Husband leaves soon to go overseas | Autism PDD

GOOD LUCK to you while he is gone and remember we are here 4 you.

tel your dh thank you from kates family. I PERSONALLY apreciate his service.

kate

I have a friend who has 2 young children on the spectrum, her DH was in Iraq for a year. She lives in Tx and I know she would love to email meet you and offer you support and encouragment If / when you feel you need it). She noted more acting out behaviors AFTER her DH returned, as they all got use to him being home.

I will hold your family in my thoughts and prayers. I appreciate your family's sacrifice and your DH's service.

My husband will leave for Irag in a couple of weeks and be gone for four months. He has gone on short trips before but never this long since we've had our two children. Ds is very close to dh and I wonder if he will understand that daddy will be gone and will come back. I was wondering if I should expect more aggressive behavior and maybe a lot of acting out. Has anyone else ever dealt with this, and if so what did you do? When dh has left before for classes ds did seem moody and to not understand why his daddy was gone. I guess I'm just worried about ds and his reaction to all of this. Thanks

What I've started doing, as my husband leaves for 6 mos to the Middle East, is talking about his "long" trip. I'm also using criteria to explain it he understands... such as he goes away just before x-mas and will be home just before school ends. Also my husband gave him a stuffed animal to hug when he misses him, so he knows he's still around (and I was super impressed he thought of that all by himself!!!).

I usually find there are some behr problems when he is gone, but like you, it has never been for so long, I think a month max. He was deployed a lot at the last posting. I've asked for postcards to be sent, or you can set up pre-made e-cards to be sent.

Only thing I can think of to do is lots of talking about it and trying to put it in way he can understand by using calandar dates my son cares about.

WIll he have internet access?? The camp my hubby is in will so we can still msgr and I was thinking of a digi cam to send photos (did you know jewelry is really cheap over there ;) Especially the gold market......

Hope this helps....

Panthosette

Thanks for the suggestions panthosette, he will have msgr and we have a digital camera so that should help. Also we have photos of dh that I can show to ds while he is gone. I need to let hubby know about the cheap jewelry

I'll keep telling ds about the deployment and hopefully he will understand, at least a little.Thanks Jean and Kate,
dh also says thanks

I just have so much anxiety right now over not knowing how things are going to go when dh is gone and worrying about dh while he is over there. I'm just thankful for all the support I get on this board, I really appreciate it

We are Army and my husband to is going to Iraq next year. He was recently gone for 6 months and it was a rough because our son is a daddy's boy. The things that REALLY helped us:

1) Make a video of your husband and child playing and of your husband talking to your child so after he leaves you can play the video

2) Don't be afraid to talk about daddy. It will be rough at first but saying things like "Daddy loves you and misses you" everyday does help. It lets them know that daddy has not forgotten them

3) I bought a pillow that has a photo pocket in it and put my husbands picture in it. Junior would kiss it, hug it, and tell daddy good night. He also slept with it. He seemed to feel closer to daddy that way because he was able to give him hugs and he would hold the pillow and just babble away at the picture.

4) I also made a little book of pictures of us together as a family that he could take anywhere we went. Even after a few months he still would have a rare day where all he wanted was daddy and that book seemed to help.

I hope this helps. We will be praying for your family!!!

~Brooke~

My xdh moved to the Netherlands a year ago. Before that he spent EVERY weekend with Paul so it was very hard. Everything above sounds great, really great. The challenge for us was to keep it consistent and simple. Xdh sent e-cards, photos, we sent them too....ultimately it would be too much for him or me and we'd miss a week. We were trying to do too much. So we decided to change it to an agreed minimum, which is an e-mail everyday. They are short, and in large print and a bright color and one question to answer, "did you go swimming today". And x can do that and be consistent. We can answer no matter how crazy it is. Paul is 10 so he dictates and I type everything except his name and send button he does.

Most weeks we do more. Pics, e-cards, attachments, he'll send postcards from his travels, I'll scan Paul's school work,etc. But we realized that for Paul the most important thing was consistency. It was better to make sure there was some level that we knew we could do every day even when life is crazy. And with Daddy in Iraq and Mommy at home with 2 little ones--I'm thinkin' it's gonna get a little nuts sometimes!!

Good luck! And we are always here for support. And speaking of support, I do thank and support the troops for what they do.

pat

First, I would like to say to all the military families on this board......... A HUGE THANK YOU for the sacrafices that your loved ones and you make for our freedom...........God Bless you all.........

I might suggest that you get a world map from maybe wal-mart and talk to him about the trip daddy has to take and where he is going.........I know you said he is only 3 but it may help.........also he might help daddy pack and get ready for his big trip.........maybe get daddy to pack cameras take pictures to send to ds while he is gone..........of what daddy is doing......daddy in jeep, daddy in the tent....whatever.........so that ds knows that daddy didn't leave HIM but has a job to do.............I know when my step son was younger (he is almost 10 now) and he lived with his mom 8 hours away we used to do these things with him........ to help him understand why he didn't see daddy every day.........he only saw his dad 1 weekend a month.........I wish i could be of more help.......please give you hubby a big hug and thank you from our family for what he is doing.......and tell him we will be praying for him............Good luck and God Bless...........

even if daddy is not able to email you children, send one to yourself, pretending to be daddy, like santa..... maybe a daddy pillowcase. great ideas from cookie!

the video is going to be a life saver for you. we know how our kids love videos. try to make a video diary of him too for his own progress.

i hope that with the time dh is gone, it will help you to get onto a good routine. it would be easier for daddy to join in on the new routine when he comes home. just give him taht mindset now, that when he come home, he will have to adjust himself to the childs new schedule.

remember, we are always here for any of you and have i shoulder to lend.

kate

Thanks for all the responses and great ideas, Dh and I will use all of the ideas and then some

I'm so happy I have this board to come to and get neat ideas and support, once again thanks to everyone

Hopefully things will go well and I wont lose my cool over the next four months. To all the military families on this board thanks for your service and sacrifice it is much appreciated. Thank you.

Candy,

Hi...We are a military family. My husband is infantry (army) and was in iraq for a year during the inital occupation. He is doing drill sgt time right now but he will probably have to go back again when he gets back to his old unit again. I know what you are feeling here. It's very hard. Adam was not diagnosed at the time that hubby was gone but I did know that something was wrong...just didnt' know what. Deployments are hard even when you dont' have a special needs child. I just wanted to let you know that I have been there and am here if you ever need anyone to talk to. Take care,

Karrie

My husband is active duty Army and he was in Korea all last year. He just got back a month ago. We had great plans for him to email, call, send pictures, but honestly..not that much got done

Aloha, Renee

If your husband is normally part of bedtime routines and/or reads books to the kids. Maybe before he leaves you can video tape him reading their favorite books. He can also say his I love you's and good night on the video for the kids. I wish you all the best of luck! I was in the Navy for 5 years, but got out 2 months before 9/11 when my son was 6 months old. I know it is a very hard life, stay strong and wish everyones spouses a safe return no matter where they are!