cosleeping | Autism PDD
I help my 5 yr old "get her eyes closed" in her bed. Sometime in the middle of the night she usually comes in my room, but I don't let her climb in bed with me and her daddy. I will get up and go back to her room with her and lay down until she gets back to sleep.
Co sleeping here ! All three of my children were very clingy. My typical 22 year old, slept with me until she was in 3rd grade and even after that would trudge her big comfortable in on occasion and would sleep at the foot of our bed.
My 14 year old that falls boarderline on the spectrum , was co sleeping up until last year . She all of a sudden decided she wanted to decorate her room a certain way and wanted "her space".
My 11 year old son with autism sleeps in his own room but has to have somebody with him close by all the time, all night long.
So I guess CO SLEEPING is just a way of life at our house. I think Eventually they will out grow it when they are ready.
We use to joke about turning the great room into a big bedroom with lots of beds. Like a commune or something
we just deal with it
R is almost 3 and he still sleeps with us - I cannot imagine his sleepng on his own any time soonWe have never intentionally co-slept, except for an 8 month time period that started about two months after Cole started kindergarten and reached age 6. For two months last fall, he'd cry and whine for me to stay with him, get up repeatedly overnight, get up at 4 and never go back to sleep, was doing horribly in school, and I was about to run away with Fabio to Saint Somewhere.
I would read a book in the chair in his room, as usual, then gave up and began sleeping in his bed (full size). Thought it would be easier to get me out of his room, than him out of ours.
In July, we took a vacation where the boys slept in one bed in the hotel and my DH and I the other. When we got back, we moved both boys into Jack's room. I no longer even TOUCH the staircase, but hug & kiss them goodnight downstairs. They now co-sleep with one another in Jack's bed (full size) and DH reads his book in the room until they are zonked.
Perhaps you all could shift to their bedroom? I swear, 3 nights in a hotel might be worth it! Good luck.
I sleep with Abby. She will not go to sleep unless one of us lays with her. That process usually takes about an hour itselft. She usually don't go to bed until 9:00- 9:30. She is like the energizer bunny. This has been going on since she was about a year old. My husband gets angry with me because alot of the times I just stay in there. By the time she falls a sleep I am falling a sleep. When My husband and I do sleep together she usually wakes up in the middle of the night and I have to lay back down with her. Sometimes I think I am just as attached as she is.Mommy to Abby Grace 3yrs old PDD/NOS
Our son has his own bed and falls asleep there, but moves to my bed most nights. This obviously has to come to a stop soon since he's close to puberty. Problem is, he seems to be sensory-seeking even at night -- he seeks touch/ tactile input.
Here's my collection of sleep resources in case anyone is interested:
http://www.autism-pdd.net/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19894&am p;KW=sleep+resources
Good luck with everything.
Our 8 year old still sleeps with us...or I should say with my wife since I usually get out of the bed and move into another room!Kane sleeps with us every night its the only way he will get any sleep! He falls asleep on the lounge next to me every night i move him to his bed where he stays for about 2 hrs then hes up for a while if im still up and i take him to bed with me!
my friends harras me heaps about it but i would rather it this way it beats the melt downs at bed time i know one day i will have to change it but with all the aba and stuff kane does i think he deals with enough at the moment
My oldest 2 would sleep with me on occasion, probably up util 5 or 6. The next 2 slept with me most of the time until they were about 5 and 7. My little guy(3 1/2) sleeps in a pack and play (which he is way too big for but still loves) next to the couch that I sleep on. Some nights he gets up and comes on the couch, Sometimes not. It always seemed pretty natural to me. I never battled it out on this one in order to get some much needed sleep. I figure if it's that big of a deal for them, it's o.k. with me. They all stopped wanting to sleep with me eventually, I didn't do anything to stop it. I seem to recall a thread about this quite some time ago. This seems to be a very personal decision. I just stopped co-sleeping with Quinn only a few months ago. I liked being in the same room with him especially when he was younger because his bed is against the wall in order for him to get out of bed in the night he would have had to climb over me and I would know. I still lay down with him at night for about 20 minutes a night which is when we read.night, he climbs into bed with me.
I'm just too sleepy to do anything about it for now.
Jay still does this, he won't fall asleep unless dw or I are laying with him. He will fall asleep in his bed but always sneaks into our bed in the middle of the night. I know eventually he is going to have to sleep on his own in his bed, right now I don't want to have that fight with him. He has been sleeping so much better lately and I don't want to go messing with it.
We cosleep... always have. Most of the world cosleeps, it's only 'wierd' here. :p It's not wierd for us, so we don't care. ;) Cassidy has some medical issues that I worry about (Epilepsy & Sleep Apnea) so I feel better knowing I'm right there. Also for safey reasons, I have to have a lock on the inside of our bedroom door so she doesn't walk out of our apt. while I'm asleep. & Also because we all love it. :) It works for us, and she's never showed any desire to sleep elsewhere, so while it works, why mess with it? :) HTH!My nephews, Autie and Aspie, still sleep with their mom at 7/9 but that is expected in her culture.Both of my boys have been sleeping with us for over a year now. I've gotten so used to it and i've stopped worrying about it so much.
My question is how many of you are doing this???? and at what point do i atttempt a transition.?? Both boys will cling to us heavily if they even suspect we are getting up before they fall asleep.
My boys are 3 1/2 and 4 turning 5 next month. At what age would this be considered just weird.??? and has anyone made this transition smoothly???
Thanks
Carol
Yes, most of the world (and most people throughout history) co-sleep with their kids. It is normal !!!!
We (mostly me) slept with both of our boys as babies and toddlers. Now they have their own beds, but they are "midnight callers" still, too, which is fine with us. My DH often goes into my older boy's bed for some solo sleep.
IMO, co-sleeping is actually one of the best things you can do with a child on the Spectrum. We spend so much energy getting our kids to connect emotionally, it should not stop at bedtime. Nighttime closeness is a wonderful thing for all kids, but especially ASD kids. IMO.
If it's starting to drive you crazy, that's another thing. You certainly have the right to set limits. But if everyone is happy and getting peaceful sleep, I say keep it up. It is normal the world over.
Camusa I would help you out but i'm a little rusty in that area myself and i'm sure my husband is feeling the same way you are.
He's working 10 shifts with and hour drive each way, up at 4:30am and home at 5:30pm. I have kids all day by myself most of the time. My husband comes home i go out to a part time office job at night. We are all tired and worn down. I know for him sex is probably still up there on the list, but he is pretty understanding and if he hates the lack of it he doens't verbalize that often.
I guess we are all in the same Boat
I wish I could give a tip or suggestion, but Payne has never gotten into the habit of sleeping with us aside from Saturday mornings. We have had to limit that too since he started that he wanted to sleep in our bed all the time for a while. We tell him that he needs his sleep in a HUGE bed and that mommy and daddy have to sleep together in that TINY bed! He starts laughing and we tuck him in, he gets hi-5, kiss and a hug from us and Tiny (our black german shepherd) and then he goes to sleep within 20 minutes![QUOTE=carolc8632]One more question for all of you..........when and where do you have sex????
What is this..."sex" thing you speak of?
Can you teach my wife?
We have many differences in opinions at my house. on what is best for our kids. And it is hard, But i will always try to make my children feel secure and If staying with them as they fall asleep will help them feel secure, i will do it.
Most all NT kids develop away from mom & dad's closeness at night. My own experience with autism is that even my autistic son doesn't need me like he did when younger. He is developing his own sense of safety and comfort. We have never forced the boys to sleep alone, so IMO this has given them a sturdy foundation of feeling safe and happy at night. They are slowly maturing into being fine on their own at night.
Encouraged nighttime closeness leads to nighttime peace and independence. IMO, in this country, we expect our kids to separate waaaaay too early. Just my opinion. So I totally support your keeping your kids close at night while they are little. My experience is that both typical and ASD kids mature away from mom & dad, in many ways - nighttime closeness being just one way.
DH and I have found "teenage excitement and romance" on the couch! We also sometimes move the boys into their own beds late at night and then have quiet time together. But the living room couch (or floor!) is good to us, too, sometimes.
I am happy to hear all of your responses and they are positive as i have been bashed by family and friends. They ask me Why i don't just put my children to bed and demand they stay in there. The lack of understanding can be disheartening sometimes.
Anyhow, I will continue to do what is comfortable for my family and my children, My only concern is when the time comes that we just can no longer do this because it is not age appropriate that My children will be so used to this they will not want to change. Meantime i will hope that they can successfully make the choice to have their own privacy and sleeping arrangements when it is appropriate.
One more question for all of you..........when and where do you have sex????
He slept much better in his own room in his own bed and we knew that the transition would be far more difficult the older he became.
there are enough stressors on our marital relations without worrying about co-sleeping and I have my own feelings about it that might not be welcome here.
I would have loved to have Sam co-sleep but he prefered his own crib and eventually he slept in the closet for a year or so before moving into a bunkbed. He was one of those" too good to be true" sleepers, 12 hours a night plus 2- two hour naps a day till age 3 1/2. At 8 yrs he still needs 11-12 hours of sleep and puts himself to bed if he's tired.
My 2 1/2 yr old is a different story. He has no interest in his cute little toddler bed. I just weaned him 2 months ago and now he is sleeping through the night, right between dh and me. Personally, I feel ready for him to move into his own space but I recognize he is not. I think my goal is to have Alex sleeping in his own bed by K. I'd like to roll over onto a wet spot that wasn't 'caused by a leaking diaper.
mama to Sam 8 yrs PDD NOS OCD ODD PPD and Alex 2 yrs Sex ? Is that on a board maker?
J's parents kept him in their bed until he was around 1yr. Then she put him in a crib in their room for several months. Now, at 2yrs. he is in his own room, but still in a crib. My husband and I have not once slept with our daughter in our bed! Never even wanted to get it started. She was in a bassinet in our room for maybe 4 weeks, then moved her to her crib in her own room. We all slept so much better that way! Each to their own!!!!!!!!! I love co-sleeping... I really really do. My kids have their own beds but come looking for mom in the small hours, when my resistance it at it's lowest. Dh and I still find time for wild nights of unbridled passion tho...since you ask..
omg this post sounds so nutty...
As far as sex goes...since I'm a single parent, that's not a problem - if I am seeing someone that intimately, we just stay away from the house! I will admit that when I was married, creativity was required, but that's not a bad thing.
(As an added bonus in the winter, I can usually tell how cold it was during the night by how many of the kids, cats and dogs climbed in with me!
I too am a big fan of co sleeping and always have been. This country, America, is the only place it is not done as a matter of course - in every other country, it is the only way! This country is so wonderful, yet we are so far behind in our co-sleeping and breastfeeding issues- As a traveler, I find people are always horrified about the big deal we make of breastfeeding, yet our filthy tv and movies make us such hypocrites to the other nations - Life is odd! It really doesnt' bother me, although I don't get the best sleep, and we all tend to play cat and mouse games. Mommy gets uncomfortable with everyone in the bed and can't sleep, I move to another room and every follows usually within an hour or two, doesn't matter what time of night it is. I am happy to hear all of your responses and they are positive as i have been bashed by family and friends. They ask me Why i don't just put my children to bed and demand they stay in there. The lack of understanding can be disheartening sometimes. Anyhow, I will continue to do what is comfortable for my family and my children, My only concern is when the time comes that we just can no longer do this because it is not age appropriate that My children will be so used to this they will not want to change. Meantime i will hope that they can successfully make the choice to have their own privacy and sleeping arrangements when it is appropriate. One more question for all of you..........when and where do you have sex????
[/QUOTE] LOL Sex whats that! no really we do get some time my son is obsessed with the wiggles so when he gets up on sunday mornings we give him breakfast put the wiggles on and go back to bed shut the door we have about 10 mins before my son comes LOL! I can't sleep with babies. Not even tiny sweet-smelling ones.
i just got up, sat in a big cozy chair, snoozed while they nursed and then put them back in their own bed. Jaden now, at 4, would *never* fall asleep if someone was with her. She likes to sleep in a dark quiet room with soothing music playing, by herself! [QUOTE=carolc8632] Camusa I would help you out but i'm a little rusty in that area myself and i'm sure my husband is feeling the same way you are. [/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Daydreams] Sex ? Is that on a board maker?
[/QUOTE] Do you think maybe if I made a PECS icon out of it and put it on the schedule she might...?
Yeah...I doubt it too.
We sometimes get "nighttime visitors." If it's still dark, the little visitor gets brought back to his room and tucked back into bed with a kiss. If it's starting to get light out, he can stay. Ususally C crawls in with us around 6 am, right when I'm getting up to go in the shower, so I basically cuddle with him for a few minutes, then turn off snooze and surrender my spot in the bed! There were a few times where neither dh or I could be bothered getting up to return a boy to bed, and boy did we pay for it! Never again. My NT son is a hot kid - wants to spend the entire winter in shorts and a tank top (we're in Chicago) - and sleeps in boxers only (pjs are too hot) on top of his covers with only a light blanket. If he crawls in bed with us, under the voluminous mass of covers that dh and I enjoy, he immediately starts to sweat. I cannot sleep with a sweaty child with the body temperature of a charcoal briquette clinging to me. Then I start to sweat. And my ASD son up until 6 months ago wet the bed. The only thing worse than a sweaty kid clinging to me is a pee soaked kid clinging to me. Changing him, me and the bed, as well as dh having to change, in the middle of a night on a work/school night, pretty much just sucks! The kids want us to lay down with them to go to bed. We do it, but tell them we can only stay 10 minutes and then we have to go do our chores around the house. Not only do we not co-sleep, until about two months ago, we never EVER had a TV in our bedroom! After 21 years of gettin jiggy with it, I finally relented and let ESPN into bed with us. It was an anniversary gift to DH. Sadly, the DVD player in there with the new TV is loaded with either the Backyardigans, Madagascar, or The Apple Dumpling Gang. If ESPN Sports Center didn't take the wind out of my sexy sails, Don Knots sure did! Oh, and Cam? If YOU are doing it well, then she will want some more! Go get her, tiger!
We co-slept with Frankie until 9 months. I really didn't like it. It just didn't work for me so I didn't do it with the other two. Frankie and Anthony share a room. They have full over full bunk beds but they almost always sleep together. I think it's so cute and it's mutual - they both want to sleep together. Everybody goes to bed without any fuss. The big boys go in their room and Dominic helps me tuck them in which includes Dominic jumping on his brothers before he hugs and kisses them goodnight. Then Dominic goes in his crib and he has to call out each brother's name about 5x. When he says their name they have to say "night night" which he thinks is hysterical. I then say "night night" and close his door. I go back in to the big boys and smooch them. Then I'm free (to finish the laundry and clean the kitchen) LOL. Cam, If you are really serious about needing sex, from one man to another, romance her! bring her a candle, a pair of undies, one flower......look into her eyes - tell her she is a great mom and wife - compliment her on everything and anything -sincerely. write her a note, asking for a 'date' - it can be a one hour morning noon or evening date....lay rose petals on her pillow, turn the lights down or pull the shades....and love the woman G*d gave you!! To piggyback on what Kenneth said, and to indulge in a little social commentary - Carol, I am upset by the fact that anyone in this country would give you grief for sleeping with your children, while at the same time, the American viewing public supports about 50 incarnations of creepy sex crime shows on TV. I'm no America hater, but let's pick on what is really messing with people's emotional constitutions. And now, back to your original thread.....
I have to say this. There are many message boards on the net that contain alot of drama, bad language, rudeness, ect as you stated Kenneth, This board is not one of them. We here who have something in common , that being trying to raise children with disablilities, ( which is extremely trying I might add) come to this board for support, to support others, to ask questions ( as there are endless questions regarding autism to be answered) To answer questions and sometimes to find a little humor for some on days which feel hopeless. The last thing we want here on the message board are people who provoke and intice others into unwanted debates, or subjects. If you have something to add here that is relevant to the topic or something to add on any other thread which would be helpful to the original poster, You are more than welcome to do so. If you feel unwelcome maybe you should take a look at yourself and what your posting, Not anyone else on this board. Like i said earlier this is Not your typical message board or chat room on the internet, It is a support group for parents in need of support. You will not find anyone here who wants to entertain materials that may even be the slightest bit innappropriate. We are all here for one reason. OUR CHILDREN. <<It is a support group for parents in need of support. And yet help and support were what I offered, and they were turned down most vehemently! Also, Ma'am, I beg to differ, but look over the last 8 days and see how much rudeness you can find. As someone who does do internet post monitoring during the course of my work, believe me, there IS rudeness here! I think we need to stop this here. Kenneth...I believe you. You were only trying to help (though unecessary as I was havng a bit of fun at my own expense). No need to make 15 more posts. I am taking you as a man of your word and can see that you mean it (as someone else was also kind enough to PM me and discuss this with me and point this out...behind the scenes). A PM is used to take...delicate topics off the board and trust me, had you done so, you would have been greeted with, "Ahoy sir. Thank you for the kind words, but it was all in fun." Putting it out on the board...can be a testy thing. So...let's not continue this OK? I am off for the night and my wife awaits me. Ps...as a note...masturbation is a lifesaver not a marriage breaker and please note that I too have been in the human services field helping others for over 20 years.
Be well and good night all. I hope to not have to come back and delete a bunch of hooey in the morning! My husband has 3 older sisters who shared a room their whole lives with a queen and a twin, with 2 of the girls sharing a bed until they went to college. On Friday nights, if the boys are good, we let them sleep on the queen size sleeper sofa in their playroom. They love to sleep together like that. Michael and timmy start out with us in their bed, we go into our bed after they fall asleep, they usually follow within a couple hours. We have a new trend starting though, Timmy would rather be with dad in dads bed and michael would rather be with mom in Michaels bed. so we have having a shift here. I am imagining this will last for at least a year. Do ya'll think cosleeping with a sibling is fine? They have their own rooms, as most of the other kids I've read about, so we didn't plan on this. Am actually thinking of converting one of the full beds into a queen, then sticking the full underneath it on a wheeled trundle frame. Great for sleepovers later on! The boys flop around and wake one another up in the full sized bed. Anybody who has read my yawning posts about Cole's periodically "interesting" sleep habits will know we need to do whatever it takes to keep him zonked. Is a bigger mattress and bunkie board worth it? I guess my ultimate feeling on it this is: we know Cole is attached to DH and me. We also know he loves his little brother. However, sleeping with his little brother is kind of sleeping with a peer (Jack is 4.5 & gifted). We were thinking it might help Cole open up to enjoying his schoolmates more. Not hijacking the thread - just, any thoughts on the benefit of cosleeping with a younger bro who adores him? I too am a big fan of co sleeping and always have been. This country, America, is the only place it is not done as a matter of course - in every other country, it is the only way! This country is so wonderful, yet we are so far behind in our co-sleeping and breastfeeding issues- As a traveler, I find people are always horrified about the big deal we make of breastfeeding, yet our filthy tv and movies make us such hypocrites to the other nations - Life is odd! [/QUOTE] Im from australia and it sounds like were the same! I was about to post an addendum Jeannie and you touch on it here. Please don't try and masquerade this as an attempt to be "nice" or to "help." If that were truly the case then it would have been taken to PM and not done on the board. Luckily for both of us...my original posts have been me kidding around about this subject as have since day one. It tends to take people off-guard and make them feel more at ease. If it had been serious...I never would post it here. PS-My turn to take BB up! Cya soon! My Dear Sir, I was merely trying to be helpful. Although in our Nations employ at this time, until 9-11 I was a Marriage Counselor and was honored to help many in that venue - Excuse me, Sir, for offending your delicate senses, I know from firsthand experience that masturbation is a marriage harmer, so I was purely trying to help, and that is God's truth! I suppose I may not last on this board after all! >>If that were truly the case then it would have been taken to PM and not done on the board I do not even know what PM means! Please don't try and masquerade this as an attempt to be "nice" or to "help." My Dear Sir, I need not try to masquerade, what you see is what you get, and I was purely and completely being kind. Kenneth, From one man to another...I really don't need lessons on how to woo a woman much less my wife whom I chose and who chose me...no one or thing "gave" us anything. We employed freewill. Some of us still believe in that. Thanks though self-proclaimed cyber-lothario. I tell my wife all the time how special she is and so much more and I find it very sad in this day and age that such chauvanism would be blatantly on display such as in your post though I know you probably do not possess the faculty to see it as such. Why are you assuming that it is the man who needs to make the changes or even initiate? Why would you assume that such things have not been tried? Why would you assume to know the inner workings of my relationship? I had not even seen this thread for a while. I make some jokes and off-hand comments here and then receive a PM from a friend who tells me "Sweetie - I want to haul off and deck the guy for you!" So I come back and see why she said that. Nice try at impressing the ladies Sir Galahad, but this is not high school. Don't assume that you know me or what goes on in my home. You don't have the energy to muster the thought. PS-For you Oops. Sorry if my kidding around eventually got us here. You are one hot tamale, Cam, and don't we gals know it! [QUOTE=carolc8632]Like i said earlier this is Not your typical message board or chat room on the internet, It is a support group for parents in need of support. You will not find anyone here who wants to entertain materials that may even be the slightest bit innappropriate. We are all here for one reason. OUR CHILDREN. [/QUOTE] Wow I couldn't disagree more - I find this board to be v hostile at times. I've quit posting here several times because I was so offended by hurtful comments.. it seems to be full of heated debate and no shortage of judgement. I still come and enjoy reading the posts but I don't find it a particularly friendly place. I've seen a lot of people come and go since i started visiting here and a lot of them seemed like v nice people. Maybe i have not been here long enough to see this. I have seen some debate on certain topics, but not much. I probably should have kept my mouth shut as i do Not read every thread or every post, But for me from the day i started posting here i have found that everyone seems to be very supportive of eachother. Yes i have seen a bit of sensitivity once in a while which is to be expected and also many different personalitites but i haven't come accross hostility. Carol Both of my boys were cosleepers because they were apneic for most of there baby years. They are five and two now. My five year old will go to sleep in his own bed if we put a movie on for him. My two year old will go to sleep with us and then we move him to his own bed. It works well most of the time but they still occasionally end up in our bed. I know from talking to my mother that all five children in my family slept in the same bed until we fell asleep and then they moved us to our own beds. That for us has seemed to be the easy way to transition. Thanks for your reply amie, I'm am seeing so many different replies here about what people do at bedtime and how their children fall asleep, It really makes me feel better that what we do here is not necessarily wrong. Thanks everyone for your input on this subject and all the positive replies on cosleeping, Cam, perhaps it is your hand getting in the way, I have seen many posts on your ...er....addiction. Let your 'streams run to her, not in the street..... ' to quote the Old Testament! Cam, perhaps it is your hand getting in the way, I have seen many posts on your ...er....addiction. I totally missed all of this! LeAnne...I must say that her libido has never been up to mine and these days...with the boy and all this entails...you get he drift. We get to bed SO late and she is so tired...so often. As for my hand "getting in the way"...it only gets in the way of me getting trouble outside the marriage if you know what I mean!~
[QUOTE=carolc8632]My boys are 3 1/2 and 4 turning 5 next month. At what age would this be considered just weird.??? and has anyone made this transition smoothly???[/quote] [QUOTE=carolc8632]Thanks for your reply amie, I'm am seeing so many different replies here about what people do at bedtime and how their children fall asleep, It really makes me feel better that what we do here is not necessarily wrong.[/QUOTE] Carol - I don't think that whatever choice that is made, co-sleeping or not, with a sibling or not, is ever "wrong" as long as it works for your family. I may not do what others do, and they may not do what I do, but as long as it works for them, then it's the right choice for them. Go with your gut and find what works for you and your children
As far as sibling co-sleeping...since my children have over time learned to be comfortable sleeping anywhere, they do the same with each other. Mr. B. will often start out in my bed, wake in the middle of the night and migrate to his godfather's or one of his sister's beds, and the younger girls do the same. They all tend to "round robin" to wherever they are most comfortable for the night. Makes life interesting, since you never know who'll you'll wake up next to in the morning!
I would however, offer common-sense, good-hearted advice to someone I didn't know in the public forum if I thought it would emit a laugh or a smile. Or even if I wanted to share my good deeds or proven good ideas with people....we all like a pat on the back or public acknowledgement sometime and I think that's all Kenneth was doing.
bring it to someone you love and assume nothing about me and mine.
ETA - I was also the kid that kept a PACKED suitcase under my bed just in case a fire/tornado happened and I could grab my clothes and toys in a second to leave. I know...I'm twisted.
I had to quote it - I thought this was funny...I started laughing in the office !
ETA - Damn it, Cam...how is she supposed to help if you keep trying to do it alone! Maybe, she thinks you'd rather manhandle yourself...maybe show her how to do it ?? PECS, hands-on...you get the idea. Sorry - couldn't help myself...it's a Tuesday!
I was much younger -- still an infant -- when my parents stopped sleeping with me.
Apparently the family cat took to curling up with me instead.
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