thank you so much for everones replies! I am soooo gad that I have found this place! you are all so wonderful!
Such a beautiful picture! I just wanted to add my two cents worth. I noticed you said something about teaching your cutie that "mommy is in charge". My son doesn't have the energy yours has, but he does have a defiant streak. The program I like is RDI- relationship developement intervention. It addresses the issues of "who's the boss" by playing simple games. I did not take any of their courses, just have the books ( which "THEY" say isn't enough, but until "THEY" do classes where I live, it'll have to do) The games are fun, the book easy to follow and I have noticed Sam is more able to accept my role as the mom/boss. Our family life is better - more connected, less stress.
mama to Sam 8 yrs PDD NOS OCD ODD PPD and Alex 2 yrs
Hello Rachel,Hi ,Welcome (((mega hug))),I think a lot of our kids are at there worse at 3,I know mine was ,they get frustrated easily when we cant understand there needs,They have little self control and have a real need to control there environment at this age,as there communication skills improve so will there behaviour.
I know that didn't help much ,but I have been there and it does get better,my son had ABA and it did help him,also, as i learned more about asd, I started to realize he was doing what alot of other kids with asd do,I don't know why but it made it easier to cope.
This board has been a great help for me.
God bless ,Linda
ABA and VB/ABA targets behaviors as well as other deficits that a child mayWelcome and thanks for sharing your story. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. You really shouldn't have to wait on a diagnosis from a private source to increase school services. They should be offering much more than speech therapy. Are you in the Indy area? I know of some places that do VB in that area. VB/ABA is what we do for my son and it he has come so far in the 6 months we have been doing it. He is 3 1/2 now and has made great strides. So, I'm a firm believer in VB. We also do Floortime, which I have found to be very beneficial.
Are they not offering your son preschool at this point? Since you are already connected with the district you should ask for a Functional Behavioral Analysis. This is usually a BCBA that contracts with the school district and would come observe him and look at the function of his behavior and create a plan to help. I've never done this, so maybe someone else can chime in. I'm sure you would need to put that in writing. But, a FBA is a common request. This would address the meltdowns. My experience in Indiana is that most districts are not going to provide ABA/VB. But, if you do this privately (which can be very expensive) they would also work on any behaviors. It sounds like help in this area might be your first priority. Lack of language to express his concerns may be leading to some of the meltdowns. I really don't have a lot of advice in the meltdown area other than to get a BCBA to come in and help.
Welcome. I hope you get some good advice from here.
I would ask for all your son needs while young. We didn't do the preschool and now i wished we had. Listen to the good advice here. Do it while the child is young. Our son is 11 and he still has meltdowns. Oct.22 he sees another dr. Finally I hope to get the correct dx. Hi, welcome to the board. You're where I was when my older son was 3. I didn't have a diagnosis then, but had a very strong-willed child who also did not seem to understand that I was in charge. I guess my advice is to choose your battles with your son carefully because it is amazing how many things will cause upset or rebellion. It's too exhausting to address them all. Make sure that you are not confusing his language. Kids on the spectrum say strange things to start conversations--some of them just like the sound of speech or derive some comfort from repetition. So "go ni-nite" may have meant he's tired or it could be he wanted to hear you say it or it could be he just felt like repeating it or saw it in a video--all I know is that I often misread my son because he said things that did not mean what they would mean if a neurotypical said them. Sometimes what prompts the defiance is not what you would imagine: it might be that you did something "out of order" or said something with a tone of voice that was too loud or abrasive to their ears...if I called my son from the downstairs to the upstairs, he would think I was mad even though I was not--just because I used a louder voice. I spent so much time battling with my son at 3 and I really was scared at how life would be when he was bigger and stronger than me--fast forward to now and he has made leaps and bounds. The intense behavior stopped all of a sudden at 3.5 for whatever reason. I remember thinking: gee, if someone would have been able to tell me, hey, don't worry, this will stop in a couple of months, I would not have agonized so much. I don't know what will happen with your child, but I would predict that things will get so much easier as language develops. Kids with ASD seem to go through phases of difficult behavior and then the behavior improves. So hang in there. People who really can help you with this kind of behavior are hard to find--keep looking though! And welcome to the club, DS also was more attached and thus more difficult with me as well. Try to get respite and be good to yourself because I know what you're dealing with and it is very hard. At the time, it seemed as if all of those battles were useless and that I was completely and utterly failing. I think to some extent I was since DS did not seem to change his behavior too readily despite my efforts--however, I think some of it did eventually sink in.Hi everyone,
I am a newbie and have been lurking for a few weeks now. I am incredibly in love with my little guy and very much overwhelmed. My ds in 3 and we are currently 'waiting' for a dx. we are getting speech therapy through the local school district in the meantime. Autism spectrum was a relatively recent discovery for me. I have known that my son was different, but everyone was adamant that he would be fine, boys be boys, etc. Now that he does talk, it is echolalia and movie and commerical quoting, ABC's, phonics, shapes, colors, etc. he has a fair amount of 1-2 word vocab, but no sentences. I KNOW he will be dx'ed on the spectrum. i know he is smart and he will talk in his own way, on his own time. i will encourage his vocab anyway that i can in the meantime.
as mentioned previously, we just started speech at the school and that, currently anyway, isn't going too fabulously. they have scheduled him for the 2 day eval and that will take place in the winter. i have also been referred out to a developmental psych from our new pediatrican (the first one who agrees that something more is going on with caleb other than 'boys will be boys'). we will not be able to meet with him until the winter either. I have an appt with Logan Center on friday and I am assuming they are going to inform me of how to get involved with stuff like PECS, ABA, TEACCH, etc. Or so I am hoping. I live in IN and am hoping this means i will qualify for help that won't cost a bunch of money. I am curious about VB--what it is and how i get it for Caleb, but that isn't the main purpose of my post...
My biggest concern is my sons behavior and meltdowns. i know that everyone here deals with this and i really want to know how to get caleb more successful in the listening dept. caleb is a wonderful boy when life is how he wants life to be, structure or not. if he has movies and mommy and nuggets and apples, life is great. if mommy expects him to follow thru with something it is tantrum city. i know that this starts off as typical defiance and goes into meltdown mode. i just am feeling so overwhelmed i don't know what to DO! today is a prime example. Caleb was asking to take a nap (go ni-nite?) and asked repeatedly. when i followed through he totally freaked out. he didn't know what he did or didn't want but ninite wasn't it. i KNEW he was very tired and thhat is why he was asking so i expected him to follow through with it. head banging, screaming, etc commenced. caleb would shut the door and lock us in his room (which he hates) freak out more then open the door and do it all again. i know that he was doing all of this because he decided he didn't want to go to bed, but how do i ever get him to understand that I am in charge?? This happens with EVERYTHING that isn't his way. I give him time to adjust, i try being clever, etc. Is this typical behavior for toddlers on the spectrum? Does it get better?
I have read about social stories but he doesn't let me read to him so i don't think they will help at this point. he loves songs and movies, so singsong movies with social stories simply put might help teach, but i don't know if they exist. He is SO STRONG and he is only 3. Before I had any idea about autism everyone said i didn't discipline him enough. SPANKING DIDN'T WORK. Time outs don't work, holding doesn't work, ignoring doesn't work and he bangs his head over and over therefore forcing me to restrain him out of fear he will really hurt himself.
He is a sweet boy when life is good and so HARDCORE when he is upset. I don't want to wait until winter to figure out what i already know. i want to know how to HELP his behavior in a way he will eventually understand. what's worse is that he acts out more with me than anyone else, and also is more attatched to me than anyone else. we are each others life force, but i am afraid everything i am doing is going to make him worse! I want to be the best mother i can to my beautiful boy, i just don't know HOW.
I needed to vent. Life is awfully overwhelming sometimes.
aside from the meltdowns, my son is a beautiful, silly, sweet, smart lilttle guy. i can't imagine life without him but if i don't teach him how to listen and obey, i am afraid of what life has in store!!!
i am so glad that i found this place. i look forward to getting to know all of you and learning and growing with you. thanks for taking the time to read this and offer me suggestions!!
Rachel
mother to Caleb the Great, 3 yrs.
ABA - from what most ppl here believe. I have started my dd in an ABA setting (it has been 6 mos now and unfortunately for us, there hasn;t been any huge progress) BUT please check out any ABA services u may get in your area - had proved to be VERY helpful tp most.
Also - look into "alternative treatments" thread - may give u more ideas on diet/vitmamin supplements.
Good luck.