for what to do when your child won't get up or come with you?
This is Parker's new thing and it's making outings very hard. He thinks it's a big funny game most of the time too. I'll say, "Come here so I can change your pull up" and he'll lay on the floor and laugh at me. Or if we are at the park and I want him to come to the bathroom with me or get on another piece of equipment. He wants to do what he wants to do and he knows that I can't do much about it. Yesterday at the park it was so hard. It was an autism get together and I really wanted to talk to the other parents. He didn't want to leave the sandbox for anything and it was a battle to get him to the table or get him to go anywhere I wanted him to go. I picked him up once and took him where I wanted him to go, but then he went limp and I couldn't pick him up. Any suggestions would be great. I've tried bribing, but I guess I need the bribe there. Threatening him with no tv and stuff like that doesn't do anything. I need help!
It sounds like a compliance issue almost like he is testing your resolve. HowIt sounds like a transition thing, he's so engaged in what he's doing that its hard to move on to another activity.
I use the egg timer technique here, especially for sharing computer time and trading toys, But i have brought it with me on outings. I set the timer, tell the boys they have 10 minutes to do whatever it is there doing, after the bell goes off we will all move on to something else. Then reward them for following directions nicely.
Also doing a countdown, Say to him , you have 5 more minutes, then 3 then 2, Just so he is getting a heads up about whats happening next.
hope this helps
Good luck!!!
Timers are a great thing for helping transition. Another couple of things we have used is a PEC book that has a yahtzee piece that they move from one side of the picture to the other when they transition. At school this year I know my sons teacher uses M&M's to get the kids to transition from the playground to the classroom. Another thing we have done when my kids do the limp thing so I can't pick them up I just sit for minute until he is done and then say okay well I am going I walk about five steps if he doesn't follow which he usually will then I pick him up and put him in the stroller."You can't beat me to the picnic table I bet". I used these phrases alot. Yes, it is a 'pick your battle'. Believe me, I know how important it is to have them come when they are called and to do it immediately - but even with my other twin son who isn't asd, I find picking my battles are the best.
For example: Just a few moments ago I asked my asd son if he would take the trash out - (This is still something we are working on as he has this anxiety about leaving mom - or going somewhere without me). We live in an apt building on the second floor so I know asking him to take the trash out is still a big step for him. (He has actually tried before but left it at the bottom of the steps only for his other brother to come in to tell me that someone left a trashbag at the bottom of the steps - gee I wonder who it was). So here I am picking my battles - I turn around and ask him to replace the trashbag in the trashcan for me. His comment "But mom- I don't know how". I say "bet I can take this trash out and be back before you have the replacement trashbag in the trashcan". He is up and running and getting the trashbag into the can before I even exit the door.
Just a thought here for you to consider. When it isn't such a big deal - turn the problem around into a fun solution! You will be surprised how well it works. For bathtime - Bet you can't get undress before I have the water in the tub, Bet you can't get in the tub before I have the towels laid out. etc etc etc
I do a countdown with Tom. I use signs as well as talking to help with his understanding and I'll say:
"Five more turns then time to go home"
"Four more turns then time to go home"
"Three more turns then time to go home"
"Two and seven/sixteenths of a turn then time to go home" (ok, I MIGHT be exaggerating that one We often use choices like "It's time to try another thing, do you want to swing or play in the sandbox?" Or give him a choice for leaving - when it's time to leave ask him if he wants to watch a movie when he gets home or have a snack. My son likes to control everything, since we can't allow that we give him choices and it helps him feel in control. If nothing is working and we really need to leave or something we tell him at the count of three we are going to carry him to the car. The first few times it was a horrible battle but we almost never get to three anymore!
For my son I just walk Away,he always follows,It takes away his control.Of course I never loose sight of him,But he doesnt know that,you know that eyes in the back of your head thing
Linda
As he's gotten older, my son has gotten easier to deal with in this respect. But when he was 7-1/2, we decided to buy him a Gameboy to play only in the car, so we could get him to transition easier when his little brother started having longer days at preschool (before that I picked up both boys at the same time). Within a few months, he was used to the new routine and no longer needs the gameboy.
Problems still develop sometimes, and then I'll sometimes take time for a quick hug or snuggle and talk about what's coming up and acknowledge that transitions are sometimes hard for him and that we know he always tries hard. Other times I'll ask "which Bionicle do you want to bring in the car?" and that will de-rail any stubbornness.
Good luck with everything.
Thanks for all the great advice! I will definately try some of these things. The funny part is, he is mostly always compliant. This is a new thing and he thinks it's a game. He thinks it's really funny. Even if I give him warning, he sees it as an opportunity to be funny again. He laughs even when I look angry. Today I carried him to time out, and he didn't like it, but he did it again later. The aba behaviourist is going to come tomorrow and see if he can give me any ideas. It's kind of an off and on thing. It's not every time I ask him to do something. It's mostly just when he doesn't want to do something. If it's to go bye bye, take a bath, eat, etc, he is right there. If it's potty time, bed time, time to leave, etc. he pulls this. It's hard not to laugh too, he has such a cute smile on his face. I don't, but sometimes i have to hide my face while I smile. I try 123 and he always says 3 with a big smile on his face. I'm not sure what to do at 3. My daughter never got to 3, lol. Thanks again. I will try some of this!