Help help help!!!!Boy, you have your hands full! There are two things that occur to me. One, could there be a source of physical pain/illness behind the worsening in behavior? Might be worth a trip to the pediatrician to rule this out, especially if he has trouble identifying body signals or communicating. Two, it sounds like there's a sensory element to the problem. Making high pitched noises is my son's way of calming himself when overstimulated. It's inefficient and it works much better if I encourage him to swing or ride his bike instead, or give him a "pillow sandwich." I also had to chase him around to get him dressed, etc. when he was little. That was also sensory -- tactile defensiveness. If your son hasn't had an OT consult, you might look into that. But for starters you might want to take a look at this sensory dysfunction checklist. I know that understanding and managing my son's sensory issues were the single thing that led to a more peaceful existence at our house: http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/sensory-processin g-disorder-checklist.html You might also want to check out my collection of meltdown resources for expert tips on how to see them coming and how to deal with them: http://www.autism-pdd.net/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=17134&am p;KW=meltdown+resources Good luck with everything! i cant relate because i dont have four. i have only one, but i am all alone and never had any help and add that in with the inability to work because of it and i can relate on some level. as the oh so great norway mom mentioned...the big question is -is he in OT? if not, can you get him to private occupational therapy with sensory integration and possible finding a good psychologist who deals with mostly asds? most stims can be replaced with different input that can be constructive, less annoying for both of you, and easier to get around....and bribery goes along way too. :) i imagine, even if you dont work, if youre still married you probably dont qualify for respite butyou could try......oryou could be in my situation that for what i can afford there is no one around qualified or you couldnt trust another person (not every child/parent can benefit from respite relief...some childrens issues are just to multi faceted). but it does seem its all on you. i know its hard. ive been out twice in four years now and its all me all the time. be proud ofyourself!!! youre doing a better job then anybody else in your same situation. as to those at school who stare-$%&*$ em! let it roll off your back or if your one with a big voice-heck, ask em if they have a cure for autism...if not, tell them to mind there own business. as to school bus, well it sounds like your hands are beyond full. i dont do am school bus myself, its so hard to get him ready, you miss the bus you still need to take them to school then your even later..but if you could get some of them, even 1 on a bus might it lighten your load? my prayers and thoughts are with you and remember, you will perservere-i turly believe we are chosen to do this because we can. i know, it feels we cant and we are so tired and want to break down.....BUT YOU CAN!!! YOU WILL!!! YOU DO!!! AND GOD BLESS YOU FOR IT! How is his communication? Had his schedule changed? Is your husband now out of the house? Did they have a staff change at school? Sometimes i believe kids who are concerned with something, or are advancing in their development and now want to have a say-so in their worlds, can act out in frustration. I'm betting you've wracked your brain already over what the trigger is (and again, it could be that he is just growing up and wants some control over his life), so here are some fairly easy ideas that could help. If not, they take little time and cannot hurt. A visual calendar...if you can print a page out with Sunday through Saturday, show an icon that represents school for him on M-F. If he has soccer on Tuesdays, stick on a soccer ball every Tuesday. If his dad takes him and his older brother out every other Friday for pizza, then stick on a photo of his dad's head (or a fatherly silhoutte). I actually bought one of those huge wall calendars they make for preschools. I stuck velcro along all the days, and got some cardboard cutout icons of a school bus. I made photo copies of the grandparents faces and put velcro on the back...this represents going to visit them. Ditto for an elephant photo I cut out of a magazine. If for some reason, maybe the impending divorce, your son feels like his life is out of his control, the visual referrant might be a nice solid sense of security. Particularly if his communication is such that your explanations of things don't always sink in. Another way to instill a sense of control is to offer him two choices for his shirt (or socks) every day. Unless decision making is a stressor, this may make him feel a bit grown up and can make choices on his own. You could also let him choose whether he wants an apple or a banana in his snack bag. Just give him control over somethng. I remember when my parents divorced, it felt like I had zero say-so in anything (nobody even asked for my thoughts) and my whole world might just fall to pieces without my being able to do anything about it. I was five, and though that sounds young to have these thoughts, I did. It was like the antichrist of empowerment...it felt like being a captive. I am not saying your son feels this way, but mention it because he MIGHT. If he can't express himself, or understand you or his dad very well, these feelings could really be exacerbated. Lastly, find a friend or other special needs parent who's swap out babysitting your two younger kids for two hours. Take your big boys on a "date" where they can get all the attention they need. And while you're still saddled with offspring, two older ones have GOT to be easier than 4 of them under the age of 9. I would guess that the little ones are pretty oblivious of the impending divorce, but your big boys need to know you will NEVER ever split from them. Just my opinion. Sorry. I'm so sorry that your having a hard-time! My husband and I separated for a few months and when that happened, my son acted out big-time!! He acted out at home and at school. The separation from his father and knowing there was tension in the household was affecting him. I had to ask my family for help and get alot of support from others. I had to make time for myself too and temporaily I took something for my nerves. I know it seems scarey and you feel unsure about alot of things, its ok to say that you can't do it by yourself. Keep your self occupied and pray for strength and endurance. Find a local support group and make one day a week for you and kids to do something fun together. I will tell you this that while my husband was away for 4 months, my son did get better and the structure improved. Sometimes having one parent involved is better than one that doesn't help or is supportive. Just know that some people do want to help, its just letting them where and what you need help with. God Bless, Joy i dont have advice just wanted to send (((((hugggggsssss)))))BIG BIG HUGS I do understand where you are I am one kid shy of you and am doing it alone as well. Have you set up things the night before, as for the younger two have you considered leaving the other two in PJs and just put them in their coats to get the other two to school. Also have you talked to the school about your sistuation they maybe more understanding and willing to work with you if they know the full picture, even if they do know give them a nice reminder. I know I have been having a difficult time with my own these days they have not wanted to go to school, and have actually had some major meltdowns on the way to and from.
wish I could be of more help. Hang in there. Remember to breath...Is there any family that could help you out? Friends...support groups? Thank You all.... I love that I have somewhere to come when I truly need it {HUGS} Grant attends a theraputic preschool full time, he does receive OT and speech while there and they are great! We do not qualify for respite, but Grant did qualify for 25 hours of in home support and we currently on a waiting list. Just knowing your not alone is comforting... I often forget that I am not the only person going through some challenging times. My ds is often so oblivious to what goes on around him but if I amstressed he picks it up like a radar and is stressed too. Your whole family is going through a tough time right now and I think it is perfectly normal for everyone to show their stress. Get all the help you can. And take care of yourself. The more you can let the kids feel that you as a family will make it through, the less stressed everyone will be. Try and minimize the daily struggles, for example put your son into bed in his next day clothes and you won't have to chase him around to get dressed in the mornings. Perfectly fine to do that for a while if it gets you all off to a less stressful day. Take care. do you have respite for your son with downs? maybe that would help, he should qualify. this might not be too helpful but maybe a little home trampoline, it does wonders for jason. i don't know if jason would qualify for respite re: his ASD but he does for his cp. this also might not be helpful but a handicapped placard, i did not want to give into it when jason was little, but it is very helpful, just some thoughts to help with other things since i have no advice re: agression, does downs qualify for the placard?
Good suggestion from Micki. In the winter I let my kids sleep in their long johns and turtleneck for the next day, so there's less dressing to do in the morning. I also swear by snowmobile suits (if you live somewhere cold like I do). I lay them out on the floor so the kids can just slide into them, and they can zip them up without help.
Oh that's soooo hard on you! And the stress of a divorce can't be at a worse time with you juggling all these issues. So sorry you are going thru this. Can you reach out to neighbors, a local church, support group, something??? OMG I am in the same boat...My son is getting on my nerves........so bad......I just had surgery last week and my x is no friggin help...I have tried to get respite care to no avail....send me hugs and prayers I am sorry you are in such a tough situation. Take a deep breath and hangin there. Is there a way you can have a discussion about it with your husband? Even if you are not getting along as a couple you are still the parents of the kids and he should step up to the plate and help you a bit in some way. I don't really have any good advice but I am sending you big hugs! I had to chime in here and let you know you're not alone. I went thru a divorce as well and had to be the "strong" parent just as you are right now. Just because he couldn't handle it did not mean I could give up too. If anything it made me stronger. It made me wake up and realize that without me she would amount to nothing. There's always going to be times when you question whether you can handle this or make thru another day. I've been there and I've cried asking "why me" and "what did I do to deserve this? " But you know what? One day it all comes to you and you realize that your stronger than you give yourself credit. And for some reason the big man upstairs knew this was your calling. We may not understand why or how but he knows best. He makes us better people because we know more than anybody how to truly appreciate what we have. It may not be what we'd like sometimes but we learn more about compassion, advocating for the one you love, not looking down upon others and MOST of all - we grow to know a love that most other people could only dream of. Like I try to say to myself, other "normal" kids will grow up, go to college, leave the home and get married and forget all about us one day but our "special sweeties" will be our best friends for life and we'll never be alone. Hang in there and don't ever doubt youself for a single second. We handle more in one day that most do in a lifetime when it comes to our kiddos and the problems that come with it but it could always be worse. There's always someone that can top our problems and then we realize how small our problems really are. Know you're not alone in your thoughts and cries because you're one of the many that keeps on trying!
Wow--that's a lot to deal with. Is he having the problems at school as well. Can you bet a BCBA involved? I agree with the bus if that is possible. It sounds like it would be very tough to be in your shoes. Do you have supportive family or friends that could help you out at all? Hang in there. Can the kids ride the bus to school? Can you ask someone else to drive them 1-2 days a week to give you a break? Respite is a good idea. Can you have someone come to the house so that you only have to drop off the school age kids? OY! you've got your hands full. Are the kids in school? Do you qualify for respite? I'm not sure if i've got advice... but major hugs!! Can you tell hubby that you can't do it, i know you said you guys were getting a divorce but could you afford a baby sitter for a few hours? Gosh that sounds so hard Sending you some major major major hugs I know I haven't been on in a while but I am in desperate need of some advice. It seems Grants behaviors/meltdowns have intensified. He has also included with them a high pitch scream, hitting , throwing, knocking furniture over ect. And everything suddenly is his. He antagonizes his brothers and has become so aggressive at times. I am at my wits end! For the first time I am struggling with parenting and starting to feel like a complete failure. Every moring I drop the boys to school late. They used to understand but now I am getting the looks, a few comments and it really upsets me. I am juggling 4 kids alone. My 8 yo has down syndrome so he still depends on me for a lot and then I have Grant who I chase in circles just to get him dresssed. By that point I am so exhausted! I also have a 2yo son and an 8 month old daughter. My husband works all day so I am not getting any support. Not to mention we are getting divorced. My head is spinning!!!! I really could use some advice or anything at this point. I really feel like no one understands what my days consist of! |
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