What’s Normal ?What’s Not? | Autism PDD

It's hard to 'see' things when the little person is someone you live with, see often, and love! I know when I take my girl to the store, for instance, people stare at her. She is so different to them, and it is apparent. But to me, she is just my girl. I hardly think about her 'differentness' in day-to-day activiites.

It becomes more apparent as they get older. When my girl was 2, it was easy to say, "all kids do  that, don't they?" It;s only when you have a LOT of symptoms and they are 4 and still doing all of the symptoms--then you KNOW.

Hugs,

thanks for being a supportive Granny! You are rare indeed.

When my son got evaluated at age 3, he was just starting to use pronouns and still confusing them and he tested at the low end of the "normal" range.  He's almost 4 and has most of them down, though he still messes up he and she sometimes.  One thing that helped was our modeling. I think from speech therapy when he was younger we often used his name and our names when talking and he was imitating us.

I know what you mean about how difficult it can be to differentiate between "typical" behavior and ASD behavior, espeically at such a young age.  My son is not on the spectrum but has some developmental delays. My son goes to 2 preschools. One is typical and they are not aware that he had any delays other than minor speech delay and some eating issues.  Last year when he was 3 they told me he was ahead of most of his peers in wanting to play cooperatively with other peers. But, the dev ped who evaluated him for ASD was concerned he was behind in that area when he wasn't doing it very much at 2.  Another example, at his special ed preschool if he pushes another kid it's seen as "aggression" but at the typical school it's seen as an undesirable but age appropriate behavior. the other area is separation. I think if you're looking for a problem or concern you'll find it.  I just try to focus on the positive behaviors and milestones work on the undesirable without worrying whether it's typical or ASD or something else. But, that's often easier said than done...

I also used to get the "well all children do that" alot. What I know is, while
an nt child may do something my son will do that thing 10 times more. I
think its the degree to which our children do certain things that raises
concerns.

Grandma Susie, children do mix up pronouns at 2, so I think he will get it.
My son did not get his pronouns until almost 4. Sounds like your grandson
is working real hard. Same at our house too. Many times I too only see
what is missing. Once in a while I go back and read his initial report before
he started interventions. My son was practically non verbal at age 2.5yrs.
Today he is in a typical Kindergarten with a shadow aide.   Someone told me
once that it is a marathon and not a sprint. How true!

I know exactly what you mean! I have been thinking about this all day.

My nephew, who does not have a dx and whose parents never thought anything was wrong with his behavior because he is very much like his successful scientist father, used to line up his cars as a child and threw himself around like the tasmanian devil from sun up til sun down. He is now almost 10, he does beautifully in school, very smart, of course, and has friends. He is not the easiest child to get along with, nor is he a social butterfly, but he does okay. He never had, nor probably ever will have, a dx.

My son also lines up toys, but he is very lethargic. I guess the quality of play is a little different because my nephew did play with other toys, if you can call throwing everything across the room playing, but maybe it just has to do with energy level. But my son's issues are causing him to have physical delays which my nephew didn't have because he was so active. So my son is in therapy and a special class, and my nephew was not. What kind of a psychological effect is this having on my son? I don't want him growing up thinking that there is something wrong with him. I want to appreciate the talents he does have. When he ticks off the names of dinosaurs over and over, I want to say to myself, "That's so amazing," instead of thinking to myself that it is a sign of something wrong. But I feel like I haven't been doing that at all. I feel like I have been taking everything as a confirmation of his dx. :(

I'm having trouble figuring this out. In fact I am not even sure I can explain to you what I mean but I'm going to try. When an NT child is behind in an area or doesn't meet a developmental milestone that an NT child should meet in a particular area, we say, "all kids develop at different rates and what's normal for one, may not be normal for another". "Don't worry, the child will catch up", and all of those platitudes. I used to say that  to my daughter frequently about Nate. This was before he had a diagnosis. My daughter hated when I said that. She probably thought I was dismissing her concerns which I certainly was not. I think part of it was denial on my part; part was trying to help her feel better; and part was that I believed what I was saying.

Nathan has some really strong skills and he has some things that he does not do well. The things he doesn't do well with are pretend play, some gross motor things like jumping, running and catching or throwing a ball. He also doesn't make great eye contact, although I didn't realize that because he is fine with his family and the people he knows real well. Johns Hopkins pointed out the lack of eye contact. Some of the things he does well is that he is extremely verbal with a great vocabulary. He has no speech impediments. His receptive language has been amazing even as a tiny tot. He knows the alphabet and he can write and read and spell some words. We think he is likely hyperlexic.

The doctors believe he will be diagnosed with Asperger's as he gets older. What I worry about is this. When I spend time with Nate, he is just Nate to me...a smart, beautiful, funny and loving child. But when I am away from him and my daughter tells me one of her worries, or I hear about something that he didn't do well with or he isn't making much progress with, I tend to get very down about it. For example, I know Nates parents and his therapists have been working hard to get him to use proper procouns. Instead of saying. "I can do it", Nate will often say, "Nate can do it". He is 2 years 7 months old. Do NT children his age mix up pronouns sometimes? Of course I raised two girls, a long time ago. I am also a retired elementary school teacher with certification in special education as well as K-8. Unfortunately I have forgotten most of the developmental milestones I once knew and I am clueless as to how many NT kids do some of the things we hear about ASD kids doing.

I don't even know what my question is to you. I'm just wondering what you think about what I am saying. Thanks so much for reading this long post. Hope you and your kiddos have a great night.

Gramma

 

 

 

 

Hi Gramma.  According to the following website, pronouns use is not fully developed until 4 years of age...

http://www.kidsource.com/kidsource/content4/speech.develop.b aby.pn.html

Your grandson sounds like a charming , bright and wonderful child.  And you sound like a loving Grandma!

Good luck.  I hope this helps. 

 

 

Both my kids mixed up pronouns he/she and him/her.  However only my ASD son would use the 3rd person "C wants milk" instead of "I want milk."  We never freaked out about it and he eventually just started saying "I" instead of his name.  By age 4 he was saying "I" consistently.  My NT son stopped mixing up he/she and him/her by age 4 as well.  My ASD son still mixes them up occasionally.  We continue to correct and remind him.

I think that there are degrees of normal.  Many kids go through stages.  I think the difference in many cases is that NT kids tend to grow out of stages on their own while ASD kids often have to be taught explicitly the right thing to do.  When he says "Nate can do it" just gently correct him and tell him to say "I can do it."  He'll get it eventually, it just might take longer than it would take an NT child.

I also think that many ASD behaviors can be thought as NT behaviors on steriods.  Take flapping for example.  It is very "normal" for any child, NT or otherwise, to flap their hands when excited.  However when NT kids flap the do it for a few seconds once in a while.  ASD flapping is only considered odd (for lack of a better term) because of the frequency, intensity and duration. 

I'm a little rushed this morning, but just wanted to say that the CDC/American Academy of Pediatrics has a great set of milestones list, both in list and checklist (interactive) format.  Here's the list for age 36 months, where it says that pronouns such as I should be in use. 

http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/actearly/milestones_3years. html

My son still called himself by name as a 5 year old.  When we started working with him on it, it got better but he still slips up on occasion.

Good luck with everything.

My dd is 5 and we're still working on the pronouns and third person speech.  Thank you all for taking the time to think about this. Every one of you has made some great points and have helped me to understand better. I guess everything isn't just black or white. It's the amount of time or the intensity a child spends doing something that can make something abnormal.  I appreciate your help.
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