Time OutI used to give Mason a "break" in his room, but I realized that it wasn't appropriate for all his behaviors. When Mason does something intentionally like hit or throw something he does get a time-out. I too put him on the steps and set a digital timer. I think him seeing the countdown helps him stay put, where if I just tell him to sit and say 5 minutes and go back in 5 minutes, it was much harder for him to "tolerate" it. I think the biggest thing with time-outs is you have to be very consistent when starting them. I always go back to Mason after the time-out and "discuss" what it was that he did and why I punished him. Maybe your ds was waiting for you to let him out of the room, even though you told him 10 minutes. It is amazing that he stayed like that! But for Mason if he hits etc. I tell him "time-out," If he fights me I start counting to 3 and everytime I get to 3 I add 30 seconds. Doesn't sound like much but when we first started time-outs I was usually adding 2 or 3 minutes just getting him to the time-out. One thing Mason used to do too was get really mad and start throwing things around. I would make him clean up whatever mess he made and in the end still do the time-out and he learned quickly that it just didn't pay to make the mess. He is pretty good at just going to time-out now and getting it done. He gets done, turns off the timer and comes and apologizes to whoever he needs to. It's great that your son finally followed through, so I guess the only thing I would do different is, go to him after it's done and just have a quick discussion about why it happened. Do you think they do time-outs with him in school, and that is why he stayed in the room? Just wondering? ETA: I still use his "break" too. That is for when I can tell he is getting crabby, but it's not just him being sassy. I tell him "I think you need a break," I tell him to go to his room and he does have access to his toys and music. I use it more for a change in environment and hopefully diverting his attention away from whatever it is that's starting to upset him. Is it possible that maybe he has no concept of time? Or maybe he was trying to be defiant (I'll show you, I'll never come out)? He only uses his room to sleep and for ABA therapy. He never goes in there otherwise - his choice. No toys in there. There is a TV, but he doesn't care much for TV. I really doubt he fell asleep, the bed wasn't messed up. I want to try it again to see what happens, but I really don't want to have to! Rooms are the only way he gets a time out here. When I try having him sit on a chair he wont stay put. His bedroom is his quiet zone he actually calms down in there. Not weird - we do room timeouts too, but I keep a monitor in there to make sure he doesn't start playing or watching tv while in timeout. Sarah used to love time outs and didnt see them as a consequence..it got her out of demands so she loved them...we had to find a punishment she disliked at the time which was a chair facing the wall in the far corner of the room~she despised it and complied very quickly..we since had been able to send her to her room for time out again only because her door sticks and she cant open it..which she hates:) SOOO for now time out in her room is on again. We keep her in her room till she says she is ready to be calm if she doesnt state this I wont let her out because everytime I do she goes right back into her fits...live and learn. Timers are great..we use that too for computer and TV at night:) Good luck!Notime, Do you do 1 minute for every year of age? That's what was recommended to us. With ds, unless it's something really bad like hitting/throwing, we give him 2 strikes before it's timeout. There's a great book called 1-2-3 Magic, and our dev ped recommended it to us. It does work like magic. We were advised by a developmental pediatrician to NOT use time-outs, in that for Cole, he will just go off into la-la land and be happy as a clam day dreaming. If he is in the time out chair, than he is also not having to sit at the dinner table and eat his food. Or do his homework. Or pick up his toys. Or... Some kids, not all, will view a time-out as a reinforcer. If they are sick to death of you pestering them to do ______________, then they may intentionally and blatantly act out so they can escape to the tranquility of time-out. Face it - they are faster AND smarter than grown-ups! I don't know your child, but can say that this is true of ours. We verbally reprimand and if that doesn't work, we take away whatever toy or pleasant activity he is engaged in while verbally reprimanding at the same time. The second he stops the unsavory behavior, we immediatly thank him with a sincere and respectful tone: "thank you, Cole. Thank you for stopping. Much, much better." We do this every single time, even when inside we are steaming. Ya, every kid is different, and you gotta find their weakness that when you eather take something away or force upon them something they dont like then you will succeed in making time out or punishment or grounding a bad time for them so they may think 2X before doing that again.My mom was SAHM, dad worked, so she had to deal with me and my sister Michelle. Michelle was good, I was not so good. Granted whenever I had a meltdown or acted exceptionally odd I would be punished or in the least reprimanded, now days thats not a cool thing to do as more is known about ASD's then in my day so I will let my parents slide on those errors. Their were plenty of times I certainly deserved punishment and would do the same to my kid if they miss behaved. My mom would send me to my room preventing me from going outdoors, and that was touture! I also could loose TV privlages for the day or not be allowed to play the Sega Genisis. This time she is taking something away from me I enjoy. When I was really bad or was a 'repeat offender' like getting into trouble in school while I was still on punishment or kept bugging my sister which I did alot to as a kid then it was Dads turn to punish. When he got home from work he was just never in the mood, and I got a lovely taste of that whenever I defied mom or rebelled against the punishment or did something really bad in school like get suspended for hitting a bully in 5th grade, heh. I was scared of dads punishments cause he was a big fearsome guy when angry. And moms punishments worked because she denied me the things I enjoyed most in life. I will admit it did not work in the long term, but it helped. You just have to find the things that will work as a deterrant to bad behavior in your own kid. Everyone is different, and some will respond positivly to things others would respond negativly too. Your kid may not watch TV or play outside, so it wont bother him like it bothered me in the least for example.Need opinions. Thanks. TIME OUT Last night we were having dinner and he left the table - making his noises. I called him to sit down, I will give you french fries (I save them to the end so he won't fill up on fries and not eat dinner). He sat down, I sat next to him and handed him a fry. He hit me in the face (open hand, not punch)! I said "that's it" now you are having a "time out". I never did Time out before, because he never really misbehaved before this last 6 wks. I put him on the stairs, told him to sit there until I say get up. He hit me again & stood up - I sat him again. Same scenario 3X (kept hitting me and getting up). Then I was really mad & said "now you will stay in your room". Put him in room and expected him to come right out, or be banging on door. I told him stay for 10 minutes. At 10 min. I go downstairs to finish dinner. Clean up, watch a little TV. 1 1/2 hours later - he still didn't come down! I went upstairs opened door he came out and went down! Door was not locked. Very strange - right? I don't understand. Never did time-out with dd either, so I don't know. My son uses biking, swinging and digging in the sandbox as sensory outlets during most of the year. He can't do that during the winter, and I think that's part of why December and January have been rough. However, he didn't really have troubles in November, so I'm thinking the lack of daylight might also have an impact. Good luck figuring it out. Thank you all for your replies. I am learning alot about the art of discipline. Couple of other things I learned here, off topic, are helping me really put the pieces of the puzzle together. Norwaymom: QUOTE "...he genuinely needed a break -- that's maybe why he left the table.... ....mostly the food smells that have been the problem,..."QUOTE Seems like, in that particular instance/incident, he was probably overwhelmed by the smells and needed a break anyway! (I hope that's it.) Woodsman - what would I do without you? You give me insights even when they are not in the exact area in which I am looking for them! I think you can now reclaim your crown from Stickboy (see his Over Compliance... post). QUOTE "Your kid may not watch TV or play outside,..."QUOTE How stupid to not be able to put it together! My son would live outside in a tent, if we allowed it. He lives for the outdoors - climbing, etc. When this behavior started and the sensory, I kept discussing with therapists and trying for someone to find the connection between WINTER and sensory. Every year in winter his senses heighten and he gets a little crazy. We have always had an home aide for him who took him out a little after school, all day Sat. This year we do not (long story). I hate (to say it mildly) the cold - Medittearean blood, so I only go out in the car in winter. My husband could take him, but... Husband won't even allow him to play alone in backyard - crazy. Question, IF you couldn't be outdoors, were having problems with sensory, couldn't communicate, would feel like hitting people? I'm going out on a limb here but maybe that's it? He also hits though when not angry - just to do it -boredom? If it is - should I be punishing him? HELP - don't have a clue as to how to make it better for him. P.S. - Woodsman, again, when you do finally go to climb Mt.? the highest in NY, can you take my boy with you? He would be the happiest person on earth doing that! I'll pay you!!!!!! (And, his sister's name is Michelle!) I tried time-outs when my son with autism was little, but they didn't work back then and we just evolved into a positive reinforcement, natural consequence, give 'em a break to stop escalation kind of family. Time-out in your son's room might have worked well because he genuinely needed a break -- that's maybe why he left the table. The dinner table is full of social and sensory challenges that make it a difficult setting for most people with autism. The noises of utensils and chewing, food smells, and sight of non-preferred foods can be overwhelming -- at our house it's mostly the food smells that have been the problem, and our son was 8 before I finally figured it out. We let our son take a break if he needs one. However, we tried a new tactic this fall where we lit a candle when dinner started, and blew it out if he or his brother left the table. After a few days, when the candle burned down to a stump, the kids got a reward (we started with a short candle). We saw a quick improvement in our autistic son's ability to stay at the dinner table. He became more aware of what he was doing, learned that he could handle most of the challenges if he chose to, and learned to identify better when he REALLY needs a break. Obviously this doesn't really do anything about the hitting problem, but it might help dinnertime go more smoothly. Good luck with everything. |
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