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Dreading the holidaysDoes any one else dread the holidays, i.e. family gatherings? They didn't bother me before I had two children on the spectrum to contend with and now I just get anxious and stressed in anticipation of questions (so how are they doing...), meltdowns, zoning out or not answering question or not playing with the other children etc.... There will be lots of kids/cousins around the same age as my own. The older kids basically go off and do their own thing. The younger ones are cute, typical and talking. My younger one--while very cute--is grunting, pointing and screaming. My older one needs to be supervised. The holidays are very stressful and not as enjoyable as they used to be. Just had to vent.I dread part of them, but not because of meltdowns. C is pretty even-keeled in general...he does have crying/slight tantrums sometimes, like any four-year-old. What I dread is all the extended family members who don't really know what's going on, who try to talk to C and get what they think must be gibberish in return (he actually speaks more and more lately but with a very severe impediment) and he's looking earnestly into their eyes and they're giving him an uncomfortable smile and confused silence in return. And the other kids at the gatherings who are all saying "Let's go do this, let's go do that" and turning on a dime to do new things and C is trying to keep up but doesn't really understand, and by the time he does they're already off and out the door to a backyard adventure or whatever. And he's all alone. We may actually skip the extended family Christmas this year for that along with another reason: we just don't really keep in touch with these people. It's almost like a party with strangers. Polite, but there's no real driving force making us want to get together. It was initiated a generation back and kids of kids of kids are all supposed to hang out together and just naturally love one another but we really don't know each other. So we're probably going to stop going to that one. Instead we'll just do the "smaller" one with Grandma, Grandpa, aunts and uncles that our kids actually know, and who we seek out all year long. I'm not dreading the holidays, but we definitely make accommodations. My oldest son (the one with the diagnosis) gets overstimulated and we can't really count on more than 1-1/2 hours of pleasant experience. So the last couple years for Christmas we've eaten at home, and then gone to the Christmas party with the extended family for gift-opening. When he starts wanting to go home, we take that seriously and not try for "just 10 more minutes" -- we know that he risks a meltdown. Luckily I haven't had to deal with problems with relatives, but if I did I'd try to follow a "script", and work out in advance a reply I could use to end the conversation or turn the conversation in a more positive direction. Good luck with everything. I kind of dread it myself too. I enjoy it when I get there, but they're are definately stressful times. i dread it too! but if it means that she gets to be around other people, and get used to other kids, and if everyone can come to terms with us, THEN it is worth all of the dread. i just don't want to isolate our family, i want us to be accepted.missnippy I dread the extended family gatherings for the same reasons listed above. I don't want to make some type of announcment, but on the other hand I don't want people thinking I don't know something is different here. Plus, I always have a hard time when we're around peers, and my son's behavior can be hit or miss at this type of thing. We have a big holiday scene coming, precluded by a transatlantic flight. I got a taste tonight w/ a thanksgiving dinner at a strange house, w/a big dog (but no other children). I was a nervous wreck for almost three weeks leading up to tonight. But ds did quite well, and even seemed "NT" to those who have no idea (the only people who know his dx were the hosts). Now for the rest of December ... I made myself all spun up for thr worst tonight, only to get the best my ds had to offer!! I realized, sometimes I should just say "it is what it is, and you get what you get". After that, you just have to live it moment by moment. I wish I could offer some better answers, but I am certain you will know what to do for yourself and your small ones when the time comes. In the mean time, try not to lose precious sleep! Ciao!
I was worried about Thanksgiving but ds has a really bad cold so we stayed home today. Now I will begin to worry about Christmas. Usually ds does pretty well when all of the family gets together and he is fairly social. He hasn't started with meltdowns yet but I am worried that they are coming soon. Anyway, I am going to try to put my best foot forward and do what I can for ds to enjoy the holiday. I can't wait till it is over. Taytay: That is some cute little boy you got! I usually host all holidays at my house but today I had Thanksgiving at my sister restaurant and it was so nice! No stress of cleaning, cooking and yapping for hours on end:) Christmas will be nice though..I love it so much I already put up my tree..yea I am one of those kinds of folks:) Christmas makes me so emotional and spiritual for some reason?? The songs, lights,smells and colors are intoxicating to me...and a little liquer dont hurt:P My kids are so happy at Christmas time so it rubs off.. and it goes by sooo fast!
I dread the 7 hour drive it takes to get to my parents' house. We live a few days before Christmas and then return the day after. THEN, we make a two hour drive TWO DAYS LATER to stay in a hotel for two nights and spend time with my dh's family. This is the part of the holiday I am not looking forward to. Because staying in a hotel means I get to go back to the hotel room at about 7:30 and put the kids to bed and then stay there the rest of the night - FUN, FUN, FUN! Well, at least I'll try to remember to bring a pillow into the restroom to lean against because the floor gets awfully hard while sitting on it and reading a book. Don't get me wrong - dh does help as much as he can, but he doesn't get to see his family much - so I know he needs to do this once in a while. I just don't look forward to it much! This year, he is organizing it so he has organized it so that I and another in-law who usually ends up getting stuck taking care of kids will take most of the family on an outing (to a brewery!) and he and his brother will stay back and take care of their kids. He wanted to make sure I had SOMETHING to look forward to and a chunk of time that I am not having to take care of kids. So, at least that's something! I dread them too, but my solution to this is to host it at my house so I have a general control of all situations. We live in California, so the weather is really nice and we have a huge backyard. It is a lot of work and planning on my part, but this way my ds feels comfortable in his surroundings and I not freaking out what he will be doing in other people's homes...Re hosting get-togethers at your own house... I always found that my son interacts better here at home. When we go visiting, he's more interested in checking out their toys, but when we're at home, the people are in focus, not his boring old toys that he sees every day.
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Then the next day will be spent trying to referee between my two kids, supervise my ds to make sure he's not being completely inappropriate and growling at cousins, and also trying to get my dd to interact as well. She gets completely overwhelmed in crowds (which there is never any less than 20 at dh's family functions). She does fine in small groups - but not in these instances.