Hmmmm...perhaps this may help you (and me).
I have been having so much behavior with my 20 month old. I realize a lot of this is age appropriate almost 2 year old behavior. I just wonder if any of it stems from being a younger sibling of a brother with ASD.
I try so hard to give him as much attention and take him to his own classes and do things 1:1. With my ASD son in sessions a good part of the day I have given him even more time with just mommy. He just screams and says "no" all day. He wants what he wants and that is it. A couple of times the tantrum lasted for more that 2 hours. This sets off my older son and then he starts pushing and making things worse. I suppose it would be peaceful if I just gave in and gave him the video or snack that he wants. But, following through with "my rules" seems to lead to disaster everytime.
I worry too, that his play skills might not be appropriate because he does not have a good model. His brother thinks it is hilarious to make him cry and knock him down. He almost seems scared of him at times.
Do you all have any concerns about your ASD child's siblings? What do you do to help them?
Maybe I'm trying too hard--I don't know. My head continues to spin from all of the tantrums and it causes a chain reaction with my other son, so the noise multiplies. Thanks for your help.
Flip, I think we are living the same life!
ASD son (Liam) will be four in July. NT son (Roan) is 29 months. We just had a biting incident yesterday. Liam bit his little brother right by his eye. DH was there when it happened and said it occurred in seconds and came without warning. Biting has always been a problem for Liam, but is has greatly subsided. He has not attempted to bite anyone else in quite some time. Liam is VERY intolerant of Roan, but not anyone else. Roan at times, appears to be afraid of Liam.
Roan is an ants in your pants kind of guy. He NEVER EVER stops. He is loud. Liam is quiet. Roan is very adept physically, while Liam is not. Liam likes to color and do letters, and Roan likes to play with Legos and sand and tools. Very, very opposite.
Getting to the heart of it, Roan will do anything for attention. We have gone out of our way to make sure each one has their own time, but it does not seem to matter. Roan has played with plugs, spun Tiffany lamps, climbed in our front window while naked, disrobes in a moment's notice, steals Liam's sippy cups, takes each and every toy Liam tries to play with, opens locks, takes apart mechanical devices and has learned to work any and every lightswitch and remote in the house. He does not like books, coloring, flashcards, etc. But he loves to roughhouse and run and jump and be thrown around. So that is what we do. Any attempt at the previosuly mentioned activites were a complete utter failure. Last time I tried flashcards he grabbed them from me and hid them under the sofa! He drives me out of my mind...but he has this angelic face and wonderful smile and these big huge dimples. I am convinced he was made this way so he would have a better chance of surviving his childhood (Kidding).
He is behind in speech but is well ahead of the game in all other areas. The EI folks believe it is due to role modeling but told me we can have a formal assessment if we think he needs it.
Again...my house is generally utter chaos. I have learned to love it. I am very careful in picking my battles. I do give in from time to time....for my sanity. The house is a mess until they go to bed and I usually don't get to bed until well past midnight. I get up for work at 5 am.
I am sorry for being so longwinded...but I want you to know that you are not alone. My head is probably spinning at the same time yours is.
Anytime you would like to talk or vent, feel free, as I TRULY understand what you are going through.
Peace.
PS...I forgot...Roan tried to eat a live worm over the weekend. Sent Liam over the edge!
Wow--that sounds a lot like my boys! I think the difference in personality is big here as well. My 3 1/2 year old is peaceful, quiet, loves to draw, do flashcards, etc. His little brother is very "boy" physical, loves action, can't sit still. I worry about his language being a tad behind as well. He still has never called me mama and that worries me a bit. (Especially since my oldest was 3 1/2 before he really started calling me mama to get my attention.)
My older guy gags watching his brother eat.
Thanks for sharing Yepper. Makes me feel better.
Does anyone worry about the play skills of a NT child when the only role model in the house is a child with ASD? I worry when my younger guy joins in "odd" play with him as well. Right now play dates are pretty much a flop because of his tantrums and yelling, "no, no" the entire time.I have sibling problems as well, but in a somewhat different way. My oldest can be a real PITA! He refuses to do homework, and when I try to force him by taking something away that he wants, he freaks out and will basically have a fit. When that happens, it disrupts my whole household and upsets both Nick and my 8 year old, so I tend to let things go and beg his teachers to keep him after school and make him do the homework there.