Has anyone else experienced this? | Autism PDD

My daughter was in school until this year.  She has Aspergers and still sucks her thumb and carries a blanket.   She's 8.  At school she was teased and the teachers seemed to think it was ok, if she was embarrassed maybe she'd quit.  So she was kicked in the head in the playground and the playground aide did nothing.  Soooo, I'm homeschooling now.  If the PS can't protect her I will!  I run into this with my own family, she's to old to do this or that or whatever.  Anyway, do you think homeschooling will make the social behaviours worse?  I don't see it but I've had thought mentioned often enough.  Thanks for any replies.  Angela

Your daughter does need to learn age-appropriate ways to reduce her stress. Thumb-sucking and carrying a blanket is not the way to get socially accepted. And the thing that keeps ASD adults from becoming successful is most often odd social behavior. The sooner your daughter learns to calm herself using more socially-acceptable techniques, the better.  Get an SIPT evaluation through a certified OT.

Of course, you MUST protect her.  What happened to her in school is entirely unacceptable. If I were you, I'd contact a special education lawyer. To find one in your state, go to www.copaa.org and click on Find and Advocate/Atty.  Your daugther DOES have rights in school, and hers were CLEARLY violated. 

[quote]My daughter was in school until this year.  She has Aspergers and still sucks her thumb and carries a blanket.   She's 8.  At school she was teased and the teachers seemed to think it was ok, if she was embarrassed maybe she'd quit.  So she was kicked in the head in the playground and the playground aide did nothing.  Soooo, I'm homeschooling now.  If the PS can't protect her I will!  I run into this with my own family, she's to old to do this or that or whatever.[/quote]

I've seen that happen before, I hope she's ok. 

I agree, yet again with Tzoya.

When Jer was in preschool- he had a blanket- and the sped preschool did not allow it there- and that was that. I did not ask them to either.

And, you know what- it was FINE....

My personal opinion is the world is out there, and unfortunately, its not made for our kids- so our kids have to learn how to deal with the world out there. Now- I don't like that all the time, but that is the way it is....

I will tell you that when my son was 8- some girls at school took his swing at school, and he cried.....and the teacher took great care of it- and now, at 11- NO one would take a swing from him. 

Good luck.

Gail 

 

I dont think society is the problem,  we are talking about children here.  IF you have a group of twenty 8 year olds,  and one in that group sucks her thumb and has a blankie it kinda goes without saying she is going to get picked on.   Has nothing to do with "society" itself.  

I have to agree with Tzoya,  If you want your child to become an independent sucessful adult someday she would need to be taught different ways of comforting herself. 

Maybe try giving her a small squishy ball ,  or a few extra soft tissues to keep in her pocket,  make her a miniture of her own blankie, write a social story about the topic for her.

The other thing is she definately needs the social interaction somewhere else if you will continue homeschooling.   Is she active??  could she do a sport,  swimming soccor,  You local Little Gym. 

[quote=carolc8623]Maybe try giving her a small squishy ball ,  or a few extra soft tissues to keep in her pocket,  make her a miniture of her own blankie, write a social story about the topic for her.[/quote]
That might work, yeah.  I wouldask Miss Angela if her child is able to really write social stories yet or not, it depends on the developemental level of the person.  But, those seemed to help me, even though they should have been implemented alot longer ago then Lifeskills, IMO, because they really DID help.  The social story might also help her communicate what is going on for her, and tell you without speaking vocally why she needs her blanket.  *sigh* woooooooooords, they aren't alway sso easy to utilize for us. 

[quote]The other thing is she definately needs the social interaction somewhere else if you will continue homeschooling.   Is she active??  could she do a sport,  swimming soccor,  You local Little Gym.  [/quote]
or she might want it, and not be able to say it, like myself at that age.  :) *remembers doing softball* oh those were the days
She gets plenty of social interaction.  We're active.  I think I'll have to agree to disagree on the whole society thing.  But I will say, when my daughter was told she was a "baby" for sucking her thumb at 4 where do you think the kids learned that from?  Their parents.  Very much a society thing.  But thanks for the advice on the squishy balls I have tried those.

I'm not saying the child should write a social story,   I'm saying the parent would write a social story using pictures ----- a story teaching what is acceptable.

[quote=carolc8632]I'm not saying the child should write a social story,   I'm saying the parent would write a social story using pictures ----- a story teaching what is acceptable.[/quote]

Oh, I didn't know there was another kind of social story, interesting.  sorry for the mix up

Angela,

I had a friend who stopped her daughters from thumb sucking using thumb guards..I didnt think it would work but it stopped both her girls within weeks.

Here is the link: http://www.thumbguard.net/english/ourproduct.asp

I secretly sucked my thumb till 5th grade but only at home:)

I have to disagree with several replies.  I don't think our children should have to "blend" in.  If a person is black do we ask them to change their skin color to look more like the "white" kids.  No and if we did we'd be racist.  So why should our kids have to change to be accepted or safe.  And one school did try removing the blanket so she went to nose picking until she bled, so far blanket and thumb are the safest ways for her to calm down.  Maybe I'm a rebel but I don't agree with the try to mold our kids to fit in.  I had a principal say her behaviours aren't normal and wanted us to work on that.  Of course they're not "normal" but why can't they be accepted for who they are?  I'm sorry but I think society is the problem not the children.  [quote=Busdriver9799]I have to disagree with several replies.  I don't think our children should have to "blend" in.  If a person is black do we ask them to change their skin color to look more like the "white" kids.  No and if we did we'd be racist.  So why should our kids have to change to be accepted or safe.  And one school did try removing the blanket so she went to nose picking until she bled, so far blanket and thumb are the safest ways for her to calm down.  Maybe I'm a rebel but I don't agree with the try to mold our kids to fit in.  I had a principal say her behaviours aren't normal and wanted us to work on that.  Of course they're not "normal" but why can't they be accepted for who they are?  I'm sorry but I think society is the problem not the children. [/quote]

Well spoken, a kindly Neurotypical took the words from me! *laughs* That's waht I have been trying to say for AGES, comming out of the group home background.  I was in a background where stuffl ike this wasn't even "accpetable" at the home, and yet the hypocrites who somehow scored high on the Meyers-Briggs exam to get into the job did many thingst that were abnormal -- This goese without saying, not all the people that worked iwth me were hypocrites, only an Even split, really.  Cheers to you kind staff, who care about those you work with, I drink to you *raises glass* There are alot of really good and kind people that work with us these days, When I meantion hypocritical people, it's usually from 7 years ago to recently. 

[quote]I had a principal say her behaviours aren't normal and wanted us to work on that.  Of course they're not "normal" but why can't they be accepted for who they are?  I'm sorry but I think society is the problem not the children. [/quote]
From what I can see, and feel free to correct me if I am wrong, The school system is doing to her sort of what they did with me, although, it's more on a condititioning level.  It seems that the outside world is overly concerned with looks and how people act in public.  I do side with you totally, Busdriver9799, the  way the education system acts sometimes is totally uncalled for, if your child isn't HURTING anyone, why do they make a big deal out of it?

My NT son still sucks his thumb at age 6  1/2 and carries his blankie around.  However he only does this at home and in the car.  I think he would DIE before he let his friends see him.  If he has a playdate coming over he hides the blankie under his pillow lest anyone inadvertantly see it, or god forbid touch it.  This embarressment around the thumb sucking and blankie started last year when he started kindergarten.  When he was younger he wanted to bring his blankie to preschool but we told him that blankies weren't allowed at school and that was that.

The two most common ways parents try and rationalize with their children to stop sucking their thumb is to either 1) say that it is for babies and you are a big boy/girl now and need to stop or 2) say that it will make their teeth not grow right so you need to stop.   Our son is very sensetive and I have never told him that thumb sucking is for babies, I've tried to emphasize the teeth issues and have had the dentist speak to him as well.  He is trying to break the habit, and will say things to me like "mommy, I haven't sucked all day, isn't that great" but I have to admit I thought this would be over and done with by this age.

In a perfect world, everyone can do whatever the heck they want (as long as it's legal and not hurting anyone).  An older child sucking a thumb with a blankie should be accepted for who she is.  Unfortunately though, we don't live in a perfect world and I for one am not going to set my child up for ridicule so that he can be the poster child for diversity. 

Can you cut off a pocket size piece of her blankie, sew an edge on it, and let her keep it in pocket or backpack so she can reach in and touch it when she needs comfort.  Can you use the positive reinforcement (stick chart et. al.) for when she doesn't suck her thumb?

[quote=Kristys]In a perfect world, everyone can do whatever the heck they want (as long as it's legal and not hurting anyone).  An older child sucking a thumb with a blankie should be accepted for who she is.  Unfortunately though, we don't live in a perfect world and I for one am not going to set my child up for ridicule so that he can be the poster child for diversity. [/quote]
Actually, IMO, it's a very imbalanced world.  I believe that society makes big deals out of alot of things for nothing.  this being said, I don't know very much about society, because I have lived under it in a group home, being governed by it, and literally condemned for my brain being wired different.  Sure, some people see it as "not that bad" or "Not that way" but, I konw through not only personal experience and insight that Society is, itself very rigid.  It, as an entity believes it needs to be this way to hold "Social order."  Surely, some social order is needed in the world, or else, according to some theorists, we would infact, succum to anarchy.  I think Busdriver has a valid point, and so do you, really.  I also think though, that SOciety doese need to learn to accept the new Paradime that is comming, one I believe of Neurodiversity as well as ethnic diversity. 

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