very depressed 11 yo boy w/ autism
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Hello, I have a problem. My son who is 11 has autism, bipolar and anxiety has told me and my mom he wants to die becasue he is suffering from autism. This past weekend he scared my mom alot with his death talk and Monday evening he asked me to stab him because he was suffering I have heard from many therapists that kids with autism are not accepted by therapists due to the lack of "theory of mind" and low insight. Is that true? He seems to have insight. I am just so scared for him and sad for him any advice would be welcome, Angee First off, I am so sad to hear about your son. His depression CAN betreated. It's just important to find a psychologist who specializes in ASDs. People with autism are not good candidates for traditional pychodynamic therapy, but there are other very effective therapies than can help him manage his depressive feelings. He may need to have his bipolar meds changed or adjusted. He may be having hormonal shifts due to puberty as well. As you know, suicidal ideation should ALWAYS be taken seriously. I wouldn't hesitate to hospitalize him or get him in an outpatient, partial hospitalization program until his mood is stabilized. Then I would get a good referral for an excellent psychologist who can help him use some cognitive behavioral techniques and some essential life skills to manage his frustration and mood swings. I wish you all the best, and there IS help to be had. My ASD kid also talks of dying. When he is especially anxious about something he will talk about not living on this earth and wanting to stab himself or having me do it. Scares the bejeezus out of me but I calmly talk to him about how much we love him and if he died he wouldn't have his mommy and daddy with him anymore. He ramped it up and said well maybe he could stab us and him and then we would be together, I again (as calmly as humanly possible) went against my catholic upbringing and tried to convince him that he wouldn't be him in heaven and we wouldn't be us, and we wouldn't necessarily be together. The things we have to say! We talked about it being our souls going to heaven not our bodies etc etc etc. I have noted he only talks about death when things are getting too much for him. Right now the root of it is school. I'm working on them and getting his IEP into place (not that it's worth the paper it's written on) so that he will be less anxious. I would definatley have his meds checked. The psychiatrist should definately be told about his talk of dying. Some meds can cause that kind of depression. ahhh, im very sorry to hear about that, that is very sad. Indeed, depression is definatly something that can strike us higher functioning autistics because as much as we may have a hard time dealing with others, we realize it and want to be accepted, have friends. 11 years old is too young if you ask me to be depressed, I had a very difficult time later on, early high school years were the hardest of my life, because it had not occured to me until this time that I may be alone forever, never acheive success in life and, well... seeing I am growing up, not knowing what to do next was very depressing. I must say I bet he is quite intelligent, perhapse even advanced?! I say this cause I was 15-16 when I was feeling blue about my life, hes already at that point at such an early age, he sounds like he is very reseptive and smart. Indeed, you as parents definatly have to spend time with him and really talk to him, has he gotton into detail about his problems, does he talk to you?? I never talked about my problems to my parents, actually was very distant as long as I lived with them (it got better as an adult, i am far more open) but if he is more open thats a good thing!! Definatly, he may need a med change, i hope the DR's know about this. Also, depression medication in children in teens is also a concern, as I guess this causes suicidal thoughts. Does he talk about the future at all?? Does he have a future occupation he wants someday?? Does he want to go to collage?? Does he have hobbies, friends?? These questions sounds strange, but for me, having answers to these questions is what kept me going, and once their were no answers is when I lost my direction in life and almost gave up  .
I am so sad for him and for what you are going thru, I think he definatly, on top of the medical stuff, needs to also figure out a path, if one has goals in life (i know he is still young) then one will have a direction. I know I would have nothing in life, and would have failed catastrophically if I did not know what I wanted in life, and to have supportive and loving parents. He is quite young, maby talking about the future still wont be bad, future is strange from the perspective of a kid, at least compaired to an adults. Hmmm... well, if the future occupation/plans dont work, perhapse a more sutible solution is needed, I mean, at that age I did not really think about the future actually looking back... The important thing for a kid that age (I was his age 14 years ago and have a very clear detailed memory of things) is simply to have friends, be accepted. Not having these absolutly distoryes ones self esteem. If this is not corrected its possible the teen years may be much worse, medication is good, but socialization and having normal childhood experiences is IMO far more important, if he is having difficulty I wonder what can be done to help. Perhapse neghboorhood kids (if you are friends with parents in the neghboorhood you can get them together) or even 'playdates' from school. My uncle has anxiety disorder and when he is feeling anxious, it feels like he is going to die. I know a lot of ASD kids who are in a state of anxiety all the time. It is very treatable and the right medication needs to be found. There is hope, and I encourage you to search and find what your child needs. Only you and he know how much insight he has! I think that you are right to be concerned and that this should be taken very seriously. I agree with MamaKat that finding a psychologist who specializes in autism would be a good idea. Here are some links to places to find service providers (in addition to local directories or yellow pages): http://www.autismlink.com/locations/ After you have seen to the safety concerns, perhaps showing him that people with autism can be successful in life might help him feel better about himself. The book "Different Like Me: My Book of Autism Heroes" by Jennifer Elder is a great and positive book written for children about famous people with autism. You could also do an internet search for "famous people with autism," and see if you can find any famous people in a field that he is interested in (writers, musicians, scientists, etc.) Take care, Nicole Free Autism Resources and Printable Activities for Parents and Teachers! ~ http://www.PositivelyAutism.com/ This needs to be taken very seriously. Does he have a psychiatrist? If so he/she needs to be called and told about this. He is obviously suffering. He may need in or out patient pyschiatric care. Age 11 is not to young to be depressed at all. Puberty can wreck havoc on a child with autism let alone autism with bipolar disorder. You did not give us very much info. Is he on any medications? With a dx of bipolar disorder I am assuming he is. Call his dr. and tell him this. I was dx w/ ulcers from STRESS at 6...11 is not too early to worry he might DO SOMETHING about feeling depressed. Not trying to scare you, but if he is bp...which I am - you NEED to get him to a doctor. Don't assume he can't or won't. I can tell you firsthand...at 6 I KNEW how to do the job...if you read between the lines on that.http://www.art-therapy.us/links.htm#Resources http://www.kardoninstitute.org/events.asp http://www.enterthefreudianslip.com/music_therapy_and_depres sion.htm I was thinking you might be interested in these, they are links to some info about art therapy and music therapy. My daughter had an art therapy class and she really enjoyed it, it was a good way of gettiing things out. Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry it's such a disturbing problem that brought you here, but I hope you will find both help and support among our members. My son was 8 years old when he started saying "I don't want to live anymore." He was just scripting, it wasn't really a death wish but it was a wish to escape from an intolerable situation. It's so important to take our children's mental health seriously. I second the good advice from Nicole, both about the free search services and emphasizing the positive aspects of autism. Good luck with everything! Amino acids at bedtime can help with this also. We learned Daniel has this from the tranmitter testing he had done thru Neuroscience.com. They have 2 1 for kids called travacorjr. 1 for adults Travacor. Yes they help Daniel.My son was 9 when he talked liked this. We have since learned it correlated to the Month of October - when cold sets in, it's darker longer and earlier, honeymoon period of school is over, etc. It happens same time every year. I also have read and kind of know already that one on one counseling with an AS child is not really productive. Well, I can say for him anyway. I mean think about it. Their problem is communication. He'd sit there in the dr's office and it would be a 1/2 hour of one-syllable replies because as he told me, half the time, he doesn't really know what he feels or doesn't want to think about it. He had the best results from dr's that played a game with him and tried to talk. But then I felt why pay $150 to play checkers and elicit a few responses that ds is not really paying attention to or deriving deep psychological benefit from. Though the social skills camp and work at school is helpful. That said, abilify has worked marvelously for him (13yo - started at 12yo). It is almost the end of October and parent-teacher conferences were last night and he's doing great. The medication has really been a God-send for him. Hope it continues. I can certainly understand how it would be difficult for therapists to get results with kids on the spectrum. I know my son well, and it still takes me ages to get him to say anything sensible -- for example the other day when I had some questions I was supposed to ask him before the parent-teacher conference. I ended up having to drop the regular questions and ask my own in the format of "what's it like to be you in music class?" "what's it like to be you during recess?" etc. plus using a home made "incredible 5 point scale" with various smiley and frowny faces. I ended up getting a lot of useful information from him, but it did take time and it did take prior knowledge -- something that a therapist doesn't necessarily have.
My son is 11, he also was very depressed. I did pull him out of school and I am home schooling him. He still has moments of sadness but not like before. My 14 year old daughter who falls somewhere on the spectrum but they can't figure out exactly where yet, talks like this alot. Like every other day. They are both on anti depressants. My daughter is much more verbal and explains her feelings some what better than my son..............tells me, that I have No idea how hard it is. She says it's like she doesn't belong here and she doesn't even feel human because she see's things differently than other people. It's very sad. I'm having a difficult time with both of them right now and all I can do is cry. My heart goes out to you and your son. We all want our children to be happy, If nothing else, just to be happy.
Angee, I's sure ALL of us who have read your post will have you in our thoughts.. prayers even, for you, your boy and your family... What zayzer mentioned is very true... a psychiatrist might have to come into the picture, with medicines even, to help your boy cope with his emotions. Thank you to every one for your replies. My son has an IQ of 50, as of 7/07, when he was younger it was higher about 90. He is a very good verbal communicator about facts and sometimes his feelings. He just doesnt know what to do with it. By appearance and first conversation he appears to be "high functioning" I would honestly consider him "medium functioning" He is presently on depakote, risperdal, abilify and melatonin at night. He has been on so many others and aside from thorazine which helped him during a very terible period from 7-10 years old. (He was reporting voices telling him to kill me and other strange things) this formula seems to have the best effects with less side effects. He still talks about very morbid things such as demons and evil which he has always been "fascinated" by since he was about 3 when he was routing for the bad guys in that Mermaid cartoon. The one person mentioned the change of seasons he has always done this sort of thing too. Oct-Nov and again March-May I talked with him today and asked if he would like some one to talk with and he said yes and seemed interested. Through out the last 5 years it seems he has trusted me less and less as I have had to make hard choices for him like repeat hospitalizations, and meds. I want him helped I just done know how any more. It seems that he is going to not have the most "ideal" (atleast the one I had hoped for when he was first diagnosed) future as the one person asked about. He isnt going to college as he is way to agressive for that and he cant read or write or do math. I see him hopefully finding some peace about himself and living in a positive and affirming group home as he ages. This is what I strive for him I hope I answered most of the questions and again I apreciate the advise and wil get him to see someo ne. I ams ure you all will see more of me on this board as I am very impressed with you all's experience, stength and hopefulness. Angee I highly recommend getting him to a therapist, one that has the experience with the spectrum. Also, I would check back with the Dr. prescribing the meds. He might be having an interaction...some drugs can produce those symptoms when taking together. Check the side effects of each.My son Jesse was dx borderline depression last year and at this time he does not take anything to treat. Its very mild and he doesn't talk about death morbidly at all. He does occasionally say he wishes he was never born, but that is usually said at some point when he and his older brother are having an argument. Our oldest can wear down the Dali Lhama.  For the most part our Jesse just thinks life is so unfair and WHY OH WHY couldn't I have had his first.Good luck with your son..definately check the meds and it might be time to switch to something else and at the same time get him talking to a 3rd party. Angee, I highly suggest you find another psychiatrist to get another opinion on the meds. I've not heard of a child being on two antipsychotics at the same time. Risperdal made my son very aggressive. You have to watch as well because the antipsychotics can cause diabetes. Are you getting regular blood work with him being on both? Tardive Dyskensia is another side effect of antipsychotics, especially when taken in higher dosages. My son is 13 and on 5 mg/day. What dose is your son on? Some meds can cause cognitive dulling as well (Risperdal and Depakote affected my ds this way). Please seek another opinion on all these meds he is on. at the same time. Also you mentioned in particular TWO seasons. These seasons happen to correspond with a lot of people/kids affected by bi-polar disorder: the depression in the Fall and mania in Spring. Has he been dx'd bp as well? There are other factors, of course, for pediatric bp. This is just one element. Lots of AS kids are dx'd with addt'l labels. Payne was on 2 meds (Risperdal - rx FOR aggression & Abilify/switched w/ Seroquel) and he didn't do well on them. We finally just went with one....since he didn't do well with Abilify by itself or Seroquel by itself or combined...we stayed with the Risperdal. My son is bipolar, as am I, seasons are hard, but combined with a moodstabilizer and SSRI (prozac in our case for anxiety) he does REALLY well.I just wanted to say hi and am so sorry that you are going through this. My son is also 11. But its my daughter that is suffering depression age 13. I too suffer from depression/bipolar disorder. I wanted to say like the others here that this is totally treatable for your son. My son has extensive self injury and is on a drug called Risperdone, at a very low dose (low doses seem to be more effective the younger they are) and this calms him a little, but doesn't stop the injury sadly. I think its too inbuilt in him now. Anyway. I have a friend with a son of 8 and he has talked of death and suicide as well - he is very verbal and has Aspergers. Please let us know how you are getting on, take care
hello all, my son has diagnosis of autism, bipolar and anxiety. He has been on so many meds but this combo seemed to be working up until 2 weeks ago which very much goes along with the season. I got a name of a psychologist who maybe able to work with him. Unfortunately in my area there is a shortage of good doctors who take medicaid. so we have to take what we get. He is really caught up on this negative talk and now onto a new subject sexuality..thanks for all the good advice and I will post my next issue sex on another "thread". take care, Angee Umjesse, I will pray for you. In meantime take a uicide threat seriously. Good luck Angee, I asked if he was dx'd bp because of the seasonal lability you listed and you affirmed. You probably know that hypersexuality is another element of pediatric bp. That said, the age itself may lend itself to the interest in sexuality. I've had to go through my cookies on my computer a few times cuz my 13yo has visited quite a few explicit websites |
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He has major problems with aggression, impulse control and is a very difficult child
. Hormones raging and growth spurts could be interfering with the effectiveness of his current meds.