The Siblings | Autism PDD
I do that too. My son has just turned 2 and I think about what and where my daughter was then. At almost 4 she behaves a lot like him. What always floors me is how my 2 yr old makes eye contact. Looks right at you and imitates everything. Anna never imitated.
I suppose this is a normal parent thing because like you I worry about showing too much to one and not the other. BUt I know I love them both so much and each unique child is loved in that unique way. Still, I make an effort to give them equal time and equal praises.
mary
Oh my GOD, I think that's ALL I do. Ben is 6 weeks and today I got some great eye contact followed by a huge smile and I thought I would pass out: Check! that's one milestone met! Now I just have to wait for a million others and maybe when he's 5 I can finally relax. Jake slept through the night at 3 weeks and with Ben I'm celebrating 3 1/2 hours. Jake was happy with me holding him but also happy being by himself, he didn't like to be held by anybody else, even his father. Ben gets mad when he's not in somebody's arms 24/7. A good sign, I think (it probably doesn't really matter, but I like to think it's a good sign!) Jake had a huge head, 90th percentile until he was 3, my husband has read that kids with mercury poisoning have big heads because of swelling or something. Ben has a tiny head, 25th percentile. Another good sign, I think! (again, probably not, but you get the picture). I try to remember: when did Jake laugh, when did he hold his head up, when did he blah blah blah, I think I'm driving myself nuts with this!One thing, though, it's definitely easier the second time. It's still not easy, but it's definitely easier since I've done it before and I don't panic as much when he cries. I know what to do and I know I won't break him or anything.
Everything was the other way around for me. My firstborn (now 8) is NT and actually in the gifted program at her school. She was always very advanced and sociable - from a very early age she was a "performer". Learning came naturally and easily for her and it still does - she is a super high-achiever. Ansley was actually an easier infant than Hannah. She slept through the night early and was always content just to lay around - my friends were so jealous! I just thought at the time "wow, I guess I got this mothering thing down pat!" It wasn't long, though, before these same traits (along with others) started causing worries.
Now it is very hard for me not to think back or watch videos of Hannah at Ansley's age because it reminds me of the "life" that I had imagined for my baby. It is so natural to compare them but it breaks my heart. Hannah and I used to go out to eat together, go shopping, parks, we did everything together. It is very hard to even get through 20 minutes at a grocery store with Ansley. But Ansley, in spite of her delays, has such a sparkling personality that shines through. She is so special in so many ways and has taught me (and her sister and father) SO much about patience, determination, joy, and love. I feel like I'm a much better mother to BOTH of my children and a much better person in general since Ansley has come into my life.
Occasionally Hannah gets really sad when we are around other young children and she compares them to Ansley. I know she misses having a sister that can play with her like other kids. But she is so awesome with Ansley and they have such a beautiful relationship - they are so close. Last week at school Hannah wrote a paper in which she wrote "When I grow up, I want to be somebody that helps disabled children." It absolutely melted my heart to read that - I'm crying now thinking about it. It's amazing to realize how God can take something as tragic as autism and bring so much good from it. I believe our little ASD kids are truly little angels (albeit they are sometimes disguised as little devils!DH has been working on editing a DVD for DS's first 12 months. It
actually made me sad to watch the video. We were so happy then.
And it amazes me that DS would look right at the camera all the time.
He would smile at us and was such a social baby! When did we lose him?
I have a picture of Jake at around 14 months where he's feeding a
cheerio to another kid his age. It amazes me that he was ever
able to go near other kids his age, much less interact with them like
that! srs-mom, I'm ashamed to admit I haven't watched Ansley's home videos since she got her dx. I know I should, it might be helpful in some ways to observe her knowing what we know now - but I guess it's just still too painful right now. I'm afraid certain things will be obvious to me now and I could just kick myself for not realizing sooner. She has progressed SO much just in the 6 mos. since her dx I can't help but think - what if we intervened sooner? JillNJake, Yes - that's my little angel baby! My sister in law who is a photographer took that pic in our backyard. She has such a way of capturing Ansley on film. Even though Ansley's eye contact has gotten better, it's weird how she will often look directly at a camera for a lot longer than she will a person. But she is fascinated by gadgets, computers, and things with buttons so maybe that explains it. Or maybe she doesn't feel like she's looking at a person - since the "eye" is different? IT's weird! Is that your Jake in your Avatar? He is SO precious. They're just the right age for each other - maybe we could play matchmaker in about 20 years!!!LOL
I'm pretty dumb regarding computers so my dh who is a software engineer did it for me.... I think you might have to have web space somewhere.....I'll find out more post later!
Amy is that Ansley in your avatar? What a beautiful little pumpkin!!
! I think for the first 6 months we were too depressed- and now we're too tired. Reminds me- I need to bring out that camera!
My dh is also converting our video tapes of Luke to DVD and it pains us
to watch him as an infant. srs_mom, I have said the SAME thing,
"When did we lose him?" It was so very gradual. When he was
younger, he was such a HAM ... smiling everytime the camera came out,
flirting with everyone, smiling and laughing. He still smiles and
laughs, but usually AFTER the picture is taken (Maybe he doesn't like
the flash!) and he doesn't flirt with anyone but me anymore. I'll
take that for now though. I have
been reminding myself lately that it could be worse ... he is improving
with every month of therapy. This past weekend, we got him to say
at least 10 words he's NEVER said before, he's playing with toys more
appropriately (actually pushing cars around instead of just spinning
their wheels), and we went away to a rented cabin in the Poconos where
he slept well and played well without freaking out that he was in an
unfamiliar place. In fact, in many ways he was better behaved
than Andrew!! 
By the way, how does one put a picture of one's child as the avatar?? Would like to have my ds smiling out at everyone.
Go to Settings up at the top, and then Edit Profile
Kellie, the website has probably put a file size restriction on what
you can upload, so your picture is most likely too big and they won't
accept it. You should find a place that offers free image
hosting, like http://www.photobucket.com , and try it that way. Feel free to send me a PM if you need help.
Does everyone else do this: I look at everything that Andrew does (he's
2.5 months old now ... smiling like crazy, cooing, almost laughing, and
BIG at 14 pounds!) and compare it to what I think Luke was doing.
Trust me, I'm also enjoying the heck out of our new little guy and it's
so easy to enjoy him be/c he's so incredibly EASY ... compared to how
Luke was! Poor Luke: I remember his whole infancy as something
very
loud and scary! Lots and lots of crying (by
both of us), late nights with many feedings, and long lazy afternoons
where we both conked out from sheer exhaustion. I feel like I'm
giving my beloved first child the short end of the stick! When I
read his baby book, there is nothing so terrible written in
there. Why do the bad points stick out from Luke's infancy, yet I
feel Andrew is so sweet, taciturn, and pleasant? Maybe it's ME
who's more pleasant, since I've learned a world of patience from Luke's
infancy. 
I certainly don't want either child feeling like the other one is more
loved or treasured, and honestly I love and value them both
equally. Is the comparison human nature? Granted, maybe
Andrew really IS easier -- he certainly is more predictable and last
night he slept for 7 hours straight and after eating he returned to
sleep for another 2 hours (Luke didn't sleep that long until he was 4
mos old) -- but it's like with everything Andrew does, in my mind I
compare it to how Luke was doing at his age to make sure and prove to myself that Andrew will not be on the spectrum.
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