During B-day party one of J classmates made the comment J is gross and J. always does gross things. J was licking a balloon. I said maybe J can't help it and J is different , did you ever think about that? I didn't know what to say. It made me feel sorry for J.
Then J almost got into a fight with 2 girls. J- had some shoes and the other girl said she had them first and 2 girls start yanking on J. J just took it and didn't snap back. I broke it up and gave them the shoes. If that was 2 yrs ago, J would of snapped.
I would have said that it is not polite to call people gross, as it may hurt
peoples feelings. Name calling is very hurtful. J's behavior is not hurting
anyone. I would also wink and say that it is best not to comment on other
peoples behavior unless our own behavior is beyond perfect.
A lesson on politeness is always a good thing.I know what you mean. Other kids (same age) ask me whats wrong with him? Sometimes my son is so absorbed in his fantasy world he dosnt hear but other times his feelings get hurt and it breaks my heart
I never get upset if either of my kids is being mean and someone goes over and gently corrects them. I usually am right there, reinforcing what that adult is saying - but I pay attention to my kids. Parents of NT kids often just let a lot go (boy there are days I wish I could!) and can just sit back and chat and not worry about how their kids are doing. I don't have that luxury, so it is usually me guiding the interaction.
What has also struck me recently is how much I'm guiding the OTHER kids' behavior - almost moreso than my son's! Because kids at ages 4-6 are still often needing lots of guidance in how to act, what to say. Guess I should be charging for this free service I'm providing, huh?
That being said, I have gone into my daughter's classroom and spoken about autism in April-Autism awareness month. The theme is always awareness and tolerence of others.
Also, just say what the kids can handle, like Kathy said, a lesson in politeness is never a bad thing.
The polite comment sounds good to me...I consistently use "good manners" with my kids and all others as my reasoning.
If the topic comes up as to why so and so has autism, you can always note: your eyes are blue, arent' they? You were born with blue eyes, and Susie was born with red hair, and ___ was born with autism. No big deal - we're all different. Just like you can't help having blue eyes, ____ can't help having autism.
I am just starting to deal with this, with my son. It is heartbreaking, because he does want to play with the other children so much, he just doesn't play like them...
When we went to the Museum last weekend in Atlanta, there was a play area. Daniel wanted to play with the cars, but didn't want to play with the other kids that day. He just layed there on the ground making the car go back and forth, and the other children made comments. One little girl came up and asked me to make him leave, because he wasn't playing properly. I just said "sweetie, he isn't hurting you, and he has every right to play here, just like you do".
It hurts, but I try to remember that they are just kids themselves. They don't realize what is going on, or that it might hurt someone's feelings most of the time. Kids are so honest in that way, lol. I just try to remember that, when I am dealing with conflicts between other children and ds, so I don't let it get to me too much.
I told a little girl to stop staring one day it wasn't polite. She was probalby 10 or 11. I think it embarrassed her cause she told me she was just admiring his shirt or something like that. I don't know how to handle it either, but those were some good suggestions.