Being "different"--parents noticing it
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I have noticed that several of the other parents are questioning about J being "different". So, it's not just me. One of the dads came in the other morning and was talking to me about the Autism Speaks Video Glossary. He said that he thought about J when watching the videos and said he saw alot of the same things. He is studying to be a teacher, so he's really facinated with all of it. How do you hadle this type of thing where everyone else sees the autism, except the parents? I'm just so sad for J. Bless his heart, he's not getting what he deserves. Abby has been going to daycare full-time since she was about 6months old. Fortunately, the daycare teachers pickup like you seem to on some of the symptoms or delays. Me being on top of things and never being in denial it kinda of all worked out because I always noticed Abby was not quite up to par. One way I was really told was they had a meeting with me took out a test that they do and showed me where Abby was ranking. She was pretty much below average everywhere for her age. They call it a mandatory parent-teacher meeting , maybe you can have one and have on paper what exactly is he is doing or behind in. If the parents/parent asked for suggestions them maybe you can get into E.I.[quote]How do you hadle this type of thing where everyone else sees the autism, except the parents? I'm just so sad for J. Bless his heart, he's not getting what he deserves.[/quote]I encountered this situation when I was teaching school in Dumas. It's kind of sad when you know but can't really do anything to help. It's a very difficult situation-- and a long story! But, here goes a shortened version! I've been concerned since the early part of this year. Had been keeping a notebook of all the things that concerned me about J. Had a meeting with his mom back in June. She actually mentioned to me that she was affraid he had autism and after she said it, I agreed with her. First Steps (EI) came- observed one time for maybe an hour at his house- the lady said he was fine and just need speech. I think the lady must be crazy to not see it and thought it very unprofessional to be "so sure" to the parents and not do any other evals. J gets one day a week of speech- like 30 min. is all. It's not helping and the mother is the one who said that. He was 2 yrs. old back in Aug. and not saying anything. He is still doing the same exact things as he was back when she said autism, but that one lady has really screwed things up by saying what she did. Now, it's like the mom has been convinced. And now I feel weird about commenting on how I still feel. It sucks to be me sometimes. How do I do this without saying it wrong? I don't want her to feel like I'm constantly nagging or singling her child out. But clearly, other parents are seeing it too-- something is not right. Listen to this Story , Sound familiar, When Abby was first evaluated by E.I. she was 2years old. She had all her symtoms but too many words. So they said she was not eligiable for services. This was Sept 2006. So not much About ASD then I let it go for a couple of months 5months later , Abby was not improving so I got her re-evaluated by E.I. IN the interum I had her evaluated by a developmental ped. and she was diagnosed with Autism/PDD/. E.I. evaluated her again a week after she got the Dx. I did not tell them and presto, she was eligible. She should get him re-evaluated. I want to ask her to have him re-evaluated, but would I be butting in too much? Pretty much, all talk about it stopped after the meeting we had. She rarely informs me on what she thinks is going on with him, like she doesn't want to know the truth. Being a parent myself, I wouldn't like to be in this situation either, but she needs to get it right for J's sake. But, as a parent, how would you like to hear your babysitter telling you this?(being re-evaluated) It's just weird!!! I've been keeping J for almost a year now, and I don't really have that close of a relationship with the mom. It's like she does know, but isn't admitting it any more. Her mom confronted me about the austism thing several months before I met with J's mom. The grandmother knows it, but she hasn't mentioned it after the eval either. What's going on with them? Why do they not understand that they're wasting so much time? She must be in a state of acceptance not denial. Acceptance on what E.I. originally told her. She prob. does not get to close to you because you are a threat to her normal way of life.That is a real shame for this young boy. Maybe something will open her eyes soon enough. Laceyone, I think you just nailed it-- maybe she does see me as a threat.
I have not read all the replys, but just want to say that my son is my 3rd child. I have 2 girls 14 and 9 and then my baby he's 25 months. I did not see things at first. i am apart of another message board that has a parenting section. I posted about head banging, alot came on saying yeah, their kids do it. I then posted that I thought my son had a hearing problem, he had stopped talking, and seemed to be ignoring me. At that time others who have autistic children posted that he might be, and yes I took offense. I thought, well he's delayed not autistic, and then I started researching. The seed was planted, I did not react very well to it, but I couldn't let it go and I realized Conner was autistic. Took him to his pedi who spent an hour with him, and then told me, yes he's autistic. This was 2 weeks ago. Sorry so long, I guess what I'm trying to say is even if the reaction isn't good, it plants the seed and hopefully they'll look into like I did. HTHs You're in a tough situation. I know when I was concerned about my son having autism everyone would tell me that he's fine, but I did have a friend who would tell me that things my son were doing reminded her of a boy she knows who has autism. I was so defensive and hated when she would tell me that. But like the pp said the seed was planted. I even had "experts" tell me he was not on the spectrum as well. Sometimes it takes awhile for parents to accept it. If she's around her son a lot and around other NT kids she is going to have to come around. But if you do approach her again I would be ready for her to still be in denial, but at least let her know that you are still concerned. Good luck. I think you're genuine concern for the child in your care shows through inyour posts. I believe you can write a well thought out letter to the parents. Let them know how hard it is for you. Let them know other parents have asked about him. Perhaps you can videotape him at your home for them to watch. Young children often behave differently at home than at daycare/school. My son was first referred for evals at 2.5. It turns out his teachers believed he couldn't speak, because he never did at school. He was talkling in full sentences at home! He was engaged and made excellent eyecontact with both his dad and I at home. At school he either hid under the table with his hands over his ears or walked the perimeter of the room--so you may get the idea how different behaviors at home+ a good dose of denial in these parents could blind them to the problem. I kind of think you would rather have them "be mad" at you than keep avoiding the topic. If he truly does have autism, in time, they will remember how thoughtful and helpful you were in getting their son the help he needed. Good Luck.This may sound like a conspiracy, but maybe ask the dad who was asking you questions to ask his mom. Sometimes it is worse to face another parent asking what you are doing for your child. Maybe she'll say she's getting another opinion, then go get one. If enough people ask her about her helping her son, the more motivated she may get. Also, give her a little time.Hi. Sometimes I think they just have to figure it out on their own. I was totally against the idea that Parker had autism at first. It scared me to death. I was actually angry with the people who suggested anything about it. He had been evaluated two times and both times he just said he had a speech delay but that we would watch him. I didn't point out his autism like symptoms because I was afraid they would just think he had autism and diagnose him wrong. I was just sure he would grow out of it. It took another person mentioning it and me seeing him around typical kids his age. I looked up autism and finally decided that it did sound like Parker and that we needed to have him evaluated again. Maybe she'll get it on her own. Maybe if she brings it up sometime, mention that sometimes they can't tell until later. Good luck, you are in a hard place to be. Thanks for all your replies-- You all have helped me quite a bit. I'll keep you posted on any news. I'm thinking about trying to bring it up again, MAYBE!!! Hi,I know that I had brought up what I went through with my son at his daycare center in the past. My provider would bring up those "red flags" to me a lot. It got to the point that I was really annoyed, but I knew she was right. I just wasn't ready to face it. I decided to switch day care centers, and see if his behavior improved. Within 3 weeks, the new provider called me up at work. She said "If you have somewhere to go after work, leave Matt here, because he's cranky". I told her thank you. She went on to say, "while I have you on the phone, I wanted to tell you that I'm concerned with his speech". That's when I decided to go ahead and give her the green light to request a county evaluator to come in. The way she expressed her concern was so much nicer than the original provider, who I just felt was constantly bringing up his faults. Of course, now I realize that she meant well, but just didn't handle her wording properly. I would definitely approach the situation as your concern, because you truly care for the child. Tell her in a caring way, that you just don't feel comfortable with the speech therapist's evaluation of him, and what does she think about it? If she agrees with you, she may even open up to you. That's what happened to me. Her approach was so warm, that when she mentioned his speech, I asked her, "is that all you notice that's concerning?". She said, "let's just start with the speech". She knew that the evaluator would pick up the other issues. So, if you decide to pursue it, just be caring. Don't mention the other parents noticing. This little boy is lucky to have someone who cares so much!! good luck nakama I understand your concern about his mom getting mad, but in the end it isn't about her getting upset...It is about J getting the support and help that he needs to grow to be the great person that you see inside him. You should re-visit the eval topic. I didn't read all the replies, sorry, but I just want to say that when Mason was younger between the ages of 2 & 3 he really had soooo many traits of autism, that I didn't realize at the time...Mason has brain damage and I was told his delays and symptoms were from that, so I didn't look into autism. Now I wish someone would have told me more about it, talked to me...I might have pursued it more and been able to get earlier intervention for him. My suggestion is to just talk to her. Give her some pamphlets or books about autism, explain what you are seeing. She might be relieved that someone else is seeing things she is seeing. And if not, and she does get mad then there really is nothing you can do anyway. But just make sure at least one of the things you give her lists the things you are seeing and also talks about early intervention. Even if she is mad in the beginning, she might pursue this down the road and because of you she will have some ideas on what to do. Good luck, you are great to care so much about this little boy. And hopefully the parents will see this too. |
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I just want him to be able to blossom and grow and be as normal as possible. And until they can help me out, it's not going to be possible.