My 10 yr old had a short cord and wrapped around his shoulder...we had a c-section...he has been a challenge since then...with my 4 yr old we wanted an elective c-section...he had a cord around the neck, came out blue but had an apgar of 9 at one minute and 10 at 5 min...he was so quiet, he hardly ever cried, he just whimpered!!!
Nothing makes any sense!! I used to say "why me"...but over time, I realized that everybody has some issue, this is just ours...I just try to enjoy them for who they are and love them!!!!
I could tell something was not quite right in utero, I had an u/s because my son hardly ever moved. So, not for us, but I do beleive there may be various physical causes. Ours is clearly genetic.
My 10 yr old hardly moved in-utero too!!! My 4 yr old moved more but not as much as other mommies experience!!! I think ours is genetic too!!!Mountainflower, I'll put my opinion in this mix, for what it is worth...
First, please consider seeking counseling for your grief and guilt and have them check for postpartum depression (including having your hormonal levels checked). When you get stuck in a particular stage of the grief cycle (which sounds like what has happened here) help from a trained grief counselor will often get you over the hump and into the next stages so that you can then move forward in the healing process. Both you and your child deserve that effort, particularly so that you can be the good parent you're meant to be for your child, and help him in the fight he has ahead of him.
Secondly, having birthed 3 of my 4 children at home, and having attended numerous births both as labor support in the hospital and as a DEM (direct-entry midwife) who attends homebirths since 1991, the environment in which you chose to birth had little, if anything, to do with it. I'm sure, as most homebirthing parents do, you and your spouse educated yourself regarding all of the risks and choices on both sides of the argument (hospital versus home), weighed your decisions quite carefully, and made the choices for what you felt was best for you and your family. There is no guarantee (and no crystal ball) to know that if you had chosen differently, the outcome at birth would have been any different. Your child would still have required some form of resuscitation, regardless of what method would have been used. The use of oxygen tanks would have been of little value if he was not first able to breathe it in.
Many, many factors play into the development of our children, not just one singular event. As you travel down the road of parenting your child, you will often make choices that differ from other people's, because there is no one "right" or "wrong" way to parent your child - NT or on the spectrum. Other people might disapprove or criticize - just as you feel they have your birth choices - but they are not you, and they are not raising your son. A wise pediatrician once told me to "read all I could get my hands on, and then put it away and trust my instincts." That holds true here, too - you are the best expert on your child, and you have the highest vested interest of anyone in seeing him develop to his utmost potential (outside of his own interest, of course!
Go with your son's ebbs and flows... help him grow by leaps and bounds when he's showing those signs, and find patience to wait out the plateaus...they're usually just the gathering of mental and physical energy for the next huge developmental leap - as many posters here will attest to. I think you'll find much to celebrate and be proud of along the journey.
My son's cord was also wrapped around his neck at birth.We think that is the case with T -- she had a complicated birth.
Ped Neuro texts say yes. Ob/Gyn's of course say NO.
As a NICU nurse, I'm not too convinced that lack of O2 at birth has anything to do with it. I have seen alot of very sick babies with alot of problems--most all having to do with lack of O2. Most of these kids end up with CP, vision or hearing problems.
I can understand how it MAY have an effect on autism---IF it is geneticly there in the first place.
I was at a friends delivery a long time ago. The baby was IUGR (intrauterine growth retardation)---bad placenta. He turned out to have PDD-NOS. He had lack of O2 during the entire pregnancy.
My son-----was perfect. No meds, no IV, no nothing during labor/delivery. The only weird thing---he never cried at birth. Very quiet.
PLEASE do not torture yourself - we know you love your child. Please free yourself from this guilt! We all have went through the 'what if's - allow yourself to grieve, but then be the best Mom you can be and just love that child!My ds birth wasnt hard delivery wise, but I had group B strep so both of us had a ton of antibiotics, plus he had a bluish cast to him and to me wasnt breathing as well as he should. Here it is a requirement for all group b strep babies to stay in hospital 48 hrs no matter what. He was on oxygen and heart monitors the whole timeIt will get easier! I promise...I felt the same way you did. Mason was a preemie and OMG, the guilt I felt when that happened was so unbelievable. I questioned everything I did up until the point he was born...and then as he got older and the problems started to arise it just seemed to get worse and worse...if I hadn't drank that soda with caffeine, if I hadn't carried my other son into the house when he was asleep...at one point I even thought about the time I drove down a bumpy road!
[/QUOTE] OMG, I'm so glad to read this and realize I'm not the only one that went through this...V was premature also (8 weeks) and I went into pre-term labor twice within 2 weeks time, and the second time, they weren't able to stop it, my water broke, and the rest is history... But I also questioned everything I had done; maybe law school wasn't the best time to be pregnant, under a tremendous amount of stress, trucking across campus with a load of law books, maybe if I hadn't drank those caffeinated drinks that I needed to stay awake to study, if only I had been more conscientous about what I ate, maybe I shouldn't have taken that long car trip, flown on that airplane, etc....I've gone over everything that happened during my pregnancy a million times, wondering "what if"... Yes, it will get better, and as kristy said, you just have to realize that there is no way of knowing what the outcome would have been if any one thing would have been different...you just can't beat yourself up about it... I have witnessed friends that have done everything right, diet, exercise, pre-natal care, best doctors, by the book, and still had complications and/or children with some type of disability, and then on the other hand, I have witnessed people who didn't change a thing about their habits when the got pregnant, had horrible diets, occasionally smoked or drank alcohol, and had perfectly healthy term babies...so, really, there isn't any rhyme or reason to it. Just live for today, you can't undo the past...focus on what can be done now, to better the situation... peace and prayers... It will get easier! I promise...I felt the same way you did. Mason was a preemie and OMG, the guilt I felt when that happened was so unbelievable. I questioned everything I did up until the point he was born...and then as he got older and the problems started to arise it just seemed to get worse and worse...if I hadn't drank that soda with caffeine, if I hadn't carried my other son into the house when he was asleep...at one point I even thought about the time I drove down a bumpy road!
I wish I could tell you the exact moment that the guilt went away, sorry I can't...all I can say is that it did get better...I just needed time, more than anything, and eventually realized that it didn't matter what happened. What mattered was the future, what I could do to help him become all that he can. I still sometimes wish I had answers, but I think about it for a few minutes and tell myself I'm not going down that road again, and it's better! HUGS!!!! Erin had a congenetial heart defect that was repaired at 4 months of age. She went to the doctor weekly to check all vitals ( oxegyn levels, too). At birth they had her in an oxegyn tent just to be safe, but took her out and said she was fine without it. I never had much reason to think she was oxegyn deprived....she had fabulous energyy, no blue, good appetite. To a stranger, they would have never guessed she had a heart defect...but who knows.... add us to the "list" of possible oxegyn shortfall...... Just to make you feel better, my son didn't have these issues at all. My birth was super easy run of the mill. amie- love the guilt quote! Mountainflower..... I don't know your stroy...but got the just of it from your post.... I have to say STOP this cycle you are doing to yourself....you didn't do anything to your son. Whatever complications he had, could have occured anywhere....
You sound so distraught and so sure you are the "cause" when....no one has a real idea of what the cause is.....you need to stop blaming yourself right now !! For your sake I hope you can let that guilt go because EVEN IF there was absolute proof that low oxegyn at birht caused autism....it wouldn't be your fault, you didn;t set out to cause this !! If I chose to take my son to Mcdonald's and he choked on french fry there.....would you blame me because I chose to take him there, or would you think it was an unfortunate tragic thing. You chose a homebirth....you didn't choose autism ! Moutainflower, I hope that you find the strength to move forward. I can't possibly imagine the "woulda coulda shoulda" guilt that you're beating yourself up with. You clearly made a decision that was the right one for you at the time. MAYBE if you had delivered at a hospital things might have turned out differentently. Or MAYBE the exact same thing would have happened regardless of where you delivered. Or MAYBE you could have all been killed in an auto wreck driving to the hospital and staying home saved your lives. Lot's of people deliver at home without issue, and many others deliver in the best hospitals and have complications. Unfortunately, you'll never know. We all beat ourselves up for things we think we should have done differently. I think its some kind of national sport for parents. But your little guy needs you now, and you need to find the strength to look forward and not back. How old is your little guy? How is he doing? I have not met a parent of a child in the spectrum that doesn’t feel guilt about something. I think this is a common struggle – however, the tone of your email sounds like you are overwhelmed with guilt and grief. Have you been to a counselor, or told your doctor about this? How old is your child? Could be having some postpartum depression? I encourage you to find someone – a pastor or counselor that you can go to and talk about your feelings so you can work through them. Every one here is right. And i might add. What matters really is Today, and what you can do today to move forward and do the best for your child. During my pregnance and birth there were many problems, and that was my focus at that time. Today i have a beautful son and his needs and challenges are my focus today. Actually the problems i had during pregnancy and birth are a distant memory and not even something i wish to share or recall. And whether or not those things had anything to do with today matters not to me, because i can't change them. I like to think that the professionals in the field of research are working hard to figure these things out. It is my hope that they do so we can stop this thing and in the meantime It is not something that i have time to worry about. I'm sorry for the way you are feeling and i do really hope that you can move forward although i know how hard can be. Someone awhile back was asking about the stages of grieving , that they thought they might be going through that. It think it is possible to go through those same emotions when you find out your child is Autistic. Does anyone remember the thread i'm speaking about.
And everyone knows what happened so I know that IRL people blame me for it.
We had a homebirth with a midwife. My ds wasn't breathing. The midwife
did not use oxygen tanks but gave him neonatal resusitation.
My ds is a constant reminder of what happened that day. I will always look at my son and how he suffers and know that it is my fault that this happened because I chose to deliver at home :(
My ds is almost 2 1/2. He isn't making as much progress as I would like. I just hate this for him, know what I mean? I am so scared for the future. I have no idea how he will be or what he will ever be able to comprehend. He doesn't communicate at all. He is not severe so I am grateful for what he does do, don't get me wrong. I just wish it all wasn't true.
I want to move on. But I don't know how.
Don't worry about the past or the future...worry about the now. That is what Payne & my psychiatrist told me once. It stuck. There is nothing that you can do to change the past or make the future different w/o the now. He might not be up to your standards, yet, but give him time. I was TERRIFIED for Payne...and I hate to say this...but a positive experience might help. He was a hard birth, delayed from the get go...started walking and talking and then at 2 - 21/2 he regressed TREMENDOUSLY...then we got him in pre-k at 3...started helping...not much though. I think he needed it in his own time...if that makes sense. He is now more indepedent. Talks in sentences...sometimes mumbly, but it words. He still has meltdowns, but less often. He is the top of his self contained ESE classes vocabulary now. Just these past 2 weeks we have seen REMARKABLE improvement. Just don't get gloomy about it...there is HOPE!
Low oxygen at birth.
Has anyone ever heard that this can be a trigger for Autism?
I believe that had SOMETHING to do w/ Payne. His umbilical cord was wrapped so tight around his neck that it literally exploded before the doctor could get it off.
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