Church schooling and autism | Autism PDD
I am Roman Catholic and I always wanted to bring up my children with my faith. However, since we have had Sara, it has been very difficult to go to church. Our church does not have a quiet room and she is an absolute devil (lol) during services. She is loud, inappropriate and cannot control herself. So I decided to just not go.
My mother-in-law likes to take her to her own church most Sundays because they do have a quiet room.
She is at that age when children start catechism school (CCD). I can't even imagine sending her. How do you deal with this? She cannot function in a normal CCD classroom. I have been researching for special ed CCD but haven't found much. How do the dioceses deal with special needs children when it comes to sacraments?
i know i tried to send Jer to 'jewish school' as he called it.
I had to spend the day at work, and then go for 2 hours and sit with him thru class.
That did not last long. He does not go.
Private schools are not required to provide an aide.
Good luck.
Gail
Sadly we have been unable to regularly attend services because no one, it appears, can help us with our son. Hope you have better luck than we have had -Jilly I live in Mercer County.... East Windsor to be exact so not too far away. What town is the We Can program in? You have me interested
My dd started her CCD classes this year. I went back and forth whether to send her because I know she can't really grasp the abstracts that come with religion, but I decided to send her because it is another opportunity for her to be around her peers. Our church offers 4 different times, and I chose the one that they said was typically least crowded.
We do take dd to church. Well, I should say one of us does. We used to go as a family but when my 3 year old's sensory seeking stuff started in June we had to stop taking him. He makes noises all the time and was doing it in church too.
I'm sure there has to be other special education students in your diocese that would benefit from their own class. Maybe you can see if that would be something somebody is willing to start up.
One thing we don't do is the time during mass when all the kids 5-12 leave to go to another room. Almost all the kids go on their own, even the little ones. I still can't be sure that dd will stay focused to know where to go. I did take her once to see what it was about, and it was worse for her than church. It was just some older lady talking. Only about 5% of the kids were listening. It was totally not geared toward kids, let alone a special needs child. So, we decided dd gets more out of hearing the music in church.
I was raised Eastern Orthodox and, although I believe that God doesn't really care how we worship him, I felt pretty strongly that I wanted to bring up our son in this tradition. My husband was raised Roman Catholic and went to Mass every Sunday until we married (in the Orthodox church) when he volutarily changed. We belong to a local Orthodox parish. It is pretty small, unlike the huge parish I grew up in. That can be good and bad. The bottom line, for me, is that God created my son the way he is and that, darn it, He has to accept my son in His church. If my fellow parishioners don't like it, they can take up their complaints with God. (I sure will have a mouthful for Him the day I pass thru those Pearly Gates
Has his behavior always been good? Heck, no. It's not even 100% now (he sometimes talks loudly, tho that's less common now). However, we worked with him and tried very, very hard to ignore "the stares." When he was young, we brought Play Doh with us and little books that we saved just for church. When he was old enough for Sunday School, either my husband or I sat with him. He learned to go up for Communion himself. One of the Sunday School teachers waits with the Sunday School kids (they go up together), so he had a bit of supervision, but he didn't want Mom or Dad with him. Overall, this whole effort has been successful. Our son loves going to church and thinks of the people as part of his family, although that sentiment is not exactly returned.
The Catholic Church in the next town over from ours has a "special needs" CCD class. Lots of people join that parish just for that reason. Also, some Catholic parishes I know allow the parents to do the lessons at home. Every, single Catholic special needs child I know whose parents wanted him to go to his First Holy Communion did. Most did Confirmation, too. Is it easy? Of course not. But what is easy about autism? IMHO, it's worth it.
From what I have experienced so far, the Church has not helped at all. Where we used to live, they told parents their children could attend Faith Formation as long as the parent(s) were with the child. One dad has ended up teaching ALL of his son's classes just so the child could get the education! It is very sad - they have had to do all the work and the Church doesn't help at all. They expect the parent to do everything and aren't willing to make any accommodations - although they say they will initially.
We haven't figured out how our new church will be. There aren't as many kids with autism here, so I honestly don't know how it will go. The Faith Formation director is a former PCA who worked with kids with autism - so that is a positive sign. Ds is going to start Faith Formation on Sunday and I am the assistant teacher in his classroom. I'm not sure how that will go - it may be worse because I'm in there - not sure. But, I volunteered because I was worried about how it will go. I have warned the director that I may need to switch classes, just in case.
I would LOVE to find out more info about that We Can program - but I can't travel all that way! Anyone have any links to a website about it?
We have this problem with our boys. Drew is 7 and Blake is 4, and they are not able to go to church with us. Thankfully, my parents volunteered to watch the kids for us every Sunday so my dh adn I can go to church together.
CCD is another issue. This town I live in is 99% Catholic, so they send the kids to CCD during the school day. Drew goes to a private school, so reg. CCD isn't an option for us.
I talked to the director of religious education, and she said they could privately tutor him if we want. At this point, we have not gone that route. We don't feel Drew really gets it, or would be able to sit for formal training at this time. We have been talking with him about God, and praying with them, and we feel that is enough for now.
Our church in conjunction with two other parishes has a special needs class. Adam is taught one on one one night a week, or sometimes 2x per month. We were lucky he was never really a problem during the service, but he couldn't make it in regular CCD. We love this program and he has done very well in it. He will also make his confirmation with the kids from our parish when it is time.Don't give up your dream! You might find some useful information and inspiration in one of the church-related resources below. If a link is broken, delete any broken spaces. If it still doesn't work, let me know. Good luck!
Articles:
http://www.clubmom.com/display/239652 - "Find the right house of worship for you and your developmentally disabled child."
http://www.nathhan.com/church.htm - "How Churches Can Support Families Living with the Autism Spectrum."
http://www.caller.com/news/2007/jul/13/women-organize-vbs-fo r-children-with-autism - About a vacation bible school program specifically for kids with autism. "It'll be nice to have a place to go where you don't feel judged," D'Elicio said. "We welcome everyone -- headbangers, screamers and total meltdowns. We will not stare."
http://susansenator.com/natsblessing.html - about how Susan Senator prepared her severely affected son for his Bar Mitzvah. Inspiring.
Sample social stories:
http://www.autism-india.org/dec98.html - social story about going to church (the story is kind of buried on a long webpage. Search for the word church to find the story text)
http://www.ceo.woll.catholic.edu.au/home/jdavies/autism/soci al/assets/mass.pdf - social story about going to mass.
Here's what we did, I'm sure this is not an idea that would appeal to everyone...
Dh was raised Protestant (Faith Reform) and I was raised Roman Catholic. We both agreed that we wanted our children to be raised with a solid religious foundation and that we wanted them to be Christian. We left ourselves very open as to which "flavor" of christianity we went with, though in my heart I thought we'd wind up RC because that's what I grew up with. We moved when I was 7 months pregnant, having 2 babies was a bit crazy, then the issues with C, then dh on crutches for a year, so finally we ran our of excuses and when the boys were 4 we started "church shopping." We didn't limit ourselves, we checked out a number of places (RC, Lutheran, Protestant, etc.). Our primary focus was to find someplace where our children (C in particular) would be welcome and that we thought would work for them.
We wound up joining a Protestant (Disciples of Christ) church right down the street. Each Sunday at 10:00 am there is a family service. Everyone sits togethers in the pews for about 15 minutes. Then the minister says "time for children's time" and the minster sits down on the step up to the sanctuary and all of the kids come forward and pretzel up on the carpet and the minister does a 5 minute children's sermom, which tends to be pretty interactive and hilarious. (Example: Minister says "does anyone know why Easter is special" and 3 kids, including one of mine, yell "the Easter bunny" LOL). After the children's sermon, the kids are dismissed to their Sunday school rooms. After the rest of the service (about another hour) we pick up the kids and everyone has coffee/snacks together.
Sunday school is very laid back. No baptismal certicates required! No number of allowed absences. You don't even have to register. If you're a kid, you just go. We don't have 1st communion, penance, etc. like in the RC church. When kids are in 7th grade, they do have to do a formal program for a year with a 1:1 adult mentor. At the end of it, they have to decide whether they want to formally join the church as a member in their own right. If they do, then they have a 1st communion/confirmation ceremony all at once. Until then, it couldn't be more laid back. I feel that for us, this takes all of the stress off. The kids go to Sunday school and we don't have to worry about C "not making it." And it's a very rich Sunday school program with a lot of great content. C is also not the only special needs kid in the program. There is another ASD child, a severe ADHD and another kid who is in a special school for behavior disorders.
We couldn't be more pleased with our choice. It's a small church, about 200 families, and everyone understands about C. Yes, I did give up on raising my kids in the religion I was raised, and I won't have those nice 1st communion pictures hanging on the walls with the boys in those dapper little sportcoats with the gold ties, but my kids are growing up with a religious foundation in an environment where my son is accepted for who he is and that was the priority for us.
I know that this is not for everyone, but if you're willing to be flexible, there are some great options out there if you expand your horizons beyond the specific faith in which you were raised.
HeyIf you want to drive to Old Bridge on Monday afternoons St. Thomas has had a special ed CCD program for 30 years. It is run by a wonderful women. pm me if you want more information
I have said this before--but, it still makes me so sad that some places of
worship and religious communities have no way to help our families. Isn't
that where people are supposed to turn for help?
I think that WeCan program is amazing! See what a parent can do! If it
doesn't exist--go out and find a way to make it. awesome.
NJ mom, it is also possible (if your kid is ready for 'typical' school) to send
her to a catholic school with an aide. The district should be forced to pay
for it and still provide some services, especially if it is for religious reasons.
Forgot to add that ds used to do terrible in church with us - at our old church. Our old church was "in the round" and I think there were some sensory issues with that. He also reacted to my then-toddler who couldn't sit still for anything. In our new church - which is NOT in the round, he does fine. She did horrible last Sunday when I took them alone - NOT recommended by the way! But, I forgot to bring her "bunny" that she takes everywhere because we were in such a hurry. Ds did so awesome that I got him a roll afterward. Dd was furious that she didn't get one, but I'm hoping that's a lesson learned for both of them. We shall see!
Ds is VERY curious about God and Jesus and is always asking tons of questions. I am having a hard time trying to get him to understand that we can talk about that kind of stuff at home and with friends, but not at school. The teacher hasn't said anything, but I do wonder if he asks about God at school. It wouldn't be an issue if we could send him to Catholic school, but I have been told the Catholic school here is in no way equipped for him to go there. He would have to be bussed to the public school for any special services which would cause him to miss a lot of the school day and I'm not having that!
Anyway, I think how they behave in Church may be sensory-related and also due to the fact that it's just darn near impossible to get our kids to sit still and be quiet for 45 minutes to an hour! We have just gotten to the point (at age 6) where ds doesn't require a bag of Cheerios to get him through Mass. That kept him quiet, but didn't really teach him anything. Now, he knows he is allowed to talk quietly, but when we say "enough questions" that means he is done asking questions for a bit.
Please wish me luck on Faith Formation this Sunday - I am really terrified about how it will go with me being in his classroom! Since he has such a great curiosity about God and Jesus, I've been pushing that - that he gets to learn more about God and Jesus and it will also be a fun time. We will also learn some prayers as well. He only knows Grace Before Meals - we have been bad at teaching anything else.
Kristys, like you, I am researching the best fit for us. Ben and hisnew sunday school teacher has had a rough beginning. He let her know that he thought that she was mean. I deliberately got there early so he had a chance to adjust before the other kids got there. It worked.
Services are a little tougher since he is cute and people want to touch him.
We will all hang in there. [QUOTE=NJmom]I have been researching for special ed CCD but haven't found much. How do the dioceses deal with special needs children when it comes to sacraments? [/QUOTE]
I can totally relate- When my son was 2 1/2 we went to talk to the priest about having a nursery during services and he turned his nose up at the idea. I told him my son was having developmental issues and he STILL bawked at the idea and told us "I'll get back to you"....that was 2 years ago. We have totally given up trying to go to church since then
. My other 3 children attend Catholic school and I am getting the feeling my son won't be welcomed there when he reaches school age either. CCD is another issue....Can you write to the diocese or Bishop regarding your concern? Good luck..When my son was 14 I found him in his closet with a belt. He was lost, hopeless, his PDD was overwhelming him, there didn't seem to be any place where he could feel accepted, and loved. He was going to hang himself.
Middle school had turned out to be a real trial. Church wasn't much better, he had trouble with the music and sitting through the sermon. he didn't want to be disruptive but he couldn't handle it.
We had exhausted all avenues. Having moved half way across the country in pursuit of medical help, we were now at a loss. At wits end to know how to help him, we turning to the only place remaining, the Lord.
I prayed constantly asking for guidance, and the answer came that Carl needed Jesus. I talked to his therapist, and told her that I felt like God was telling me to start a sunday school class for kids like Carl. Her reaction was amazing. She said that God was telling her to do the same thing!
That was 5 years ago, we now have 20 people with autism, down syndrome, and other unidentified disabilities who meet every sunday after church to talk about life and pray. The most amazing this, these folks may be socially, phyisically or mentally delayed, but spiritually their incredibly strong. They pray and care for each other, encourage, advise, and joke around.
I need ideas though, active teaching ideas, like bible baseball, plays, puppets, cooking, etc that I can use with these folks....any creative ideas? Ages range from 13 to 33! boys and girls. Thanks!
fit4life --
Your story gave me the chills! How awesome that you've started a class that kids like ours can thrive in! I, too, think my son is spiritually gifted, although delayed in other ways.
I'm one of the teachers for our town's Mommy n me Bible Club (even though my youngest son "graduated" in June because he was starting school this fall). I've been doing object lessons and craft projects for the 0-6 age group, so it's probably not the kind of stuff you're looking for, but I thought I could at least share a couple website I've found helpful for ideas.
http://www.thebricktestament.com/ - the Bible illustrated in Legos. They don't skip over the sex and gore of real Bible history, so be forewarned.
http://www.teacherhelp.org/lesson.htm
http://www.childrensministry.com/Article.asp?ID=382
http://www.sundayschoolresources.com
http://www.sunday-school-fun-zone.com/
http://www.growingchristians.org/dfgc/index.html
http://www.bereans.org/lenny/PrimaryLessons/
http://www.daniellesplace.com/html/bible_lessons.html
http://www.christiananswers.net/kids/lesson-plans.html
http://www.childrensermons.com/
http://www.sundayschoollessons.com/
http://church-of-god-online.com/pg.youth.html
Wow! I had more than I thought! Good luck with everything.
My son is 6 and I am helping teach his CCD classes. I started him in CCD last year, it did not work. The teacher was an old man who just lectured to the 5 year old kids
My "fears" are for next year with First Communion..... He will not eat anything new! I guess I have a year to work on it.
Thanks for the links for the social stories!!
Great topic, thank you. We started Ryan on Prayers at night and mealtimes and he really enjoys it. The irony that our faith has taken us through the toughest times is that he likes hearing the bible stories and attending service and Church School. I think it helps him to interact and do so in a peaceful, loving environment like a church. God gave us all a special child or children to love, and for us the challenges only make us stronger in our faith.
Best regards,
Mark
http://talusmusic.com/MarkMathis/Shine/Songs/Shine.mp3
I just saw a story on Fox News within the past month about churches welcoming autistic children. Maybe ask around and see if another church in driving distance has a quiet room that would work for your daughter.ksurocks - talk to the priests - I'm sure they will give you unblessed host that you can practice with before the big day. They give it to all the kids at our church in preparation for their first communion so they know what to expect.
NJMom, contact the rectory or pastor and find out what services they offer. I talked to our pastor about Anthony and he volunteered to put me in touch with folks that deal with special needs kids and the catholic faith (I haven't done it yet). I wouldn't have known anything was available if I didn't speak directly to him.
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