language question

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	I could use some suggestions on a language issue from those who've maybe done ABA drills or similar to address this problem: As Don's grown more verbal and started to develop some early conversation skills, his ability to explain what he's upset about or wanting seems to have diminshed. For example, yesterday, we were going to Staples, which is near the mall. I'd prepped Donny for where we were going. He'd said "race to the mall", which is echolalia from a flyer, and his way of saying he wanted to go to the mall and browse/buy toys. I restated that we were NOT going to the mall, that we were going to Staples. As we made the turn away from the mall, towards Staples, he said "we can't!" I asked (knowing full well the answer), "what's wrong?", Donny responded "It's closed", I asked, "what is closed?", he said, "it's not closed, it's open", I again prompted "WHAT is closed Donny? What are you talking about", and he said "Staples is open" and shut down. This is a fairly typical exchange. Once upon a time, rather than being fairly compliant, but not using appropriate language, he would have been screeching "wrong way! I want Walmart!!!! Buy toys!" While I'm glad that he's not tantrumming anymore, I'd rather he was grumbling about wanting to go to Walmart, than about something being closed, and then changing it to "Staples is open". Similarily, sometimes I'll be driving somewhere and he starts getting agitated, saying "I can't". I'll ask "where do you want to go? What do you want?", and the only response I get is "we're going home" in a sullen voice. Many times I'd be open to taking him somewhere else, if he would just TELL me where he wanted to go. In the same vein, lately, when he's describing a problem or something else to me, instead of using the actual word, he'll use associated words, like categorizing. Where I see this frequently is if he's complaining of pain. He'll yell out because he's hurt himself. When I ask him if he's alright, he'll say "I'm okay", even if he's crying because it hurts. When I ask him what's the matter, he'll say "nothing's the matter", I ask what happenned, he says "nothing has happened". I'll continue prompting, asking "Don, where is your ow?", and he'll tell me (for example "my toe"), when I ask how he hurt it, he'll name a nearby body part. If I give a silly example of "did you hurt it by jumping off the roof", whereas he used to say "no!" and then correct me, now he'll just say "yes". So, it's become much more difficult to prompt out truths from him. Any ideas? Hayden has a very good vocabulary but what you said about donny getting hurt, hayden does this. Hes crying and i ask him if hes hurt and hel screech NO! andget upset at me for some reason. Then if i ask where did he get hurt hel either just try to block me out or hel tell me what hurt him, like the door if he banged into it and not understand that i want to know where he got hurt and im not a mind reader. Its frustrating, altho sometimes hel do fine and tell me but i dont know why he dosnt answer me or 'get it' when i ask him things. Hopefully someoen will give you some ideas that will help out Sometimes the "cloze" speech procedure can help.  You say; "I want..._____" and wait to see if he will finish the statement or repeat it with whatever it is he desires.  If that doesn't work after a few times, you can do "Mommy wants to go to Italy, but Donny wants to go to...________".  If that doesn't work, you can add in ludicrous suggestions that will capture his attention, redirect him momentarily, and get him to answer.  If Cole is asking repeatedly "but where's Daddy?" or he is saying,'no, I don't want to go to the candy store" (but he really does, he's putting words in my mouth and trying to talk himself into agreeing with me)....I will say: Gosh, where IS dad?  Is he in Africa?  Hmmmm, is Daddy in Antarctica?  Could he be on the moon?....these ridiculous questions somehow redirect Cole, and he'll say "Dad's at the office!  But he'll be home tonight." We had trouble getting him to accept we were taking him to soccer one day.  Had taken the boys to the pool for lunch, then loaded up and headed to the soccer field.  The day before, he had asked to go to the pool and I said "no, its going to rain."  So, as we're driving to soccer, he's doing exactly what you said Donny was doing.  Finally, Cole says "I think its going to rain.  Yes, soccer's over - its going to rain.  Let's go home now."  We actually were impressed with his attempted manipulation.  But did not give in. Then he asks, "do you want to go see the boats?  Cmon, let's go see the boats.  Soccer is over."  There is a marina we sometimes drive through to look at the sailboats, but we hadn't done this in months. I just thought he was throwing out any idea he could come up with.  My DH says - don't you get it?  In order to get to the marina, we have to drive PAST OUR HOUSE! Cole was again manipulating us by thinking of a place on the other side of our house so he could lure us back home on the way to see the boats. This whole thing drives us nuts, just as it does you, but the mental gyrations they go through are kinda something to be admired.  Cole doesn't tell us he's in pain, but he might say he is SOOO thirsty.  Or sooo hungry.  But then when you offer him a snack and drink, he is not interested. Good luck!  I think all this is a positive sign for our kids.  Go Donny! I think it can happen that when there is a lot of focus on compliance some of the other good stuff, like kids expressing what they want, can decrease. I know Donny has a ton of stuff going on and you have to weigh which skills you need to reinforce most for him to be able to function. I think if you really would like him to access his frustrations a little more you might have to stir the pot.
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