sad story -getting a chance in life I know parents who dont tell their closest friends, family or even the school the diagnoses for fear of the stigma~ I am very open and cant imagine not telling my family or friends...or school?  Yup.  I have a friend of another ethnicity who has a kid at my school.  I told her about T being on the spectrum, and her response was "Oh, really," and she promptly and uncomfortably changed the subject!  I shoulda anticipated such a response ... and I suspect her daughter never brings home less than A's ... out of fear.I was talking with my ds's special ed teacher about something when a 5th grade boy walked up, handed her a dandelion and said with his head hanging "I can't come to read, my dad says no special ed. I want to learn to read". And then he walked away. Broke my heart. My ds's school is also an ELL site and the boy (who has a disability and I know about him from a friend) would clearly need special instruction and a small group to make academic progress. But there is such a stigma against special education in his immigrant group that his parents feel that he will have a better chance in life not learning skills than to have the special education stigma. And he really wants to learn. And here is my kid whoses academic problems might be more complex but he has pushy parents who will make sure he gets any and all help available. And there is this little boy who wants a chance and is in a place where he could get it but his parents do not allow it. (And I imagine the SW is working on finding a solution in his best interest) This must be one of the hard things about being a specialed teacher: you have some kids who get a lot of help and their parents push for more and than you have kids who could thrive with help but do not get it. Nothing fair about it.That is definitely something that's tough. I often wonder WHY some kids DO get left behind because nobody advocates for them. I would say kudos to the parents on this board, because you are all probably the "pushers" and are getting what your children need to be successful. It's so sad to see kids who have potential but parents who don't care about their schooling, or don't see the potential too.I did not mean to imply in my post that the boy's parents do not care about education or their kid. Actually the ELL program he is in is one of the best in the city and not one kids automatically land in. I am sure they worry and care a great deal about him. Many cultures view disabilities or disorders as a great source of shame for the person and their family. A family the 'admits' to their child having a disability by allowing special education will loose tremendous status and support from their community. Word will get around fast about there being something wrong with your kid. And when you are a new immigrnt for a while there your community is all your family has to make a go of it in a new place. So I really have no intention of judging his parents because they are caught between a rock and hard place on finding the best solution for their kid. There are many place in the world where a disability is a great source of shame and it was the same here not to long ago. I have seen this before and it is sad..this poor little guy's story breaks my heart too. I personally dont understand how the stigma of getting help is more important than getting what my child needs but I know with some parents it is. It's a shame the school doesnt try to implore the parents to give their child what he needs. I have had teachers tell me that alot of parents of special needs kids dont even attend any of the meetings or communicate with the school whatsoever?? I just dont understand. I think this is very sad, and unfortunately, we can't provide services if a parent doesn't consent.  I think this is a big reason why so many special education teachers can become so bitter towards parents, and burn out easily.
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