Someone finally called cops.
| Back to Autism Information >> Next Topic | ||
|
How in the world do we deal with this? I do the best I can with the circumstances I have but I am losing my mind. This morning, I was getting my kids ready for school and my younger son, with autism, has been increasingly getting irritated with having to wear clothes, coats especially but it is cold out. He refuses shoes and most of the time will not wear socks. This morning he declared an all out war (he's 4). Now, at school, he will wear clothes, but again, hates the shoes. His teachers are working with him about wearing the shoes, calling it shoe camp, where they put the shoes on him and take him for a walk. He screams bloody murder over this. Well, we are simply just trying to get him to be comfortable with them. Anyway...this morning, I don't bother with shoes, the socks won't go on, but he is screaming like someone is killing him because I am putting jeans on him and then a coat (again, it is cold outside). I try to get him out the door quickly, as we live in an apartment complex because I know the other people must be wondering what the hell is going on. He's been screaming now for a good 5 minutes or longer. I am at my wits end. I get him to the car, still screaming, and we leave to take them to their dad's. He screams the whole way there while removing his clothes. I drop them off and go back home to call work to tell them I will be a little bit late (I needed some cool off time!) and there they are, two police cars in my parking lot. One is just leaving and the other officer is getting in her car. I approach her and I ask her if she is there because of the screaming kid. She says yes and I tell her he is autistic, he doesn't like to wear clothes but that it is cold and I was just trying to dress him and get him out the door. She asks where is he now, I tell her he is at his dad's, they are going to school. She was really sympathetic and tells me not to worry, my name would not go in any report and so on. This is the first time someone has called the police on me, but someone did once call the police on my ex for grabbing my older son and carrying him up the stairs after he wouldn't comply. That was just a couple months back so now between the two of us, we have the police called on us twice because of autism (my older son is dx aspergers). This scares the crap out of me. The boy won't stop screaming just because someone called the cops on his mom. I am tired of doing this alone, feeling alone, having no support, and then to have the blow of the cops being called. Yes, if I heard a child scream like that I might call the cops too. Seriously, how in the world do we get through this? I had this happen at the old apartment conplex I lived in before my divorce. What I did when we moved to the new apartment was print out a flier about autism and took one to each neighbor. I explained to the neighbors that B had autism and that meltdowns in the middle of the night were pretty common. I explained to them that sometimes there is no comforting and he just had to get it all out by screaming. The neighbors were very understanding and even though we had very thin walls and B screamed alot, we never got the cops called in that place. Write letters about what happened and why put them in envelops and paste on you neighbors doors. All of them. Tell them that if the police could help you would have called yourself long ago. It is such a tough situation. Mason is the same way, but luckily our neighbors are all pretty much aware that Mason is special needs...most of them don't know all the details, but it still helps that they at least know that they shouldn't call the cops on us for child abuse if they see Mason having a complete meltdown outside and me trying to drag him in the house. Maybe just a friendly letter to the neighbors, simply explaining the situation, you don't have to go into extreme details. But rather than calling the cops they might be willing to offer help or at least ignore the screaming til the situation is at hand. Also Mason has a lot of the same problems your ds has...we did a brushing technique to desensitize his body so clothes aren't as big of a problem. He still hates shoes and we have just been sending slippers to school for him to wear in the spec. ed room...he has comprimised with us, wearing his regular shoes in the regular classroom and slippers in the spec. ed classroom. Also what helped for us was buying him really loose fitting shoes. Good luck and try not to worry about this too much. At least the cops were understanding! Hugs! I might be the only one who is actually GLAD that someone called...in the day and age we are in - too many people are minding their own business. I mean I read a story about a 7 year old girl being raped in broad daylight on a sidewalk! Criminals are being bold...taking women and children hostage in a parking lot full of people! In the town I live in a 90 year old woman was home invaded, assaulted and eventually died from the trauma b/c no one called the cops even though they heard her screaming! Cops show up - tell them about your son or better go to the police station and do a preemptive move...tell them BEFORE anyone gets the chance. That way they'd have his picture in case he ever gets out too...not all kids are runners, but mine is. Wow -I'm sure you are worn down. I'm glad you talked to the cops insteadof just slinking back into the house. Now they know, in case more calls come. I once had a doctor tell me that he would file a report if I came in again - my ds (before his dx) had a very high pain thresh-hold and needed 4 sets of stitches at age 2. The doc started not to believe me when I said that he would just throw himselve of the couch into the radiator. I can see why. I guess a neighbor calling the cops is not altogether bad, it shows that in their way they are willing to look out for a little kid. Do they seem nice enough that you'd consider witing a letter to the other tendants, explain why there is so much screaming and see if someone is willing to help out? Either way - that was a bad bad way to start out the morning, I hope you can give yourself a littlecool off time. Hang in there.This has happened to us several times. Inoforming your neighbors is good but there is always goign to be that one cranky neighbor who doesn't care and calls the cops anyway. What we did is notify the police and fire department that our daughter is autistic. They put it on file so now anytime the police come out it shows up on their in-car comp that there is a disabled resident and the nature of the disability. This clears up all confusion before they even get there and then they just do their SoP check in and chat with you a few minutes, maybe get a cup of coffee. We always had great interactions with the PD. Notifying the FD is good too because now, if there is a fire, the FD knows that there is an autisic in the house and they know what to expect and look for if she's missing. You absolutely need to let the neighbors know. I would say in a letter that someone called the cops, and although you are VERY appreciative that they are concerned for your son (okay LIE about that if you have to! I would be as NICE and INFORMATIVE as you possibly can. You may not always run into nice police officers - just like that pediatrician who was very suspicious about the radiator (even though you can't blame him - but he should have educated himself more on autism!). I would also go to the local police station and give them info on your child and let them know that even though you have distributed these letters, there is the possibility that they may be called. Is there a noise ordinance for your building? In other words, could the landlord try to evict you due to noise? Good luck on this! I suppose she could, but she was made aware from almost the beginning that my son is autistic. We had an incident with a neighbor who is no longer living there who would scream all kinds of nasty things at me and my kids because my son jumps up and down on the floor (a stim of my sons). I'm sure she could evict us, but let's hope she wouldn't do that because he is disabled. But who knows...Thanks everyone for your support. It means a lot and very, very few people IRL are as supportive as you all are. [QUOTE=snoopywoman] You absolutely need to let the neighbors know. I would say in a letter that someone called the cops, and although you are VERY appreciative that they are concerned for your son (okay LIE about that if you have to! I would be as NICE and INFORMATIVE as you possibly can. You may not always run into nice police officers - just like that pediatrician who was very suspicious about the radiator (even though you can't blame him - but he should have educated himself more on autism!). I would also go to the local police station and give them info on your child and let them know that even though you have distributed these letters, there is the possibility that they may be called. Is there a noise ordinance for your building? In other words, could the landlord try to evict you due to noise? Good luck on this! [/QUOTE]I would hope that she wouldn't either - you might have a legal case there. On the other hand, I would guess that she would have some basis for argument if people are moving out over it. I really, really hope this gets better for you soon. I'm sorry you're going through this! I would also do the fire station thing - like Firefiend suggested. It's important for law enforcement people to know and have some education in what to do in case of an emergency at your house. Some people recommend having a sticker on the child's window indicating that the child has a disability, but others have been cautious about doing so because it could draw predators. I feel for you enormously! My ds just turned 4, and he scream louder than anyone I have ever known . Our houses are SOOOO close together in our neighborhood. I know people had to be wondering. I went to my 4 closest neighbors and said basicly,"my son has autism, I dont know If you knew, but I am telling alot of our neighbors because ds has been going through a screaming phase lately and we are trying our best to work on it. I just wanted you to know what was going on." Everyone was very nice, but I know that is not always the case. I guess all you can do is be as honest and open with your neighbors as possible. If I did not know about autism and heard my neighbors kid scream like my ds, I would think...what in the world???!!!!!Good luck with everything. I know screaming is so hard. Take care.We have had times when I am just waiting for police to knock on my door. It sounds awful when he screams.
{hugs} I am sorry you had to deal with that Where I live a lot of the local law enforcement are trained in Autism, which is really cool. We also have a tracking system(mainly for Alzehimers(sp?)) so that if anyone gets away they can find them eaiser. I would say that the law enforcement is pretty good about handling special needs children(well at least where I live). I understand what you're going though. You all are going to love this one. When J was 1 yrs she was a handful always has been since birth. Anyways, My step dad lived a street away from my mom. I was spending time at my step dad's. J was screaming her head off bec she wanted me to hold her all day long!! I laid her down for a nap and she started screaming. 5 mins later, my biological mom shows up, removes J from the bed, and tells me I can't allow her to cry. That was 6 yrs ago.I will never live on base housing unless I'm in Japan. (That is only if I can't find a place, off base.) The reason why my kid love to scream and sometimes I raise my voice. I don't spank but loud noices would have base cops over daily. I don't know how anyone with young kids can live on base. You need to go to your local police station and speak with them. They ought to be trained, but most aren't. Put them on notice. Ask that they get some training. When my son was 9, we were coming home from having picked him up from my girlfriend's home, about half an hour away. She had been babysitting for him for the evening while my husband and I went out (a rare thing). Well, he didn't really want to leave, eventhough it was late. He complied, but after only about 5 minutes in the car, he started howling about going back. We didn't take him back (it was nearly midnight). During the long ride home, my nerves got so totally shot that I asked my husband to let me walk the last block home, alone, in the nighttime silence. After less than a minute, my son also got out of the car and insisted on walking with me. The screaming had lessened but it wasn't gone. One of the people in the neighborhood poked her head out the door to ask what was going on. I told her my son was autistic and had had a meltdown. He was loud, at that time, but not doing anything else -- just holding my hand, walking. We got to our house about a minute after I spoke to this woman. Once inside, my son completely calmed down. Of course, my nerves were still frazzled and so were my husband's, so we decided to watch some TV before hitting the sack. Well, soon there were lights shining into our livingroom from the front porch. The police! When we went to the door, I told them our son (who by that time was calm) was autistic. The cops actually gasped, took a few steps back and apologized. I wanted to tell them it wasn't catching, but it seemed clear to me that the "A" word really scared these guys. We haven't had a single incident since and it's been about 7 years.My daughter takes her shoes off all the time. it used to be worse. outside in the winter, in the middle of the mall, you name it. Now i rub her feet every morning and night with massage oil. I figure it is a sensory thing. I also reward her for keeping her shoes on. And, yes, sometimes she screams to take them off, but it is a lot less. Try to find a way to work on the behaviors and figure out why he is taking off his shoes, reward him for the correct behavior. best of luck missnippy I totally feel for you and sympathize. I am a retired police dispatcher of 10 years. Call the non emergency number for your local pd. Ask to speak to the Communications Supervisor and ask them if they can flag your address with a temporary file (CAD SYSTEMS are commonly used and they can put in Hazard or Temporary Files easily) or something. As someone else said, they may have a book or list of Alzheimers patients and can create one for Autism or kids at risk, perhaps including a photo,name,address and you might add if he is verbal or aggressive, medically fragile and a few contact names & phone numbers. I always worry my son will get out the house and not be able to tell someone where he lives or how to get ahold of me. We keep our house on lockdown but you never know. You also could ask to see if you have a "Beat Sgt." or officer assigned to your area. Like the others said perhaps give them a flyer on autism and just explain. If the police are called, they have to respond just to make sure no one is really killing eachother. If they know ahead of time what is going on it just deflates the whole situation and more than likely they will just send 1 unit, no lights and they will be sympathetic. Good Luck! This is just a suggestion on the shoes and clothes issue... My daughter was the same way. She is 7 now and has improved. Til about 6, she didn't want to wear anything. In the winter months, I put her in only sweat suits. Elastic wastebands didn't bother her near as much as jeans. I also got her pull on slippers that had the fuzzy stuff inside. They were a wonderful alternative to socks and shoes and really warm, plus, some of them had her favorite characters on them. Our school didn't mind her wearing them to school. They were just happy she was completely clothed! Depending on the size of your local PD, you may have a different officer responding every time a call comes through. I would definitely contact them and find out how to have your address flagged. If you are in a small area with a few officers I would ask them if your child can meet the officers. Not just for your son, but for the officers. Knowing your son, even if from a very informal meeting, personalizes him to the officers. He's not just "that autistic kid", he's Anthony, the boy that lives at 123 Main Street that has autism. If your department is bigger, call your local district, station or precint and ask to speak to their community policing officer or neighborhood relations officers (or some other such name) and ask them what programs they may offer for children with special needs. They may very well be able to fingerprint him, etc, for identification purposes if necessary. Also, you may be able to arrange a meeting with the officers that work your area or beat on a regular basis. Here, in Chicago, they have a training video and bulletin for officers regarding persons with autism.
I'm actually surprised that my neighbours havent called the police over the years - I would have if I'd heard a child screaming to the extent lachlan did 12 months ago. I would definately go with the others suggestions of printing out a flyer and putting it into everyones mailbox. You might be surprised at the response. Good Luck. I have to agree with snoopywoman. I don't think it's safe or wise to tell everyone. Let them call the cops. Then explain to the police. If you need to, have some articles handy. Or bring those articles to the local police station and ask that they alert their police that your child has autism and it prone to screaming and melting down on occasion. I'd tell the neighbors in person when it seems appropriate, but I would not send out flyers advertising autism. Many people will become fearful, suspicious or just darned mean about it. I say, let the cops come. And then let them learn.I feel for you! Glad the cops were so understanding. Leah would constantly get out of the house .... she had a knack for it. I could be standing 2 feet from her and she would just disappear. Our neighbors called the cops on us because she was running down the street stark naked. When we finally got a diagnosis on her, they were really sorry and I think realized we weren't as bad of parents as they thought.  When she escaped again awhile after that and we had 75 people here searching for several hours. I was worried, but the emergency crew and people were very supportive. All our neighbors are now. The wristag has helped us a lot. She hates wearing clothes as well, but will dress to leave the house, but will strip in the doorway when we get home. Sorry about the tantrums, I can just give you  Leah has them as well, but I know not as bad as many people and living in a house is a lot different. Sorry to hear you're having a tough time with the transition to colder weather. We've had sensory issues with boots and snowsuits, and it's no fun! As far as dealing with the police goes, children with autism are actually 7 times more likely to have to deal with emergency officials than NT children, and it's a good idea to contact your local police, fire, and ambulance personnel before an emergency arises (or perceived emergency, like in your case). The Autism Society of America's Philadelphia chapter has a helpful section on police and safety. This includes a form that parents can fill out and give to police, fire and ambulance personnel before an emergency situation arises. The information on the form is what the FBI recommends providing about people with autism. http://www.asaphilly.org/policeandsafety.htm Good luck with everything. Im so sorry it must be soo hard! Luckily no ones called the cops on us (yet) and I am surprised sometimes that no one has considering my son serioiusly makes it sound like we are texas chainsaw massacreing him! Must be extra hard living in an apartment complex. Sorry I dont know what to say! My son also hates wearing clothes altho he lately hes alittle better and actually tolerates them when hes out but alot of times it is an all out battle to get him dressed TO go out. I understand you worrying since its the second time the cops have been called but maybe they have it on file that your children have autism or maybe you could somehow do that? Hang in there! I have one suggestion that may help with the aversion to clothes. He may have a sensory issue with your detergent. I know it sounds off, but that was an issue with my son. He would strip all the time. I changed to a detergent that has no perfumes or dyes (All Free and Clear seems to be his best tolerated although in a pinch I have used the new Cheer Free stuff). Now he stays dressed. Another option would be loose fitting clothes. I would buy regular boy briefs before, but now he tells me that the boxerish briefs feel better to him. I also buy shirts with no tags rather than cutting the tags because even cut tags would bother him.
As far as the cops thing...I agree with the posts about informing the PD and FD about your son. Informing the neighbors closest to you would be a good idea as well. If tantrums and screaming are an issue in public you could try making up business cards explaining that your child has autism and is currently over-stimulated. Then give them to people if they but in trying to be helpful.
Hope this helps. God Bless I am so sorry this happened to you as well as it has for us!!! We live on the Army post and yet our neighbors have nothing better to do than speculate or gossip!!! Mind you, we have an Autism awarness garden flag, the stickers on the windows in case of an emergency, they have seen the workers before come in to work with our son, etc (this was when he was 5). Our neighbors called the mp's, child protection services, etc on us because at the time my son liked to be without clothes and would sit in our picture windows with no clothes on. Not to mention he was very skinny because he would only eat diary foods at that time. When they all arrived, we were ready when we saw the cars. We keep copies of my son's med records at home and all his diagnosis papers too. The police and all dismissed it BUT since they had to come and investigate.......... it stays on my husbands military records for x amount of years!!!!!
We are lucky now- I guess you can say that- we live in a great upper rank neighborhood with 5 other autie families as well!!!! What I like is when some ignorant folks call the police because your child is having a melt down in a store- they dont want to listen to us just jump at the facts they think are right!!!
Good luck to you and you did the right thing by talking with the officers first!!! [QUOTE=momofboys]I am so sorry this happened to you as well as it has for us!!! We live on the Army post and yet our neighbors have nothing better to do than speculate or gossip!!! Mind you, we have an Autism awarness garden flag, the stickers on the windows in case of an emergency, they have seen the workers before come in to work with our son, etc (this was when he was 5). Our neighbors called the mp's, child protection services, etc on us because at the time my son liked to be without clothes and would sit in our picture windows with no clothes on. Not to mention he was very skinny because he would only eat diary foods at that time. When they all arrived, we were ready when we saw the cars. We keep copies of my son's med records at home and all his diagnosis papers too. The police and all dismissed it BUT since they had to come and investigate.......... it stays on my husbands military records for x amount of years!!!!! We are lucky now- I guess you can say that- we live in a great upper rank neighborhood with 5 other autie families as well!!!! [/QUOTE]My hubby is an officer. We'll never live on base. When he was section commander. He had to listen to a lot of pity complaints about on base housing. So and so's, grass is to big and they need to water the lawn etc. Yes lots of gossip. No one knows about my kids but my hubby's boss. he's so scared of that happening! Thank goodness They responded well for you! I was wondering the other day- you know how neighborhoods post " deaf child" signs? why don't we have autism signs???? I mean, how many autistic kids out there respond like they are deaf? or run off, or don't have fear of the road etc. Wouldn't it be helpful to alert the neighborhood? I just think it might be helpful if they knew they were there to help, instead of avert their eyes or call the cops anyone? I would LOVE having a sign!!!!! Like I said we have several Autie families in my neighborhood alone!!!!!!! My son is a huge runner- even though my house is like ft. knox, he can still figure out how to get out!! that is a huge fear of mine that something will happen before i can get outside! |
||
|
Copyright Autism-PDD.net
|
) but that this is not uncommon behavior for children with autism. Give a list of behaviors that your son might do and say that you are getting therapies for him and are trying very hard. And, that you understand that it is hard to hear a child screaming for long periods of time and that you will do your best to take care of him and possibly get him out of the building if that happens. But, that sometimes that won't be possible. 