[QUOTE=Tricialynne]
I remember as a child, creating a file system in my head so I wouldn't forget things after my grandmother told me she thought I would forget her when I was older. And the strange thing to me is I can still access many of those "files."
I was a pretty bright child but at some point in 6th grade I realized that to be really smart wasn't a good thing with peers, so I have dumbed myself down ever since. I am now 42 and not sure why I still do that, seeing that I am in college and I really do know it's a good thing to be smart but still I will play dumber than I am because I don't want my friends to feel bad.
I deal with such social anxiety at times beause I just don't know what to do even still over 40. I have an almost perfect GPA but don't always know how to act with other people. I can't always read people. And funny, but sometimes I can almost see through them to their true intent. What I really can't read is social crud.[/QUOTE]
Hang on to those files
It sound like you are missing some of the non-verbal and have excellent intuition. Trust your intuition.
Diagnostic checklists for adults:
http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=128&a=6730 - 11 question screening test for adults
http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html - Simon Baron-Cohen's Autism-Spectrum Quotient quiz for adults
http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php - a longer questionnaire.
The more I learn about autism, the more I wonder about myself. One thing I do that distresses me some is I don't always know what I am supposed to do socially, so I rely on what is expected when in that situation. For instance, I am a beginning grad student right now and I will have my first client next week. I am not nervous about meeting with the little guy but there is a lot of tension among my classmates. Soooo, I 'play' the stressed out student.
It's weird to think about this because I have done this my whole life - really think about what I am supposed to do in any given social situation. It took me years to stop boring holes into people with my intense eye contact. I remember people telling me to stop staring at them. And I was thinking I was following the rule of looking at people when they spoke.
Today on the ride home on the bus, I watched two men talk because they were in my line of sight and observed how and when they looked at each other. It seems that when you are the one talking it's okay to look away as long as you look back. But if you are the listener, you are supposed to keep looking at them and do things like shake your head. Okay, the only reason I write that is because I have studied people and how they act my whole life. I remember as a child, creating a file system in my head so I wouldn't forget things after my grandmother told me she thought I would forget her when I was older. And the strange thing to me is I can still access many of those "files."
I was a pretty bright child but at some point in 6th grade I realized that to be really smart wasn't a good thing with peers, so I have dumbed myself down ever since. I am now 42 and not sure why I still do that, seeing that I am in college and I really do know it's a good thing to be smart but still I will play dumber than I am because I don't want my friends to feel bad.
I deal with such social anxiety at times beause I just don't know what to do even still over 40. I have an almost perfect GPA but don't always know how to act with other people. I can't always read people. And funny, but sometimes I can almost see through them to their true intent. What I really can't read is social crud.
Everyone thinks 4 year old son likely has Aspergers and I am wondering if I am. I know no one here can diagnos me but I just wanted to say some of this outloud. In some ways it would make sense because I have always felt like I was on the outside looking in.
And like my son, I want to be part of the group - have always wanted to be accepted in but how one does that, I just have never quite gotten. As a child, I just did my best to be what I thought my friend wanted me to be. I would watch them and what they liked and try to see what they wanted in a friend and be that person.
Oh anyway, I am babbling I suppose. I just think about it sometimes and get really sad for my son. Because if his struggles ahead of him are similar to what I have lived I hurt for him. I have felt so lonely at times that it hurts. And yet right now, I feel very happy and content with life. We have help for my son. I am in a graduate program I have worked hard to get into. I have wonderful children. I love my husband. Life is generally good.
Thanks for listening
I was diagnosed in 1987 as having ADD. But the more I read about PDD, the more I wonder if I was misdiagnosed. As a child I was very introverted. Was introduced to theatre in my teens and found an outlet. On the outside I look like an extrovert, but in actuality am a closet introvert who, by all social training and manners taught, still (at the age of 37) have a hard time in many social situations. I interupt people many times, and many times switch the subject to what I am interested at that time. I can not sit still for long periods of time, even short for that maner, I tap or hit whatever surface is at my side. I can remember peoples birthdays, but mant times forget their names.. There are more, but it is too much.
Is it because it was the mid 80s and that they did not know as much about autism that they diagnosed me with ADD rather than PDD.
Oh, I took that one test, and said that if you scored higher than a 4 you may need to check with your dr... I scored a 20...
I never thought about this til I had children, especialy now that my baby is being tested for autism.
You are not alone Tri...
Hi Tricia,
Honestly after knowing what I know about autism and the spectrum now, I see a lot of adults that would probably fit on the spectrum using the broad criteria of social skills, language, eye contact, and dealing with emotions. However, I have also found those people to be the most trustworthy, hardworking, honest, non-manipulative, stand up people you can ever find. So my conclusion? Being on the tip of the spectrum is not necessarily a bad thing. Although the level of discomfort in social situations makes me wonder about the pain. I hope you accept yourself more and thumb nail some pages on the internet you can visit for general ideas about social expectations and relax knowing that nobody is perfect. Sometimes the most "socially comfortable" people are the best fakers. I wouldn't want you to go around with that stress all the time. Just want you to know you are probably not as bad as you think, so don't stress it.
Concernedpa.
Hi tricia,
I can relate to your post as I have similar anxiety in social situations - I feel like everyone else has a guidebook telling them how to behave and I got missed out! I was also abused as a child so I think a lot of my feelings stem from that. I believe I have autistic traits but whether they come from my childhood experiences or whether they're genetic is anyone's guess. It;s true that a lot of people, if not all, probably have autistic traits to some extent. I hope you find the answers you're looking for. xx
Thank you both for the replies. I felt rather odd even posting all of that but all these thoughts had been rattling around in my head.
Norwaymom, thank you very much for the links. I will check them out. I don't know if I am on the spectrum or not but I am not really introverted. I was also abused as a child and learned somewhere along the line if I was talking and being funny I was less likely to be hurt. Soooo, I talk but don't always feel like I know what to say.
The files..
Thank you for listening. I don't feel quite so weird for thinking those things now.
Tricia
I don't ever wonder about myself, but I see "autism" and "asperger's" in otherI don't think I'm on the spectrum, but I'm definitely introverted (unlike 3/4 of the population) and can see some common traits for that reason.
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Same here
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