Download 2 Free
|
| Back to Autism Information >> Next Topic | ||
I just to be like everyone elseI am a very strong, faithful Christian. I don't belong to any denomination but I love going to good, strong worship and a good sermon. Yet, I can't always do that. Unlike the families with typical children, we have strongholds that prevent us from being a "full family" sometimes. This morning, it really bothered me. My oldest is very involved in youth ministry and is like a piece of the woodwork of her church. I also want to go to that church. The worship is awesome and it seems that God speaks to me through their sermons. It is a nice church, although very wealthy. I can deal with that though. I am not there to be part of the crowd. I just want to worship and praise, and be fed. I can't go as a family. Someone always has to stay home with Taylor and Colin. I want us ALL to go together. I want ALL of my kids in some sort of kid's ministry there, because they have the best that I have ever seen. But, we can't. It is all because, they can't "accommodate the needs" of all of our family. They do have a small special needs ministry but, they won't allow taylor and colin in until they have "one on one" volunteers. As of this week (it's been 2 months now), they can't find anyone to do it. So, unlike all the other families that go down to the children's area, and get escorted into the different rooms according to age, I can't do that. I am told that, if I am to bring Taylor and Colin, I must stay with them in the play area. Maybe I am selfish but, I want to go to church too. I want to be in the auditorium where they are holding service. I want to be part of the church. I can stay home and play with my kids. Does that make sense? I had to change the door locks last night so I can leave one kid home with Taylor and Colin, so I can take another child to the ministry he goes to (my son with SD, who really enjoys it), and I need to worship and to be spiritually fed. I have volunteered, many times when they are asking for volunteers, to head a ministry there. I would love to start a special needs ministry. As of this date, even though they were begging for volunteers, I have heard nothing back. I keep asking them to send me the forms. I have yet to receive them. I guess I am feeling a bit of self-pity right now. Although the son that is staying home goes to another church, I still would like him to come to our church and get involved with that ministry (he is my rebel son--he certainly could use the influence). Yet, either I stay home and don't go to church or some of us go while the others take turns staying home. Last night, the church that DOES offer special needs ministry emailed me. They had no special buddy for Taylor or Colin. So, we were told we couldn't come. I don't think I ever heard of a church telling people they couldn't come but..yep, that is what we were told. I was also told that, if one of my family wanted to bring Colin, who is relatively easy, they could but Taylor would have to stay home. Um, she is autistic--not stupid. She is gonna see him go out to church, where she also wants to go, and realize, she can't. I am not going to do that. She has to deal with enough judgment and criticism as it is. Today, I am going to church but I am going to approach the leader of children's ministries, one last time. I am going to ask what the hold up is, where they were begging for ministry leaders during the sermon, I responded, went to the leadership meeting for 2 hours, but still have not been given the form like the others at the leadership meeting were. Is there a problem with me? maybe I am not wealthy enough to be on their team? Maybe they figure I don't know my own limitations and can't handle ministry as well (trust me, I can). I don't want us all going to different churches. The one Taylor and Colin go to has a special needs ministry but, I don't care for the church. I hate baskets pushed at me all during each sermon and every sermon is the same--it is all about getting more people to come to the church. There are two collections--I can't give every week. Today, I don't even have a nickle. Sorry to vent, once again. I must be sounding whiney. But, I have no one to turn to to talk to and, just sometimes, I wish...I just wish I could be like everyone else around here--get up, get dressed, and just GO without worrying about who can go, what will happen when we get there, who will ask us to leave or who will comment that we need to have "better control" over Taylor. God Bless,
There have been recent court cases that support a parish's right to bar special needs children. I am aghast. I have taken my son, who is now 17, to the same small church since age 2. His behavior has never been typical. As you can imagine, it's hard for him to sit still and be quiet. Even now. Some kids with autism are not disturbing in church because they sit quietly and rock. NOt mine. He's LOUD. However, he's not loud about 90% of the time, now. I don't feel accepted by my parish. I can't concentrate on what is going on because I have to manage my son. But I feel that God has given me the directive to bring my son to Him, just as all the other "little children." God made him this way, so He had better accept him in His house. The rest of the parishioners had better put up with it. They are just darned lucky their children don't suffer this. Actually, some of them do have asd kids. There are currently 4 in a parish of about 50 families. My son is the one who is ALWAYS there and he's one of those "out there" ones, as opposed to a quiet one. It's difficult. But I do it. And I'm bound and determined to leave in my will that someone will bring him to the parish long after I'm gone. My recommendation to you, if you can tolerate it, is to bring the kids and ignore the stares. Will you get to concentrate on worship yourself? No. But you will be doing God's work in suffering the little children to come unto Him. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to get them used to it. And to get the rest of the parish used to them. Helping your children to know God is what that parish is there for. The church I feel God brought me back to for His Reason's has a policy as you enter: Young babies need to be kept in nursery or please sit outside and watch service on the monitor. Yet, they bring them in--no one complains. If I brought Taylor in, she would never sit still..even with the music. Her attention span will last for 3 minutes--her sitting span, if lucky will last 5. I wonder if any one of these churches reads John 9:2-5==which tells of Jesus saying that the man was blind to show the Glory of God. Or how Jesus spent time with the lepers, the outcasts, the sick, the diseased, the mentally challenged. We had a home church that I loved--but again, Taylor wasn't allowed there. They had a girl with a toddler that came every week. The toddler was high maintenance and everyone would stop and cater to her while she came back and forth. It was cute--but a distraction. Yet, taylor isn't a toddler--she is autistic. She would be considered a distraction. How is it different? A toddler making us stop every 5 minutes, only cuz she is cute and we can dote on her--that is different than an autistic child that just would come out, walk around and smile, and maybe want a few hugs? The last church I went to was small. At their children's ministry, I was told that they were ill equipped to handle her and I would eventually be told she couldn't come. I didn't wait for a chance. I left. Statistics show that, parents of severely special needs children are the most high rate of those that are unchurched--gee, I wonder why? I want to start a home church, just for parents of special needs kids. I don't care if the kid has 5 heads and screams for an hour. As long as we are honoring God, it shouldn't matter what family issues we have, involving challenges.
UGH! God Bless, My church doesn't have a children's ministry, all children are taught in the main auditorium with the parents. Sunday meeting goes like this (we meet 3 times a week): first there is a song, prayer, then about a 30-35 min sermon, then a song, then a study in which everyone (kids included) are allowed to participate in. Its kind of like school, you raise your hand to answer questions, then there is another song and a prayer, the whole thing is about an hour and half long. The good thing is there is a room, with speakers in it, and a big window to the auditorium, that we can take the kids when they get out of hand- that way they aren't really distracting to others, and we can still hear/see what is being said. Normally, though Ewan does better if we are sitting in the main auditorium, so we try and keep him there as long as possible. At first we had a lot of problems with stares/advice that wasn't very helpful, but we wrote a nice letter and asked it to get passed around, and since its been very supportive to go there. Most people in our area haven't been exposed to a kid with ASD, Ewan is the only one in our congregation (of about 100 people) so with the letter we attached an article our religious magazine had actually done in 1995 about autism...it even had a box in it that highlighted what OTHERS can do to help. Then just last month there was an article about Asperger's- so we are educating everyone  . I don't know if your church will allow you to make a letter to be handed out or not, but for us, that was the turning point, before we did that about 2 months ago, I was in tears at the end of every service- since we wrote it and its been read and passed around, I feel a TON better when I leave. It just took people to get educated, what really helped though was the article we could attach to the letter- it was a little out of date- since they've made a lot of advances since 1995, but it was pretty blunt about what others could do to help. i am sorry, kelly. I too, am a believer and get so filled with strength and hope when I worship with my fellow sisters and brothers. I couldn't imagine having to stop it. I am so blessed to be in a church where my girl is accepted and loved. When she was first diagnosed, before starting biomedical and when her legs were full of ecsema and she was scratching them till they bled, the girls at chruch did have ahard time keeping her. They never said they wouldn't, though, they kept trynig and trying. Soon she was feeling better and it's only when she is regressing that I have to keep her home, or get her early,e tc. I understand your frustration but caution you to not get a bitter heart. Please make an appt with the head Pastor and tell him your heart--that Jesus died for the sick and his people should at the very least tolerate our sick kids in their services. Church is NOT about us...but sadly it has become just entertainment it seems. Tzoya, I admire your perseverence wiht your son. You are a rare gem. God bless you for it! Big churches like that always seem to have such little time for such things. It's irritating. I hope that you yell loudly enough to be heard. They're most likely caught up in church politics and trying to look good rather than serving people.I'm very thankful for my church. Kids run all over the place and no one minds. It's super casual and so far DS has been just fine in child care. There are churches like that out there. If they don't hear you then you need to go church shopping again. Annoying but it sounds necessary. Way to be like Jesus folks...sheesh |
||
|
Copyright Autism-PDD.net
|