[quote]He just doesn’t pick up on it, and if he does, he generally doesn’t care. It is those of us watching that struggle with it. There are times is does bother him, and in those cases we try to teach him coping skills. But in general our philosophy is to ignore what doesn’t affect him, and focus on helping him deal with the things that do.[/quote]
Well one thing I can say is that I see it, and I struggle with it, but I still can't always fix it. I'd like to just let you all think that since I have been able to diagram and analyze so many of these social, emotional, and sensory issues that I have also learned how to always look "normal" but it's just not the case. It may be the case sometimes, but not always. And it's very frustrating to just not understand how to "be," especially when you can see that others around you are put off by you, but you just can't figure out what the "right" thing to do would have been.
It's also discouraging to be able to see that the people who care about you are struggling just by watching you because they can see your mistakes, and you know you can do nothing to ease their concern, because you just can't make the right moves at the right time.
Last year my son commented about his teacher's breasts (a mole in the cleavage area), and she thought it was cute. She didn't really understand my reaction that this is not going to be cute in a couple years.
I was at a school meeting last month where we had a guest speaker speaking about values. She used to be a teacher, and talked about how she felt she needed to sort-of fall in love with each child, in order to be a good teacher for them. I thought this rang true.
I think there are a lot of ASD kids who are at best tolerated by their teachers, especially when they're no longer little and cute. They don't have the social skills to build up that relationship, give those smiles, greetings, and nice words to help the teacher to "bond" with them, especially if there's a different teacher every dang year.
I have been pondering how to respond to this post. There are two things I can say that may help. The first, this is a normal part of growing up. My NT son is not always “cute” anymore either. He does stuff that he shouldn’t (even things that cause him to have some difficulty with his peers), he knows better and is learning to do different. He also sometimes does discussing stuff (well, it’s disgusting to me anyway). The second, my son with ASD is happy with who he is. He has difficulties, but he knows he has special talents that he enjoys and values.
And one more thing that I have come to see over the past few years is that very often my son is oblivious to other people’s reluctance to cut him “slack” for his issues. He just doesn’t pick up on it, and if he does, he generally doesn’t care. It is those of us watching that struggle with it. There are times is does bother him, and in those cases we try to teach him coping skills. But in general our philosophy is to ignore what doesn’t affect him, and focus on helping him deal with the things that do.
I've thought that same thought myself. It's cute now and he can get away with it, or they blame it on being little, but later it will seem strange. :hugs: Miki, I have two teenagers and they are no longer little and cute. I am surei do my friend because i am there
I have seen all of my NT neices and nephews go through the same thing. It is part of growing up and the relationship changes.
Nick,
I was just wondering if you feel that you are always able to sense when “others around you are put off by you” or if sometimes you miss the cues. I would estimate that even when the cues are right in front of my son, he only picks up on them about ¼ of the time (maybe less). Perhaps this will change as he gets older. Has it changed for you as you have grown into an adult?
Hope you don’t mind the questions. Your inside scoop has really helped me in talking with my son about other issues (tics, meltdowns), and I want to understand so I know how to help him cope as best he (and we) can.
I read a book about a mom raising her special needs kid and sheI had many problems when i was a teenager
but i learnt to behave as evryone else did
the sheer control it took to be just as they were was huge and exhausting
i was young in the 80s so aspergers was not even translated then ,i was instead classed has being mentally disturbed lol
it was hard and still is ,i still wear many hats and rarley do people see me
it was not untill marriage that i found someone who would let me just be
just to drop my barriers and my expectations and just be me.
perhaps i am living a lie in a way but a lie is far better to deal with than ridicule and rejection does that sound odd.
shell
Oh and in reply to the original post....
I do think I'm cute
But I'm definitely not little anymore
For a kid who has not learned social skills or grace ... not.
I totally think of this all the time! As he gets older, his behaviors become more "odd" and less "cute". (well, to me they are cute).Nick,
I don’t want to high-jack Micki’s post. Would you be willing/able to start a post (like you did with meltdowns) and explain how friends and family can help in these situations. Is there a way we can ..I don’t know what the right phase is.... translate (?).. smooth out things(?)...?. What could your friends do to help you feel more comfortable and more welcome? When you look back to when you were younger, are there things your parents could have done to help you learn how to cope better in these situations?
Thanks Much
I know what you mean! People are always telling me at least hes so smart and I feel the same way as you! And also sometimes people (family mostly) will say but hes so smart as if that means nothing is wrong with him he just needs to 'go to the park more' or 'needs a slap on the tush'. Its so frustrating! I too get scared realizing how much more different he is looking and how much more it will get makes me sad