Awhile back, I ran across this article at Bella Online where the author talked about her divorce and safety issues for her autistic child.
http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art36031.asp
I thought this excerpt from the court order was interesting:
"He [ex husband] is to enroll in counselling for 16 or more sessions with a psychotherapist who has expertise in Autism, to facilitate positive and appropriate interaction between father and children. Mother will cooperate in bringing the children to the sessions as recommended by the therapist. The parents will arrange a mutually convenient appt time with the therapist."
Good luck with everything.
Thank you for your replies.
Norway Mom - court - ordered councelling sessions is what I would like. I think he might pay attention if a (male) judge were to order this. I'm not convinced it will help but I am willing to encourage Sam and his dad to have a better relationship.
Marilyna - Sam is 8 yrs and he's been seeing his dad for 5 yrs - not completely consistantly. I tried to move (run and hide) away from my ex, but I can not legallly keep them apart unless I can prove abuse. He has had some councelling, but it has made no difference, yet.
I have done a lot of research about the lawyers in my area - it is pathetic. I received legal aide a few years back and I would have been better of representing myself. There's only one good lawyer for women/custody issues, and my ex got her. I have begged lawyers to take on my case and I have been refused by everyone of them. I was told by one there is no money in it so few lawyers do family law here.
I am going to meet with our regional autism group for the first time at the end of the month and I have heard there is another mom a few towns over who's been through something similar. I'm hoping she might be able to reccomend a lawyer.
Or maybe I'll get Rhosyn to phone up my ex and yell at him - it sounds like it worked for her!
mama to Sam 8yrs PDD NOS OCD ODD PPD and Alex 2 ys Thank you for your replies. Norway Mom - court - ordered councelling sessions is what I would like. I think he might pay attention if a (male) judge were to order this. I'm not convinced it will help but I am willing to encourage Sam and his dad to have a better relationship. Marilyna - Sam is 8 yrs and he's been seeing his dad for 5 yrs - not completely consistantly. I tried to move (run and hide) away from my ex, but I can not legallly keep them apart unless I can prove abuse. He has had some councelling, but it has made no difference, yet. I have done a lot of research about the lawyers in my area - it is pathetic. I received legal aide a few years back and I would have been better of representing myself. There's only one good lawyer for women/custody issues, and my ex got her. I have begged lawyers to take on my case and I have been refused by everyone of them. I was told by one there is no money in it so few lawyers do family law here. I am going to meet with our regional autism group for the first time at the end of the month and I have heard there is another mom a few towns over who's been through something similar. I'm hoping she might be able to reccomend a lawyer. Or maybe I'll get Rhosyn to phone up my ex and yell at him - it sounds like it worked for her!
mama to Sam 8yrs PDD NOS OCD ODD PPD and Alex 2 ys [/QUOTE] Lol....that made me bust out laughing. I had some fritos in my mouth while reading that last part and now I have to clean off my monitor. Thanks for that great laugh this morning. Believe me...it has taken 2 years of trying to get through to my ex for it to finally click for him. My ex seems to finally be comming around. And I have an attourney on standby just in case he tries to take the boys for weekends. I'm going to ask for the parenting classes for him and then the counseling with someone who knows something about autism. We're working on baby steps here. My ex has seen the boys only twice in the last year. I'm just trying to get him to show an interest in the boys. I talked to him again last night and it looks like he's going to try to become a regular fixture in their lives. I think that's great up to a point, but until I'm absolutely sure that it's safe for them to go anywhere with him, I'm going to do everything in my power to protect my babies. Maisa, How old is Sam? How long has your son had these visits with his dad? I was just thinking that if the visits are a new thing, his father may not stick with them very long, anyway. I assume you've tried to get the father to understand what he needs to do for Sam, but he's not willing? I wonder if some type of counselor could help him see the need and help him learn what he needs to do. Every weekend does seem like way too much. I think here in Texas the norm is every-other-weekend. Wow - tough spot. I haven't been in this type of situation, but after reading your post the first question that jumps into my head is have you taken Sam for a private evaluation with a neuropsych that specializes with kids on the spectrum? We did that this summer and received a 12 page report that explained clearly how environmentally sensetive C is and outlined recommendations on what we should do for C at school and at home. It would seem to me that if I were in your shoes and I had the report that I have, I would submit that as evidence of what needs to be done and then discuss whether or not the father is capable of proving that environment and the support. I think that if you had a professional clearly spell out for you, in writing, what exactly Sam's needs are, then it would be tremendously helpful in proving your case. You can then demonstrate how you are equipped to meet those needs. If Sam's father is unable to demonstrate how he is equipped to meet those needs then that should work tremendously in your favor. The report should also emphasize how important consistency is to kids on the spectrum and how radical transitions between 2 very different home environments is not in Sams best interest. Best of luck working through a tough situtation. Hopefully those that have been through this will chime in with some good advice. Have you spoken to a lawyer yet? I would ask the lawyer to go to court and get a Guardian Ad Litum assigned for your child, hopefully someone with experience with special needs. This person will represent your child, will visit and speak with you and your ex, and make their recommendations to the court. I agree with you ... every other weekend should be the arrangement. That is the typical arrangement for a regular non-custodial parent - and especially an ASD child needs more consistency. That's too much back and forth. Gopher -- Welcome to the forum. I'm very sorry to hear about your family situation. It's clear that this therapist did not act in a professional manner. I don't know if most places have a code of ethics and/or code of professional conduct for their employees, but they should. I hope you are able to resolve the situation quickly. Sam's bio-dad is an older (50+yr) Spanish man who was convicted of assault and uttering dealth threats against me 5yrs ago. I was never able to keep Sam away from his dad as there is no record of abuse towards his son, only me. So, Sam has a week-end dad, Their time together is dictated by Sam ( dad has NO parenting skills and is unable to disapline Sam). Sam is allowed to stay up hours past his bedtime playing Runescape or other video games, he has unlimited tv time, does not brush his teeth, change his clothes or bathe, eats only food the comes out of a package, up to 4 bowls of cereal/day. Oh, and of course the trip to the toy store to buy a Bionicle.(Dad doesn't pay child support, he supports the Lego corp.) I am in the process of making changes to the court order that says Sam must spend every weekend at his dads. As Sam become more social there are B-day parties, sleep-overs and other spec. events to attend. Dad is threatening court action if I don't comply with the original order but I feel that every other weekend is enough as dad is doing nothing at all to support Sam's ASD. There is also the issue of languange, Sam does not understand his fathers thick spanish accent and dad doesn't understand Sam's profound phonological disorder. I don't think they talk to each let alone bond together. My concerns are many, but basically I feel that dad is not doing his job, doesn't have the skills or inclination to learn and in the long run this unnatural father-son relationship doesn't benefit Sam. If I was to do nothing for Sam to meet his needs would that not be seen as abusive? or is it just bad parenting? A autism spec. visited dad and Sam once, and she shared with me some of the details. Basically she thought dad was one the spectrum and was he was happier being Sam's friend/babysitter than father. I guess I'm looking for any imput or ideas, or just sharing of your own stories. I'm not sure where to go with this but I'm feeling some pressure to ask the courts for a new order that reflects Sam's needs now. (the origanal order was made before we new about the PDD NOS ) Thank you for reading this far - it got alittle longer than I planned. mama to Sam PDD NOS OCD ODD PPD and Alex 2 yrs I have weekend DAD issues too. I have no faith in Lawyers doing what is best for children for UMPTEEN reasons, and don't have one YET Needless to say it sounds as though I need to hire one anyway. My son's dad has got him totally hooked on violent games. He almost ALWAYS returns my son hours earlier and shows up late to pick him up as well. He has no interest really in accepting my son has Autism. He pays little support if any...30 bucks in the past month. I have spelled out ground rules that he must abide by or he forfits his next visitaion!!! HE AGREED TO ALL OF THEM IN WRITING!!! But first visit out of the gate after this agreement...he is 2 hours late picking up!!! AND went into my house (teenage daughter let him come in...not her fault!!) and rooted through my things and stole a bunch of pictures from my home!!! He IS not having access to my son for the next scheduled time! The ground rules agreed to were just asking him to be a responsible parent...paying support FIRST before buying toys/games/clothes that don't fit! Being on time, for pick up and drop offs...NOT harassing me at work (phone & emails) etc. Son's dad tried to kill himself in late July this year...I am scared to let him see my son at all...much less let him be alone with him!!! So now I will incorporate public pick up and drop off places!!! If he is late he is out of luck. This will avoid him coming to my house AT ALL! Anyway, since I am not letting him see Jordan on his next visit...he will probably sick the legal aid lawyer on me...which is okay and MAY BE for the better. Hopefully, Jordan can have supervised access only because of his father's psychiatric problems, and Jordan's special needs. A lawyer for my son...who is experienced in Autism IS A TERRIFIC suggestion! I need to find one in Ontario, preferrably in the central Ontario region! There is so much more to stress out about with my ex...but I just don't want to sit here and type it all out! I think the point is try your VERY best to protect your children and their best interests!!! Get support from friends/family and this BOARD (THANKS EVERYONE!!!) Good luck to all of us who deal with this stuff in addition to caring so well for our children!!! BIG HUGS!!!!!!!!! and KUDOS!!!!!! I think I've made a plan to deal with Sam's dad. My first step is to put in writing the things I need J to do - make scheduals, make meals, make an effort ... and a date in which I need to see this in place. Meantime, I will allow Sam afternoon vistits, between lunch and dinner, but not overnight until J has gotten councelling/support to deal with his lack of parenting skills. I suspect I'll get pulled into court over this, but like valley-girl, I'm thinking his may even be for the best. Meanwhile , I am going to connect with all those who work with Sam and ask them to write their reccomendations and observations so I'll have something to take to the judge. I looked into finding a lawyer here, but no luck. At worst I'll get legal aide and I've already met him and I refuse to be in the same room as this lawyer in the future. ( 2 yrs ago I recieved legal aid from this man, when I told him my ex was propositioning me, sex for money, while I held my 6wk newborn in my arms, the lawyer asked, "What's wrong with that?, you are married to the man.
Sam spent 2 days with his dad this weekend and was sooo burnt out that I kept him home from school yesterday. This can't continue. BTW - is gopher a troll? This post kinda freaked me out. It sounds like something my ex would write. mama to Sam 8yrs PDD NOS OCD ODD PPD and Alex 2 yrs
establish a desperate need for "consistency of care" as well as educate a
court or a family law attorney about any dietary, therapeutic, or financial
needs your child has.
My son sees his Dad every weekend, but is home by sunday morning. If
there are any parties or special events I would like to take him to, I am able
to arrange it with his Dad in advance.
His dad is also an un dx'd aspie. He does not participate at all in J's
therapies, education, or medical needs. But, he DOES pay support. I have
given up on his participation.
My ex doesn't participate in therapies or medical appts. for him, but pays support..not on his own but through CSE.
He does things like give Q way too much candy and gum. I think he does this to pi** me off because I am a dental assistant and do not want Q eating sticky candy. I would rather he eat chocoalte than say skittles, starburst and gum. I haven't addressed it with the ex yet because I think I could make it worse and he'll do it all the more.
My son was diagnosed with autism back in September, we went to a "well respected" autism treatment center in the state where I live for ABA training. Needless to say, my 32 year old wife developed an affair with my son's 49 year old female therapist. Needless to say, we are going through a divorce. The therapist just got out of another relationship with another woman and child before she met my wife. The therapist wants to have a relationship with my son, and obviously, I'm going to fight her on it. As I would be a negligent father to allow my son to be mentally abused by the therapist. Now my son tells me that the therapist "sleeps with mommy" and he's only 3!!!
I've talked to the "well-respected" center, and they've done nothing. I've talked to the BACB and they've done nothing. The therapist in my opinion is a predator. Couple that with relatives telling me that my wife smokes pot with the therapist all the time, there's really nothing much I can do. Why aren't these people licensed? My state licenses barbers and cosmetologists, why not ABA therapists? Some of the ABA therapists that get "hired" have no psychology experience and are just looking for a part time job. They go into people's homes and "train" children. If anyone is looking for ABA therapists, I would be extremely careful. A BACB "certification" is no guarantee of quality, and there is absolutely no governance in that industry, and it *IS* an industry.
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