For Parents of more then 1 | Autism PDD

OK ... I'm a mom of 3. As you can tell from my signature, none of my 3 are truly "NT".

However, I have this intense love for my autistic child that goes over and above my patience and love for my other 2. I can't say I love him more, as I love my kids equally, but I have this enormous amount of patience and empathy for my little one.

When I am cleaning him up, which as those that are aware of my history with my son, is almost a daily event, I never, ever get angry or upset. He cries, and all I do is cry with him, clean him up and as he cries I tell him I love him, I'm sorry, over and over.

Is this special connection common or uncommon for those of us with more then 1? My little one can honestly do no wrong in my eyes.

I'm glad that I love him this much, as being frustrated with an ASD child cannot be good, but I also feel sometimes I hold him back, as I completely baby him and cater to every need he has.

Gosh I completely relate to that. I dote on my asd kids beyond all reason. I'm forever getting into trouble with their therapists for doing so. Talk about smitten

Of course I adore my nt but I find it easier to discipline him than I do his bros and I really have to get myself together on that one sometimes. I spoil him as much as I can because he has 2 asd bros which in itself is challenging - still - i wish i could be more assertive with his bros instead of completely empathising with every tiny thing.

All my kids have issues also. I tend to be more patient and understanding of my ASD one. Maybe because he is the only boy? I am the oldest of 8, that's right 8 children and when I was younger I got more attention but as the babies arrived my parents got too overwhelmed and busy and I started recieving more attention from my brothers and sisters. I'm sort of the opposite as I try to treat my PDD-NOS child like a typical child and insist that he act like a "big boy" to the best of his ability. I tend to push him more than baby him b/c I want to make him as independent as possible--I guess you could call it tough love. Of course i give him lots of affection too because he's irresistable.Both of my children have issues too. My dd just starting seeing a therapist this past week for her anxiety, and they have come to the conclusion that she does indeed have an anxiety disorder and mild-mod Asperger's on top of the ADD. And my ds has mod-severe HFA and severe ADHD. I knew I just couldn't get lucky enough to only have one child with it. But hers is not so bad, her worst issue is the severe anxiety. I use to do this because ds was the youngest. Now, the baby requires more of my attention and seems like the love of my life :) It's probably because he is your youngest. The things you work the hardest for are the ones you value most. My asd
son and one NT dd were very easy babies but my other NT dd was a
screamer. For the first year she had to be in a sling and I had to
constantly move to keep her from screaming -I thought I was loosing my
mind. But it did make me bond with her more and pay attention to her
more.
Now they are all older and my asd ds needs the most -most help, most
thought, most snuggles, most advocacy . And it clearly has made me
more patient and close with him. I love all my kids in different ways but I
can't say I love one more than the other. But raising a kid id a true labor
of love and the more work you put into it the more you are aware of the
love.

Honestly, yeah, Sam and I have different connection than Alex and I. I "get" my oldest son and where he's coming from. He is exactly the child I always thought I'd have and when he was born I was filled with love for him the moment laid eyes on him. He was such an easy baby, it was easy to feel like a successful, first- time mom.

My youngest is an amazingly strong and high energy NT boy and I am really often overwhelmed by his energy and independance,. My youngest reminds me of the kind of boy I was afraid of in school - you know, the ones who everything seems to comes to them so easily. When he was born I had a mild case of post-partum depression and I sometimes wonder if that interupted our bonding. Or maybe it was the 10 mths of colic, or the 2 years of sleep deprivation.

I love both my boys to infinity, and beyond, would fight tooth and nail for either of them, and woe to anyone who tries to hurt them. They both fill me with more love and inspiration than I ever imagined. They also challenged my idea of parenting more than I would have guessed.

I am still trying to come to a better understanding within myself about my feelings for my boys - is it OK for me to love my kids deeply, but differently? This is a topic I often wanted to post but wasn't brave enough - I am glad others are sharing their feelings on this.

mama to Sam 8 yrs, PDD NOS OCD ODD PPD and Alex 2 yrs

I feel I have a strong bond with both boys, and I try to treat them exactly the same. C does't get slack for his ASD. However, I tend to feel more patient with C than R. I think it has more to do with personality in general than the fact that C is ASD though. C is eager to please and tries to help and follow directions, whereas R is a born rebel that doesn't want to do anything that isn't his idea. Hence, I'm more likely to lose it with R than with C!

As I've said before, my ASD son is a more challenging child to educate, but my NT son is a more challenging child to parent.