I want to have more kids.. | Autism PDD
WOW...
Thank you guys so much fo all of your comments, and advice. It is
a really hard decision. I am only 27 years old and Evan is my
only child. If I already had 2 kids I would probaly be fine with
that. I noticed that some of you guys were saying things about
certain brain disorders. I wonder, because both my husband and I
had a sister with a brain tumor. My husband's sister passed away
at age 4, and my sister was operated at age 7. She is now 25 and has
serious develpomental delays. When I was pregnant we saw a
genetic counselor and they said that brain tomors are not
hereditary. Now I wonder if there is a link there?
Well what I mentioned are specific conditions not actual tumors. You could look up the connection of their specific types of tumors with the conditions I listed. You could talk to your son's neurologist? if he has one. The genetic doctor never did mention any of this stuff to us it was our neurologist who sees both boys that brought it up when he did the family history questionaire and then later when Gabe's MRI had macrocephaly apparent. Then later still when Alex was born and he ordered an ultrasound to check his brain functions because his head size was in a worry range. We have had several ultrasounds on his brain and are set to have the mri/ct etc done when he is a little older. We decided as parents to wait due to the sedation factors. Just not comfortable doing that until we have to basically. His check up coming up we are supposed to schedule the mri and ct scan. If his head size is not where they are hoping it will be then we will be having some more indepth testing done at the same time and will probably just spend the night at the hospital to make it easier for him.
In a way, risk statistics can be misleading, because if it happens to you, it happens to you 100% -- ie hits you with 100% of its impact on your lifestyle, finances, energy, etc.
Lisa Jo Rudy of www.autism.about.com was lucky enough to get a personal interview with the Cold Spring Harbor researcher, Jonathan Sebat. Sebat said that the average risk for child number two having autism is 10%, but the risk is lower if it's the result of a spontaneous mutation rather than heredity. If you have two kids with autism, the risk is up to 50% for male third-borns.
Anyhow, anyone interested in reading more can go to:
www.autism.about.com (Part 1)
http://autism.about.com/od/causesofautism/a/newmutations.htm (Part 2)
I also recently ran across a relevant study by Dr. Landa at Kennedy Krieger. That study investigated very early diagnosis (14 months), but you can also draw conclusions about risks because the study involved baby siblings of autistics.
Thirty of the 107 baby siblings ended up with an autism label, either at 14 months or later at age 3. That is 28% -- which seems significantly higher than 10%. Problem is, we don't know if any of these baby sibs came from families that already had more than one child diagnosed.
You can read Newsweek's report on that study here:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19588967/site/newsweek/page/0/
Good luck with everything, whatever you decide.
P.S. Moderngnome's links didn't work for me, but I'm assuming she was linking to this topic:
http://www.autism-pdd.net/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19546&am p;KW=Newsweek&PN=0&TPN=1
Autism steals so many dreams...
Remember that alot of children in the same family might not have autism but other disorders as well---read my siggy line.
That said, I would still choose to have more children if I had a supportive husband and I wasn't old.
I was told by the dev ped that if you have one child on the spectrum then your chances of another are about 5-8%, but she also said your chance of any type of dev. delay goes up to about 30%. She said those numbers go higher if you have 2 with the dx and have a third.
It is something really consider because it is hard work when you have multiple kids with sn. On the other hand, I think a lot of the parents here are just really good at seeing subtle things that many parents may not pick up and therefore that is why you see many parents of multiple kids here with dx or PDD or other development issues. Also, I think peds are more likely to dx more subtle PDD if a sibling has a dx. That is what happened with our 2 year old who got dx the other day. I think she was on the fence, but she said the fact that my dd is dx and my other son has some odd behaviors that she felt a dx was the best way to ensure we don't get to age 5, like dd, and just get the dx.
I am done having kids. I do feel like we dodged what could have been a major bullet in that our kids are on the mild end of the spectrum. If I knew beforehand that the child would be mild I would take the chance. I'm not sure I could handle anything more severe with 3 kids who already are going through testing, IEPS, appointments, etc.
Remember that alot of children in the same family might not have autism but other disorders as well---read my siggy line.
...
Ditto to BonBon's statement, although I'd say that autism doesn't "steal" dreams, but it certainly modifies them quite a bit, as does having a child with any other type of disorder.
I have four between 16 and 3 - all with some form of neurological disorder. My girls have Dyslexia, Asperger's, and ADHD, and my son is autistic. Makes for a wild and wooly ride! However, there's nothing I would change about who (or how) they are, nor my choice to have them. Good parenting is hard work no matter what the circumstances. The question is deciding whether you're up for it or not.
I really want to have a second child, but DW is in the way of...no way. She feels, right now, that we are just too stretched in all ways at this point from emotional to financial.
Makes me sad as I always felt that one of my main purposes on this earth was to be a Daddy (and yes, I know...I am one). I just always imagined a bigger family.
<sigh>
[QUOTE=Faithishope]The risk may be very low, but in any case higher than a family full of NT kids. That risk is too high for me. I am mourning that right now. I like being pregnant. I like nursing, but if a child comes into this family it will be through adoption.[/QUOTE]
Don't count on Adoption ,my friend and I both have PDD Kids ,both Adopted.
My view of more Children is ,If you can picture yourself able to cope with a second child with ASD,then take the chance ,But if in your heart you know you and your family couldn't handle it than don't,If it were me I would do it again,but my DH would never agree.
God Bless Linda.
I don't know the exact numbers but I have 2 boys and one is PDD-NOS and the other is speech delayed with some symptoms but no diagnosis. He is probably also PDD-NOS but even milder than my first on the spectrum. I know of quite a few people with more than 1 ASD child. It is something to think about for sure. I don't know if it would stop me from wanting more if I wasn't done already.
Good luck with such a tough decision,
Laurie
The brain disorders I mentioned were mentioned to us by our neuro .. my husband had a sibling die of water on the brain at 41 days old, Gabriel has macrocephaly (larger head size than normal but only just so) and he told us it was common to have autism diagnosed and then Alex is being watched for microcephaly which actually can happen as a result of uncontrolled diabetes during pregnancy and we were told severe autism can be linked to it also.
The neuro we saw was Dr. Fishman in houston texas at texas children's hospital who has since retired we are going to be following up on Alex in a few months for his last measurements to rule out microcephaly (he has always been on the borderline that worries them in the under tenth percentile but last check up had dropped to under fifth so they wanted to check it one more time) sometime after his next check up.
edit to add... about the families with many .. at our therapy center its a very sad trend when you get to know one family there in the waiting room its normally not long after a new sibling is born that you see them a little more for the new sibling. It seems that out of the seven families I can think of off the top of my head they have either more than one autistic of some variety or some other speech/delay disorder that seems to lead to the second child coming to therapy. However also it could be that as a parent with an autistic child when we start to see a small delay in speech which is NORMAL for some kids we immediately take action on our younger kids on the theory JUST in case cause it won't hurt.
Personally though I couldn't see our family as complete without all of our children so the risk while there is a non factor. This current pregnancy was not actually planned we were working on getting fixed after Alex was born but God has a reason for it. It was offered to me based on the issues to terminate early on and we agonized over the decision. We weighed the pros and cons of possibly having two more with this type of issue and realized that yes our lives are busier and more chaotic with the boys here but it's also much richer.
It seems I know alot more adopted auties than children born biologically to their parents. The children we are adopting are autistic also. I personally think autistic children flourish in larger families. We know some Amish and Mennonite families that have adopted children with autism and we have only seen amazing results. Those families typically have VERY large families compared to everyone here. (5-12 kids would be the range I would say)
there are so many children out there that could potentially be adopted, although it's true you don't know anything about their history and whether they are/are not on the spectrum, i'm sure the chances of adopting an infant with autism is lower than conceiving one if you already have one at home. the only problem is, adoption fees are in the ,000 range for international, and with domestic adoptions, there are very few available with no problems, and many with parents that were drug addicts etc. i would do my best to adopt rather than conceive if it weren't for the cost, difficulty, and complete and utter unwillingness to adopt on the part of my husband. let's face it, most countries require a two parent, opposite sex, married, household to adopt. (so if i divorced him, i still wouldn't be able to get a baby by international adoption).
*i'm not the original poster, just a poster with the same dilemma*
We never knew about any of our family historys in the beginning of finding out what was wrong with Jacob. We searched and asked and everyone was "fine"--so we thought. More came out as the years went by. Dh has about everything in his family---ADHD, LD's, Bipolar, Depression, Anxiety, Suicide, Alcoholism, OCD, etc, etc.
My side---anxiety.
Look at my sig for what my kids have. As the years go by--more comes up.
We just found out about 5 mo ago that DH is Aspergers!---thinking it was ADD.
Curzir, I know how you feel. I am only 33 and my son is not even 3 years old- but I also found out at 31 that my child was autistic and it was quite a blow to our family plans. Although no one in our family has ASD, we were afraid to have any more children. Adoption plans fell through as well, then our marriage crumbled and we are divorcing.
My hubby had a vasectomy last year so I knew if we stayed together I would have no more, but now looking at single life again I wonder all the time about having another child........... I just don't know.
I found out today that he does not have the fragile X gene...Does that make my chances better of having a NT child?It's very positive that your son doesn't have Fragile X, because that would mean that you are a carrier (symptomless), and each child of a carrier woman has a 50% chance of inheriting the gene defect (with or without symptoms).
I didn't know this, but Fragile X was only identified in 1991! It's now considered one of the most common genetic conditions in humans (about 1 in 259 women are carriers), and the most common *inherited* cause of mental impairment and autism -- at least according to www.fraxa.org.
Good luck with your decision.
i feel very bad for you because i am having the same problem. i want to have another child, but i am afraid that the next one will also have problems. i think, based on what i have seen, is is extremely common to have multiple children, especially if they are males. i think genetic testing for a certain variance in the mom or dad is available or will be available soon, but if you want to have a child, you don't want to wait, but you don't want to risk... ugh.
[QUOTE=Faithishope]The risk may be very low, but in any case higher than a family full of NT kids. That risk is too high for me. I am mourning that right now. I like being pregnant. I like nursing, but if a child comes into this family it will be through adoption.[/QUOTE]
Not to burst your bubble, but I know three families that have adopted newborns and the three are on the specturm. So you don't know what you will get that route either.
I am currently pregnant with #2, we conceived after knowing ds was on the spectrum. We looked at all the pros, and all the cons, and decided to have another.I do not have the luxury of waiting, ( I am of advanced maternal age - lol!) but if I did, I would have waited til ds was in school before having this 2nd one, just so I can be sure to give him all the attention he needs at this early age - he just turned 2. As it stands, I know he will get less attention when the baby is born , but I have lots of family in the area that can help out and give me time with him each day, take him for a bit... etc. We really feel having a sibling will be good for him in the long run. He is doing very well also, if he wasn't I would probably have reconsidered. I think you really need to follow your heart ! Good luck with whatever you decide.
Do what YOU think is best for your family. For AS, probably 50%. I have one diagnosed with AS and another that either has AS or pdd. I'm not having anymore.
This would of saved me a lot of heart ache if my dad's side just told me BEFORE I HAD KIDS. They waited until this year after I already figured it out! I asked 7 yr ago if they had any disorders etc and I got screamed at by my grandmother (who is AS, didn't know at the time). Figures any time someone acts like that there hiding some thing!
I just thought of something. There is a genetic disorder that causes brain tumors. It causes tumors in other areas too (is it the skin or is it other organs too). Sorry, I can't remember the name.
I have 3 children, 2 on the spectrum.
Equally glad to have each and every one of them and so very glad that they will have each other when I am gone.
I think you could analize statistics until you are so scared you'll never do anything in life, but being informed allows you to access what the risks are (just don't sweat over them).
Personally I wont have any more children - the risks for me now are too prominent and my marriage wont last anyway.
Good Luck with your decision.
Mysh
Some links for you:http://www.autism-pdd.net/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=20568&am p;KW=more+children
http://www.autism-pdd.net/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19546&am p;KW=more+children
http://www.autism-pdd.net/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18860&am p;KW=more+children
Hope this helps!
30-50% seems a bit high. I just found this:
Current data suggest that the likelihood of having a child with autism if the biological parents already have one child with autism is at least 1/20. This rate may be an underestimate, given that many families with one autistic child will stop having children due to stress or the fear of having another child with the disorder.
This is from: http://www.med.yale.edu/chldstdy/autism/pddinfo.html#child
So----if you had one child with ASD, then you may get another child with it also-----if you had 20 more children!!
Well-------those odds are pretty slim. I know it seems like alot of people here have alot of kids on the spectrum. But remember--the people on here are only a "few" people in this world with kids that are ASD. I have 4 kids---one with ASD.
The risk may be very low, but in any case higher than a family full of NT kids. That risk is too high for me. I am mourning that right now. I like being pregnant. I like nursing, but if a child comes into this family it will be through adoption.Hey Faithishope you can nurse an adopted child...part of it would depend on the autism itself. Some is genetically linked for example have you been screened for fragile x ? Does your family have a history of autism in your relatives that could be a connection in the tree somewhere? Does your family have any people with cephalies... like hydrocephaly, macrocephaly, microcephaly... water on the brain, large head size and small head size? These are factors that can be linked into autism.
I was told by our doctors its one in ten chance. If we had a male child that could go as high as one in four. I have one son diagnosed and now have a second who is considered to be more severe based on same age comparisons with his brother.
Bottom line is the risk is there ... even if its a small one. However I am disturbed by the quality of life statement. As long as you love and support your child unconditionally they will never have a quality of life issue because they still have family love and support which is all any child needs to thrive imo. Yes some things come harder to these children but they also bring many special talents and gifts to the table. I would definately not say my boys have a poorer quality of life than my daughter does. I have high hopes for all of my children.
In my family they are all NT, but i am worried my kid would come with autism as well. Unfortunately, i cant have anymore kids, because my husband cant due to serveral surgeries he had in the past 3 years. But if god would make me preganant, i would thank him everyday no matter how the child came to this world. I want to have more kids, but I'm afraid that I shouldn't because I have a child with PDD-NOS. I don't want to have a child who does not speak and will have a low quality of life. I see alot of people on this forum who have several kids, what are your thoughts? If my son symptoms are subtle is it possible for me to have another child where the symptoms would be worse? What are the %'s really?If you do a search on this forum, you'll see this conversation comes up pretty frequently.
The last time I asked - I'd say that everyone here estimated the odds of having another child on the spectrum at 30-50%. Due to that post (and some other reasons), my husband and I have decided we are done. Our son is mild on the spectrum, and we don't want to risk having a more severely affected child (in addition, like I said, to other reasons).
If we were younger, had a bigger money tree in the yard
, and perhaps if our son was an only child - we might be making a different decision. As it is, we feel very blessed with our three - and for us, the risk isn't worth it.It is SUCH a PERSONAL decision. Good Luck!
I don't know where they get those 3-5% chance stats... seriously... I know MANY families with multiple children on the spectrum. Sure I know families that have both ASD and NT children but I'd say its more like 50% of the families have more than one child on the spectrum... varying degrees of course.
We strongly suspect ASD in Matthew now too... awaiting eval... he's got a lot of strengths and I think will do okay long term but could use a little boost right now socially.
I think it is a very personal decission that only you and your husband can make. I have 2 on the spectrum, my oldest son is more severe than my youngest son. We didnt have a diagnosis on my oldest son when we got pregnant with my youngest, I cant say that would have made a difference, I always wanted a lot of kids. I have 3 and feel very blessed to have them. I just never thought I would be raising them on my own. I was told that if you have one then you have a 50/50 chance of having another. Good Luck to you on this.
Kim
[QUOTE=FullHouse+some]part of it would depend on the autism itself. Some is genetically linked for example have you been screened for fragile x ? Does your family have a history of autism in your relatives that could be a connection in the tree somewhere? Does your family have any people with cephalies... like hydrocephaly, macrocephaly, microcephaly... water on the brain, large head size and small head size? These are factors that can be linked into autism.[/QUOTE]I guess I didn't research the genetic factors very much since we were crossed out for Fragile-X early on.. But I was not aware that water on the brain was also linked to autism. My great-uncle had water on the brain and survived with it into his 30s.
To the subject on hand, I do believe it's 1 out of 20 is the current estimate on how often autism follows. That said, I would never use that as the sole reason to not have another child. If you don't feel you have the financial resources for another special needs child, then of course examine it a bit more. I wish you luck in your decision..
Copyright Autism-PDD.net