I ask as soon as I sign in if he cld sit in a room with me some place so he will be less stressed. If they act nasty about it then I warned them and when the rage fit starts and it makes others uncomfortable then that is THEIR problem. I know that I am dreaming when I hope that this world will start to change and be more compassionate towards people struggling with their children in these situations. I have actually fallen down because my son is so big now and I am a very petite person. I have to have help now when I go to the doc with him but a little more understanding wld also help V much.. ers, that is how I felt...like everyone was looking, but no one was offering to help. I would hope that if it were me watching someone else struggle like this, I would at least offer to do something...even just offer to ask the receptionist to see if they could get that person in a room quicker. I, too, hope that the world will have more compassion for parents, and our kids, who struggle. Taylor tends to take over when we go to doc's office. They have a small waiting room for check ups, and a larger one for "sick" patients. We are usually in the tiny area, with nothing more than a big block of wood that has those puzzle things on it. Of course, she is large and definitely not a toddler, so I get the looks for that--but she will also take things she feels out of place (like glasses) and try to remove them.I don't wear my glasses all the time. I use them only for distance so, I take mine off when we are inside. I think she thought that was the norm for everyone so, would go up to anyone wearing them and try to forcefully remove them. The other thing is coats. She knows that, when inside the coat comes off. So, while trying to remove someone's glasses on one person, she would go over and pull off the coat of the kids that were in there too. Finally, I would just tell everyone that, she is autistic, and this is normal behavior due to routine and structure used in our home. most times, I get questions and try to educate as much as I can...other times, I have people swooping up their child, like she might give them a terrible disease or something. Mostly, people are nice but I have found that, many reply with, "Oh, I have a friend that has an autistic son/daughter", and we go on talking about what the differences are with mine and theirs. i really hope you get the dx and they start with bt, asap. It helps so much--and when the bt tells you what to do at home, with two of you enforcing it, it truly does help. Taylor no longer does his but goes right over to find the box to play with, or will sit down with me and watch the tv they have in there, which always has spongebob on it *her hero*. It took ages to get there, though...and we still work on other issues. (((hugs))) Thanks, Kelly.  the one thing is she 2 an loks 2 and everyone has had those momnets were there 3 or 3 year old throw a magor fit in public an you feel like the room geting so small as everyone is staring at you .i heard those stotery from my nt friends an have those montes with baby sitting alsoI'm sorry this happened. It can be hard to react in public, when everyone's staring. Em always has a meltdown at the doctor's, mostly before we even get to the waiting room. We never had an issue with having to wait though-The nurses and doctors know him, so we can usually go inside as soon as we're there. Last time we were there they had a different nurse who didn't know him-I explained he had autism, but she insisted that everyone else was in line too-so it came to him kicking and screaming. Since most people in the room probably heard me when I told the nurse about his autism, they let us go in before them. It was a very nice thing to do, but I don't expect it to always be the same. If people don't know your child has problems, their thinking is probably-he's overreacting, he should learn to wait, etc. If you don't explain why your child is doing what he's doing, you can't expect them to be very compassionate. I'm sure we've all seen typical kids having meltdowns over weirdest things possible and thought they didn't deserve to get what they wanted due to their behaviour. It's how the common public thinks if they don't know the backstory. Someone mentioned about feeling sad or angry about other people just staring and not offering help-what do you want them to do? If Em is having a meltdown, he can't help himself, I can't help him, his mum and dad can't...what's a stranger going to do except for making you feel a bit better. Most people don't have a clue how to react in situations they're not used to, so they rather not interfere. I'm sure most would help if they knew how, but to be honest-if Em was having a meltdown, I would be holding him from trying to kick the chairs, and someone came up to me and said 'sorry, can I help?', I really think in that blink of a moment I might have snapped something bad at them-because I would be thinking 'how can someone who doesn't even know him help'. I might feel better afterwards because of having absolute proof that someone did try, and would probably feel ashamed of myself for my reaction, but then again this is all about me feeling good, not that stranger actually doing something to stop Em's meltdown and make him feel better. I know how you feel! Everyone just thinks your kid is a brat because they dont know. Or if you child does something weird as well they act like they are afraid of your kid or something or you see the old timers getting ready to open thier pie holes. It actually gets worse as your child become older even tho you would think people would be more understanding, thier not. I guess that doesnt sound very comforting, im sorry! Maybe you can try to get apps where you are either one of the first patients in the moring or last ones of the day? They have little cards you can hand out (tho i havnt personally done this yet i do have some laying around) which explains that your child is not misbehaving but has autism and it states a few facts like what your child is going thru and coping mechanism etc. and a website if they want to learn more. I actually havnt had the nerve to actually hand any out but im sure oneday i will its good to have incase! Good luck! That's a good idea about handing out cards. I may consider that once Katelyn is diagnosed. [QUOTE=Frost]Someone mentioned about feeling sad or angry about other people just staring and not offering help-what do you want them to do? If Em is having a meltdown, he can't help himself, I can't help him, his mum and dad can't...what's a stranger going to do except for making you feel a bit better. Most people don't have a clue how to react in situations they're not used to, so they rather not interfere. I'm sure most would help if they knew how, but to be honest-if Em was having a meltdown, I would be holding him from trying to kick the chairs, and someone came up to me and said 'sorry, can I help?', I really think in that blink of a moment I might have snapped something bad at them-because I would be thinking 'how can someone who doesn't even know him help'. I might feel better afterwards because of having absolute proof that someone did try, and would probably feel ashamed of myself for my reaction, but then again this is all about me feeling good, not that stranger actually doing something to stop Em's meltdown and make him feel better. [/QUOTE] That was me...trying to hold her with all my might as she bit, kicked, punched, etc., at me, and screamed at the top of her lungs. I definitely would not expect a stranger to do much, but in my case, it would have been nice if the nurse/receptionist/doctor -- who all just looked out from their door while I looked back at them hoping they would realize I needed some help -- at least offered to put me in a room while we waited. But I definitely know what you mean about being in public and seeing another child having a tantrum without knowing the backstory. knowing me i proubly would have say what the hell are you starting at lol i hate that styuff[QUOTE=autti34]knowing me i proubly would have say what the hell are you starting at lol i hate that styuff[/QUOTE]
Well, most of the people staring were not staring in a bad way, kwim? If they were giving me looks that seemed to say, "What is wrong with you, can't you control your child?" then I would have probably flipped on them, lol. Alot of old people are like that, very old fashioned i guess. I would rather someone offer to help even if they wouldnt be much help, it would show some concern. I think if i saw a mother with a tiny baby and a toddler melting down i would at least ask if she was ok and if i could do something for her or something. But then id probbaly be too busy with my kid BIG HUG!I think this is something we ALL go through. And to think I used to be the "non parent" who would give those looks and think "my kids will never be like that". YA RIGHT. I know it's hard to ignore the glares. If someone speaks up just tell them like it is. It REALLY puts them in their place. ANYWAY...I know just how you feel. My son calls most men daddy too although that's lessening and he flips out in public every time we go out. So we hardly go out. It's so hard so BIG HUGS again and hang in there. The calmer you can be the calmer your child will be. And I also found making a whispering game with him helps him come out of it. Whispering in general seems to help. And if she likes pressure like my son does that can also help, especially on their joints. Anyway. You're not alone. I guess that would be my problem - why did the nurses/receptionists/doctors not see or more importantly HEAR that something was wrong and not come over to help or ask if you needed anything? To let that go on for a HALF AN HOUR and not offer to help? Unless it was the only practice covered by my insurance and/or I had a really good bond with the pediatricain - I would be thinking seriously about going elsewhere. Or definitely having a talk with some administrator there to do some education on what they COULD have done. That is just wrong. Sorry you went through that! Typically if I see a child melting down (if I am without kids that is) - I will go up to the parent and say something like, "Wow, I've been there. Is there anything I can do to help?" Usually they will say no - but they usually give me a look that says thanks for understanding and not just walking by and staring. My neighbor always has suckers in her purse and has been known to ask parents if they think that one would work (without showing it to the kid). Sometimes it does - you never know! If you know that waiting is going to be hard - are there any activities or foods you can bring along to help keep her occupied? I remember carrying a completely stuffed backpack with books, food, water (in a sippy cup), a magna-doodle, and other toys for "just in case" emergencies. And these were things that were special to that backpack. In other words he didn't get them any other time unless we were out. They were our emergency back-up plan. They saved my butt many times, let me tell you! You probably already do this - but just wanted to offer this in case you didn't! It is hard, I have been there, still I am. You will get this sort of stares and looks through life, but you will get stronger and wiser to manage them and avoid them. We always have appointments first in the morning or very late in the afternoon. Last time he did not want to come into the docs`s room so he waited in the waiting room and I was sitting wiht the doc inside.
------------------------------------------------------------ ---- Mom2Aiden, 6 autism After you get a diagnoses- I would invest in some autism awareness gear- I did that and I OFTEN put an autism awareness T shirt on him or myself to help be a self explanitory tool to help with these situations. I especially put a t shirt on him when he has been a pill at home and we are going out I have a puppy looking backpack/leash thing that I use on him everytime we are in a place that has no grocery carts, etc. to contain him in. I put an autism awareness button on it that says "This is autism, I am doing the best I can". Or I have several shirts that say autistic and awesome........ I also have a couple that say I love someone with autism, and I have a tote bag that I use as a diaper bag that says the same. I don't really feel comfortable handing out cards, but I have yet to have someone say something rude to me once they see the autism info. plastered all over us both. My son is the king of public meltdowns, and I do sometimes avoid taking him to run errands with me- but for the most part I go prepared- I bring things he likes to snack on, make sure that he is not overly tired or hungry, make the appointment at a time of day he won't have to wait too terribly long, bring favorite toys (which for him are letters) to play with, and I ALWAYS have DumDum lollipops on hand! He gets to earn one if he behaves and if he does not behave well- I will offer him one once he has "quiet mouth". That is the key phrase we use when he is in an uproar. I have had him melt about 4 different times at the pediatrician's office waiting room- I just leave him melting on the floor- tell the receptionist that my son is having a meltdown, I will be in the bathroom/outside/etc. so please let me know when it will be our turn. That way I can keep him from disrupting everyone there and it is a change of scenery for him so it usually helps de-escalte the meltdown. I even carry a quiet mouth PECS card with me to show him to help him remember what that means- all of this together makes the public meltdowns so much more tolerable for me. I do agree that it does get better as they get older- you learn from past meltdowns what to do, what works, what doesn't, and your child learns more self control over time- hang in there- it does get better! [QUOTE=snoopywoman]If you know that waiting is going to be hard - are there any activities or foods you can bring along to help keep her occupied? I remember carrying a completely stuffed backpack with books, food, water (in a sippy cup), a magna-doodle, and other toys for "just in case" emergencies. And these were things that were special to that backpack. In other words he didn't get them any other time unless we were out. They were our emergency back-up plan. They saved my butt many times, let me tell you! You probably already do this - but just wanted to offer this in case you didn't![/QUOTE] Yes, snoopywoman, I always make sure there are snacks, toys, her giraffe lovey, etc., but once she gets her mind fixated on not wanting to be somewhere, nothing gets her out of it
Thank you all for your support and advice. I definitely will keep this in mind next time Oh how I feel your pain. My son seems to be the King of meltdowns, especially at the pedi office. I'm lucky though, that he meltsdown in the exam room, not the waiting room. But when we walk out I get the heads popping out of the rooms to see where that wild screaming was coming from. I always get comments like "boy, were you guys pulling his finger nails off", "is everything okay in there".. He has a 15 minute threshhold. I can almost count it down to the minute. His pedi is starting to adjust. He is learning to hurry and do any physically observations as quick as possible before it's too late. Then our pedi and I end up yelling our conversation over his screams, head banging on the door, scratching his nails, kicking, punching...there is no possible way I could possible hold him. I'm pretty sure it's the closed room that gets him. He does the same at Speech Therapy and in almost every eval he's ever had. Interestingly enough he's never had even 1 tantrum/meltdown involving OT. So with that recent discovery, I am trying to implement tons of sensory integration before such an event. I too have a lil one, 9 mths old. And I CAN NOT go any where by myself with just my 2 kids. So sad, but true. I must recruit someone to help. I did it one time by myself and...never again. When I pictured my life with kids...well, this is not what I pictured. I really don't know how much a stranger can offer to help. But that sympathetic glance saying "((hugs)) I wish I could make it better" goes a long way. As for those that are judging or thinking those terrible thoughts about you and your child. Screw'em. You'll likely never see them again. I do intend to take the above recommendation though and purchase some autism awareness gear. That's a great idea. I'm not brave enough to hand out the cards, but cu-dos to those who are. ((Shannon)) When my girl was littler, I always told the receptionist right away that she is autistic and it wouldn't do anyone any good if we were left waiting for our appt longer than 10 minutes. Thanks so much! [QUOTE=miss5251]Want a toy to help your child? Go to http://www.mystimmy.com
[QUOTE=BonBon] [QUOTE=miss5251]Want a toy to help your child? Go to http://www.mystimmy.com
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I could use a bottle, though, haha!!!!