Feeling broken todayI hope today is a better day for you. It's o.k. to have the bad days. It's even o.k. to say it out loud. We all do. Hugs to you- ttfn I could of written you post ! I feel the SAME way. I ahve felt this way before, but not with such intensity. I wish I had wisdom- I dont. Just hang in their! Ill hang in their with ya ((HUGS))),You are not Alone,when my boys both have a bad day ,I wonder how i can go on,then the next day is usually a little better. I feel so beat up some days. God bless Linda There are plenty of meds available for aggression and they WORK. But a 3yo has a tiny body, so the potential for physical harm is greater. Get professional help to implement a consistent behavior plan BEFORE meds. Get respite. Continue to increase your daughter's ability to communicate in ways other than physical. Behavior is communication, so get her PECS if she is not yet verbal. Communicate, communicate, communicate. I am definitely not opposed to meds -- my own son is on plenty. BUt he didn't start meds until he was nearly 80 lbs. Please get a second opinion before you start anything at this young age.I'm so sorry your feeling this way today. I know how you feel because I have those days too, I guess we all do. Sometimes I feel so weak, so beaten down, and I think I really can't do this anymore. And then there are those other days, when I feel strong and capable of handling anything. I don't really know what differentiates the days... But I do know that you are not alone. You are an amazing mom and I only hope tomorrow will be brighter and that you will find the strength to keep doing all the great things that you are doing.
 You're definetly not alone. i have days that I fell like I can handle everything just fine and others that I either feel totally anxious or like I can't go on anymore....I am definetly going to talk to my doctor about some anxiety meds. I know i need them.
I hope things start to look up for you soon! today.It will get better, it will get better, keep telling yourself that. I cannot even imagine taking care of five children and having one on the spectrum, it has to be overwhelming. Please try to find time for your teen, my older son has some resentment, AS has taken it's toll on him too, it's so hard to fit everybody in. I am glad that you are seeing your Doc. I hope you can get some relief soon. Best of Luck and hang in there. ((Hugs)) Ok so for some reason I am having such a hard time today. I just need to vent to get my anxiety off my chest. I feel that I have gotten to a point that I am ready to breakdown. I don't know if it has anything to do with the big IEP meeting tomorrow, her birthday on Sunday, and the realization that some things just seem to be getting worse. As she makes progress in some ares, the behavior/temper, etc are just terrible. My arms are scratched up and bleeding from her frustration/not able to get her way.  I try to ignore it, but it just builds up. I'm honestly just tired. She is now having anxiety in the car when dh and I are not BOTH in the car, and driving to therapy appointments leads to her pulling her hair out of daddy isn't there with us. Dh and I snap at each other all the time and the other kids have noticed.As a mom to 5 it is so hard to be what everyone needs. I have a teen daughter that wants me to be able to do more things with her, and I can't because I'm always driving to therapy, etc. I'm short in patience with all the kids and just feel like I can't be the mom I wanted to be. There is so much anxiety and some resentment built up that I just needed to get it all off my chest. I've always been such a strong person, and I feel so weak...I hate it! Don't worry, I'll be ok, just needed to get it out. I am seeing my doctor next week and will probably discuss some anxiety medication. I also want to know if at my dd's age (3) there is any kind of medication for aggression/self injury..I know she's young but I want to help her feel better any way I can. Please let me know any suggestions, or if a dr. would even consider it. Thanks for listening to my sob story.... Ugh, these kinds of days are horrible to go through. I'm sorry the waves are pounding you right now, and from my experience, I DO think her birthday may have something to do with it. Cole turned 8 last week while we evacuated from the hurricane, and I guess because we did not have a party (to see how his peers act) and he was having such a fun time at the beach, for the first time ever, I didn't get blue around his birthday. I don't know if if was the distraction of packing up the house and waiting for the hurricane, or whether time has just helped. Norway Mom wrote that she too, would get blue around birthdays, as her boys were difficult deliveries that were rife with worry. However, she said that as happy memories and more moments to make you proud pile up, birthdays eventually became really happy occasions. I'm sending you my heart in a hug, and my honest admiration for the kind of mom you are. While your oldest daughter is just going to have to schedule a date with you now and then, she is learning what the love of all her sibs means to her. Big families are busy, short on one-one time, and lots of work - but they are also overflowing with love. You are doing an excellent job, my friend! -LeAnne Glad your feeling better and please know you can come here anytime:) Must be something in the air..I am feeling really down too and everything seems to be unraveling but I know it wont last and pray for all of us to just through it and be stronger people when it passes:) Hang in there! Update us on your IEP! next Friday and even though I am confident, it's a tension-builder for sure. I do also know 3 can be a very hard age. Both of my twins had speech delays, neither really spoke until between 3 and 4 years old, so communication was very tough at this age. I tried to keep tantrums down by observing what would set them off and introducing transitions as easily as possible. I also did mostly home therapy though, so the girls had it easy in that they did not have much of a schedule outside the house. (except parks etc.) Grueling on me, but fun for them all day. As far as transitions, the best advice I can give is try not to get stuck on milestones. Yes, lots of 2 year olds can pick up their room, eat a varied diet, and of course, communicate well. But lots of our kids cannot so other than for safety or health reasons, I accommodated a lot of delays and introduced change as seamlessly as possible. Good luck with your IEP, and yes, it does get better. Both of my girls are very good students and while my dd with ASD still has some communication issues she does very well. Sorry you're having a rough time. Please let us know how the IEP goes. (((hugs)))) to you and no, it isn't a sob story. That is daily life for those of us that have to deal with what others don't understand. Taylor has had such bad temper tantrums that I had bruises all over my stomach where she would push into me and bang her head. I had scratches all over me. Her twin brother is her "target" most of the time and has had scratches down his back. Kansas loves to call social services for EVERYTHING--every time I see a tiny scratch anywhere, I have to write a note to the nurse so she understands that, this was either because of Taylor having an outburst or simply, one of the kids fell. I know you are tired and frustrated, but also that you love your child. We all do understand and please never feel guilty for those feelings. I am going through roaming issues, as well as behavioral issues right now. Taylor is big and very strong. She can do some serious damage to anyone that she strikes out at. I did finally get an In Home Supports person hired, and she loves her to death--but every time the girl changes schedule or calls in sick--taylor reacts and gets mad cuz, she is waiting at the window for Alison and Alison doesn't come--so she lashes out at anyone in her way, then bangs her head on walls and throws things. She has gotten out several times in the past few weeks. I just have not a cent to my name right now to get locks (-700.00 in checking acct), no family to borrow money from and just enough food to feed them dinner, which right now is not the most nutritious. The police told me to install new locks, but I can't do it without finding the money to do so. I am praying that I can have the money to buy keyed locks for 3 doors next month and am now sleeping on the couch, by the door (again), so I can hear her if she tries to get out those doors. I can't take my anxiety meds cuz, it makes me sleep deeper than usual and I have to be able to jump up if she does roam during the night. My neighbor's are horrible--they will worry about how high my grass is (they have gone out with rulers, because by-laws here are specific on how high the grass should be), but if Taylor gets out, they won't even alert me. One day she got out 2 weeks ago, while her dad was here to visit and I had a church meeting--the neighbors were out in their yards and never once came to tell us they saw her go down the street--and they KNOW she is autistic--they don't like it either. Anyway, the firefighters and police found her and that is how we got her home. So now, I have to be near a window or door at all times when she is home, so I can hear the front door open and make sure it is not her, but one of the other kids. When I am cooking dinner, I have to keep going out to check to see where she is, if it is a day her provider has called in sick--she will get sick of waiting and go walking--which, I THINK she is retracing the ride that Alison takes when she gets her, and tries to go walk to Alison's house herself (Alison is her provider).
Sorry to vent myself but I want you to know, I do understand. I hate living here, but it is the only place I can be that has the proper schooling for my kids. I want to go back home to Massachusetts, where my neighbors were like family and we all watched out for each other. It just isn't gonna happen, so here I sit--with blackened eyes from lack of sleep and crying. It's tough and you are doing what many parents couldn't--just keep telling yourself that and also that, you are not alone and we are here for you. God Bless, Kelly Thanks so much everyone!! I am feeling SOO much better today! Still nervous for the IEP this afternoon, but really excited to get her placed into a program. We are continuing working on PECS, and not responding to negative behavior, but sometimes it is so hard!! Anyway, thanks so much for your encouragement. Today things are looking fantastic in comparison to yesterday!!
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