Laughing when others are hurt : /
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Can anyone tell me, is there a social story I can use or what do you do if you have dealt with this??? Ali finds out things amusing...sadly, one of which is when people get hurt : / Saturday a girl fell and hurt herself in her dance class and Ali laughed hysterically at the poor girl. The teacher had to have a talk with her. But I know it will happen again. She does it all the time at home. If someone hurts themself or if she does something to hurt them, their pain makes her laugh. Other times if someone gets hurt, she just is oblivious and does not show empathy. Last night, she was angry at me and hit me in the back. She acted worried when I said I couldn't breathe...but one minute later was right back to bugging me to let her watch television (this was at bedtime). Anyway, what can I do to help her with not laughing and being respectful and caring when someone is hurt?? J tried to drown her brother and was laughing. J. got punished and has stopped doing the laughing part.I have the same situation with my four year old dd. I just keep scripting it out with her. Explaining that when someone gets hurt it is not funny and if she accidentally causes someone to be hurt she must say I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I also have this concept in her IEP so the speech teacher drills her on this at school as well. She is getting much better now. At two I would say she had almost no empathy but now she does. ttfn I have the same problem also with my 3 year old. It really scares me sometimes that he will never outgrow this. I also have done scripting with him on this issue and he now responds but without feeling, He might say he's sorry or I didn't mean it but never sounds sincere. I also have a feeling board which we work on daily, It shows all the emotions and we go through each one, I ask both boys to tell me something that made them angry today, Or I'll ask Michael, How do you think Timmy felt when you hit him today???? I've only been doing this for about a week so I don't know yet if its helping. My ds sometimes laughs when someone gets hurt. It is one of my petpeeves and I have talked a lot about it with him. I believe that my ds does not laugh because he actually thinks it is funny or takes joy in it but because he does get very overwhelmed by strong shows of emotion like someone crying when hurt. I have been working with him on how he can take care of his own anxiety and be helpful at the some time. Now if someone gets hurt he sometimes runs away screaming "someone is hurt!" I prefer that to him standing there laughing but I would like him to get to a point where he can help that person. From some of the reading I have done and discussions with folks who have autism - a lot of the time they don't mean to laugh. They are overwhelmed by the situation and don't know how to react. So, laughter comes out - sometime I laugh nervously when I don't know how to react and I bet some of you have done that as well. This is on a broader scale. I hope I'm explaining it right - the people on this board who have autism can certainly correct me or expand more to help out I hope! Ds occasionally has done this - but it was a while ago. He has always had some amount of empathy though and is good at reading my face to know that what he is doing is not appropriate. That skill was partly learned and partly inborn. We have had to fine-tune the skill, in other words. But, I can now give him the "mom look" and he knows to stop (that doesn't mean he always will. He usually does, but once in a while he gets a "well, I'm going to do it anyway" look on his face and does just that!). Basically what we did is be extremely consistent about explaining what he should do instead of laughing. Just explaining why he shouldn't is enough - you have to teach them the skill of what TO do next time. And practice - set up situations in which someone is "getting hurt" (but not really) and then model how to react and then have him try. This will not happen overnight! And some kids are quicker at picking up on this than others - just like any skill that our kids learn. I think the fact that she at least acted worried about you when you said you couldn't breathe is a good sign. I have also read/heard that if the kids "fake it" enough that it starts to sink in. I could be wrong though! Oh! I forgot to add that one thing we taught ds to do was when someone was crying for him to go get a Kleenex for them. This was at least a socially appropriate reaction and it got him away from the situation in case he started to laugh. He also runs to get our ice pack if someone gets hurt. I think if you teach them something to DO, it will eventually get rid of the laughter for the most part. Ds now is known to get down on the ground with someone and ask "Are you okay? Do you need a band-aid (kleenex, ice pack - whatever is appropriate)? He will then run to get it and if they don't need anything, he will just stay by them and make sure they are okay. Seriously, it was a lot of work - but the progress has been amazing! He is the type of child that needs to DO something. I think crying also bother his ears (auditory sensitivity) so that used to make him react inappropriately as well.Snoopywoman, Thank you, the action approach sounds like a wonderful idea. Ali def. needs a hand on, constantly DOING something approach with everything. Sometimes I think she does not mean to laugh or is not happy the person is hurt...but other times I think she does actually take joy in it....which scares me. Like when she hits me, the more hurt I seem, the more she laughs. I know what you mean. Every once in a while, I feel the same about ds - he once in a great while seems to be happy if he is hurting me. This only occurs when he is in his "about-to-meltdown" phase - which doesn't happen very often and the laughing is even rarer. I hope the "action approach" works well for you! Good luck! I actually did this, myself I think in second or third grade (and still remember). It WAS involuntary and did not represent my feelings about the injury. Please keep this in mind in reacting to your child -- I still feel the shame I experienced when a teacher told me it was not funny and laughing was wrong ... I try not to dwell on things or over react to anything. Sometimes when I tell Ali it is not funny, she laughs more/harder. If I ask her if she thinks it is funny, sometimes she says yes. The thing that worries me is that Ali is now doing this in public and of course such behavior is not acceptable at her dance school and she has been a bad influence on the other children-of course she does not realize this....but some of the others have started a few of her behaviors that they never had before. I was just at a conference where they talked about, when autistic people are doing unusual things, the more we try not to, often the more we do it. So the more pressure is put to do something else, the harder it can become.I often laugh or smile when I am terrified or upset that someone is hurt. I try hard to suppress it but can't always manage. People get the wrong idea about me. I am not happy when I do this. I am feeling other emotions. They come out as smiling or laughing but it is just the same as crying for me. We had to do an emotions program with our son and it helped. First we taught him the different emotions. (basic to start) WE then taught him to identify peoples emotions on flash cards. We then taught him to identify peoples emotions in real life situations We then changed the questions to "how do they feel"? We than did two things, We ran a consequence card program which asked "what happens next'? We later modified it after everything was mastered to " what do you say" and "what do you do'"? I am just going off the top of my head here, but emotions can be taught and appropriate responses can be taught. It really needs to be broken down to the most basic level. Gtto, I understand...what I wonder is, I ask her if she is happy that X happened or that so and so got hurt and she laughs harder or says yes. I mean is it possible she responds yes she is happy when she really is upset? Is she able at that point to say what she is feeling? I know lately she has been laughing when she is scared (with Halloween decorations and television shows). See at home, I usually just tell her it is not funny and explain a nice thing she could do if someone is hurt or something like that and let it go...the more attention I give it the worse it is. But at dance class, they will not just let it go and it becomes a big deal. That is the problem. Here's my collection of free online emotions games/resources: http://www.autism-pdd.net/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=17136&am p;KW=emotions Here's a visual script (in PDF and Boardmaker formats) for overcoming inappropriate laughter at school: http://www.setbc.org/pictureset/resource.aspx?id=64 Inappropriate laughter is considered a sign of rising stress level in many cases. I thought this was interesting: <quote> What are the “small signs” of stress rising? These will vary depending on the student. It is important to identify these subtle behaviour changes in your ASD student in order to intervene before more spectacular negative behaviours occur. Here are some behaviours you might see: • Small “tics” and repetitive behaviours (eg. eyeblinks, facial grimaces, nose or throat noises, head movements, arm or hand movements) • Language scripting (eg. reciting language froma movie or book, apparently unrelated to the situation) - certain phrases may reliably indicate stress (eg. “Do I have to do it?”)• Distressed or angry facial expression • Whole body movement (eg. getting up fromdesk and pacing, rocking, throwing things) • Inappropriate laughter • Rising volume and/or tone of voice <unquote> |
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Thank you for your response.