autism friends please read and email
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This came in bulletin from a good friend of mine with a child on the spectrum. Please read her story and send emails and then REPOST! Send it to everyone on your friends list! Her name is Amy and her sons name is Matthew. Thanks, HERE IT IS::: Okay, I just want to say that I am beyond upset, and so if I end up rambling on...well, please be patient. The subject matter is slightly awkward to talk about, but I have to say I feel okay discussing it with those of you on my friend’s list. Either I know you because we have special needs children in common, or because we live near one another, or because we are old friends who go way back…either way, I have the feeling that all of you will understand how hurt I am. This is such a long story, but suffice it to say, my son's new school has been a horror to deal with. They are poorly equipped, to say the least, to handle my son. The area is rural and I honestly think that until now, nobody has bothered to question or demand what is fair and required by law. In a nutshell, there is a large population of migrant workers, and even a certain socio-economic dynamic at play...and basically...I don't think anyone has understood that their special needs child has rights, and most certainly has not pushed to get them. I was most recently appalled to learn that Matthew would be forced to ride a special needs bus for 4 hours a day...while his typically developing sister rode for about 20 minutes per day. (We only live about 7 minutes from the school.) The principal looked at me like I had three heads when I inquired about Matthew riding the "regular" bus. Well, after a well composed letter to the director of exceptional children detailing the situation and explaining my understanding of the various laws that govern my child...well, now he rides his sister's bus. The point is, there are other children in his class riding for extreme amounts of time, simply because their parents don't know any better. Well, as you can imagine...they don't like me at this school. And it is for this reason, I believe, that my son received three write-ups on Friday. I received a paper that said on October 9th my son was playing a game with a student, and then he leaned over and kissed the other student on the side of his face. They are calling this sexual harassment. (Quite frankly, I don’t see how giving a kiss on the cheek is sexual harassment, especially when it is a child with limited cognitive abilities.) On October 10th, Matthew stood too close to a student in the boys' bathroom. The student told Matthew that he was too close, and that quote, "back off, I don't do that." (For those of you that don't know, Matthew is moderately mentally retarded with moderate autism. Socially he does not understand that he should not stand too close to someone at a urinal. This is why his IEP states that he should have a one-on-one aide, to help him navigate these social situations.) Okay...well, this one is being called sexual assault - even though, according to their own write-up, he didn’t touch the other child. The third incident happened on October 10 also. My son ran from the bathroom and grabbed the previously mentioned student. He then, allegedly, made "sexual motions." This one is being written up as sexual assault as well. (My problem with this one is, #1 without seeing it, I cannot say what my son did. Anything is possible, since as I mentioned, he is mentally retarded. But, I also know, that at home he will grab his siblings and jump up and down with them. Since he lacks imaginative play, his only play is "rough-housing." But, this jumping up and down in no way resembles “sexual motions”…at least not as I know them… My second point is, even worst case scenario, if he did make those motions...where the hell, once again, was his aide?!?! How did my son have time to run off and grab another student? Why is she failing to perform her duties?) Honestly, my son does self-stim sometimes by rubbing his hands in front of his private area on top of his clothes...and until now, we have only dealt with schools and professionals that had an understanding of autism and adolescents. (For any of my friend’s that don’t have or know a child with autism, most autistic individuals have self-stimulatory behaviors, well, we all do. Quite frankly, when you sit and twirl your hair, or tap your fingers, you are self-stimming. However, an individual with autism basically prefers these self-stims above typical play and often above interacting with other people. Self-stims are not all sexual in nature, but they sometimes can be, especially when a child is at the age of puberty. This particular self-stim is one that most adolescent boys will discover, but obviously a child with moderate autism can lack the social awareness of privacy. As one professional told me, all teenage boys do this, but since Matthew fails to understand what is socially acceptable, he does not realize he must do something like that in private.) However, my belief is that Matthew has done something like this in class, and they now feel that he is some sort of pervert, and are hyper-focusing on any affectionate behavior (such as the kiss on the cheek), because they lack proper training. My point being, they don't seem to understand that he does not understand his actions completely, and that it is their job to provide that redirection in order to hopefully equip him with appropriate social skills. Instead, they have observed my son and have drawn some uneducated assumptions about him. I also have to note that this has never been an issue at his two past schools or with the countless workers, five at this time, who work with him weekly in our home and the community. Perhaps this is because all of these individuals have training to understand children like Matthew, whereas the people working with him at this school don’t have one clue. My son is a sweet and loving child. He has come so far with all of the hard work we have done. But now, he spends his days isolated from his peers (according to my daughter, Matthew is always across the classroom alone). He is certainly not being challenged academically. And now, they continue to write him up for nonsense...I am certain they are trying to "run me off." I haven’t reacted to all that they have done wrong, but this sexual harassment issue has thrown me over the edge. But just so you can understand the types of things we have been dealing with this year, here it goes. They were placing my son in an isolated room as a time-out punishment, because he "stole" a lollipop. I could not make the aide realize that in order to be considered stealing, my son would have to realize that his actions caused harm to another. For those of you that don't know my son, he could not steal a lollipop anymore than a toddler could. Yes, he could take it...but not steal it. He also did this with someone's juice...that he was able to take out of their lunch box...umm...ok, once again...WHERE IS HIS AIDE??!! Anyway, they isolate him when he jumps up out of his seat too...and then try to send the work papers home for us to finish (2 whole days' worth). They didn't like it when I informed them that taking him away from his work was not only a poor decision (they kept him isolated for about 10 minutes), but was in reality rewarding him for jumping up. I mean, c'mon...he learns pretty quickly. So, if he jumps...no work...hmm. Not only that, but most people who deal with children with this level of autism will tell you that time-out is ineffective, since they could care less if you leave them alone…hell, they want you to leave them alone half of the time! (So, once again, individuals lacking training…and I’m sorry, even common sense, are responsible for helping my son.) Oh, and they've split his class in half...and of course, he is in the half without a teacher. Yep, they have a token substitute teacher in place, but as we all know, she can't be equipped to deal with my son, and four other mentally retarded and autistic children for this long of a time. So, he is basically sans a teacher and only has his aide and the substitute dealing with all of these children and their needs. (By the way, this is the same aide who is failing to provide my child the guidance and direction that he needs, and that delivers poor and extreme punishments, and to top it off, she even sits and eats and drinks (or feeds her young relative that also attends this school) in front of my son...then gets upset that he tries to "steal" her pepsi or little debbie cake! Ok, I know that these things I am describing sound petty, and they are not nearly as bad as the sexual charges...but...I just want to give you a picture of the well equipped and educated aide situation...note the sarcasm... ) Plus, I cannot describe how hard it is, not to scream at everyone, when I pick up my child and hear tale after tale of his horrible day…because he stole his aide’s pepsi and failed to do his work because he was in isolation all day! Anyway, I've let all of this go, until now...this is the straw. However, I don't know what to do. I'm hoping that anyone on my friends’ list, who feels upset knowing that my child is being targeted (because he has the gross misfortune to be born to a mother who tries to give him the best education that the law allows), will compose a letter to the principal and cc it to the director of exceptional children. I'm also asking that you repost this on your bulletins. I really don’t think I am going to make a change, unless they see that what they are doing is not acceptable anywhere. They have become too accustomed to being so far removed from more populated places, that somehow all of the gains that have been made for children like Matthew have never been fully realized in this area. For those of you on my friends’ list who live in the same area as my family, who may have strong defensive feelings about this school, I can only say that my daughter has had a fine transition (she is in regular education classes and does not have a diagnosis of anything). I can only assure you that they are not upholding that same standard for children like my son…and quite simply, that isn’t fair. If you don’t have a child like Matthew, then you have escaped the pain and frustration that it has caused my family to deal with this school issue (on top of all the other things that we must deal with), and that makes you fortunate. However, I can only say, we love Matthew as much as we love our other children, and as much as you love your own. I hope that you can put yourself in our shoes and imagine the constant hurt and pain that you would feel to have a child who was so needy - a child that despite hard work, would never achieve all of the hopes and “normalcy” that we take for granted with our other children; to constantly battle the rude and staring people you encounter in public places every time you attempt to have a “normal” outing (imagine being told in a Kmart that your child shouldn’t be allowed there…yep, it happens); to work (and watch your child work) 100x as hard just to learn simple things (for example, spending a year just to teach a 3 year old child how to say mama); and then, after all of that, to have to endure even more pain, humiliation, and frustration in a setting that should (by law) be ready and prepared to understand your child and offer some help. I cannot tell you how frustrating that is. They should be on your side…they should understand…but instead they add insult to injury. So, please, if you can, write a letter and help me with this. And finally, those of you who have special needs children, who have some advice...please send it to me. Anyway, Matthew attends Midway Middle in Sampson County, NC. The principal is Joan Jones and her email is jjones@sampson.k12.nc.us and the exceptional children's director is Diane Johnson and her email is djohn@sampson.k12.nc.us Thanks so much for all of your time, I know I rambledEmails sent...hope that principal has fun cleaning out her inbox in the morning lol. I wished them luck with the comming lawsuit and pretty much tore them a new one, but in a nice way  . I sent the e-mails, I am so angry that they think they can get away with this!God I can't even tell you guys how much I appreciate this..She really is a great friend of mine and my sisters. If not for her I would never have known the signs of Autism to get Adam evaluated. She has been like a sister to me for years. Karrie I am soooo angry I'm eamiling them and the NC dept of education.
they have the nerve to acuse him of stealing lolipops and soda...WTF...what about eating it in front of him.....that is un professional.Email letter written and sent!!!I would love to e-mail both the principal and director. I have a question. In the e-mail you do want us to include the full names of your friend and her son Matthew, I don't see their full name or am I missing it. Since she has not given her last name I don't feel comfortable giving it here but they will know who you are talking about by using their first names...THanks so much. Karrie Letter also written and sent!Gotcha, I will do it right away and make sure that they know not only do I run my own department but I also have a child on the spectrum!I'll send an email out. As sad as this situation seems, it is not an isolated one. Turns out somebody I know socially, who never attended college, is a special ed aide. What made her quailfied is anybody's guess. She actually hates what she does, and has nothing good to say about her work. She'll acknowledge that some of her kids have learning needs-but Saturday she said, "you wouldn't believe it on Friday, I swear every parent must have smoked something before sending their kids to our class and let them inhale, because they were completely stupid. They just sat there with stupid looks on their faces". (these are her MR kids, too.) This is just plain pathetic. But it actually happened. I hope your email campaign does some good. Bump..please post if you have emailed. Thanks, Karrie Now I went to the sampson county public schools website and wouldn'tyou know it the section under accountability services for students with disabilities was not working. Hmmm. Anyway I wrote a letter including some statements from the midway middle school website (mission statement) about how they assist all students to become productive members of society and provide a supportive environment in acedemic and non acedemic areas. Thanks micki!! Karrie I just want to say thanks to everyone who has taken the time to write on my son's behalf. I am the mom that Karrie is speaking of and it is so great to know that so many people are there to lend an ear and a helping hand. I noticed someone asked for my son's full name and my full name, and I'll be glad to give them. Matthew's last name is Aguirre and my last name is Davis. Once again, thank you. Hope this gets resolved for you soon!I finally sent mine this morning. Sorry took so long to get it done. I sent the email to the principal, the wonderful children's director(NOT!)and the lfabrizio at the accountability dept of the NC dept of education.I mentioned the aide's behavior and it and finished that piont off with a dig. I have also been having trouble with my daughters school but your problems make ours sound like cake! One thing I noticed in your letter is that it is in his IEP that an aide accompany him to the bathroom and such. Your IEP is a LEGAL DOCUMENT and if that aide didn't do what was written in it he BROKE THE LAW. Your son cannot be held responsible for actions taken when he was supposed to be accompanied by his aide. I was able to pull my daughter out of her school and enroll her elsewhere and - I hope - it'll be better for her. She was in an ABA preschool where they did no ABA as required by her IEP and I have entered into a class action law suit with other parents that the school dist here has failed. Good luck to you! P.S. Email sent! |
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