Or it could be a metaphor for being unable to execute certain actions.
while i am not a parent of an autistic child, i am an older sister who spent a great deal of my time working with my younger brother (eight years younger, he is 14). he was diagnosed last week, and the more i read, the more i am able to understand previously unexplainable actions of his.
however, there are still a few things that baffle my mind. i am a graduate student studying psychology and i often want to "talk" to him to understand the workings of his mind. often, this ends up more frustrating than i can conceptualize (which is, of course, the opposite result of talking to most individuals in which we work out problems through conversing). for example, while discussing the topic of halloween, i asked what costume he would wear. he said he can't put on a costume. i intended this to be a casual conversation, and asked why. he insisted he didn't know why but he couldn't, and my asking for an explanation was, "like a person being asked to describe purple who has never seen purple."
i stated, "but you're not physically incapable of putting on a costume in the same way a blind person is physically incapable of seeing purple." i was able to probe a bit deeper, and he described it as "having cement for blood" (what-on-earth-ever that means!), but of course, to me, this sounds like some traumatic event transpired; for in the past, he HAS worn costumes.
is this merely another aspect of autism? is it something that develops more with age? and, probably most importantly, is it damaging for me to ask such questions? i will add that he seemed unaffected after my questioning, although frustrated during the course of our talk...still, i think my frustration exceeded his by a milestone!
thank you so much to anyone who can provide me with answers. as i stated before, i am new to the idea of "autism" and any guidance on this topic would be wonderful!
I'm kinda smiling reading this. It sounds like something happened the last time he wore a costume that included cement and blood. Sounds like the semantics of language are lagging behind, but he tried to tell you. I'm betting he was scared by some fake blood around some cement. He is probably saying to you that he doens't want to wear a costume this year because he's associating a costume with the event. I'm thinking that's pretty typical of spectrum kiddos. I know it's probably something I would have said myself back in the costume days if I didn't want to go trick or treating, and I highly suspect that I'm an aspie.
ETA: Keep asking the questions.
Welcome to the forum! It's great that you're such an interested and involved sister.
Gtto's and Rhosyn's theories are good. Another option is that it's a metaphor for a sensory issue. Lots of people on the autism spectrum are overly sensitive to various things, including textures of clothing. A costume can be made out of an uncomfortable material (cement is rough), or have an unfamiliar feel, making movement feel cumbersome (cement is heavy). Most people take 5 minutes to get used to the feel of a new garment, but Temple Grandin (a famous person with autism) says it takes her 5 days to get used to one.
If you'd like to help identify your brother's sensory issues, here's a link to a checklist:
http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/sensory-processin g-disorder-checklist.html
Definitely keep talking to your brother, but you might want to limit the questions. My son has always hated questions, the problem is it can be difficult to sustain a conversation with him without asking questions. We can only do our best.
You might get more information out of your brother if you give him some visual supports -- like pictures from Halloween. You can find pictures of pretty much anything using Google image.
If your brother is pretty literate, he might find it easier to talk to you by email or online chat.
Good luck with everything!
"Some people cannot look you in the eye while simultaneously listening to what you are saying....its like looking directly into the noon sun - too much intensity to be able to focus."
Great analogy, LeAnne!
I Know it can be frustrating , yet I'm sitting here smiling as I read it. My son that is 11 comes up and out with things like that. Just when you think your getting somewhere in the conversation. Most of the time, with my son, it is something he has heard or seen, even if it was on a cartoon of sorts.
Putting it all together is the fun part.................when I do. My son is so literal most of the time.
But maybe your brother knows or equates that cement is heavy and thats what the costumes make him feel like, weighted down and heavy.
Keep trying and keep smiling
[QUOTE=violetpretty]probably most importantly, is it damaging for me to ask such questions? i will add that he seemed unaffected after my questioning, although frustrated during the course of our talk...still, i think my frustration exceeded his by a milestone!
[/QUOTE]
Even though a person on the spectrum is seeminlgy unaffected by something, the key word is "seem". Their outwardly visible reactions to certain things can be completely different to what you're used to with an every-day joe. So, your brother could have been really uncomfortable with or really thrilled with ya'll's conversation...there's no easy way for you to know.
I feel like my son is a native speaker of Swahili, and when he really, really focuses, he can translate my words from English into Swahili to think about what I said. Then, he considers his response in his native tongue, but then has to concentrate to translate it inside his head into English, and then further concentrate to spit that concept out in passably grammatically correct English. It is a lot of work and a lot of focus. So I interpret some things my son says or doesn't say as either important to him (at that moment) or not.
If he is fired up over a scene in a Harry Potter movie, he can communicate pretty clearly to me and wants me to comment back on the scene with him. But if I am boring his socks off - as you may have asking your brother WHY he couldn't or wouldn't wear a costume - the topic is so darn superfluous that its not worth the gigantic effort to concentrate and translate.
Make any sense at all to you?
I will say, though, that if you saw a smidge of frustration on his part, that was probably only the tip of the iceberg. You may have been inadvertently pointing out to him how differently he thinks from most of other people, and possibly making him feel bad about himself.
Maybe he has reached the age of maturity where dressing up just isn't fun for him, and would make him feel restricted or uncomfortable. Maybe that's what he meant about turning his blood to stone or something. I have no idea! But, I am thrilled that he has a sister who is inquisitive and caring enough to get inside his head to better understand and share ideas.
And I think your brother is probably thrilled by that, too. I would just be mindful of the fact that he may feel like an outsider to others, so pose questions in a way that doesn't emphasize that. The old theory was that people with autism didn't give a rat's patooty about other people, but that is NOT the case! They do care and love others, their wiring just doesn't allow them to show that in the way we would expect. Some people cannot look you in the eye while simultaneously listening to what you are saying....its like looking directly into the noon sun - too much intensity to be able to focus.
You're an awesome sibling, and wonder if some of the reasons your brother is communicative and doing rather well is that he had a loving, and outgoing child growing up with him in the same house...yes there is an age difference, but you probably loved him more than anyother child at school, in the neighborhood, wherever. You may have been his door to the world of friendship. Lucky kid!