dating | Autism PDD

Sorry, guys, I haven't been around much lately... a whole lot going on! I just wanted to get your gals' views on dating. I am young, and I don't want to throw in the towel yet, but I want to do things the right way! I don't know how to approach the subject of my boys. Do I tell guys up front that they are on the spectrum? And do you think it is selfish to want to be out there dating? Anything will be helpful, as I have nobody to get advice from on single mom dating! (ESPECIALLY with autistic kids!)

I just thought maybe some of you guys would have some ideas, stories, experiences, etc. My boys will always come first, but I need a social life too! (and maybe someday someone serious?)
I can't help with that one. Maybe you could give me some advice as it has been about 28 years since I dated and as I am soon to be single again was getting a bit nervous.

I think we are entitled to a life but it is a matter of juggling things hey, and I am getting so good at that I think I'll join Cirque De Soleil.
I know what you mean! Currently between work, clinicals and school, I am putting in about 65 hours a week, and 41 of those hours are during the 3 days that the boys are with their dad, so that I am free during the time they are with me! And this week is finals week also!

But I am craving companionship in the worst way (take that how you will!) and I guess I can't wait ten more months! I honestly have no time to do much of anything, but... anyway.... in ten months at least, I will hopefully be back out in the world... and I have no idea how to do this... My situation is pretty complex, but it doesn't bother me. I am used to it... I just think any sane guy will take one look and run the other way, and if they don't run the other way, I wonder what is wrong with them!

Anyway, I want an adult life, beyond PECS, Stimming, and cleaning poop! hehe!

Nikki everyone has to decide for themself when its time to date again or wait..... As long as your kids needs are met which I am sure you are doing.

Telling the guy about your kids again is your own personal choice,.......... you can date just for some companionship and not have to say a word if you dont want to.

Personally I would suggest getting to know the guy before introducing the kids. I would also suggest closely monitoring the amount of time thats spent with the kids for the simple fact that if the dating doesnt work the kids again lose someone they have become close to. So be careful there.

Heres a little site on found on Dating as a single parent........... http://www.divorcesource.com/CA/ARTICLES/nightingale6.html

Dating as a Single Parent
(provided by Dr. Lois V. Nightingale)

What are the qualities that a single parent should look for in someone they are deciding to date?

Playful, light and fun with kids. (Kids have an innate instinct about people. Watch how your child interacts with him/her.)
Doesn't try to make the kids like activities they "should" like. Will accept a child's declining to participate in an activity that he/she likes. Open to learning about your child's activities and interests.
Doesn't try to discipline kids. Setting rules, boundaries and giving consequences needs to be done by the biological parent.
Not jealous if you need to put the children first or when they need your attention. Childhood goes by very quickly. Give you children the attention they need. Help with homework, the chance to talk about their day, etc.
Willing to be introduced into the lives of the kids slowly.
Will accept your boundaries about how much affection you are comfortable with expressing in front of your kids, and at what pace. Progress slowly in the relationship, at least in front of your children.
Speaks to children respectfully but not patronizingly. Speaks to them in age-appropriate ways about topics of interest to kids not just to him/her. Never uses degrading or belittling language. Never calls anyone derogatory names.
Doesn't want to exclusively do activities with children or only activities in which kids are excluded. A healthy relationship has a mix of adult-only and child-included activities.
Doesn't scold, lecture or "should" you about how you interact with the children's other parent.
Is patient when children express jealous and interfering behaviors.
Sees you as a competent adult and a devoted parent.
Understands all kids are different. Doesn't compare your kids with his/her kids (or kids seen on TV!).
Able to be flexible with the unexpected and roll with the unplanned events that always seem to arise in a household with children.
Is there to hold you when you are missing your kids. Doesn't try to talk you out of how you feel or rationalize away your sadness.
Understands that kids do grow up and that life-partners are together long after the kids have left home.
Willing to model respect and adoration for you in front of your children. It is good for kids to see their parent treated well by another adult.
Able to have open and non-defensive conversations about how you feel and what you want about your relationship and your children.
Willing to participate in family established rituals such as birthdays, holidays, etc.
Does not use alcohol to excess or drugs.
Able to apologize and model asking for forgiveness when he/she makes a mistake. Able to easily and quickly forgive when asked for forgiveness.

Nikki,

I thought you had a boyfriend..did you and something happen to him? Or am I way off here?

Karrie