NT Sibling:Attention Seeking bcuz of ASD? | Autism PDD
Maybe most kids are attention seeking, but it appears to me that our NT 4.5 year old, who is 2 yrs younger than his ASD brother, craves attention more than his peers. Am wondering whether, since he's spent a lifetime trying to get his brother's attention - often, unsuccessfully - it makes him feel less... i dunno...attended to, or important, or something?
When Jack started mothers day out right before he turned 3, he constantly got time outs for invading other kids' space. He'd feel the need to touch their shoulder, or gently tackle them while they were playing blocks on the floor together, and to talk in their faces. Guess he learned his social skills with a non interested big brother, wouldn't you say?
Last year in preK, aged 3.5 - 4, this was also a problem at the beginning of the school year. Everything is fine now, except he constantly wants me to play with him. He is a bit bossy, but the stuff we' ve read about gifted kids (he's been evaluated and is) says that's to be expected.
Do your younger NT kids display this neediness, and do you ever worry a bit about their psychological development? Like, in the EXTREME, kids who are neglected big time by parents feel like ___________ inside. Am not saying it is that huge an issue, but autism affects the whole family, not just the person with it and his parents. My psychological standing (NUTS!!!) is already set, but little Jack is still developing his sense of self worth.
Or, maybe the 4th kid in big families feels this way too. Except, they have 3 siblings that DO pay attention to them.
Just a-wondering....
Linda, I wish I had done something earlier with Jack. We did playdates and gymnastics here and there, but I blew the sign up deadline for when he was 2.5. He seems fine now with peers, in fact, the teachers tell us he's the most empathetic kid they've ever run across, but it was hard for him at first.
He got time outs so many times, one night DH is on the computer at midnite and hears something in the hallway. Goes over there, and Jack is sitting and wobbling in the time-out chair, barely keeping himself upright and with his eyes closed. DH asks what he's doing: isss okay dahd...am jusss in time out.
He was sound asleep and gave himself a time out! Didn't remember any of it the next day.
Good going with Ember!
I absolutely do worry about my NT dd. School is a blessing in this department, cause then I have alone time with her everyday and we spend most of the time playing 1 on 1. She doesn't seem to be attention seeking, but she doesn't really know how to play with her peers either cause her brothers who are her examples have a lot of inappropriate social behaviors. Example: Nikolas gets in the face of a child he wants to interact with, I've been told he's smelling other children, he's not, he doesn't know how to do it. I saw another kid in his ASD class do the same thing. I do plan on putting her in something soon for other 2 year olds so she can get exposure to approprate play.Yes I feel this way for my girl. She cries a lot and says "Mommy why doesn't brother like to play with me?" He hits her, fights with her constantly, and always says "Leave me alone", "I need alone time" - I have taught her that she has to leave him alone for alone time because when she was a baby he broke her arm
and tried to strangle her with a window blind cord & used to say "Let's kill her mommy". It was a long road with her, so while I am thankful for all the improvements he has made, it will never be the same as other siblings. I think it has caused a lot of her defiant behavior. I try very hard to give her the same attention but, for example, I spend at least an hour every night helping my son with his reading & homework assignments, and most nights I just don't have the energy to help her! I guess I just figure, she is NT so she already has it "easier" than him, I'll just let the school teach her when she starts kindergarden. Its not right, I know I need to make more time for her.
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